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Blog: Cleaning Up My Act
by #25671

32 blog entries; 25 entries per page; 1 pages; viewed 118,636 times
Description   |   Sleeping Disorders Support Forum   |   Quit Smoking Support Forum   |   Rules   |   Disclaimer






 
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After the Fast: HUNGRY!5 y  

I have more food cravings now, than I did while I was fasting!
 
Saturday I broke the fast with a half apple in the morning, some juice and MC lemonade in the afternoon, and cooked bok choy with tons of garlic for dinner. Bok choy again for breakfast on Sunday, then chopped up tomatoes, onions and cilantro spooned into big lettuce leaves like veggie tamales, and bok choy for dinner. Juice in between of course. Today, steamed multi-grain rice with that onion/tomatoe salad for breakfast, followed by fruit juice and for early dinner, rice with smoked salmon and miso soup. When I have a craving, I sip on a few spoonfuls of maple syrup. All I can think ab ...   read more



 
Day 3: Feeling SKEPTICAL5 y  

Wondering if "cleansing" and "detox" is for real.
 
To keep myself motivated this afternoon I’ve been reading around on the Internet about detoxing, flushing, fasting and cleansing and I’m starting to wonder if some of these ideas are indeed quackery: A pathologist quoted on Quackwatch about ”Mucoid Plaque” Wikipedia on ’Mucoid Plaque’ Skeptoid on ’The Detoxification Myth’ Montreal Gazette article on April 5, 2008 Come to think of it, even as I’ve browsed the Curezone.com forums over the last few years, I don’t recall seeing any posts from people who passed ”mucoid plaque” without using bentonite and psyllium ”kits” they ordere ...   read more



 
3-Day Juice/Lemonade Fast5 y  

I'm back with an update after two years.
 
Wow. I just read back through these old blog postings and can’t tell you how far I’ve come psychologically and emotionally over the last two years. I’m long over Jones and have made some career changes. I must admit however that my negative attitude often curtails some of the work I’ve done for my positive outlook. Physically, I still cave into the occasional cigarette after stuffing myself with a good meal, but I drink a lot less and haven’t taken any pharmaceutical sleeping pills for almost two years now. However, my diet hasn’t been very good this past year and a half. I didn’t do AN ...   read more



 
Emotional Healing7 y  

Now that I'm physically on track, it's time for emotional healing.
 
These last six weeks I’ve taken only two sleeping pills. Sometimes I don’t sleep much, but at least I’m alert and not groggy. I’ve smoked a bit here and there after meals, about once a week. But that sure beats a pack a day. And I’ve caved into a pizza here and there. But overall, I feel alright. I talked with a good friend a few nights ago about the pain I’m still carrying around from Jones (see posts below). I’m STILL hurting over that relationship. Now that my health is underway, it’s time to unload some emotional baggage. According to my friend’s suggestion I wrote down all th ...   read more



 
Eating everything, and sleeping sometimes7 y  

I'll eat anything lately, except sleeping pills.
 
I’ve had a cigarette here and there, and ice cream and pizza. I haven’t been drunk. And I haven’t taken a sleeping pill in two weeks. Some nights I haven’t slept, and some nights only for a few hours. But I don’t feel anxious, and that’s important. I’m not even anxious that I’ve been eating so indiscriminately since I ended my fast. I’ve gained some weight, and it’s not totally unbecomming. I was a bit underweight before. But still, I feel sluggish. I need to get back to the gym and get a regular sleeping pattern before I try to fast again.   visit the page



 
I slept! At night!7 y  

And I feel rested...
 
After a bowl of noodle soup I lay down to read, expecting to be awake all night, but my mind was calm, my body relaxed. I think I fell asleep well before 2 a.m. Woke up to some noise a few hours later and fell asleep again until my alarm went off at 8:30. I feel rested!   visit the page



 
Disappointed: No Stones7 y  

I broke the fast early, after 3 1/2 days, but looking on the bright side: No sleeping pills for 4 days.
 
Late yesterday afternoon finally had a solid, twisted-together, decent sized BM that smelled very much like maple syrup. Later I broke the fast with bok choy stir fried in OLIVE OIL, onion, garlic, sea salt and a little Szechuan pepper. I stayed awake all night with unusual energy (sleeping pill detox?) to clean my apartment, organizing and throwing things away. This morning I did a SWF that produced the usual results: Nothing green, no stones. Disappointing indeed. After the flush was finished I made salsa lettuce wraps (chopped tomato, green onion, cilantro, garlic wrapped in giant, l ...   read more



 
First Liver Flush: BARF.7 y  

Maybe 2 cups of olive oil is too much for a beginner.
 
I’d originally planned my Liver Flush to end the fast after Day 5, but was so bored after three days of fasting and thinking about food that I decided to go ahead with it last night. I used the recipe from the book Are You Stoned, summarized here on curezone.com, which calls for two cups of virgin olive oil. It seemed like a low maintenance recipe because where I live, it’s not easy to find new age healthfood stores with all the herbs and oils detailed in the other recipes. Since I have trouble sleeping at night, I began at 10 p.m., drinking the extra virgin olive oil in 1/4 cup doses e ...   read more



 
Fast, Day 37 y  

I'm very happy that I've been sleeping. Just frustrated that it can't seem to be at NIGHT.
 
Another sleepless night, but at least aches and pains were minimal thanks to a one-hour massage in my neighborhood. A friend and I are going to a spa tonight and I’ll likely get another massage. Hey, if I’m not spending money on food, right? Food cravings are coming in waves. I curb them with maple syrup (organic grade B) lemonade. I’ve also drunk hommade veggie broth (tomato, onion, celery, ginger) and fruit shakes (apple, strawberry, orange with ice). Psyllium packets in water when I wake up and before bed. SWFs every other day.   visit the page



 
Fast, Day 27 y  

Awake all night, asleep all day.
 
I spent last night tossing, turning, reading, fantasizing, agonizing, tearing up, with body aches--couldn’t get comfortable. The light came in, and I fell asleep, I’m guessing say, around 7 or 8 a.m. Woke up around 2:30-3:00 almost free of aches and pains, with sleep in my eyes. So I have slept without sleeping pills! But I’m scared of the nighttime again. Will I waste all day tomorrow in bed, too? I HAVE TO SLEEP, no matter what time, or I’ll get paranoid and delusional. I hope my body clock can just automatically adjust sometime this week. Like I said before, I don’t have to work. So ...   read more



 
Fast, Day 17 y  

Despite a few stumbling blocks, I'm still going forward.
 
Yesterday I ate fish, rice and vegetables. I had ONE drink at the pub. No cigarettes. I came home around 11 p.m. and popped half a sleeping pill. MY LAST. And I’m scared of the anxiety and mental anguish that will come from not taking these pills. But I decided to begin my fast today. If I have to stay awake for the next three or four days to get these pills out of my system, then fine. It’s a holiday and I don’t have to work, and there will be no better time to get this over with, than now.   visit the page



 
Meltdown: Alcohol, cigarettes, AND ice cream7 y  

Tomorrow.....errr, TODAY, is a new day.
 
Just came home. It’s a holiday where I live and everybody is celebrating. I drank three scotch sodas, smoked more than five (under 10) cigarettes, and just got home and devoured three ice cream bars. All the face cream in the world can’t save me now. It’s almost 6 a.m. and I’ve just taken 1 and a half sleeping pill. My fast begins 2 days from now. At least I haven’t eaten any red meat.   visit the page



 
Anxiety Attack: 5 Ice Cream Bars7 y  

And now I feel better.
 
Everything was going along smoothly. Still not smoking, down to half a sleeping pill a night, cut out meat and junk food, and then last night and today I’ve been feeling anxious, depressed, irritable, confused, forgetful, with a headache. After work I stopped at the convenience store to by five ice cream bars, and polished them all off! And I actually feel emotionally stable after this. I won’t question it. I don’t even feel guilty. I’ll just continue with my plan. It’s better to eat ice cream than get drunk or high, or take 3-4 different sleeping pills. ”Tomorrow is another day.”   visit the page



 
Still gaining weight.7 y  

Three weeks not smoking see weight gain and constipation, regardless of no junk food or cheese.
 
I’ve been doing SWFs every other day in order to have bowel movements. This week I’ve cut out meat (except fish) and alcohol in addition to junk foods. But my appetite is still huge. I’ve been eating mostly salads, veggies, fish and white rice. Still gaining weight. And I’m still getting by on just half a sleeping pill a night. By the end of the week I should be trying to eat as much raw food as possible with lots of juice, and next Monday I begin the fast.   visit the page



 
No junk food for one week: PIMPLES!7 y  

Still not smoking, sleeping pills cut back, and ready to cut out meat and alcohol. My fast begins one week from now.
 
According to my 6-week plan (see prior post) I’ve cut out junk food (sugar, colas, caffeine, ice cream, pizza, etc.) but remain constipated. The last two days I’ve even been blessed with pimples! Today, I begin cutting out meat (except fish) and alcohol. I still haven’t smoked, not once, for 21 days. My sleeping pills are down to half of ONE pill a night. I plan to quit them during my five-day fast next week. *The difficult part now is trying to have a social life while taking care of myself. Already tonight I opted to stay home from a BBQ, since meat and alcohol will be the ma ...   read more



 
Quit Smoking symptoms after 3 weeks7 y  

Constipation.
 
Almost three weeks of not smoking, the major symptom is CONSTIPATION. I’ve had just one, small and unsatisfactory movement since Monday. A smoker friend just told me the last time she tried to quit, she got the constipation blues around week 3 or 4. In any case, her cigarette smoking didn’t tempt me at all, and she was supportive. Thinking of quitting again herself...   visit the page



 
Weight gain after quit smoking.7 y  

A bigger pair of pants necessary today.
 
I’ve been a non-smoker for about 18 days and today I had to put on a bigger pair of pants. I checked out my ass in the mirror and the cellulite has returned, along with a little tummy roll. And I’ve been constipated for the last 2.5 days, regardless of drinking blended fruit and wheatgrass. I’d eaten too much ice cream and pizza during the last two weeks, apparently. But according to my 6-week plan (see prior post), I haven’t eaten any processed junk or cheese for the last 3 days, although meat is still okay. Last night I only took 1/2 a sleeping pill and didn’t go down until well after 4 ...   read more



 
6-Week Detox & Cleanse7 y  

Quitting cigarettes was an important first step.
 
6-WEEK PLAN: Jan. 15 (14 days before fast): Stop junk food: cheese, pizza, ice cream, processed crap and baked desserts Jan. 21 (9 days before fast): Stop red meat and poultry (fish ok) Jan. 22 (8 days before fast): Stop alcohol Jan. 24 (6 days before fast): Stop carbs (rice & noodles) Jan. 26 (4 days before fast): Stop fish, and eat as much raw food as possible Jan. 27 (3 days before fast): TAKE LAST SLEEPING PILL Jan. 30-Feb. 3: fast on juice, lemonade, water, soup, SWFs, wheat grass powder, psyllium powder Feb. 3: overnight liver flush Feb. 4 (1 day after fast): break fast with ...   read more



 
Addicted to sleeping pills7 y  

The upcoming Chinese New Year holiday will give me a chance to fast and liver cleanse, and get some sleep naturally.
 
I’ve been struggling with these drugs for more than a year: bromazapam, zolpidem, rivotril, among others--I’ve forgotten the names. Last summer I tried to ”taper off” by myself and got frustrated. Whenever I wouldn’t take them, I would sleep just 1-2 hours a night, if at all, with nightmares and anxiety-ridden dreams. At one stretch I stayed awake for 5 miserable days before caving into a sleeping pill. Another time I stopped a couple days and was anxious and near tears, having nightmares during the brief times I could sleep, feeling depressed, and TALKING STUPID. I read about sleeping ...   read more



 
Official Non-Smoker, 2 weeks.7 y  

Now, I need to kick the sleeping pills...zzz...zzz.
 
Quitting cigarettes was easier than I thought. Only the first few days were really tough for cravings. The end of the first week physically uncomfortable. This week the symptoms have been mild and getting less every day. Now I have to admit to another little problem: sleeping pill addiction. A lifelong insomniac now living in Asia, I have all-too-easy and affordable access to drugs I had to get illegally from friends visiting Mexico when I lived in the U.S. This is an issue with pros and cons I’d rather just leave to the debate forums. The point for me is, now that my lungs are clearing ...   read more



 
Non-smoker, Day 13: Headache Small, Appetite Big7 y  

Hot spring bath aids in detox.
 
Just a slight headache and a feeling of light-headedness in general. My appetite is ferocious! But no bowel movement today. Sweated in a hot springs bath with a friend tonight. The last time I did this I didn’t need a cigarette for the rest of the night. Obviously this time the benefits will be even greater. I’m still warm from the bath and although it aggrivated my headache at the time, I feel okay now. My friend commented that my face looks rosier since I’ve quit smoking.   visit the page



 
I quit smoking! (12 days of detox symptoms)7 y  

But I'm still not over that GUY.
 
Since that ”broken heart fast,” I’d pretty much resumed my bad habits, including smoking. I was up to a pack a day when I decided to quit. Almost all of my friends smoke. I took Wellbutrin in December to help me cut back to about 1-2 cigarettes a day, then quit 12 days ago (new year’s eve) and it has been easier than I thought, even being around my smoking friends. ***I TOLD MYSELF: I can eat, drink and do anything I want while I get through the first month of not smoking. Do not feel guilty about any pizza or ice cream and DO NOT CARE about gaining weight. It’s more important to breath ...   read more



 
I finally dumped him.8 y  

I kick myself for not doing it sooner.
 
Finally, I told him I can’t see him anymore. It has been almost 3 weeks now. Every day feels a little better. I’ve kept busy with friends, a few dates (but I feel soooo uninterested in dating right now), and work. We talked on the phone the other day and are on good terms, but still, I won’t see him. I’m angry at myself for letting it drag on as long as I did (7 months). All the signs were there within the first 3 months. Live and learn I guess. I’m due for another fast. Perhaps a three-day....   visit the page



 
Still hanging on...8 y  

Eating normally again, and now constipated. Vodka & cigarettes don't help either!
 
Still uneasy. Feel indecisive. I know what I must do, but am stil foolishly holding out hope that I can be satisfied the way it is. I’m too weak to make a clean break and stay sane. All I can do is keep my eyes open, detach in my mind first before making an announcement. IN: Friday ate nigiri sushi again for lunch. Then broke down for some sidewalk pancakes (minus syrup) before going home to make stir-fry bok choy for dinner. Went to the pub for 2 vodka sodas and 3 cigarettes. Later ate a local snack from a street vendor (a gelatinous rice fried and breaded with onions). Yesterday, S ...   read more



 
Breaking up sucks, but I have to face it.8 y  

I was kidding myself to think my heart has "mended."
 
I still feel uneasy in this relationship. Almost everything about it is pointing me in the direction of the door. But I’m reluctant to walk out of course, because I know I’ll lose some comfort. But is it comfortable to feel hurt at least once a week? The more time I spend with him, the more it’ll hurt to break up. He’s happy with me, he says. But I know he’s still looking, probably biding his time with a foreigner until a good Asian girl comes along. IN: Yesterday--vegetarian tortillas, nigiri sushi, aloe vera juice, watermelon juice, wheat grass mix, tomatoe veggie soup. This morning-- ...   read more



 
Day 8, tired of just veggies and fruit8 y  

I want sushi!
 
Got up at 7 a.m. this morning, which was really hard to do before the fast. Eating only fruits and vegetables with no meat and carbs these last 2 days feels a little like continuing the fast because of the hunger pangs and food cravings. It’s time to introduce other things back into my diet. I’m really missing white rice and fish! Meanwhile, I’ve lost just a little weight, since I’m slim to begin with. During the fast the saddle bags on my thighs were easy to knead, like dough. Now they’re firming up again. My stomach bulges after I’ve eaten, even though it’s just been fruit and veggies ...   read more



 
Heart Mending, Fast Broken8 y  

Hunger pangs attack while I try to stay away from processed food. Instant noodle meltdown at 4 a.m.
 
Yesterday morning, Day 6, I did a final saltwater flush and took a bite of the apple I’d been saving and found it mushy. So I stir-fried up some bok choy with onion and garlic, followed by a lemonade with maple syrup. Then I went off to work. Because I travel around between classes, I need to stop at various cafes, sidewalk stands, or restaurants to eat. Finding raw food is not so easy. But I managed to get a small salad from a coffee shop (no dressing) mid-morning. Mid-afternoon I had a Ceasar salad (with dressing and a little cheese topping, but avoided the croutons) and a small pot of g ...   read more



 
Day 5 and soooo sleepy...8 y  

Feeling weak and tired, but not in pain.
 
I’m nearing the end of Day 5 and plan to break the fast tomorrow morning with an apple, and continue to drink juice and eat salads and cooked vegetables, so I can be all eased out by Saturday night dinner plans with students. I feel okay today, but very tired. No headache, and lower back pain from yesterday has subsided. Had a watery bm today with some dark, dark brown (almost black) gooey stuff. After a bowl of tomatoe, onion, ginger soup broth with a little sea salt last night I had some watery BMs (like another saltwater flush) with some tiny white califluor-looking balls in it. Yeas ...   read more



 
Seafood Broth Flush?8 y  

I turned down pizza, but not love.
 
I can’t believe I’m on Day 4 and only barely suffering. Last night some good friends called from our favorite pizza place. I would’ve loved to join them for good salad, pizza and wine, but had to remind myself that it’s only one weekend, that I’m not PUNISHING myself by not going, but TAKING CARE of myself by giving my body a break. So I played sick, not wanting to deal with their reaction to fasting. Then I made some broth with 2 large seafood broth cubes, onions and ginger (but strained out the onions and ginger before drinking). Perhaps I put in too much of the broth cubes, buecase t ...   read more



 
Day 3 of Broken Heart Fast8 y  

Feeling fine. It must be the sugar in the maple syrup and orange juice.
 
Woke up today after a decent sleep. Fell asleep painlessly last night. The fast seems to drain my mind of excess, unnecessary thoughts, those that have habitually kept me awake at night since childhood. So woke up early for work, feeling a bit weak, wondering if I’d make it through the morning. Skipped the saltwater flush again but drank some psyllium with water first thing, followed by a lemonade with maple syrup (mmmmmmmmm....). I stopped at 7-11 to buy some green/oolong tea (no sugar), and sipped that while I taught my students. I didn’t feel super energetic, but calm and alert, and not ...   read more



 
Keeping my mind off food, and off him.8 y  

Only a mild headache today and low energy, but not agitated. Can still think clearly. Must keep my mind off food, and off him.
 
Got up late this morning and blended up an apple for the juice. Skipped the saltwater flush for lack of time but had a decent-sized, solid BM. Thought, ”Gee. I don’t feel so hungry this time around.” Then hit the street outside and all the food carts were calling out to me, even stuff I normally don’t glace twice at. The smells of frying meat, soup broths, dumplings were everywhere! I tutored a student at the Starbucks near her office. Fortunately they have herbal tea. After that I was craving something sweet and went home to make some lemonade with the maple syrup I’d bought (”Organic ...   read more



 
I've been humiliating myself for 4 months8 y  

I've lost my appetite due to boyfriend problems. Now is a good time to start a 10-day fast.
 
I’m in Asia, dating an Asian man. For the last four months, at least once a week, I’m thrown into emotional disarray over his insensitivity. It’s tearing away at me. I’m neglecting my health and job responsibilities. I can’t sleep. I’ve put off doing things that interest me. And the relationship has brought out the worst in me: crying, shrieking, begging, storming out and crawling back, making demands and accusations, being suspicious and untrusting. It’s humiliating. I’m humiliating myself over this guy. So I woke up in his bed this morning, after barely sleeping, wondering what I’ll e ...   read more



 


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It has been 2 years since I quit smoking, sleeping pills, and a bad relationship, but I haven't done a fast in more than a year. Here I go again! more...

Last Activity: 29 mon ago
32 Messages   Last message 5 y ago
19 Comments   Last comment 29 mon ago

viewed 118,636 times
Created: 8 y   May 05 2005

Comments (10 of 19):
Re: I quit smoking… billf… 29 mon
Re: Day 3: Feeling… ausju… 5 y
Great work so far! Dazzle 7 y
Thanks, but no tha… #2567… 7 y
addicted to sleepi… tuffy 7 y
Curezone is the on… #2567… 7 y
Go for the gold, L… kermi… 7 y
Really respect you… sherm… 7 y
Re: Constipation B… #2567… 7 y
Constipation Blues #57746 7 y
All Comments (19)

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