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Some thoughts 11 y
thoughts
I drank coffee and it made me speedy.
Something
Society
Father(family)
Me
I have to submit to authority.
What if there are multiple authorities?(Itachi(from naruto), Me)
You have to kill one of them(in your head one of them, its hard, you have to choose a side, unless you want to live like a monk, bum)
What if the authority is corrupt?
1-Fight it. Extremely difficult.Most of the time its a losing battle. But if you are willing to fight a losing battle then do it.
2-Go along with it. Follow a certain ... read more z end 11 y
klkjlkjjhjh
i ate yesterday
i was bored
i was not hungry at all
then i ate like a pig.
i had coca cola and i felt bad all night
but today i am not having breakfast.
eating sux.
so for my third attempt dont eat out of boredom
2 days later i take the hardest stool of my life.
I have a slight idea what it is like to be sodomized
Religion= delaying gratification until death where you get to go to heaven.
or delaying gratification, which makes you work, which brings good things to your life.
I hate my life. I dont want to admit that visit the page z end 11 y
klkjlkjjhjh
i ate yesterday
i was bored
i was not hungry at all
then i ate like a pig.
i had coca cola and i felt bad all night
but today i am not having breakfast.
eating sux.
so for my third attempt dont eat out of boredom visit the page day 12 11 y
day 12,day 12,day 12
i feel the need for speed.
Focused on some things
Feel hatred towards people
Feel the need to succeed. visit the page day 10 11 y
day 10
blah
another day of doom
I am listening to some asian music. It doesnt seem japanese. I might be wrong. I want to eat KFC. Sometimes when I am under stress my stomach hurts.
I dont brush my teeth since i am not eating. I do brush my teeth once a while but not every day.
felt suicidal today
felt like a total looser.
now i feel better. visit the page day 9 11 y
day 9
65 kg today
Apparently inmates do water fast(greve de la faim) to protest against their conditions or something else.
Well I am an inmate on this body and crazy mind.
In this house and I cant find a job.
REMEMBER
You are doing it for detox
You are doing it for spiritual reasons.
YOu are doing it to breakthrough all the stuff thats been going on.
So DONT eat! visit the page day 8 11 y
day 7
2 days ago I was 66.
Yesterday night I was 67
Today morning I am 66.
WTF?
TOday is really hard.
I have stomach ache
I have to keep reminding myself that I am detoxifying and if I eat now I wont reap the benefits.
I feel good if I accept the pain. Then the pain goes away.
I am getting lazy with water. Keep postponing it. visit the page day 7 11 y
day 7
Ive been losing 1 kg a day.
Yesterday I was 66. Maybe 66,5. Started at 73.
Today I am still 66.
I want to get below 60. 57 would be good.
The party is over. I am gonna lose 0.5 kg a day from now on I guess.
Boredom is the way.
I always had a problem with talking.
But now I guess I got it. Say boring, trivial things.
You have to work on talking. Since you have nothing good to say, just work on talking about boring, useless, trivial, banal stuff. Then the person in front of you will say something(irrelevant if it is positive or negative or just other banalities) and then you cont ... read more day 6 11 y
day 6
3 hours walk, exhausted
my mother called me. she wants me to stop. she is crying.
told her i am not gonna stop. women are such fakers.
my father is acting like a kid. he cannot tolerate my fasting. he wants me to be as miserable as him.
I am not gonna do 30 days.
My father may have a heart attack
I am just gonna do 14 days. a**ho**s.
Emotional eating.
Emotional craving
Emotional desires
Emotional drug taking
Emotional masturbating
Emotional drinking
These things are not gonna save you.
No salvation!
You are going to die.
The reason I am gonna stop them is because I ... read more Day 5 11 y
Day 5
I am a robot. Android.
I have no emotions.
This is me I am mechanical.(marilyn manson reference)
I am just a unit of work.
Other people are just units of work.
Is this the NWO like they say?
It doesnt matter, because android dont ask questions.
visit the page Day 4 11 y
day 4
My father is at it again.
He says that when I have a job I can do whatever you want.
He has been telling me that annoying thing for years.
Once I had a mohawk and he didnt like it. He told me when you work you will do whatever you want. Yeah right.
He also says that since I live at his place i am not allowed to do the fasting.
I dont know how I am going to continue with him constantly harassing me.
When I woke up and got up I got dizzy for a few seconds.
I got yelled at. He says it bothers him that I do this and that he has emotions. We should reach a compromise. f*** him. H ... read more Day 3 11 y
day 3
I have to make an effort today. My father thinks i am doing a 3 days water fast. When I am going to tell him that I am not breaking my fast he is going to annoy me a lot and make me feel like an idiot.
I woke up today, I was having a nightmare. I had 3 exams and I didnt study for any of them. I was panicking. I hate these dreams.
I feel very tired.
On day 1 and day 2 I didnt go N2(toilet)
I feel tired.
Thinking leads to nowhere. We are all slaves.
Slave to our bodies.
Slave to society.
Slave to the people around you.
Thinking is good to avoid mistakes ... read more Day 2 11 y
day 2
Woke up early today.
Drank a lot of water.
Not eating is like stopping any addiction. You want to do it, but have decided to stop it.
Food is so good and addictive.
It doesnt have a social stigma. You have to eat to survive.
But you can abuse it so easily. I wish I could abuse it but I can’t. I know fruitarian can eat as much as they want. I am confused.
I feel so mentally weak. I just want to sleep.
I watched my father eat today.
I quit junk and cigarettes so I know the pain and know how to deal with it.
I was annoyed lately with thinking. I kept thinking trying to find ... read more Day 1 11 y
day 1
I have to fight everybody.
Fight every second I exist.
Everybody is against my fast.
They say this is no time to be fasting. You have to find your way and get a job. I think it’s the perfect time to be fasting.
They say I have to be under the supervision of a doctor. Well I am 26, I won’t die of a fast.
They say that your digestive system won’t be able to work well after a fast that long. It will forget how to work... That’s ridiculous.
My father said. Have you gone crazy? Well it’s understandable. When I first read about fasting for 30 days without food, I thought it was imp ... read more Day 0 11 y
day 0 of my water fast
16/7/2013 - Start of the Pain
I will start my water fast the 16th of july 2013.
My goal is 40 days. I don’t know if I am being too ambitious.
If I can make it to 30 days that will also be a good result.
I want to feel good in my skin. I want mental clarity.
I want my body and mind to heal.
I am living with my father and he thinks everything I do is ”bull****” and this is one of them. So I will be criticized everyday constantly about how stupid my journey is. I have to be strong. My father has a path and I have another one. I believe in one thing and he believes in another.
... read more |