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Families and Loss
exploring a recent loss in my family
Date: 3/1/2008 6:33:33 PM ( 5 y ) ... viewed 1107 times A week ago today my mother passed away. She was 83 years old and in many ways led a long and full life. While my father was living, she enjoyed travelling to various locales with him. He took up diving at age 64 and especially liked seeing sea turtles when underwater. He had climbed all the Colorado 14ers and many other mountains. Though my mother did not dive or climb with him, she supported him in pursuing his passions, and she pursued hers.
We've already had the memorial services, and it was nice to spend time with family members, but certainly not under these circumstances.
I will miss my mother. She was a good role model of strength and survival. She survived serious cancers not just once, but 3 times. She was fully in possession of her senses, living in her own place, and still driving and playing bridge every week, which she always liked.
Her independence was so amazing. She was sometimes lonely. Most of us lived within 30-40 miles from her. I can only speak for myself and say that I did not spend as much time with her as I should have. I do not have an excuse. Not really.
I am grateful that I got a chance to go out to lunch with her on her fairly recent birthday, along with my daughter and brother. My daughter took a lovely digital photo of mom smiling and enjoying her birthday dessert. Many of her neighbors and friends at the memorial asked for copies of that picture.
But a picture, or a copy of one, is cold comfort. Cold comfort indeed.
People, you probably already know this--life is short. Sometimes life ends quite unexpectedly. My mother died suddenly. We did not get to say goodbye to her. Her neighbors reported she probably did not suffer either.
My point is this: spend time with loved ones while they're living. Do this as much as you can and whenever possible.
Perhaps it won't seem so important to you at this moment, but a time will come when it will. And at that time it might be too late to ever see someone you love again.
Another suggestion: forgive. Forgive almost everything. Unconditionally. Holding onto family grudges causes such damage. This is just a suggestion.
I miss my mother. I miss her calls asking for help with her much-loved daily crossword puzzles. I still miss my father too. Even though he was not happy with whatever he felt I had not accomplished in life. I was awed by what he had accomplished.
Nobody lives forever. Let us treasure one another while we are here.
Wishing you peace....
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Just in case you need it, this web page contains a wealth of resources for coping with grief and loss:
http://grieve.info/resources.html
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