Week 1 of 2011 progress-- Letter to the "Devil" side of me
Date: 1/8/2011 2:19:30 AM ( 29 mon ) ... viewed 352 times
To “Devil” side of me,
Why do you always find ways to bully and torment me? Why do you enjoy tearing me down and diminishing ever slight achievement I make? Why do you find joy in gloating at my misery or your ceaseless pursuit at making me feel miserable?
I know you are the summation of my parents’ personalities. From young, they ace at making every event, big or small, taste like vomit--exactly what you do. It did not matter how hard I try or how well I do, I was never good enough; in fact I was completely lousy and useless. I was often compared to kids of strangers and thrashed for not even being able to live up to them. Imagine being constantly judged against complete strangers—who are nobody of significance to the family—and told you are not even worth a fraction of them. No wonder I find myself worrying if I am as competent as my peers. And you make it a lot worse for me.
Look, you have to stop being such a menace. I know I have several challenges ahead of me and there are going to be quite a number of stresses, but I shall do my best to meet them. You have to relax and have faith. Your paranoia will sooner or later drive me over the edge, Results take time and effort. Calling me a failure and nit-picking at everything do not help at all!! And when I take breaks, don’t you dare to shoot me down. I am not a machine that is just meant to churn out product for you to deem “acceptable”.
You are exactly the manifestation of my parents and just like them, I know you are protracted to sympathy and understanding and will never change. Now that it is final that I am getting them out of my life, I am throwing you out of my life as well. You give me nothing but pain and depression, a huge destructive bane. I shall no longer tolerate any more trouble you cause me. So f*** off you toxic arse.
This is a new life and I plan on finding pleasure in all the things I do. I am mature enough to handle my situations perfectly shrewdly.
Now that you know your place, you better not try to step on my toes ever again. Because I have zero sympathy and tolerance for you.
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