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Day 8 of Post Water Fast
My daily Journey to a healthier life style
Date: 5/4/2011 3:55:37 PM ( 25 mon ) ... viewed 2083 times
May 3, 2011
I didn't want to get out of bed for some reason. I wonder if it because I didn't have anything planned for the day, so therefore my brain was telling me that my day was just a wash. The only thing I had planned was going over to Christy's so I could take her to go pay her electric bill. So nothing special planned, other then I could go to the Revival, if I wanted to. It didn't help that Mekong wouldn't get off of me. Sometimes I feel that she is more like a hungry leech then a pet, based on the way she hangs all over me and WONT get off of me when I need her too. At least I could be content that my pets love me and are there for me.
How do I feel? I can't say that I feel down, but it is hard to describe how I feel at the moment. I think it is mixed with other emotions that I just think downhearted is one of the feelings that it promiment at the moment. I just don't have the "Up and go" feeling I had a couple days ago. Was it because I saw the guy? Is it because Jason never called me? Because I didn't get to share my day with my mother? It probably a mix of those things all together. At least, I am still moving forward with my healing over the guy and becoming stronger in the Lord (I hope, at least). All this rain hasn't been helping the mood either. Everything just feels so soggy and miserable.
I wasn't motivated when I was up and dressed. I wanted to make some Oolong tea in my travel thermos, but I never got around to it. I didn't pack my lunch. I didn't do alot of things, I could have done and should have done. Can you see how my day was going.
Work was slow and boring, with the one attorney complaining to me about something that he should have been complaining to the other secretary about, since it wasn't my job or in my area. Yet, I heard about it. It seriously made me think about getting another job, since I do more and more, yet my pay doesn't change. The other secretary is only in the office 3 days a week, yet I am doing more and more of her work, without the extra pay, on top of having to sweep the glass from the sidewalk out front, and sweep the dead flying bugs from the back room, both of which are not part of my job and take me way from doing my required job.
Part of me cries out for relief from the stress of working all the time. I have worked since I was 15 years old, and just for once, I would love to not feel pressured on having the money for this and that. I would love to have a loving individual in my life that would share those burdens with me. The cost of living seems to keep going up, now that a gallon of gas is now $4.19, I might be forced to get a second job again, just to feel secure about paying for all the things I do. Plus I am still trying to catch up to where I was before the guy moved in with me. He really put me in the hole regarding things, since he never helped with bills. He still hasn't helped me with giving me a little bit of money, as he said he would. Another broken promise. Sigh. I am just so tired and worn out with this world. Why do I see it like this today. I don't know. Maybe because I have had time to think about it and I see how dark it really is outside around me. It is kind of saddening, but I know that God will show me a brighter way of looking at it.
I had another veggie salad from Subway, since I didn't pack my lunch. I love those salads, but I would rather have my mixed leafy greens then just lettuce. I will have to get some more salad fixings so that way I can fix my own. Plus I have been really craving some celery for some reason.
I went to Christy's after work. And Lo and behold, I saw the guy again, as we were going to Krogers. My heart leaped in my chest, as he drove by. Christy asked me "Was that him?" By the look on my face, she must have known it was before I told her "Yes" For the next couple minutes, I struggled with how I felt to the point it got verbal. I said "I hate him, I hate his car, I hate seeing him around. I hate myself for feeling this way. I hate that I still care about him" to the point I started to cry. Christy, as only my best friend knows, that it is hard for me to hate anyone, but I had to convince myself that I felt otherwise, the torn feelings would dominate me and make me feel much worse then I was feeling. Part of me wished that he would move back to Florida, so then I wouldn't have to deal with seeing him around town. Once we got to Krogers, I went and looked at the veggies. I bought two bags of fresh broccoli, cauliflower and carrots, a little tub of mushrooms, and some little red potatoes with green onions and garlic. Everything I got had been marked down to $1.50 or less. I know I haven't been keen on eating a lot of starch since I went on my transforming diet, but I know that having a little bit of starch is good for me. Especially since potatoes do have potassium in them.
I didn't spend alot of time over at Christy's after wards. She had to go to work early, so the visit was really short. I told Christy and Jesse that I would see them on Thursday to make Ojo de Dios in celebration off Cinco de Mayo. I told Christy that I might have a little bit of a celebration by having a little bit of wine, which I still have in my fridge from New Years. I think it is still good, so I might have a little glass to enjoy the end of the day on Thursday.
When I got home, I fixed up my dinner with most of the veggies that I bought from Krogers. While my dinner was cooking, I talked to my mother, to find out that she was doing much better. I was able to tell her about the quilt that I won, and seeing the guy. We talked about various things and I thank her for raising me to be a productive citizen. I told her, I see it more and more, how she taught both me and my brother, important basic things we needed in life, such as cleaning, cooking and working. I told her that I see how Christy struggles with issues, because she was never taught those things, and now she doesn't teach her children in turn. My mother was strict and a mean old orge, but she was that way because she loved us very much and wanted us to be the best we could be when we became adults. I dearly thank her for that.
I ate my dinner, which was delicious! The potatoes were great, but I didn't put a lot of them in the mix of veggies. After dinner, I felt a heavy-ness to the right side of my ribs, which I take it to possibly be my gall bladder. I think I will keep following my healthy eating. I don't really want to call it a diet anymore, since I am not dieting. It is a lifestyle in which I hope to always keep. This healthy eating is not a fad for me, but something that I will try to keep for the rest of my life. As I was saying, I will keep to this eating lifestyle and after 4 or 5 weeks (Possible the last week in May) do a gall bladder flush and then maybe do a couple every couple weeks to flush those little gall stones out. During this time, I will make sure that I eat a lot of apples along the way.
I started reading my "Sarah" book and was looking forward to finishing it but didn't, as I fell asleep. It didn't help that Mekong helped by curling up around my neck and purring like a storm. LOL
FOOD INTAKE:
BREAKFAST: (8:15 a.m.) a cup of leafy greens and 4 ounces of 2% low fat milk (from subway)
DRINK: Oolong Tea (A coffee cup)
SNACK: (around 10:30 a.m.) 4 apple slices ( half of an apple)
LUNCH: (around 12:30) A large vegetable salad (lettuce, spinach, green peppers, black olives, onions, cucumbers, and yellow banana peppers with a little bit of No fat Italian dressing
DRINK: Oolong Tea (A coffee cup)
SNACK: (around 3:30 p.m.) 3 Apple slices
DINNER: (around 7:45 p.m.) 2 cups of Steamed Broccoli, mushrooms, cauliflower, and carrots
SNACK None
EXERICISE: walked 2.19 Miles,
WATER INTAKE: 20 ounces of water
WEIGHT: 114 pounds
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