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Blog: Journey back from depression
by woodlawn

30 blog entries; 17 entries per page; 1 pages; viewed 92,485 times
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Day Three

Baby steps.

Date:   4/19/2005 5:08:06 PM   ( 9 y ) ... viewed 1162 times

Last night was the first time I felt really good in a long time. My boyfriend and I went out to dinner and had a lovely time. Dinner was not terribly healthy. But I didn't feel out of control. Today I had a smoothie and we went for a long walk in the park. It was super!

I held off on another P&B today. I am not drinking enough water with this colon cleanse, I think. Right now, it is doing the opposite of cleansing or flushing. The P&B shakes seem to get stuck, and I feel plugged up and nauseated. I think I will have to give in and do an enema. I don't really do so well with enemas, but I think it is the better option right now, as I can do it at any time of day. At the moment, enough is going on that the salt flush is a little difficult to coordinate.

Yesterday was a little difficult because I began my period, which is always a misery. Shockingly, though, today the cramps are not bad. I am a little astounded by that; I am usually virtually incapacitated for three to five days when my period begins, even with dangerously high doses of Advil. I felt shitty last night, but I took a small (for me--unthinkable for most...) dose of Advil, and it actually worked. Today I only took one Advil (a miracle!) and I feel great (except for the whole colon thing...). It is also fantastic when PMS lifts. Invariably, I worry that I'm sliding down the long slope to depression each month, only to rebound (at least a little bit) after my period begins. Once you've had a breakdown, you are so conscious of every fluxtuation in mood, terrified its step one on the way back down. For me, who has reliable PMS, I get a reminder every month of where I do not want to be. But then it lifts, and I actually have sanity, with no effort whatsoever! All I have to do is apologize to my boyfriend for being evil/morose/catatonic or whatever the flavor of the month is. Fortunately, he is understanding.

Despite the big improvement though, I think it's really important that I face up to the fact that I have been in denial about my low-level depression for a really long time. I haven't had a full-fledged breakdown in years, but you do not gain seventy pounds becuase you are living a healthy and fulfilling life. Seeing pictures today of myself at a wedding would have been a wake-up call (had I not already had one) to just how much I have changed physically, especially in the past year. It is, well, horrifying. But I will use it! Let my not-so-noble vanity help lead me back to a vibrant life.






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Comments (15 of 42):
you are a pearl 9thbody 9 y
YEAH! I am jealous… 9thbo… 9 y
Amen brother 9thbody 9 y
Re: Have I told yo… drofi… 9 y
Have I told you la… 9thbo… 9 y
I love you complet… 9thbo… 9 y
uh oh... i goofed.… drofi… 9 y
you are so hilario… drofi… 9 y
fear... woodlawn 9 y
Woodlawn- Hi!9th h… 9thbo… 9 y
I hear you! 9thbody 9 y
Oh yes, how about.… fledg… 9 y
Good for you, Wood… fledg… 9 y
Thanks, 9thbody. Y… woodl… 9 y
I just want you to… 9thbo… 9 y
All Comments (42)

Blog Entries (6 of 30):
Day Three  9 y
Colon Cleanse 2  9 y
Responses to comments (brief)  9 y
Colon Cleanse!  9 y
Writing, weight, and familia…  9 y
First Conscious Steps  9 y
All Entries (30)

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My favorite Iodine
supplement comes down to one of these three products...


Ancient Water Secret Revealed
Find out how you can remove fluoride from your drinking water...


Liver Cleanse
Hulda Clark Liver Cleanse

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