CureZone
  All Blogs
    * in pursuit of perfection *

Blog: * in pursuit of perfection *
by athina

35 blog entries; 17 entries per page; 1 pages; viewed 76,809 times
Description   |   Rules   |   Disclaimer

ADVERTISEMENTS
 
Medianet Ads



ADVERTISEMENTS
 

Increase your life-quality !
When Arthritis or injury gets you down, ArthroWell will get yo...


High Blood Pressure?
3 easy exercises drop blood pressure below 120/80 as soon as today


Parasites Cleanse
Hulda Clark Cleanses


I used to suffer from yeast infections.
Now I am symptom free after using pine cone extract...


Aches and Pains?
My Back Pain is Gone!

things are getting back under control...

...something inside of me screamed out 'why are you doing this???!!!!

Date:   12/28/2006 5:50:05 PM   ( 8 y ) ... viewed 1105 times

today I bought: 1 cheese pastry, 1 choc bar with almonds and a bag of fries.

I ate the bag of fries cause i was honestly hungry but with the other two things I took a couple bites and threw both in the garbage. something inside of me screamed out 'why are you doing this?!!!!' - and it makes sense. the more i eat, the more I want, specially when it comes to fat and sugar. my stomach is now empty-ish and feeling normal. no more strain, no more pain. tomorrow I'll try to eat even less. January 1st the fast begins, and I can hardly wait.

it's almost impossible to go from a bingeing phase to a fasting phase - for me at least. the two week bingeing phase from my last fast is coming to an end, thank goodness. tomorrow I plan on eating a tomato salad, and saturday I'm having a carot salad.

As for New Years Eve...well I'm going to skip it. Just don't have the desire to go out and would rather stay in and clean the apartment. It may sound depressing but I'm thousands of miles away from friends and family and these new friends I have make a poor substitute for my loved ones when the holidays come around. Seeing as I'm in an emotional mess, it's so hard for me to put on a fake smile and go out.

Today I went out with friends to see that movie with Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz etc. - and it was pure torture. Seeing the shots of LA, hearing the North American accents made me so homesick, I had tears coming down my face. A couple people I was with thought I was crying out of sentiment cause the movie was a love story. That's pretty funny considering how all the hardship I've faced spiritually and economically over the past couple years has drained the romance out of every bone in my body.

All this %¤#&!§-about love and romance is just that: constructed BS to keep the masses in a trance and help them escape reality. Real love for me at least is the magnetism that keeps two people together through all the hellish times and it doesn't necessarily involve romance. Real love is something I expect from real friends. I can't be the party girl all the time, as I'm a person of extremes. While most people might have the best time around me, I also expect them to be there for the hard times as well. I just can't keep on giving and giving to these people only to have them turn their backs when the going gets rough. I've always been out on a quest to find people who are loyal to me and have gotten many shocks and upsets over the years. Maybe I don't attract the right type of genuine people. Maybe I left them back home, thousands of miles away.

I wonder how they all are right now...how they spent the holidays and what they'll be doing new year's eve. I also wonder how things would be if I could magically be transported back home that day. After all I've been through I'm sure they'd hardly recognise me, at least character-wise. I've changed so much, calmed down and matured the past two years. Hardship and poverty will definitely do that to you. So many factors spinning out of control, with little time left to react to all the new circumstances.

I've had times where I felt like I've had everything only to have it taken away in a split second. My world has crashed down in a matter of hours, and after having taken the time and patience to rebuild it, it's crashed down again. I take nothing for granted these days.

Now I feel like I'm 90% of the way there psychologically and materially. I haven't cashed in on my efforts but I've made a honourable attempt to sort out my life professionally in such a way that I can support myself. Just waiting for the payback. I've been living in an impovrished state now for almost 5 months, upgrading my education and trying to start a business. The plans have been put in place, they just need time to go into execution. And things better start moving soon - I'm sick of living without heat, washing all my clothes by hand, seeing holes in my clothing, wearing tattered underwear and socks, and not having the money to go out and see friends. I'm sick of declining party invitations because I don't have cab fare home, or because I don't have a dress to wear. I've had it up to *here* living this way, really.

I think I'm an honest person and try to be the best I can be - but have such a lack of control over my environment, and this makes me feel helpless. Maybe this ties into the control issues I have with food. Food is the only thing I can control - whether it's too much food, too little or none at all. This just proves that eating disorders have a bigger cause then one might believe. It's not so much the taste and texture as it is the feeling of comfort one gets from it. Maybe that feeling of comfort is what causes me to continue eating despite my physiological intolerance for it. The same thing happened last time I fasted. This doesn't necessarily mean I shouldn't fast - but that I should either continue fasting until the problem is solved or not fast when I have emotional stress.

Which begs the question of why I'm fasting now, despite the fact that I am currently in a time of stress. Well the answer is simple. I don't have the money to keep on buying more food, at least not high quality food. The fries and chocolate bars are cheap things to get me high and I buy them with small change. Well the small change has run out and all I have money for is juice. One carton for every two days, at 2$ a carton. I'll also be squeezing lemons (from the local trees) and using white sugar, knowing full well how bad white sugar is. But it's the only option I got for the time being, sad as it may seem.

Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!

Printer-friendly version of this page
Email this message to a friend
Bookmark this page/Add to Favorites or press Ctrl+D
DISCLAIMER / WARNING   Alert Webmaster



Share:  Facebook  MySpace  Digg  Reddit  StumbleUpon  Furl this page  Delicious  BlinkList  dzone  Simpy.com  Fark.com  BlogMarks  Wists.com  Google

Add This Blog To Your CureZone Favorites!
 
Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites!

Comments (20 of 28):
Re: For those of y… popoe 7 y
erased messages #44762 7 y
Oh ..well babsbiltmore 8 y
yeah me too #41644 8 y
Re: Congratulations athin… 8 y
Congratulations #13442 8 y
Hang in there!!!! tambee 8 y
Re: I can relate athina 8 y
Re: Wow!! athina 8 y
I can relate YourEnchante… 8 y
Wow!! tambee 8 y
Beer Fast tambee 8 y
Re: Hug for YOU!!! athina 8 y
Hug for YOU!!! yourenchan… 8 y
Re: no one is perf… ren 8 y
Re: no one is perf… athin… 8 y
no one is perfect ren 8 y
Re: I had mexican … athin… 8 y
I had mexican food… #6781… 8 y
Watch this Willa Need Pow… 8 y
All Comments (28)

Blog Entries (12 of 35):
things are getting back unde…  8 y
is this a sign of insanity?  8 y
plan not good enough.  8 y
New Plan  8 y
operation binge control, tak…  8 y
better go to waste than go t…  8 y
How y'all doin?  8 y
Paranoid, Guilty and Feeling…  8 y
Weighing In  8 y
Stage 3: Post Fast (December…  8 y
Making Plans for a Healthy P…  8 y
Water Fasting Aborted  8 y
All Entries (35)

Blogs by athina (1):
Fasting to find myself  3 y  (2)

Similar Blogs (10 of 185):
30 day water fast!!…  by dezi20  36 h
My Weight Loss Jour…  by celery stick  69 h
Water Fasting and F…  by lovelyt  3 d
8 Day Water Fast  by anaisa  5 d
Raw Milk: The Whole…  by chef jem  6 d
how i cure hiv aids  by puratata  6 d
Water fast journey.  by lmat18  7 d
“No More Cellulite:…  by JoanneSohn123  9 d
Heal Thyself/Sacred…  by ren  11 d
Forgotten Words!  by kerminator  14 d
All Blogs (1,019)


Liver Cleanse
Hulda Clark Liver Cleanse

Back To Top

Selected Ads from CureZone Sponsors: Become a Sponsor

VIP

Oxy-Powder® Official
Refresh & Detoxify Your Body Fast. Free Shipping On Orders. Buy Now!
Heal Type 2 Diabetes
Simple, 3-step natural approach heals diabetes within a month. No side e...
No more crutches !
Breakthrough remedy lets patients ditch wheel chairs and walk again !
 
 

PLAT

Did you poop today?
All natural constipation relief!
Kidney Stones Cleanse
Hulda Clark Kidney Cleanse
Tools, Tools, Tools!
Tools for Healing is specialized in alternative medicine devices of all ...
Natural Cancer Remedies
 
 

GOLD

Alkaline Water Benefits?
Can you get health benefits from drinking alkaline ionized water? Wh...
Proven Candida Diet
The Only Legitimate Diet for Treating Candida in 30 Days
Utopia Silver Supplements
Colloidal Silver Testimonials. Read comments and opinions by users ...
Destroy Parasites Quickly
Learn How to Destroy Parasites And Be Free of Your Unbearable Sympt...
 
 

GOLD

Royal Tea
”Not only did Royal Tea make me look years younger, I feel years younger too.” - Sa...
Anti Cancer Medical Effect
Medical researchers confirm electrolyzed reduced water protects ag...
Healthy Weight Loss
”I have more energy than ever.” - Sally May
Immunophen™
Discover how pine cone extract can assist your immune system to help control yeas...
 
 

SILVER

Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
The Tesla Shield™
Transformational Technology For Mind Body And Soul.
Cancer’s Natural Enemy
The eBook about a proven natural remedy for cancer which has worked fo...
 
 
Back To Top How many people click on the sponsord links? Become a Sponsor



 


Guest Book - Liver Flush FAQ - News - Link Exchange - Add URL - How To Exchange Links? - About Global Directory

Terms of Service - Privacy Policy - Spam Policy - Disclaimer - Guidelines & Rules - Forum Trolls - Fair use notice

Staff's pages:  Owen - Wrenn - Maya


CureZone Newsletter is distributed in partnership with www.netatlantic.com


Contact Us - About - Donors - Stats



Copyright 2014  curezone.com


fetched in 0.45 sec at 9/1/2014 6:42:31 PM, requested by 54.166.83.154, referred by http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=983823 , requested 1 pages during this session, y=2