Abuse and the marriage contract.

Date:   3/25/2011 7:12:33 AM ( 13 y ago)

Right - I cannot stress this point enough: marriage is a legal, binding contract and is a very expensive contract to break. Glamour weddings and limousines may cost a bundle, but dissolving a contract of marriage is expensive, ugly, and horrific if children are involved. This is compounded times 100 if the marriage is rooted in domestic violence/abuse.

Bringing a child into an abusive relationship is, in and of itself, the height of abuse against an innocent. A child does not have the luxury of choosing their parents and an abusive environment will either produce another gemeration that is groomed and doomed to be a victim, or produce another generation that is groomed and doomed to be an abuser. It is a statistical FACT that 90% of all domestic violence and abuse is perpetrated in front of children. So, please consider this deplorable fact when considering bringing a child into such an environment.

In my case, I married the abuser to give our "love" a spiritual and legal basis. I felt that my "love" for my partner would be validated by marriage. What this resulted in was yet another weapon in the abuser's arsenal. "You are my wife (translated from abuser-speak: you are my property) and you vowed to OBEY me!" Okie dokie. To understand the implications, here, one has to use their imagination and hearken back to the crazy-making campaign. In order for me to remain supportive and loyal to my partner, I had to agree with his demands, regardless of ehat they were. I was expected to beg money from my parents, engage in illegal activities, tolerate sexua| demands that were demeaning and degrading, and shift my spiritual beliefs to meet his approval. A Good Wife supported her man, and I wanted to remain The Only One. To do otherwise invited ridicule AND the cruelest of all actions; the Silent Treatment, sometimes for days, until I apologized even when I had done nothing wrong.

The Silent Treatment is probably worse than the active abuse because it suggests that the victim is not even worthy of acknowledgment. The victim is sub-human and must beg, plead, and cajole their abuser into simply recognizing the victim as being alive.

For me, divorce was out of the question because of my spiritual beliefs which had been manipulated, warped, and perverted by the abuser. To suit his needs. Add a child to this scenario, and leaving was hopeless. Due to the abuser's endeavors, I had no network of safety or friends to turn to. Any "friends" that I had were either carefully screened and chosen by the abuser, or were very short-termed as the abuser would find ways to insinuate that the "friend" was a troublemaker and had propositioned him - always, he maintained that he had declined their advances, but this further added to the illusion that he was In Demand and could easily discard me at his leisure if I failed to be a Good Wife.

Blessibg!

 

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