Stream of Consciousness

Date:   4/2/2011 12:43:35 PM ( 13 y ago)

I had a good day yesterday until I got nervous. I was so meditative and connected. I was reading Creating Money by Sanaya Roman and meditating, visualizing the house I will buy. I feel it close as though within two years it will be mine which ultimately is very soon. I talked with my supervisor for a good amount of time and I feel sexua| energy between us and a guilt about the joy that I get from talking to him since he is married but as long as I don't act on it, its fine I think. We are allowed to have authentic feelings. Just not hurt others.

So that was that, then I went to therapy last night which honestly, I dont think I like therapy or maybe its the particular group? I dont mind it but it doenst feel resonating for me that much because a lot of what the people are going through is what I went through a few years ago and it makes me feel I dont really have an eating disorder anymore. If I did, I would be able to say, I'm anorexic or I'm bulimic or I'm a compulsive overeater when in reality I just weigh myself everyday and watch what I eat very carefully and always want to be a couple pounds less.

I think there will be a day when even that too is healed. That excites me greatly.

Oh, something valuable that my supervisor told me is that he encourages me to stay on the spiritual path and not become too far MFT therapist-ish because he wants me to keep my psychic powers. I appreciated his insights about me. I also love his calm grounded energy and depth of emotional ability to feel and discuss.

Anyway, I think maybe he is teaching me just what I might want in a future relationship, the ability to really talk about true feelings.

So, today I am going straight to the gym and working out, then errands and going to my boyfriend's family's to have dinner with some other friends etc. Kind of a long day but I think it'll be fun.


 

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