Keeping the focus on what I really want...

Date:   7/21/2005 12:07:26 PM ( 19 y ago)

This culture puts so much emphasis on “the perfect woman” that those of us who will never live up to that ideal of beauty or intelligence or lifestyle feel that we are always scrambling to catch up. I stopped doing it – it is really refreshing to make my own rules about what is acceptable and to live according to what I think is important rather than what people expect of me.

 I want to fully experience what it is that I AM – gray hair and sags and bags and all of it.Sounds like I’m ‘giving up’ on looking good but I actually think I’ll look better. It feels good to get older and wiser. I heard someone say the other day they wished they were 18 again. My god, I don’t. I love my age, I don’t want to go back to being that insecure mousy little girl. Trying to look younger never hides a woman’s age, it just makes her look like she’s ashamed of it and shame isn’t sexy. The women that I find most attractive are healthy, fit, natural, and confident. That is what I’m going to strive to be. I want to be vibrant and beautiful and sensual and attractive because I am so ME, not because I am so made-up or perfectly highlighted, or in-style.

I always envied those confident and natural women because I thought that they were all so cool and pretty and had their own style… didn’t realize that I have the ability to be the same way, all it takes is a grain of salt. You know, you give yourself credit for all that you are and all that your life has taught you, but for some reason in our looks we strive for this ideal... Our looks are a walking advertisement of our lives. I for one am proud of the life that I have lived and the obstacles I have surmounted and if my scars and my flesh advertise my life then I am not going to be ashamed of them. This is the entire backbone to this movement that I have been slowly adopting into my life since last November.

 We were raised in an environment where it was corny and dorky to have a positive attitude, it was scorned to be happy (as in: “What are you so happy about?” said in a sarcastically caustic tone of voice), where cynicism and sarcasm took the place of actual humor, where negativity was nurtured. It’s a shame to grow up like that because how can you ever be happy when you are deliberately trying to be miserable?

I think it is important for everyone to find their own truths – about themselves, their traditions, their spirituality, and their physicality. It is hard to rewire ourselves to look past the culture and traditions, past the ingrained teachings of our parents, and past the ridicule and culturally acceptable standards. What we have when we strip all of that away is a person who is whole, unaffected, balanced, and beautiful – and that is what I strive for.

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URL:   http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=976747

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