I am not going to entertain that, I tell myself over and over again.

Date:   8/22/2005 4:57:39 PM ( 19 y ago)

I am not going to entertain that. I am not going to entertain that, I tell myself over and over again. I have only been fasting for four hours. I have taken in two lemonades and am working on my third. I have been drinking a lot of water too.

During my baby's lunch today it was so natural for me to want to accept her offerings of food, but I had to say, "no" today and shake my head. She didn't understand so I ended up pretending to take bites of the pinto bean, nectarine slice, or Kosher hot dog that she wanted to share with me.

When she went down for her nap, my body reacted to the "ahhh" now I can relax for a moment feeling and my desire to have a Coke with my Trader Joe's potato chips and dip surfaced. I started to feel that bad feeling. That I am fat, this will take for ever so why even try feeling, but then I decided I won't even let myself think about it at all. Not how fat I am, not how long 40 days is, not how much I want to eat. When these thoughts and feelings chime in I am going to respond to them by saying, "I am not even going to entertain that," and then focus on cleaning something, writing something, or just being present.

 

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