I have to stop eating this way.

Date:   10/25/2005 5:29:46 AM ( 19 y ago)

My daughter is so beautiful.
The reality of what I am doing struck me tonight.
I have to stop.
I have to stop regardless of how I feel.
Regardless of how hard it is to change.
I have to stop eating this way.
It isn’t just overeating; it is a way of being out of control.
I realized when I was listening to the dialogue going on in my head, that I think of myself as uncontrollable.
If my husband takes the car to work, then I walk everywhere. Maybe we should just sell the car—then I would be forced to walk even if I have access to the car.
If I fast then I can lose weight, I can’t only eat some things because then I have to make choices about what I eat.
If I throw away all my belongings then my house will stay clean.
I was actually thinking about throwing all my belongings away when it hit me, why? What am I saying about myself? I can’t choose to walk, choose to eat carrots, choose to put things away? Why not?

Just something I am thinking about tonight as I drift off to sleep…finally.



 

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