when the time is right to saddle up on that old pony

Date:   10/14/2006 1:47:34 PM ( 18 y ago)

I don't know about this whole dating thing. I haven't met anyone who seems right. I used to go for the deeply wounded genius sociopath type, and now I can see that for what it is and avoid it like the plague. Now an intelligent somewhat attractive man is trying to get me on a date, but the whole thing seems absurd. The notion of casual sex bores and vaguely horrifies me. The only reason I can think of to date and Do the Deed is to feel like I fit in with the rest of this deluded society. I don't care about getting married at the moment, and a relationship just for the sake of a relationship seems too time consuming. Unless the man was so rich he could and wanted to support me as an artist rendering me the time to work on my art and spiritual path, I could use the time otherwise designated for making money to cultivating a relationship. I don't mean this prostitutionally, but otherwise, there is just no time right now. My family seems terribly concerned at times that I don't have a man. I'm attractive and young, but they worry about this biological clock crap. Does the world really need me to pop out babies right now? I feel uninclined. sure I feel alone, painfully at times, but that can happen in a relationship as well, which is worse. I only want God and if I find a man, I think it'll need to be a man who only wants God in a relationship that is surrendered to God entirely. Anyone who looks to me for relief will be sorely disappointed. I don't want the pain of struggling with intimacy just for the sake of doing it. it doesn't feel natural to Try and date. If I meet someone who seems right, so be it. otherwise, I think I'm fine being nun like and just taking care of my own business if you catch my drift

 

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