Emotional stuff up again...intense

Date:   8/4/2007 8:13:05 PM ( 17 y ago)

6:04 PM
August 4, 07

Turned by attention
from my room to the Laundry area overflow
outside.

I had two big boxes.

There was a bunch of rags,
and some blue towels I need to return to the Hilton.
The blue towels were used to wrap framed photos
from the International Feng Shui Conference 05
and have been sitting in one of my laundry boxes.

This cleanup has been bounncing off my own
inner energies and banging against emotional stuff.

The intensity of the pain this afternoon
is again enormous.

I do not know how God gave such talent to to
such a hole filled man, with holes stuffed
tightly with issues no dough too painful to deal
with. Can I deal with them now?

I see where I have been using others
to hide me from this embedded pain.

The abandonment from my mother was suppressed
through and transfered to other women,
like some sort of a duck that becomes entrained
upon a dog for mother love and imagines
that is his Mother replacement. What an indictment.

Maybe that is the nature of all addictions...
substitutes, distractions from the deeply help pain.

I can make up a lovely rejection story for tonight,
quite vivid, quite horrifying.

The original pain issue of mother loss is
strikingly clear; so how to get it out and cleared?

Profound to feel such pain, stirred and triggered
in this moment.

Got out a bunch of rags to the driveway.

I was working on giving a conscious place to
"Relindling of Faith" a book of mine original
lying in ruin on the floor.

Messiah at the Gate goes here!!! Follow UP!!!

 

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