You are going to try to justify yourself no matter what everyone else says. It makes one wonder if it is not jealousy or envy that he places his attention toward her and not toward yourself.
It could be. Maybe you're right. Yet his behavior on the job is not good. Therefore, some policing needs to be done. Take this good advice from me. When something smells fishy, it is. Better get it stopped before it gets out of hand. I wish more people would take a stand like me.
First I wanna say initially when I responded pretty much saying "who cares", I didn't even read the other posts, so I wasn't going along with the "group mentality". After i posted then I read what everyone else said.
Second, if I saw someone sleeping one the job I would first ask them if they are ok and if they are feeling well. I would NOT immediately go tattle on them.
From the little info you gave about the situation, really sounds like it has no real affect on your job or life. You are just making this your problem, when who cares! Focus on your life, your family, friends, better those relationships. Don't worry about those that aren't really involved with you.
I know someone that is addicted to heroin. If I had your attitude this person would be in jail. I am not really that close with the person, but I would be there if they every need to reach out for help. In reality though, at the end of the day, whether this person shoots up or not, does not affect my life. I am glad I don't because that could get me swept up into a world I don't want to go into. Do I think that it is a good decision that they do heroin? Not at all! It's also not my business to try and control what they choose to do with their life, so I don't mess with it. I focus on bettering my life and surrounding myself with loved ones and creating a world that works for me, and it is not only the best decision for myself, but for everyone.
You really haven't said anything specific that shows that your place in the workplace is being affected by this person's 'behavior'. Just a wide statement about favoritism, bad decisions, and peferring to speak with his/her's own race. These are just general comments with nothing specific backing it up on how your job is being affected. Really hard to relate with your position with just general comments on how you perceive things. You admitted you are nosy, and that is just how it is sounding...like that woman in 'bewitched' that lived across the street from samantha and always wanted to know what was going on at the witch's house.
Perhaps you should consider the possibility that most are not agreeing with you because they just don't agree with your perceptions and decision. It is always possible that the majority is wrong, but the possibility also exists that you are wrong. It does seem like you made your decision already when you posted, and that you really rather enjoy debating it with everyone.
I am rather pleased to find out that not everyone is a snitch. That people do like to mind their own business. Until you make it more clear on how this person's actions are screwing up your worklife, I am going with the majority also. And there were some good answers too.
no one promised you cutting edge legal advice by posting on CZ
I did not see you quandry
But if something is going on that is untoward at your workplace then
1. you must be able to prove it(no closed doors and suspicions)
2. If you have collaborative proof , and you feel the supervisor will not or is involved in some fashion
Contact the Department of Labor- or go to the website
Find the statutes that apply to the wrongoing
Write them a letter (have patience) and then take your letter
to your HR department or to an employment law attorney
Sounds like a situation where you could be the one to stop some bad ongoing behavior.
Your suggesting that the boss may be banging someone else's wife maybe.
Or in the very least there is something that shouldn't be going on.
This being the case, it wouldn't be a situation of tattling on another, rather it would be taking responsibility for what you are a witness to.
It takes an above average person to step up and bring that forward.
Obviously these other people haven't got it in themselves to stop their own behavior, this is when others have to stem in and set things on the right course. In this case, sounds like just reporting it would stop it in its tracks.
If you consider that it isn't affecting your world and ignore it, then that is just a case of not standing up for what should be done.
If you were walking by an alley at nite and you witnessed a girl being raped, would you consider that it isn't affecting your would and keep walking? I hope not.
This may not be a case of stopping something like rape or murder but it sounds like something that deep down these people are probably hoping that somebody would stop them.
Well...whether or not you decide to say something to the boss's boss depends on various factors. Depending on the office culture, the personality of the boss's boss, or the relationship s/he has with the underling, whistleblowing could go one of two ways: 1) Positive outcome---the underling is disciplined (maybe even fired) while you experience no negative effects or; 2) You could be the one fired or if not fired, your worklife could end up being a living hell.
In all my working years, I've had 2 bosses that I would give the title of "the boss from hell". Here's what happened when I worked for the most recent one. The department I worked for was opening a new branch. I decided to see if I could transfer to the new branch because doing so would give me enough hours to get benefits. I got the job but unfortunately, those of us who worked in the old branch and made the transfer were tarred by the same brush. The boss at the old branch was seen as an ineffective manager who let incompetent workers get away with doing little or nothing. So it was assumed that anyone who worked for this boss was not a good worker. Well...boss from hell decided that I was the senior employee for the particular job I did since all those hired for this job had no prior experience doing this job. Never mind that there was no official title identifying someone as "senior", she just decided to call me that. She expected me to "mother" the other employees.
We had one newcomer who was a high school kid. I was working along side him showing how to properly do the job. He seemed to have trouble grasping it. So I went to boss from hell and told her. I also asked if she had suggestions for helping teach him better. She got exasperated and told me not to complain about him because earlier in the day, they got him to throw out some trash--and that wasn't part of his job description.
Fast forward a few months later---high school kid was told to help out in a specific area. He took that to mean that he got to stand around and talk to the other workers in that department and not do anything else. The other workers that I was supposed to be "mothering" noticed this as well and came to me with their concerns. So...I went to boss from hell and carefully worded what I said. I told her that it "appeared" he was doing nothing but chatting and said that perhaps he was doing other work that I was not aware of. I also told her that if she preferred that I not tell her when I noticed such things, then to please let me know. She only said she would talk to him. She apparently did because he started doing more work again.
Well...it came time for my semi-annual review. I was shocked to see that she had written on my review "is too quick to criticize co-workers"! In all that time, I only told her two things about the high school kid--and nothing about the other workers. For this, I was given a subpar review.
The point is---compared to what you want to report, the things I reported looked trivial by comparison and I paid dearly for it. Think twice---do you want to risk your job? Do you want to have to worry about getting a bad review and having that follow you around when you apply for other jobs? Is it really worth it? From what you've written, what's going on at work seems to be between two adults and has no bearing on the work you do. Are you 100% sure the situation is as you see it? If it isn't and you report it, that could backfire severely.
Gee, 79767...what does this have to do with narcissism?
I find this thread in the forum titled, 'NPD: Narcissism/Sociopathy Survivors Forum: Support Forum for Survivors of Narcissism/Sociopathy'.
Folks here have done and do find their way through major 'stuckedness', unhappiness, and even peril.
They often have children, younger and older, to protect and care for.
I can't see that your question...and your opinions...really apply to these folks.
I also wonder where you got your definitions of 'bad', and 'good'.
Perhaps that's where you should focus your attentions.
At the very least, you can change your own point-of-view, if appropriate and desired. You can feel better...but you can't change another's mind, even if you feel strongly that you'd like to.
That is THEIR job! And, they will or they won't...beyond anything you can do.
The best you can do for yourself, I think, is to wish them well, no matter what...inside your head and heart...and leave others out of what you think may be 'going on'...just in case.
Of course, if you saw someone in peril, you would step up as a rescuer or a comforter, I am sure...offering your services quietly, where they are wanted.
But the crusader, the would-be champion who treads on the rights of others with hob-nailed boots, may very easily find themselves alone, and lonely.
By updates do you mean where your new job will be? Because that is likely the only thing you are going to accomplish!
Listen to what you are saying!
They disappear into a back area and then reappear? Like that is evidence? Now, if one of them failed to reappear you might be on to something. Otherwise you better take a ninja outfit and infrared camera to work and go get them on film "in flagrante delicto", because failing that or a Monica Lewinsky stained dress, otherwise all you have is your own suspicions and the flimsiest of evidence. In fact you have no evidence at all and you admit that you "don't see them ever taking break together though, nor do they both appear to take the Same days off"
You also admit to being "very introspecitve, observant and nosey". Do you fail to see how someone could say that such an admission translates to someone who is overly suspicious, spends too much time imagining things and looks for things to imagine?
Now, you say that "When he first started "getting close" with her she started to change her appearance. Her hairstyle got alot better and more makeup. She also appears to get agitated with any other woman who goes in his office and stays for more than a few minutes. When they had a party at the office, he sat next to her. What does this sound like to you?"
It could mean something along the lines of what you imagine - though anybody trying to have a secret relationship would probably AVOID sitting next to one another at a company party. It might even mean that she has a crush on him. Could it not also simply be a woman who enjoys things she may be lacking on the outside - such as friendship, attention and even affirmation that she has value - which could explain why she did not have a better hairstyle or makeup to begin with.
Maybe she considers him a confidant. Perhaps he considers her one too. You know, both men and women do like to hear and ask thing about the viewpoints of somone of the opposite sex that is not part of their serious relationships. And maybe they escape to that "back area" to get away from prying eyes that imagine the worst. Like yours for example.
It appears obvious to me that you have a predetermined attitude to imagine the worst when it comes to male and female relationships. You put words in Zoebess's post about her friend wanting to get her husband out of her hair - when she said no such thing. You also made the statement about how much women wanted to have sex with other guys. Where are all these dang women anyway? LOL. OK, some of us men are horndogs by nature and women can be that way too, but certainly far from ALL women and men. Though your imagination runs wild when it comes to the steamier side of possibilities, you seem incapable of even imaging a platonic relationship between a man and woman.
I for one think it is telling when you ask "When was the last time you heard of a married man being just friends like that with a single woman he's only been knowing a few short years?" A few short years? Not days, weeks or months, but a FEW YEARS! Good grief!Just how long do you think it should take to be the proper amount of time for two people to develop a friendship? Decades? That question sounds incredibly puritanical.
Sooooo, while you could be right in your suspicions, there is also a chance you could be wrong and I cannot understand your hardheaded determinedness to take a chance on injuring two other people who just might be innocent and/or causing harm to yourself.
I fear that whoever you take your suspicions to may tear you apart, or else give a nodding but noncommital answer about checking things out and then actually make a note to keep on eye on you as a potential troublemaker (that might even be a best case scenario for you). If, as seems to be the case, you have your mind made up and will not let reason get in the way of a bad decision, then perhaps you will learn a valuable lesson.
What is your current position at this job, and what is that woman position at this job. Maybe he just favors her because of her work ethics/skills and personality wise. Plus how does this affect your or others roles in your job. What is the age group range of these two individuals they sound pretty young and young people do socialize a lot. You mention he's married with children and you mention she is single. But how do you know that for sure. She could have somebody or could be married with children too and is your workplace a slow or busy atmosphere. Have anybody else notice what you have notice there. How do you know for sure this is going on. Most of the time when two people talk doesn't mean they have something going? To be honest if a person going to whistleblow they need what they're talking about and what the reason would be behind it? Is there really something going on where it needs to be address or is it out of a revenge thing? I would leave it alone because I wouldn't want to loose my job. But I'm curious to find out what happens. So keep us posted.
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What do you all think about whistleblowing? 
Re: Mind your own business15 by Zoebess
5 year
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Reply FCK TinyMCE
Re: following an example 
