I'll start this off straight to the point (no pun intended). I am a female pansexual and have accepted that for well over a year now, well over a year, however lately I have been questioning my sexuality. It started when I was dating a transgendered girl, she used to be a man but became a girl and I was okay with that, but I was reluctant in the relationship, so it ended quickly.
Then I have this friend who is a guy and does not know that I'm not straight who has the hots for me really bad. It's painfully obvious and I have no interest in him on a relationship level at all.
Some people are saying to go out with him, but not only do I have no romantic feelings for him but I am not attracted to him. It's not because he's black, it's not because he's christian, I just have a hard time trying to do more than like guys in just a friendly way.
Then there is this girl that I have just met and she's a lesbian and I would like to go out on a date with her, but I am really confused. I've known that guy for longer than her, but I'm "pulled" to her, it may never even work out for us. Is it because she's a woman, I was told by someone that if that guy asked me out I should go out with him, but that would break his beautiful heart.
I love him yeah, but like a friend, I could see us as a brother/sister thing, but never lovers. I'm really confused the only "men" I've ever been attracted to have been fictitious men like D from vampire hunter d and Dante from Devil May Cry, lol.
But when I think of being with a woman I am elated and get so giddy inside, but when I think of being with a guy I feel all heavy inside and my soul is filled with a deep and passionless sigh. I always leaned more towards women and now I don't know where I stand.
If I declared myself lesbian I may fall for a guy or something like that, I don't want to contradict myself. I am fine with transsexuals and the like, as long as it's a guy going girl and not the other way around, I have a hard time with women who want to be men.
I don't mean that as a I don't accept them statement I mean I am not attracted for some reason.
Does that mean I'm sexist?
Does being a full lesbian make me sexist?
It sounds silly, but I'm worried, I've never actually been straight my entire life and I've always been comfortable and at ease with it until a few months ago.
I'd just like a little advice and guidance if that'd be okay,
"But when I think of being with a woman I am elated and get so giddy inside, but when I think of being with a guy I feel all heavy inside and my soul is filled with a deep and passionless sigh." I think, with those words, you just answered your own question.
Insert the name of your father or male figure who was (not?) around as you were growing up, in the sentence below, and the result will probably hit a sensitive spot. If you go back to that sensitive spot, you will start the trip to self-discovery. It is a hard road; but finding yourself in complicated situations is only a means of self-deception and ultimately even harder then self discovery.
>> when I think of ..... I feel all heavy inside and my soul is filled with a deep and passionless sigh <<
After giving your post some further thought, I would like to add some things. You ask if you declare yourself to be a Lesbian, does that make you "sexist". Being sexist and being a Lesbian are two different things. Look up the definition of sexist and you will see what I mean. Yes, you can be sexist and be a Lesbian but you can also be a Lesbian without being sexist.
I think that deep down you already are quite sure what your sexual orientation is but you are reluctant to admit it to yourself. If you are not attracted to males---and from your post it sure seems that way---then don't date them. It's not fair to them if they have romantic feelings for you and you don't feel that way. Too many gay people marry straight people and more often than not, it ends badly. The gay person is miserable and the straight person can't understand why. In most cases, it comes to the point that the gay person can't take pretending to be something s/he is not and either 1) leaves the marriage or; 2) Has an affair with a same sex person or; 3) Has an an affair and leaves the marriage. Either way, a lot of people get hurt--especially any children that came from the union.
Don't try to force yourself to try and be something you're not. Are you sure that you aren't questioning your sexuality because people you know think you should date a guy? You didn't mention your family. Would they be accepting and loving regardless of your sexual orientation or are you afraid of coming out to them? If it is the latter, there are groups like PFLAG that can help you with that.
So...if you meet a woman you're attracted to and she's attracted to you, too, then go out with her and see where it goes. Once again, don't date guys if you have no romantic feelings for them. You wouldn't want to cause anyone to be hurt, would you?
You already know who you are and there is nothing wrong with that. You should never be ashamed of that. Always be proud of who you are. You are who you are and there is nothing wrong with that. If a girl likes you and you like her. Then there is nothing wrong with that. You have the right to happiness and love in the world. You should always follow your own heart and your own mind. Do what feels right in your heart. Not what everybody else wants you to or who to be. Only you know what is best for you. If you feel your not passionate about a guy. Then don't lead them on to believe you like them. Because that would only cause hurt in him and yourself. You would be lying to him and most of all to yourself. Just tell him honestly how you feel up front "I like you as a friend, like a brother and could only see friendship between us". There's is nothing wrong with that. Because you have to be happy with whoever you choose to be with. So Nobody can tell you who you are and be with. Only you can make that choice. You sound like a wise woman, with a good head on her shoulders and who knows what she wants. I wish you all the best in blessings.
i can't make heads or tails out of who you want to like, are attracted to, might be ok with. life just doesn't have to be this confusing and messed up. don't take this the wrong way...are we ok so far? i hardly ever preface a response like this but you're probably a decent gal and all...you've dated a lot of freaky folks in your life, haven't you? yeah. a lot of people who themselves don't know where they're at in life. doesn't work well in relationships when both parties are confused to the hilt. you're with transgenders, lesbians, straight guys, guys who are bi...stop the insanity! susan powter said it first, and said it best. everybody in this world, walking the streets of amerika, should understand themselves first before venturing into another's life. if you don't, you set yourself up for a lifetime of utter confusion and disappointments. who needs that? you don't! what makes you tick, what is it the is paramount, and follow that. enough with the constant carnival acts of fancy...
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