i am a 24 year old man,
i am a marine and have been for a while
i spent this 4th of july weekend with some friends at a hotel, there was one girl over there that kept trying to hit on me, i kindly informed her friends that i was not intrested. she kept trying to get me to go back with her to her place, with promices of beer and such, (i was the only one drinking in the hotel room) i told her no thank you and went to sleep, the next day some of my friends told me they were going to a party out in town, and she was takeing them, seeing as i had friends i did not think much of it. when we got to the party there were people playing beerpong, (a fav of mine) and through the corse of the night giving me drinks, once again i did not think much of her being there becouse there were alot of other people. the two friends i had rode with to the party had to take off to the hotel, i was in the middle of a game of beerpong so i asked if i could get a ride later when i finished. they told me yes so i contenued to play.. after the i do not rmember what happend after that.....the next morning i woke up in a bed with no cloths on.. the girl that was hitting on me was laying next to me.. i freeked out.....my head felt like there was a jackhammer in it and my leg hurt bad... i asked her what the hell happend and she told me that we had sex... i instently felt dirty and ashamed.....like there was a lot of little bugs on my skin that i could not get off...i asked her to please give me a ride back to the hotel and she did...i know its not normal for a guy to fell like this but i fell so sick and isolated.. i dont know what to do... i cant tell anyone, they will laugh at me ... i had work to day to i have been trying to act like nothing happend, but when i got a moment to myself i cried like i never have before. the dirty felling wont go away, and i feel like evreyone is looking at me...can someone tell me what to do to make this stop
Just stop thinking it. It could
be that simple. Just stop...
It would seem to me that yes,
you were violated, but even this
violation can become a thing
of the past if you allow it to.
Talk to yourself and find out
what it would take for you to
find your comfort level again.
Others can help you feel comfortable,
but really, only you can feel
comfortable and know when you
are. It may be a challenge to
dig deep within but have those
cries when you are alone and
feeling safe. Those are a part
of your healing, and THAT is
normal. It shows you care, and
that is a great human quality.
You are not dirty, but you were
demeaned. It was not right. Still,
its your choice, stay here in
your mental misery or go on.
You can probably imagine how
many other walking wounded are
around you. You are not alone.
In the moments when you do face
those memories, process what
you can and press on through to
where you will find your comfort
I can also recommend reading or
listening to "The Power of Now"
by Eckhart Tolle. When I am feeling
stressed out, I like to put a CD from
his audio book in just as I go to bed.
I immediately begin to listen and there
is no room for inner looping of inner
dialogue and thoughts which do not take
me where I want to go.
I want to go where I feel peaceful.
I chose not to be afraid, and not
to embrace hatred. Love yourself.
Forgive yourself. The rest will
take care of itself.
Sorry for the spelling in the original post. I was vary worked up and needed to get it out as soon as possible without breaking down.
How can I let this become a thing of the past.
No matter what I do, I cannot hang around my friends anymore without
felling unsafe. As far as others helping me out …….I am a Marine,
They don’t take anything regarding sex serious. I would be told that I am
A (sorry no disrespect intended, just going for accuracy) FAG for not wanting
to sleep with her. Don’t get me wrong, I like women just as much as the next man, but
On my terms, and not only that, but as funny as it sounds, sex is a big deal to me,
I need to have a connection with someone before I can give myself to them. My other friends are the ones that were there, so its not exactly a good situation.
Its not so easy to find help. That’s why I had to use this sight
The ridicule from fellow Marines would never end.
And while it is easy in theory to pull yourself up and be happy.
I cant help but think about this every moment I am awake.
I took 5 showers Just yesterday, but this felling of grime will not get off.
Its not just saying I fell emotionally dirty, I actually physically fell like I
Have filth covering my body.
I am sorry , but I cannot see other MEN in my position. And I cant help hut think
That its my fault for allowing myself to drink that night. the thoughts have been
dancing in my head, and sometimes I get so mad at myself I cant even look at my reflection.
I need to know what to do to make these felling stop
Its to hard to just try and bury them
I just want them to end, I cant even sleep now without wakening
Up thinking that I am back in that room.
I wonder how the woman would have felt if she was drugged and didnt remember or consent to what happened to them- of course you should be angry-and have the feelings you are experiencing- do not let anyone invade your soul as they have your body. You have a right to all you are thinking and feeling. PS I dont think that happens from alcohol alone ---YOU WERE DRUGGED
You were taken advantage of and violated, much like victims of date rape drugs. You have no memory of even consenting and do not remember the incident. Have you called the rape hotline? http://www.rainn.org
I would think that the folks there are going to be compassionate and non-judgmental.
Also, on a side note: have you ever, before this incident, blacked out after drinking alcohol? If the answer is yes, then I would gently suggest that perhaps you have a problem with alcohol and need to look into some sort of support group like AA. If the answer is no, then call the rape hotline and ask how long the date rape drugs stay in the body and if getting tested now would find any traces. If traces are found, then a crime has been committed. Not to say of course that the rape wasn't a crime too. It was and the fact that you feel violated is understandable.
Please don't be hard on yourself, just because you're a guy... You were taken advantage of and all the feelings you have right now are normal. You sound like a caring, compassionate and decent guy. You need a safe place where you can process your feelings and heal. Please consider calling the rape hotline. 1.800.656.HOPE (4673) They won't ask for any identifying information, but they'll be able to lend an ear and offer some advice for coping.
I wish there was more that I could say to help and more that I could do. Please call RAINN and talk to someone. Also, if you're near a health food store, pick up some Bach's rescue remedy (it's in a little bottle) and take about 4 drops in some water every hour or so until you're feeling a little less anxious. It also comes in lozenges (pastilles) in a little tin. It's for trauma/stress of any kind-- emotional and physical.
If the Rescue remedy is at all helpful, there are other bach remedies that can help you release this trauma and heal. Crab apple is another good remedy for you. There are others. This site has a listing of all the remedies and what each one is good for.
Read your story. I hope you have sought some counseling. It helps to talk to somebody and get these dark thoughts out of your mind. I was drugged and raped by three guys in a gay club. It took me a long time to talk about it because I felt cheap and ashamed of myself. We need to talk about these things and it is good to cry about it too. You have to let it out, and therefore find someone who do understand. We should not be cross at those who cannot understand our pain and embarrassment, for they have not been in our shoes yet.
The main thing is that life goes on and that you cannot put your happiness in future relationship in jeopardy because of people who are a bigger danger to themselves than to you. You owe it to yourself to go and live a good life.