I had no idea where to post this to express my wish.
I'm 53 and adopted at 4 weeks old. No one, unless adopted, knows how this feels.
I loved my adopted Mom and Dad. I've always known I was adopted. But there was something missing, like the big elephant in the room. I looked so different, I acted different, I had strange talents, I developed strange habits. My Mom and Dad were like a black and white 1950's TV Series without a laugh track. I am Roseanne Barr to their Nancy and Ronald Reagan.
So for all my life I pretended that I didn't care. That I don't want to know. This life was good enough, why should I search. I should be happy to have a stable home and a Mom and Dad that loved me.
They loved me to a certain extent. But in HS when it became glaringly apparent just how different I really was, they didn't try to help me find out who I was, they tried to turn me into mini versions of themselves. There was a lot of judgment and a lot of resentment. Then after I went to college there was many years of neglect. No real contact even after their grandson was born. My family and I were not "their kind of people".
Anytime I brought up searching for my biological family my mother became an emotional wreck. I think she always thought that I was trying to replace her. So out of respect I never searched. That was until she died one year ago.
Two months ago my husband found this picture on the internet that looked exactly like me...circa 1950's. When I say exactly, I mean dead on. A woman in a photo. The problem is the person that had posted that picture didn't remember where he found it. So I looked and looked and used every skill to find the picture. I was sure I was related to this person, if not my birth mother. I finally found it. It was in an archive photography book of photo booth pictures. I emailed the authors on Facebook and nothing. No response.
But that got me thinking about it. So I went on some adoption sites and found out that Massachusetts, my adopted state, opened all the records in 2007. All I had to do was fill out a simple, notarized document.
Next week I will have my original birth certificate. For any of you who are not adopted, I can't tell you what this means. It's beyond imagination that I will have names and family history....genealogy. I will have roots. I may have siblings. She may be dead. I may have my birth father's name.
What do I wish? My fantasies for 53 years have been all over the place. Now I have to put those fantasies away because I will have reality. A reality that may or may not be positive.
So if she is alive, I have to decide if I'm going to open the reunion box. It consumes my thoughts. The elephant in the room......
I guess you all must be thinking, so what? You are still you. You had parents. You had a good life. True. But to not know anything about your self. You are one big ....?
My wish? I wish for all that I have wished for during 53 years. And at the same time I hear that statement in my head....be careful for what you wish for.
At the end of the day, I wish she were some vastly rich person with no family....LOL. But at the very least, I wish to know how I got this really loud and full laugh. Maybe someone out there can laugh like me. If it is she, then we will be good friends.
I'm adopted and met my natural mother many years ago. It ended sadly as she didn't want the contact as I'd been "kept secret" from everyone and her subsequent kids after me. She had married my birth father a few years after he divorced his wife. My mother had been having an affair with a married man, I was the product.
It was good though, to have made contact, find out about my background and heritage as had always been an itch I needed to scratch.
I totally understand your desires to find out more about yourself. Good luck. Its scarey, and amazing at the same time. xoxox
I'm on a pretty intense adoption forum. There seems to be many australian posters on it for some reason. These people are nuts, but extremely supportive, intelligent. Some have found their birth parents, some are still searching. Everyone lends support with their experience, and I wonder if you would feel like lending some support to them.
If you want the link to the site, PM me. I warn you, if you don't like swearing and the F-Bomb, you won't like this site. But if anything these people are very honest about everything they feel with this process.
Many need support during the search process. Many need support because of the ultimate rejection after the search. Many need support because they are in the court system to open their records. Many because their adopted families are laying a big guilt trip on them for even wanting to know. There are those that met their biological Mom, and it's an incredibly complicated and dysfunctional relationship they don't know how to deal with. And then there are the ones that are in loving and wonderful relationships with their biological families, and we are all jealous, but so happy for them.
No matter what, if you are not adopted, you can't get it. You can try to be understanding, but really if you don't live it, you can't know. Only adoptees know and we are all in some state of emotional backlash in one form or another. Even for those in denial about the whole thing.
So let me know. If anything, those folks are hilarious.
I definitely would like to take a look at the website; and I don't mind a bit of swearing lol; actually I might join in! In Aus, so many mums gave up their kids in the 50's and 60's it was quite an epidemic. I know quite a few adopted kids from those times.
I got my original birth certificate in 1984 when the law changed in Australia and you could access it. On it was my "real" name, the name my mother had given me (nice she bothered to name me) and all of my birthing details. Its amazing to find out these missing pieces to your life. I had some counselling, but I think nothing prepares you for something like this! I don't know much about process these days but its likely to be similiar.
Best wishes for your journey of
discovery. I am not adopted but
can understand why you feel the
way you do. I had a friend hunt
down her family and I was there
when she met them for the first
time as they met at my house. I
was amazed at how many brothers
and sisters she had found as a
part of her journey. In her case,
the family was happier to see her
than she was to see them. She had
a lot of anger come up when she
realized how much she had missed
out on. She had been the proverbial
"mistake" when her parents had been
very young. I know this may not be
easy for you but I imagine you have
the courage to face the unknown and
uncertainty.
Molly....
I´d like to join Zoe and Peggy in wishing you the
courage it´ll take to go thru with meeting your Mom. Another wish is that you both hit it off really well and have a good laugh (and a good cry?) over the whole episode.
I just told my husband that someone gave me a " BSA " on a post. Not being on Curezone, and not knowing what that means, he snidely asked - does that mean:
I never met my father and my mother goes ballistic whenever I ask for info. I've always felt likeI want to go home growing up. I never fit in. It didn't help that the mother figure hated me from before I was born. He left when she was pregnant, and she left me with a babysitter from when I was 6 months old until I was 4 years old. There was a lot of abuse and neglect. No love. I had PTSD with my first pregnancy.
Oh well, I don't care anymore. I've done a ton of spiritual research and I'm convinced we picked our parents in this "life", and all the rest of the drama to learn lessons.
What a nice letter you wrote! I can realte. I am 73 years old. I found my birthmother 20 years ago. It was hardly the idyllic relationship I had hoped for!...but nonetheless it was something that I am so glad came about.
In my case, the judge (I was born in K.C. Mo.) released by original birth certificate to me because of an ERROR he found on it... all I had was her name "Helen Wilson" and the state of Missouri to go on...but found her within a years time.
There are many more options available now...so GO for it... It sounds to me like you have your 'head on straight' and simply want to close that gap. To me, you have a RIGHT to do so! I think that ALL records should be made available when the adoptee is 21. IMO... If there is ANYthing I can help you with, I would be so happy to do so.
I have to add a little humor here... I first spoke to my birthmother the night of Halloween. That turned out to be rather appropriate...ha... but all is well. I wish you luck and love.
Betty
My husband and I trying to find out what happened to his birth mother and siblings. We were told his birth mother has passed away. We do not know for sure.
My husbands birth mothers name was Helen Wilson also. He had 3 older siblings, one passing not still born. Are you willing to talk to us about your birth mother?
What a lovely letter.
Having an adopted 4-yr, I realized that I hadn't yet thought of my son at age 73. And I must admit that I'm very guilty of thinking that such things wouldn't matter at that point. I'm so very happy for you that you were able to finally scratch that itch.
Also, it seems to indicate that you heritage might be Wiccan, ha ha. I'm writing because I'm awaiting the arrival of what I've been told is my son's full sibling. His birthmother had one, placed one, had another (named for my husband & son) and is now placing the fourth with us. Because what child doesn't want a young-at-heart but actually 55-yr old mom and dad. "It's" due next month on Valentine's Day. It - because like last time she refused to have prenatal. This time however, we were able to persuade her into a doctor appointment at 32 or 33 weeks along. She test positive for a quartet of drugs. Twice. Oxy. Opiates. Benzo-diazipines. Pot. Like a goat in a pharmacy. Not much in her blood, but there. Twice. Could clean up for the 4-days it took to clear her system.
My point - and forgive me for venting, but my point is - I feel as though telling him/them about birth-mom is both cruel and yet necessary if only for their self-esteem.
Your thoughts?
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My Birth Mother 
Re: My Birth Mother by Zoebess
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