first, you should ask yourself are you able to financially support the child? do you have adequate family support in case you have to work weird hours on your job. leaving children with strangers and babysitters is not always a good idea, many of them are negligent and just out for money. i find some women who get pregnant and the first thing they want to do is gather as much public assistance as they can. this defeats the purpose to me. if you can't feed the child on your own salary then why have them.
are you married? raising a child alone is not only hard, but not fair to the child. children need both parents for emotional health and support. not to say being a single parent wouldn't work, it's just not the optimal condition for a child.
are you in a position to have other children so the child will not grow up alone. only children have a tendency to feel lonely and isolated. they must have interaction with other children at all times because this will strengthen their people skills. when they grow up alone w/out brothers and sisters they tend to grow up quiet, reserved and loner types. yes, they may have cousins and other kids down the street to play with but it is not the same as having siblings to be around all the time to play with, take vacation with, get ready for bed with, eat with, watch tv with,... etc.
women can have children up to 50. many nurses and docs will tell you that past like 32 would be considered old for having children, but that is just their opinion. i knew a lady who had a child at 47 and tv personality Nancy Grace had twins at 49 though she had many complications like edema in her lungs and the twins had huge heads.
i know just about every woman wants to be a mother. it's only natural. but we are already overpopulated. maybe you might want to consider adopting if you are unmarried and past a certain age.
are you in a position to have other children so the child will not grow up alone. only children have a tendency to feel lonely and isolated. they must have interaction with other children at all times because this will strengthen their people skills. when they grow up alone w/out brothers and sisters they tend to grow up quiet, reserved and loner types. yes, they may have cousins and other kids down the street to play with but it is not the same as having siblings to be around all the time to play with, take vacation with, get ready for bed with, eat with, watch tv with,... etc.
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First of all, you make a lot of generalizations about only children. Both my husband and our daughter are only children. Neither felt lonely or isolated. In fact, our daughter is very outgoing. When she was past the age where children engage in parallel play and are ready to fully interact with other kids their own age, we sent her to preschool 2 afternoons a week. During the summer before kindergarten, she went to day camp 4 hours a day. Once she started school, all her teachers told us she got along well with others.
Also, there are people who have siblings yet grow up to be "quiet, reserved and loner types".
Not all siblings get along well together. Talk to some adults who didn't get along with their siblings. They will often tell you that they now have little to do with each other. Also, if siblings are 5 or more years apart, it is like raising 2 only children since both kids are at different stages in life.
Also, what about couples who can only have one child due to fertility problems? Or perhaps the wife had a difficult pregnancy and was advised not to have another child due to the risks?
So...my point is---please don't generalize about only children---and please don't make those who can only have one child feel bad about it.
Also, in one paragraph, you urge the OP to have more than one child, yet in another paragraph you say "we're already overpopulated". Do you see the contradiction there?
In addition, you say:
if you can't feed the child on your own salary then why have them.
Are you saying that if a person can only properly support one child, should that person not have a child since she won't be able to give that child siblings?
you have to realize in everything there are outliers. your husband and daughter could very well be outliers. there is no doubt in my mind that being alone as a child can be detrimental to their social developement. i know from personal experience. with that being said, i think your daughter grew up to be outspoken because you and your husband probably showed her alot of love and support and encouraged her to be outspoken. however, alot of parents are not like you and your husband when it comes to raising children.
i am not contradicting myself when i say we are overpopulated and then ask her to have more kids. what i'm saying is that if she must have children, which is her choice not mine, then will she be in a position to have more for that child to interact with. i am just trying to make an optimal situation for the child.
yes, i'm fully aware that couples can suffer from fertility problems and can only have one child. for that, i cannot touch, but this is why i ask in the first place is she in a position to have more. she would probably know the first time around if she's infertile.
then you say:
"if you can't feed the child on your own salary then why have them.
Are you saying that if a person can only properly support one child, should that person not have a child since she won't be able to give that child siblings?"
if she can only support one child, and chooses to only have one because of that (finances), then that is her prerogative. but it may not be in the best interest of the child to not have any siblings. you and the poster are looking at having children because it would satisfy you and your supposed need to be a parent like everyone else. I, on the other hand, could care less about my feelings and needs when it comes to the child. i'm solely thinking about an optimal living conditions for the child. if i can't provide that, then it defeats the purpose of having them. i know a godzillion amt of people in my life who've had unhappy, traumatic childhoods because the parents could not provide properly for them. the kids grow up with alot of resentments. if you don't supply for them, they will not let you live it down when they become adults.
if she can only support one child, and chooses to only have one because of that (finances), then that is her prerogative. but it may not be in the best interest of the child to not have any siblings. you and the poster are looking at having children because it would satisfy you and your supposed need to be a parent like everyone else. I, on the other hand, could care less about my feelings and needs when it comes to the child. i'm solely thinking about an optimal living conditions for the child.
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Excuse me! Who are you to say that anyone who has just one child isn't putting his/her child first? My daughter always came first---no exceptions.
You cannot assume what my motives or the OP's motives are for having one child. Plus, there are too many people out there who have large families and don't have the financial or emotional resources to properly care for them all. Do you think that those people did the right thing?
first, i did ask if she was financially able, so i'm not sure why you mention ppl w/alot of kids who can't support them. my post clearly states that i am in favor of ppl who can financially support.
also, i never said that she was not putting her child first. what i did say was that many ppl have children to fulfill a need of wanting to be parents instead of looking at the fact that the child needs certain things..siblings, financial support, both parents etc. i know i'm telling the truth on this because there are too many ppl out there having children and not caring for them properly. they want to be parents because they see everyone else is a parent. we live in a world where everyone wants to be "normal" so they do what they see others do. if everyone is having a child, then they want a child irrespective if they can care for it or not.
to me, having kids at a late age is not really a wise idea.
Do you really think people want to have children just to appear normal?
Most people who decide to have children, have them because of the deep desire to give life and love. It is a human instinct. It is the instinct of an every living thing on this planet!
that may be true, but we still have alot of foster children millions of abortions a year and children placed for adoption. let me add another element into the equation as well; many single women get pregnant because they think it will encourage the man to marry them.
if you're healthy, able and willing go ahead. Age is just a number and I wouldn't worry about general opinion.
I know people in their sixties in better physical condition then some in 30 ties.
p.s.
Especially you should do it if you're white, white race on extinction.
i do not think it is a good idea to have them when you get too much older like past 40. you will be entering a different phase in your life. i've talked to several women who had children late and they say that their doctors and nurses give them a hard time verbally for having children so late. then you run the risk of down syndrome. plus when the kid is 20 you're already going into senior citizenship.
wrong, couldn't care less what doctors say.
down syndrome, autism etc babies get from vaccinations most of the time. 40 years of old is nothing, a man should live up to 140.
if most people lived up to 140 we would be so overpopulated it would be a disaster. and to think people can't find jobs now. you have all these elderly people that are forgotten and thrown into nursing homes. plus who wants to live to be 140, when the likelihood of all your friends and family will be long gone, and you are alone. that would be a terrible way to exist. i'm glad the life expectancy is around 65. thank God!
fine, i hope you have enough money saved then. you know that social security and retirement benefits are starting to dry up. so are you saying that you are close to 65 now and getting married or are you just wishful thinking? i don't even think i would want to get married at such an older age. i'd be too set in my ways then.
remember what i said about groupthink mentality when having children? you had stated that Picasso had children up to 70, so someone thinks well Picasso did it so let me try it. goes to prove me right. Picasso was also very wealthy and could afford all of those kids. he could also afford nannies to get the kids out of his hair. no one wants to run around chasing kids at 70.
I haven't answered all the responses but I have learned and had awakenings with every opinion and I really appreciate your time and thoughts.
It is truly a deep subject and I am sure this thread could go on for awhile!
Your posts have made me less nervous about my age and thinking more abt adoption, that way I could choose the gender and age and meet the kid first.
I wish I could be the one tending to the growing fetus with my own foods and supplements and toxin avoidance, but perhaps someday a little kid from a 3rd world country or even from my own country will need a home and loving mom. Maybe that is more important than me being in control of the pregnancy. Let someone else try their best, although I don't think most folks that give up their kids are organic.T hat is OK. i suppose sooner or later there will be a dad figure but there isn't a permanent one there now.
I wonder if an adopted child could love the adoptive parent as much as it would love a blood related parent?
I wonder if an adopted child could love the adoptive parent as much as it would love a blood related parent
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I have 2 cousins who were adopted and both love their adoptive parents. I also know that both are aware that their adoptive parents gave them a far better home than their biological parents could ever have done.
That isn't to say that adopted kids don't ever wonder about their roots. Many do want more info and will do the research to find out. Sometimes it's more a matter of knowing about their genetic inheritance and what illness may have been passed down.
The actor who played the original "Danno" on Hawaii Five-O, James MacArthur, was adopted by the actress Helen Hayes and her husband. When James MacArthur was an adult, Helen Hayes gave him a packet of papers. That packet contained all the info she had about his birth parents. At the time, the two of them were sitting in front of the fireplace where there was a roaring fire. He didn't even look at the papers---he just tossed them into the fire and told Helen Hayes (in so many words). "You two are my parents. That's all I need to know."
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Re: Thank you all and keep posting! 
