I found this forum while typing in 'rape victims support'. I neep some advice from anyone here, other than talking to a teacher or friend because I don't want my mom to find out. I just don't know what to do. I'm a 14 year old boy who is being raped by my mom's boyfriend. They have been dating for two years and he moved in with us last year.
I thought Dave(not his real name) and I were getting along great and he seemed cool until four months ago when my mom went to work(she works evenings), Dave looked at me differently. Before he looked at me in a fatherly way but this time he looked at me in a very uncomfortable way, I can't even describe it. I never had any reason to think he'd hurt me in a sexua| way. He has said plenty of times how I'm such a cute boy and will be a hit with the girls but I'm sure dads say that to their sons on occasion. Anyway, he grabed me and started dragging me into the dining room. When I resisted and asked what he was doing, he slapped me.
He then threw me onto the floor and got on top of me. He ripped off my clothes and raped me anally. I screamed from the pain and he slapped me again. I couldn't believe what was happening. I felt so betrayed and terrified. I was bleeding. Why did he suddenly go from being fatherly to a monster? When he finished raping me, he grabed my hair and threatened to hurt my mom if I tell anyone what happened. He just left me there on the floor crying. When mom came home the next morning she noticed my eye lids swelled up and that I was walking funny. Dave told her that he gave me a whipping for not minding him.(mom allows him to spank me when I misbehave so this was the perfect excuse for him). Him raping me has continued almost daily for four months now and I have learned to deal with the physical and emotional pain from it all but lately I have been bleeding from my rectum more than usual when he's finished raping me. I notice it on my underwear and especially when I take a poop. It's so sore there too.
I have been hiding my bloody underwear but I'm so scared my mom will find out and I'm even more scared as to why I'm bleeding. Could I have a disease? I heard about diseases you can catch from having sex. I'm so scared. I can't go to a doctor or nurse without my mom finding out. I know this Dave guy will make good on his promise to hurt my mom because he's so violent. Like one other time when mom was getting ready to go to work, I asked her if I could spend the night at a friend's house(to try and get away from Dave) and Dave interupted before mom could answer and said "no,you can't.
I told you you were being punished for not doing all your chores" so mom agreed with him. So I was terrified when mom left because I pissed Dave off for trying to get away from him. He then grabbed me by my hair and dragged me all the way upstairs into my bedroom, threw me on my stomache onto my bed, yanked down my pants and underwear and whipped me on my bare backside with his belt until there were plenty of red and purple welts. Then he raped me more violently than he ever did before.
I thought my life would end that night because I was so overcome by intense pain. I just don't know what to do. Can someone tell me what the bleeding from my rectum might mean? And it's so sore too. I wince when I walk and sit down lately and mom has noticed but I just make up some excuse.
Is it just because of him raping me or could I have a disease?
Could I die? I'm so scared. I can't do anything whe my mom might find out because she would be so upset and I'm scared that Dave will hurt her. If it's nothing serious but just normal bleeding and soreness from sex then I can put up with that but if someone thinks it could be a disease, then I need advice on what to do.
Go to the emergency room, tell the doctor what happened.
It is important they get DNA proof and proof of penetration. If not your step dad can deny anything happend and he will try to turn your own mother against you.
It is the doctor's legal responsibility to report this to the police. This man is sick and needs to go to prison where he can't get to boys anymore.
If you are worried about your mom's reaction, I think she will be first shocked, angry, maybe blaming you. Don't put up with it, in time she will be glad you did it.
Afterwards, it is indespensible that you recieve treatment for PTSD, or your life will be ruined for many years to come. Please don't neglect this part.
Charkee is spot on! You must report this monster to the police---follow Charkee's excellent advice! I must add something, however, since you are underage, the hospital may not want to check you without a parent or guardian present. Get out of the house and go to the nearest police station---the sooner the better. It's best to get there as soon as the rape occurs.
Don't put up with this any longer! Also, don't be afraid of speaking to your school guidance counselor if you can't get to the police station. By law, the guidance counselor will have to report the rape to the authorities.
I know I should call the cops. That is something I thought about because then they could put him in jail but do you think they might call my mom a bad mom and put her in jail too? I mean, she didn't even know but some cops say that the mom should have saw the signs. But it's my fault for making excuses and pretending I'm okay. I don't want my mom to get into trouble. And do you think he will go to jail for sure? I'm scared that he might not get jail time and then he could come after us. I am scared to do this but I know it's the only way to make it stop so I will do it but I'm mostly scared about my condition. I think I mainly want to tell my mom and the police just so I can finally go to the doctors to make sure I'm okay. I just know that my mom will be heartbroken though. She cares for this man but I know she will feel so guilty once I tell her but it's not her fault. I think I'm going to go tell my mom today so I can go to the doctor. I'm so scared as to what might be wrong with me because of the bleeding. I'm nervous to tell her(my stomache is queezy just thinking about it) but I know I have to then maybe she will call the cops so I don't have to. I will keep you updated when I can.
Listen, please...sad to say, there have been many cases where the mom didn't know the kids were being abused by the boyfriend/stepfather---and the moms didn't get into any trouble. Once the perv was out of their lives, the mom and the kids worked together to get their lives back in order. So...the thought of getting your mom in trouble should be the least of your worries.
As for going to the police---I'm not saying that you should put up being raped again so please understand that's not what I'm suggesting here. However, the best time to go to the police would have been as soon as possible after the rape occured. They would have gotten you to the hospital where a rape kit would have been used. The rape kit would have collected semen samples which would then get DNA tested. With DNA results, the perv couldn't deny what happened. Also, since you are underage, he couldn't even make the case that it was consensual.
Yes, your mom should know what happened. However, telling her while this perv is still living with both of you, may not be the best strategy. Not only could he deny it to your mom but you could face even worse consequences from him if your mom believes him.
Here's where it gets tricky. I do hope and pray that he doesn't hurt you again but if he does...be sure you don't bathe or in any way compromise the evidence. Also be sure to wear the same clothes you were wearing when the rape occured. Stay calm so as not to tip him off that you are going to the police. If you have a Cell Phone , take it with you and tell him that you are going out for a while (shopping, visiting a friend---whatever you need to say so you can get out of the house). Then calmly leave. When you get a good distance away, call the police. Tell them what happened and where you are. Preferably stand at an intersection on a busy street, if at all possible. If there are other people around, should he find you there he's not likely to cause a scene. When the police come, tell them to take you to a hospital so that a rape kit can collect evidence. No doubt, you will have to give a statement to a detective. Stress that you are afraid to return home while the perv is there. Also, let them know your concerns for your mother.
If you don't have access to a cell phone, then do one of the following: 1) If you know a nearby location where there is a pay phone, go there and call 911. 2) If there is someone you trust (a friend or neighbor) that lives nearby, ask if they will let you use their phone. 3) If you live within walking distance to the nearest police station, walk there.
It's very important that you go to the police. If he gets away with this, not only will he continue to harm you but he will also harm other boys. Also, if he is raping you and not using condoms, he is putting both you and your mother at risk for STDs.
Stay brave and know you're doing the right thing. The police or the hospital will give you and your mother referrals for counseling.
As a mother myself, I know that if I found out my child had been abused, I would have moved heaven and earth to protect my child. Trust that your mother feels the same way.
Also, please be aware that none of this is your fault!
My thoughts are with you. Best wishes as you work to get this perv locked up and out of both of your lives forever.
I am so sorry that you are experiencing these trust-shattering experiences. You've had some superb advice - ACT ON IT, NOW. Don't wait for "something" to happen or for someone to make the call for you. Call Child Protective Services, immediately, and they will contact the police. A full investigation will be conducted and this will include a physical exam. Retrieve any/all physical evidence that may still exist, if you can.
You're a brave person to put your experiences into words and your courage will see you through this horrible part of your life safely and securely onto your healing path. Something that you may want to keep in mind is that your mother is probably being abused, as well. She may be turning a "blind eye" to what's been happening to you because she's probably been threatened that you will be taken away from her, forever, if she does ANYthing that might get this rat-bastid into prison. This is a threat that many abusers use to make sure that there is no interference in their heinous activities.
Take heart, dear one. As I said, you're very brave and this courage will help you to process all that's happened to you. You did nothing to deserve it, and you're NOT a bad person because this monster did what he did to you. You are not responsible for the actions of another adult. This person did all of this to you because he could - that's the only reason. Now, get on the phone, contact CPS, tell them EVERYTHING, and you and your mother will be taken to safety, and the rotten catfish will be thrown into jail.
Thank you all for your support and advice. Here's how the past few hard days have been. Last Sunday was spent trying to find the courage to tell Mom but every time I tried to, I couldn't get the courage or Dave was always around. Then I spent my time in my room picking up the phone & hanging it back up trying to find the courage to call the police. Every time I picked the phone up, my heart would beat so fast & my stomach would get queasy. Then I just laid on my bed quietly crying because I was so mad at myself. At the dinner table, Mom noticed that I was upset even though in the past I've been able to hide it well. And as usual, I made up an excuse & just said I didn't feel well & asked to be excused. I wouldn't even make eye contact with Dave but I could feel his eyes burning on me. I went back to my room & not even 10 minutes later Dave came up to "check" on me & he threatened me that I had better stop this moping around & instead make like everything's okay or else I'll be sorry. Monday night when Mom went to work, Dave raped me yet again. Because of the bleeding & soreness I was having, I tried so much to resist him this time but he was just too strong & I pissed him off as well. He raped me roughly in anger & the pain was unbearable. I think I passed out or something because I don't remember when he finished & got off of me. All I remember is finding myself on the floor. Ever since, my rectum had been burning very bad & still bleeding. I didn't say anything to Mom Tuesday morning and in fact tried to avoid her & Dave before I went to school. In school is when I finally told someone. I told my best friend during break time, I guess because he's my age & I felt less ashamed to tell him then to tell an adult. I broke down crying in front of everyone but I couldn't help it. I went into the boy's bathroom to avoid any more stares & my friend followed me. He told me he had thought something was bothering me for quite a while by the way I acted & how I looked like I was in pain at times. He had asked me lots of times what's wrong but I wouldn't tell him. Now I finally couldn't take it anymore. He said I had to tell the police but I told him I couldn't find the courage to. He asked me what I was going to do and honestly I didn't know. So I left school like normal. Then I couldn't believe it, the cops showed up at my house Tuesday evening just before my Mom was going to work and asked if a "Dave" was there and asked for me as well. They got an anonymous call that I was being sexually abused by Dave.(I found out later that my best friend's Mom called the police) Mom was shocked. They had a couple police officers questioning Dave and a female officer questioned me. That's when I finally told the police and Mom. Mom started crying and ran after Dave and had to be restrained. She was screaming at him and the cops had to escort Dave away. On the way to the hospital, Mom kept saying "Why didn't you tell me when it first happened? Didn't you think I would believe you? Didn't you think I would kick him out of the house? I can't believe you think so little of me that I wouldn't have believed you. I can't believe you suffered through this for months without telling me. Didn't you know you could be hurt internally and need to go to the doctors right away?" I felt so terrible that I did this to my Mom. She was hysterical and crying. To find out like this was bad enough and now I made her feel helpless and guilty. At the hospital, I got examined...it was an awful experience, that's for sure. It turned out that I had anal tearings, dilation, bruising and swelling of the anus. The doctor assured my Mom and I the injuries would heal and I'd be okay. He gave me a healing cream and a stool softener and I'm happy to say that most of my STD tests came back negative. There are still a couple of tests that I don't know the results yet including the HIV one. I'm so worried about that one. I'm relieved that nothing's seriously wrong with me but now after telling Mom and my friend, I don't know why but I feel sad. Maybe it's because my Mom cries whenever she looks at me now and she keeps saying she should have known. Our Thanksgiving was spent mostly in tears. She held me and we both cried most of the time. I feel so bad for my Mom because she finally found happiness & now she's heartbroken again. She made so many sacrifices for me & I just wanted her to be happy. Now I feel like I turned her life upside down. She's alone again and she blames herself for letting this evil guy she thought she loved into our home. And now I'm also worried about when I go back to school that all the kids will know and I'll be so ashamed. I don't want to be called "homo" or "fag" but I know that's probably what some of those a**ho**s at school will call me. I'm glad I don't have to live in terror or endure extreme pain anymore but now I feel ashamed, guilty and don't even want to leave my house anymore for fear someone will be looking at me. I dread going back to school. Why do I feel this way? Shouldn't I feel better now that Dave may go to jail? Oh, and Dave is denying the charges(even though his semen was found inside me during the examination). It might have to go to trial and I'm going to have to testify against him. I don't want to, I just want it to be over. I can barely get a night's sleep because I have nightmares. Will I ever feel normal again?
Thank goodness some action has been taken on your behalf to stop this atrocity. I understand fully how much you feared doing the calling and telling. This kind of abuse paralyzes the victim... and we still live in a culture of ignorance which blames victims, but you must know above all that you are blameless. This experience will be behind you one day, though it does not feel possible right now. The strength of your character will be built from this and will unfold as long as you do not become what you hate ...
Thank goodness action was taken on your behalf to stop this atrocity!!! This kind of abuse paralyzes the victim. I understand how you feared the calling and telling. We still live in an ignorant culture that blames the victim, but know that the strength of your character will be built from this and unfold as long as you do not become what you hate...
I agree with Seek2b - thank God, The Great Creator, Jehovah, Mohammed, Buddah, or any other name you wish to choose. Someone took a courageous leap and made the call that was needed. Yes, there are many unpleasant challenges ahead of you, but you will - WILL - take them on and put these episodes in perspective.
I'm going to try to explain some things that might help ease your mind:
#1 - You did nothing to deserve what was done to you. You didn't "ask" for it, and you didn't want it. The man that did this to you is a monster, regardless of whether he seemed to make your mother happy, or not. He is a monster. A monster. SAY IT OUT LOUD - HE IS A MONSTER.
#2 - What he did to you may be legally termed a sexua| crime, but his actions had little to do with sex. Rape is not about sex. It's about control and ownership. This is a fact and anyone who has the nerve to call you names because you were victimized would be doing so out of fear - fear that such a horrible thing could happen to the, as well. If anyone calls you ugly names, walk away from them and pity them for their stupidity. Yes, you're allowed to be angry, but don't take that anger out on others or it will make you no better than that monster. You cannot control what other people are going to think, believe, or say.
#3 - Your mother is sad because (speaking from personal experience with abuse) she feels responsible for what happened to you and she feels that she failed you in the worst way that a parent can - she failed to protect you, she failed to recognize a monsterous predator, and she failed to stop what was happening. She trusted this THING, and her trust was shattered, and her confidence as a protector and nurturing parent has also been shattered. This is how she feels.
#4 - Intensive therapy is strongly and urgently suggested for both you and your mother so that you each can heal from this horrible breach in trust, and to prepare for the events which will follow.
Get mad at this man. You'll probably never know what went on behind closed doors, but chances are that your mother endured some type of abusive treatment, as well. You have an opportunity to stop this man from ever doing this type of thing to another human being, and you also have the opportunity to advocate for other victims of such crimes once your feet have settled firmly on your own healing path.
Remember this, always: you cannot control anything else in the Universe except you. You couldn't stop that monster, so please forgive yourself and don't dare carry any guilt for what he did to you. YOU are the victim and HE is the perpetrator - it wouldn't be any different had he beaten you on a regular basis, and our society tends to place a great deal of emphasis on rape as being sexually motivated, which is simply not true. You can't heal your mother, either. She is going to have to face down her own demons, or not. But, you, dear heart, are a brave, strong, and valuable human being and this experience does not have to define who you are for the rest of your life if you refuse to allow it to.
May you find peace, comfort, and strength in the days, weeks, and months to come, and may you be a beacon of hope to other victims. God bless you.
I had been thinking about you quite a bit and hoping that you were able to get this perv arrested and out of your lives.
Thus, I'm glad that you did post back with an update. You've been given some great advice from SoulfulSurvivor and Seek2clean. I do hope that both you and your mom get some counseling so that you both can heal.
Always remember that your friend and his mom are good friends to you. He did the right thing by telling his mom and she did the right thing by calling the police.
If you find yourself having a hard time at school, don't hesitate to talk to your guidance counselor or a trusted teacher. They can intervene if anyone is making your life miserable.
And, yes, always remember that this was never your fault. If you do have to testify in court, stay brave. The courts have victim advocates who will be there to give you whatever support you need.
I wish you and your mom all the best as you both work to heal your wounds.
I(the 14yr old boy) just wanted to write back to let you all know that everything is working out better than I thought it would. Mom and I are both going to joint counseling to help get over this. It has been very helpful into realizing just how much my Mom felt guilty for not being able to protect me and how her love for this man turned to hate as soon as she found out that he hurt me. It made me realize that I didn't have to worry that she'd have taken Dave's side over mine if I had told her, because she wouldn't have. Mom is trying to overcome her feelings of guilt and helplessness while I try to get over the feelings of shame and dirtyness. Since this has all happened, I am having a tough time not feeling dirty and bad about myself, however this counselor has been so understanding. Her name is Ginny and she just listens and she doesn't judge me, she just makes me feel comfortable talking about those most humilating, painful times he raped me. I feel better having Mom and I do this together. If one thing good came out of this, it has brought my Mom and I even closer together. And as for the kids at school, surprisingly not a single one has mocked me or looked at me funny. A lot of the kids came up to me and said how sorry they were that I went through that and that they wouldn't know what they'd do if it happened to them. They said I was brave. That made me shed tears because I had been feeling not brave at all. My friends have been so supportive and even the teachers have as well. It's been such a relief to me knowing I don't have to hang my head down in shame while walking the school halls. And best of all, the district attorney has met with my Mom and I and has told us that we have a good case against Dave because of the medical records of my internal injuries, the semen found inside my rectum, and his semen found on my underclothes collected as evidence. They are presenting all this damaging evidence to "Dave" to see if he stops denying the charges and pleads guilty to spare me having to testify at a trial. But if it does come to a trial and I have to testify, the district attorney assured my Mom and I that we have a strong case and that he believes that a jury would find Dave guilty and he'd have a lenghty prison sentence. I'm not too happy with the idea of having people looking at me as I tell complete strangers about all the disgusting things Dave did to me but if it will put him in jail away from me and my Mom then it will be worth it. So for the most part, things are getting a little better day by day. I still have trouble sleeping at night and have nightmares and I get much more startled when someone comes up behind me but I am working hard on trying to get better. I want to my life back and I want to be a kid again. I want to feel good about myself again and not feel dirty anymore. But one thing I know is that I am loved by my Mom completly and by my friends and family and that alone will help get me through this. As for all of you that gave me such caring advice and support, thank you so much. I am so glad I did an internet search and it brought me to this site. You all have helped me more than you know. I know that most, if not all of you are female victims but you still opened up your hearts to a boy victim, when unfortunately boys don't get much support. Thank you all, especially you BlueRose who seemed so caring and worried about me and also SoulfulSurvivor for your kind words and great advice. I really think yous helped me find the courage to tell. In fact, I showed my Mom this site today and she read what I wrote which made her cry and then she read what you all wrote as advice and she wants to thank you all for taking care of her boy when she couldn't. Thank you all so much!
JTM --- Thank you for the update. I have often thought about you and your mom and was hoping that the two of you were getting counseling. Thus, I'm very pleased that the both of you are working on healing.
It's also good to hear that no one at school is giving you a hard time---instead your schoolmates and teachers have been very supportive. This, I'm sure, is making it easier for you to heal.
Whenever you feel "dirty", just remind yourself that none of this was your fault. You didn't ask for this abuse. In fact, you tried to resist and the perv had you thinking that he would hurt your mom if you told. Instead, you should hold your head high because you are very brave. Also, remind yourself that by speaking up, you are preventing this perv from hurting anyone else again. You have spared untold others from similar abuse.
I'm going to repeat what SoulfulSurvivor said to you:
May you find peace, comfort, and strength in the days, weeks, and months to come, and may you be a beacon of hope to other victims. God bless you.
Keep those words in mind as you heal. Perhaps someday, when you've healed, you may want to reach out to others who have been victimized as you were. You will be able to show them that you understand what they are going through plus you can show them that healing is possible.
May I ask this --- could you please keep us informed as to how things are going? I think we will all breathe a sigh of relief when the perv is convicted and locked up for years to come!
Do take care. All the best to you and your mom! Once again, thank you for the update.
Wow....I cannot tell you how relieved I am for you, J. In most cases, parents (especially, single parents) will understand what has happened to their child, though there are some that take the side of the abuser/rapist. I truly pity those parents and the innocent victims.
You are a valuable human being and you have something very important to do in your lifetime. I don't know what it is, and I can't say if it will tie into your terrible experiences. What I do know is that a child as brave, honest, and courageous as you are has "Something Important To Do."
Blessings upon your mother - I can imagine her sense of guilt because I carried my own for what happened to my sons for many, many years. Thank goodness you're both in counseling - she will have her own healing to do, and you yours. You will not be able to heal for her, but she'll lean on you a great deal in months to come for a great many reasons. Never be tempted to speak accusingly to her about your horrific ordeal, no matter how angry you get with her. When it comes to that point in your healing, scream it at your counselor and get it out, but never use this against your mother to get even or deliberately harm her. I have a feeling that you wouldn't do this, but it's just a reminder to you.
As for feeling dirty? You're allowed to - what that Thing did to you was cruel, sick, and he'll get what's coming to him when he enters prison, I promise you. Having said that, keep in mind that what he DID was filthy, but you, dear child, are not dirty, at all. These feelings are normal and will soon be replaced by understanding and acceptance that you were the victim of a sadistic Rat Sh*t - you will come to terms with these feelings, in due time, and move forward on a positive healing path.
There is NO DIFFERENCE between a male or female victim. The only difference is gender. A victim is a victim, and I'll say that it is a personal mandate for me to respond to people who have suffered cruelties at the hands of another human being, regardless of gender, race, creed, sexua| orientation, etc. If just one person breaks the cycle of violence and abuse, that's one person out of that wheel and, one day, the cycle of violence and abuse will collapse as a socially accepted behavior.
As Blue Rose has asked, please post back as time goes on. And, always remember: you are a very valued and loved human being, and you have something important to do in your lifetime.
Thank you so much Bluerose and Soulfulsurvivor for such nice and encouraging words. You two are so very kind. Like I said before, I'm so glad I found this forum. I wanted to share the happy and relieving news that I finally got my HIV tests results back and they are negative. I was so worried because it was taking so long for the results to come back. All the other STD test results came back quickly so I was worried as to why the HIV one didn't. My Mom was so great at trying to comfort me and stay calm but I know inside she was just as worried as me. Then we got the call and I think hearing the results of that call was just as scary as finally telling my best friend I was being raped. The doctor told my Mom that the results were negative, however it takes up to 6 months for the HIV virus to be detected so I will have to take another HIV test in about that time. For now, I'm very relieved and happy. Now onto Dave, he's still denying the charges even after being told of all the evidence against him so now we're forced to go to trial. I was hoping that bastard wouldn't be such a coward and just admit his fault and spare me and my Mom from having to relive this nightmare. So now there's a pretrial hearing set for next May 16th. Man, everything seems to be like a waiting game now. I just want it to be over with and as I said before, I am going to feel so humiliated having to give all those sick details of what he did to me to a bunch of strangers but I want him to pay for what he did to me, so I know what I have to do and I will find the courage to do it. The counseling has helped. In a counsel session Mom said she felt like she failed as a Mom because she didn't protect me and I told her that she didn't know so how could she? I told her that I didn't blame her and that I never will and that I loved her. We both hugged and Ginny(the counselor) said it was a great beginning on healing. Mom and I are closer than ever now. She's actually been my rock through all of this. My one regret is that I didn't tell her myself and that she found out through the police, but I can't change that now. I'm doing okay physically now. My internal injuries have pretty much healed and I'm not in any pain anymore. Emotionally, I'm still dealing. I still have trouble sleeping. I've been experiencing my rapes all over again in nightmares and wake up either in a cold sweat or screaming in which wakes my Mom up and she comes running in my room. So my counselor has told me to do a few things that might help like to take a warm soothing bath before bedtime, think positive thoughts, keep a lamp light on, keep on some soothing music softly and even have a pet sleeping next to me can help. I tried some of these ideas already and they didn't work so now my counselor recently told me to write down the recurring bad dream and what happens in it. Then she told me to rewrite the dream in any way that I want so that it is no longer frightening and has a positive outcome and before going to sleep, go through the dream as rewritten, going over the new scriipt in my mind constantly to help re-program my mind. I don't know if it will work but at this point I'll try anything. It's just hard to not replay or erase those awful painful moments with Dave in my mind so I'm worried this idea won't work either. So my question is, does it ever get easier? Do the nightmares go away eventually? Another thing I noticed is that I thought I was okay and didn't feel ashamed anymore because my friends have been so supportive but I didn't even think about all my other relatives like my aunts and uncles. Last weekend, Mom and I went to my aunt Susan and Uncle Bobby's house and I felt like I was under a microscope. My aunt and cousins hugged me so gently, it made me feel like I was made of glass or something and my aunt had tears in her eyes. She couldn't even look at me that much. And when my uncle went to hug me, I flinched and backed away. Honestly, I didn't mean to. I felt so bad. It was such an awkward moment. I hate this, but I can't stand being touched by any male anymore even if it's someone I love and trust. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't help it. My cousin has an Xbox so we played games but I could still hear my mom, aunt and uncle in the other room talking about how fragile I am and how they don't know if I'll ever get over what happened to me. So even though I thought I was coping, there are still a lot of things that are emotionally hard for me. SoulfulSurvivor, you said that your sons suffered something horrible too? Can I ask what it was? If it's too personal and painful for you, I understand but I was wondering whatever has happened to them, how have they coped with it? Are they okay now and what have you and they done to help overcome whatever happened to yous? I'm asking out of concern and for any similar situation advice that might be helpful for me to help cope with some of these emotional things that I just can't get rid of. I'm becoming frustrated with myself because I want to be normal again. I don't want to flinch every time someone goes to hug me or have people talking about how fragile I am. I want to feel good again. SoulfulSurvivor, you say you believe I'm strong and have a puropse in life to do good and I thank you but why can't I have that same faith in me as you do? Will I feel good about myself again? And do you really think I'm stronger than I think I am and will be able to face Dave at the trial? My Mom and everyone says so but when will I ever believe it? It seems more easier to accept what you, BlueRose and other survivors say because you can understand what I'm going through. My Mom and everyone has been so supportive but they really don't understand what I'm going through because it didn't happen to them.
First i want to say that i am sorry... im 17 and a victim like yourself so i know what you are going through... i still havent confronted my abuser and its been 4 years. im still plagued by the images and because of it ive been through drug abuse and self punishment (cutting and burning) because i blame myself. im now in out-patient rehab and depressed all the time because i feel like ive given up, if you need someone to talk to im here.Things will get better. i promise. im here to help with anything i can.
Hi Kat. I'm so sorry I didn't notice your reply to my posting until now. For some reason, your reply was seperated from the rest of the replies and in it's own indentation so I didn't notice it. Man, I'm sorry for what you went through too. I know exactly how you feel. I guess I could understand about not being able to confront your abuser because I was so scared to tell anyone or confront Dave too. Dave had me so scared of him with his violence and threats that I didn't end up telling my mom or the police. I finally ended up telling my best friend. I think it's because he was my age and I felt less ashamed than telling an adult. But I have to tell you, even though my life's still been difficult after telling I'm sure glad I did tell. If you don't it will eat at you until you do. Does your parents know what happened? If your Mom is anything like my Mom, I hope she'll be there to support you for your sake. And believe me, I know about self blame. I blamed myself too. I kept thinking because I'm a boy, I should have been strong enough to fight Dave off of me. I felt like I should have done anything to stop it but I didn't. I just let it continue almost every day for four months until I finally got so scared from the bleeding and pain in my rectum that I told mainly so I could go to the doctor to see if I had some disease. But either way, it's not our faults as to what happened to us. I know that now. And please let anyone in that will love and support you whether it be your parents, gaurdian or friends. If you isolate yourself, you'll never get better. I know this for a fact, because I know I couldn't do this without my Mom, friends and even the wonderful advice I've gotten from the people here. I'm so sorry you felt so bad about yourself that you felt you had to hurt yourself through cutting and drugs. That is so sad because you shouldn't be the one hurting anymore, the one hurting now should be that sick bastard that hurt you. Have you ever considered counseling? You really should. I know at our age we might think it's embarressing to go to counseling but there are times like this where we have to put our pride aside in order to help make ourselves whole again. I've been going for a couple of weeks now with my Mom and in that short time it's been very helpful. I really hope you realise you're a good person and worth something and know that that evil person that touched you isn't even worth the dirt off the bottom of your shoe. I hope you have the same kind of support that I do and I do want to encourage you to let your loved ones in as much as possible and to consider counseling. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I can feel your pain. I hope it gets healed soon. Maybe we can help heal each other in knowing that we are not alone. Take care, JTM.
It is inappropriate to ask a poster to provide their name on this site.
I would further recommend that CZ members NEVER give out their names or personal information. There are people out there who lurk and watch for easy prey.
I know that this is an old post but I have a few things to say.
I am here because I used the exact search terms that you used. I am a student conducting research and wishing to give service to the cause of male rape victims and the different obstacles they face in comparison to women. There truly are more resources for women, because there are more reported cases by women. Rape is the #1 un-reported crime, because of these feelings.
I am not a professional that can help you in therapy. I am glad that you are seeing one, and more glad that your mom is seeing one with you. I am relieved that this situation was dealt with so well, and I agree with the others that say that you are a tough kid, and brave as hell. I think you will be OK, because you are trying to be OK. You do have the strength to get through this, because you got help. You reached out, you spoke up. I have so much respect for you. And I don't hand that out so easily.
I came across this post in my research, like I said. There are some pretty mean and judgemental people on the internet. I am glad that you did not take offense, or get scared away from this site because I feel like this was your way of testing the water, to get some help, or at the least, relief from the anxiety this was causing you (and likely still is).
As I read, I was so sad for you. And honestly,impressed with your grammar and wordage. I was most impressed with your extreme self awareness, and your keen insight. Your way of saying how you feel or what happened in a very, scarily, real way.
When I read a few posts down where someone did not think you were 14, I was upset. I do realize anyone can join a site like this, but making an assumption such as this, well....
Basically, the person thought you were lying about your age because you are a very clever kid. You are obviously very bright, and decently educated. But here's the kicker....you are NORMAL!!! Quit telling yourself that you aren't. I do understand that you don't feel quite right. You are still experiencing PTSD symptoms. That is normal! For what has happened and what you have been through, that is absolutely your soul trying to purge the events.
Your counselor is awesome for having you rewrite your dreams. I would go one step further, and try to practice lucid dreaming. When I was younger, I could wake myself from a nightmare or tell myself I am dreaming and change the dream. Ask your counselor if that is ok.
My point is, that you are meant for something. You are an awesome human being, and so is your mom. I burst into tears, from the things you wrote. You said them in such a way that I truly could feel your pain. I read on, and I realized how your mom must have felt reading that. How hard that is for the two of you. And I think you are both brave. I think you both have huge hearts, and I think that soon your mom won't have to walk on eggshells. She is trying to forgive herself, just as you are trying to forgive yourself for not telling her. I hope that this is being talked about, too. It is important for victims to ask for help, but you cannot feel bad for your fear of telling, this too, is NORMAL. You cannot blame yourself for not trusting your mom, it is not to say she wasn't to be trusted, obviously she was, but the point is that another adult had broken your trust, and it is normal to feel like you can't trust anyone. YOu were brave enough to tell your friend, and they were brave to do the right thing and get you help. You are very fortunate to have a friend at that age that cares so much for you.
You WILL feel comfortable in your own skin, it will just take time. I just want you to know that by posting your story, you have already helped many, many others.
You have the power to make people empathize with you. And from your OBVIOUS skills in the written word, I would recommend you take some extra English courses, or follow a path that you have equal skill in. I personally have a lot of respect for you, and I hope that if you ever return to this site and read what you wrote, you will feel that same respect for yourself. You are brave. You are courageous and you are strong! You will be one heck of a man someday, keep your chin up.
And as for my research, I am working on ways to filter hateful comments from websites such as this, and to find as many resources for male rape victims as possible. I find it atrocious the lack of help that is available, and how hard it is to find resources for men and boys who likely find it hard to speak up to begin with. They should not be made to feel that all resources are solely for females!
I am glad you were able to get a good response from people on this site, and I hope in the near future that victims of any gender have equal resources.
I wish you the best, I really do.
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Please help me! I need advice. I'm a 14 year old boy being raped by my M... 
