This is true for me what you said about the stringy elasticity in the mucous that doesn't absorb like the rest. It just doesn't look like the rest. Actually, it's been a long time since I had normal mucous. It's pretty scary how NOT normal looking it is.
However, the sinus surgeon, along with a CT scan saw nothing. When I went in to discuss the fact that he saw nothing and ask, "what about the blood that comes out from way up in the top of my nose behind my eyes and the pressure and burning that is unrelenting and sends me into fight or flight mode with no one to fight and no where to run?" He took a thin tube and search around in there (I guess it was a camera) and saw nothing. So, I look at him from the chair I was in and he looked down at me from the doorway he was trying to escape through, and sort of said with a look "There's nothing there so we're through". "What about the blood?" I asked. "Don't use saline for two weeks and see if that helps." he said. Well, the bloody boogers turned to a green and bloody hunk-of-junk infection.
Then, I guess they started to come out my eyes. Although, they've been doing this for a couple of years off and on. My first symptoms started with what felt like a bite to my eye out of the blue every now and then. Then one afternoon shortly after that, my tongue felt like it had hair on it (how ironic) but I couldn't get it off. That's really when everything went to pot. My tongue has been spastic for 5-6 years now still trying to get the damn hair or whatever it is off!!! Of course, I had to learn how to keep the outside of my mouth looking normal while the inside pitches a fit.
I went to the dentist, eye doctor, ENT. Nothing wrong with me. I'm fine. And if I know what's good for me, I'll shut up about my symptoms.
The next great symptom after my tongue, was my allergies. I had none and then, all the sudden I can't breath around perfume. Now, I can't breath inside. Then, I felt debris, like dirt, falling from my hair and something slithering on my face. But that's impossible, so I learned and if I talk like that, I'll be cast out. Way out. And, if I need to be told that, well, I must be crazy already. This bit with the face was happening about the same time I realized I had a water-leakage problem in the air unit in our apartment and mold was growing everywhere. Of course, I moved my thinking from parasites to mold. I never thought I could, but I got rid of everything I owned. And I was a big collector. So why do I still have problems? Must be allergies. So, the past 2-3 years, I've been trying to convince myself that's what my problem is. But what about the white stuff that falls away from us like dust particles. We leave it behind where ever we go and it settles on our textiles and eats away at the seams until they are in threads. What's up with that? Are we just dirty people? In the back of my mind, without reason or even the right to asked, I think "I can't have anything new as long as this [unknown] is still upon us. Everything will be brought to ruin in no time". I think it's in my truck and if I get rid of that, I will be good. But that just can't be true. Now I know. Now I know. I was right. It is living. It is moving. And it has infected us. And getting rid of my truck won't get rid of it.
The next symptoms I started to have was stamina, inability to breath in air or move oxygen. My insides felt like they went on strike. Like they were shutting down and a couple of times shut down almost completely. Tension inside, hard dull ache of a pain and a hardness as if cold. Then my feet hurt, swelled and burned on the bottoms. Now they're basically dead with no feeling or circulation. Except every now and then I feel this really wierd buzz and hairy hairy fuzz on the balls of my feet and mostly bottom side of toes. Creepy.
The ER doctor laughed at me and was snide. Another time, the paramedic was annoyed with my symptoms (I think they must have put my name with a note on their computer, or something.)
But now, NOW, I can see it! And, I KNEW IT!!!! But still no one listens, or I'm afraid to talk.
I decided to take my pictures to my son's pediatrician thinking I'd get some action on a child's behalf. Nope. When she saw the clip, she became aggitated and asked me "what is this?" I said "Just look at it". I didn't want to say anything she could say "crazy" at. She could see it. Why was she asking me? Did she want to just point and say "crazy"?
Then she admonished me not to place every symptom under this [thing], referring to my son's symptoms. Yea, whatever. She told me to go to an Infectious disease doctor. "I've been." "With this?" she said pointing to the film. She encouraged me not to give up. To go to the ER. She gave me a sample cup to take a sample with me to. She said she couldn't do anything 'til I found out what it was.
She looks at my son's scalp and the skin on his face and says "ah, hmmm, umm, .... it looks okay" weakly. And it obviously does not look okay. People keep asking about it. It's not just me. Why couldn't she test him?
She said she didn't know what it was. "Why would it be in your ear?" She asked. She referred to me as "thinking" I got it from my eye. I said "I went into my eye with the q-tip to get it. That's what it is. It's from my eye."
I didn't show her Buffalo Mite which I found in sputum coughed out from back of throat. Buffalo Mite is the name I gave it. The creepy little creature that beats boom boom boom boom (or flickers), but when they all do it the mass quakes and that's what's causing my insides to shudder.
Anyway, I called the Infectious disease doctor and they said they couldn't see me for a month and then after I said what the appointment was for, they didn't want to see me at all. They told me to speak to my primary care doctor first. Well, I don't have one.
I fired my primary care doctor after he refused to test my spit or look at my hair. This was in early 2008 and he probably read my email describing my symptoms and decided after I was loony. He actually turned his back to me and said "it wouldn't help" when I asked him to just check my hair. If he had only done his job, I might be healthy today! The suffering has been so great.
I guess the mere description of the symptoms makes me crazy. I can't just be a person with those symptoms. Why not? Why can't I have those symptoms? I mean, why can't they just check? Why can't they even just talk about it? I don't get it.
Are they afraid they're going to catch the "crazy" or something?!!! I guess they will. Well, I hope to help bring those arrogant ones out into the light somehow. I need more than two hands and two feet to count the people that stuck their nose up to me and turned their backs on me and laughed and ridiculed me and counseled me on the dangers of "this kind of talk".
It's very dark this place that people can't see into, or won't, and those left to fend off this villain alone and without help. Unable to speak the words or be cursed. A dungeon of torment and despair. What more could hell be?
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