My girlfriend of 3 years is finally bored of our sex life it seems. She has never had an organism, although she says things like, 'But it still feels good' in order to cover up her disappointment and so not to hurt my feelings. It is not that I have been completely insensitive to her needs---she doesn't get into it when I try to give her oral, for almost a year she 'faked' organisms and never voiced what she really felt. Although I had heard that most women 'fake', I believed that she was experience some sort of pleasure.
Almost everytime we have sex, I feel pressure to perform up to par, but the same thing happens everytime---I will stop during sex in order to not orgasm (maybe for 5-10secs, then begin again) so that I last from anywhere of 20-40 minutes. Eventually I can no longer hold back--I experience a heightened orgasm from this, but this is short lived given that my partner has still not experienced something of that level.
What I am doing wrong? I realize everyone has specific needs. We have talked about what she wants or likes done to her. Yet these things have not really helped the situation. I feel guilty that sex is a more pleasurable experience for me.
Now here is a big part of the problem. We broke up for 5 months because a long distance relationship was not going to work (I moved out of state for this time). She had sex with another guy. It was a very pleasurable experience for her. I had tried to talk to her about it, but I ended up getting upset from feelings of jealousy and inadequacy, and she ofcourse was uncomfortable with the topic. Bad move on my part. It is not as sore of a subject for me now, but she doesn't like to talk about it. I have thoughts like "what did he do that I did not". The whole sex thing has put stress on all areas of our relationship. I think about it alot and want to talk about it, she doesn't want to.
We now have sex less often, and are currently 'taking a break' from doing anything physical. She has told me that she does not get excited about sex and cannot passionately participate. I am an attractive young guy, I'm athletic, I'm intelligent, I have a sense of humor, I have all these attractive qualities that mean very little when I want to make love to my woman.
Maybe it's just me, but if I had a honey that faked organisms time and time again, I'd have to correct it immediately or drop her and try someone else. Obviously I'm not as talented as I advertise to be OR she's as frigid as an Eskimo Pie. It's really tough to type on a keyboard just what goes into making organisms happen. Hands-on training is what's needed. Typically, women want clitoral stimulation...sounds like you are in the right neighborhood but can't find the house. This may be a jolt to your ego, but why don't you ASK HER what she needs to organism. SHOW ME THE ORGANISM! SHOW ME THE ORGANISM! Maybe you're just off center of the correct "address" and she's been too uninterested to "open the door and accept the mail". We men need EXACT addresses in order to deliver the goods. Class is in session.
Spelling was my best subject in school...I like to use funny tidbits from the original posters to make MY POSTS have that sarcastic & pithy edge...GEEZ...lol. You know, the "edge" you fans want to read??
Hey Mindewy , your a flamin` liar. You thought it was ORGANISM & now your trying to wriggle out of it! These ladies were not born yesterday., They recognize a Male VIRGIN by the way he spells organismaticasmologicallimcumingnowohohoh!!! You wanker!!
Now, please, if we've told you once we've told you a thousand times...THE MASTURBATION FORUM ISN'T UP AND RUNNING YET! It's coming! Please, you'll get your chance to let go of those built-up frustrations...just hold on. Let me rephrase that...
Gidday , What kind of Sheila are you? First youre picking on ladies trying to experience orgasm, or is it organism?, & then me ,a genuine sensitive old age guy. Wasser matta you eh, gotta no respect? Ah shurrup ya face!!! Theyre all peeing themselves at your expense. Dont ask me anymore about the hairs on the palm of your hand, O.K? It only happens to those who have nobody, I mean nothing to do.!! Oh & by the way ,that money you owe me , forget it O.K? Fair Dinkum, youre a flamin, galah.!!
"THUNDA DOWN UNDA" needs to come in from the outback and speeka da language. You're a "Man at Work" not makin too much sense...been knockin down a few Foster's Lagers? See, in America, to make your thoughts clear you need to speak the King's English. You start off on-target but veer off wildly into that masturbation thing again and again. Kind of lonely in the outback? Hand off the boomarang for one moment and be precise, if you don't mind. The readers are tolerant to a point, but too much "local" jargon loses its appeal. OK for Dundee, not so good for Thunda. Take it from a communications superstar, you need to put on your sandals and run on down to the local junior college. Look up on the board of classes for "English as a Foreign Language". That's the one for you. Sign up. Then, after you pass the course, come back and see us again. We'll still be here in the Outback...steakhouse that is.
Dew---what if she is 'hopeless' about the situation in that she feels that nothing is going to change. This attitude sucks because it leaves little room for a new experience. What would be the best way to get her to coach me without feeling like we're in a classroom and she's the head of the class? She doesn't like being the teacher or me as the student for some reason. She must have 'Don Juan' expectations of me. I told her that I am not telepathic. I might not know her body in relation to delivering her the big O, but I don't think she knows herself. Is this a possiblity?
Speaking as a woman... beleive me there are many woman that dont even know how to " do it yourself"... i didnt even find my " secret button " until i was 35....but i'm glad i did ... !!!!!
And the last man i loved.. i shared that info with him... he was very grateful...( wink)
You possess a great attitude to learn and should be complimented. Many guys cop an attitude that they know it all but couldn't find the clitoris if their life depended on it...and thus, will bang their women poorly throughout eternity. Good climaxes for you, dull and boring for her. Many an unsatisfied woman in America. I'm going to be brutally honest with you, as this is what I do naturally. If she isn't willing to be playful in the sack, doesn't want to be better, isn't inclined to make YOU BETTER...well, you might want to consider moving on. I would. I told you it was brutal advice. Sexual proficiency is an important thing...I know some folks want to downplay its importance...but I've got to be me. And "me" is reality. Nobody teaches a class in school on this stuff. There's no college course "Sexual Technique 101" in any university handbook I've ever read. You either have to learn by trial and error, by accident, or by a knowledgeable partner coaching you. I learned by trial and error so I know there's some unsatisfied honies out there saying "MtnnDeww was crap!!". But after I stumbled onto a technique of superiority, there was no turning back. I've got a great "name" for the technique (one of my all-time best efforts!) but can't reveal it now because there's a book deal/website brewing. Anyway, bottom line: if she won't devote some honest effort towards better sex, you've got to make a life decision right here and now. If you want to plod through this situation...that's quite alright. There's no "magical sex dust" that I can sprinkle on the situation. I simply wouldn't stand for it, but, that's me.
Dew, I do have a desire to learn because I have learned to communicate with this woman on all other levels. Since my last post she has agreed to dig up the topic once again and talk about it. I have taken some valuable points from this forum and will see where we can go with it.
I hear your message and thank you for the brutal honesty---the key ingredient to any type of understanding. I am myself brutually honest with myself at my best moments and brutualy honest with my woman almost all the time (except fragile moments). This makes our relationship both rewarding and challenging as hell.
I definately haven't learned enough from prior sexual relations to consider myself a Don Juan. My greatest lesson ever learned in bed was that there are 'two' people involved. Now all I have to do is learned what the other person wants. I originally beat myself up thinking I should already know what to do in some a priori manner. I don't see it that way anymore.
Hey Middenyou, so now youve got a superior technique that they cannot resist? Well I got news for you ,Sunshine. Women are all different, or havent you noticed? Some like this ,& some like that. If you cannot adapt yourself to the occasion then many will be left orgasmless, or is it ORGANISMLESS? The only dust you will leave is the dandruff on their pillow!
You sound very, very jealous of the Mtnn Mann. I don't blame ya. I would be too. Must be disheartening to come in from the plains and see this virile guy named MtnnDeww just chewing up the competition? Looks good, sounds good, has the answers...ah, to be me. Did you take the language course I commanded you to take? See, Mr. "Sensitive Old Man", it works this way...when I give a directive, you take it. No need for you to think. I have already, at my younger age, accomplished what you dreamed of doing in every life situation...love, business, health, success, bank account. That's why I'm the Mtnn and you're "down unda". See? Nooo...No...no need to utter a word, just do what I told you to do: Hands off your johnson, go take the course, and leave the brilliance to me. G'Day!
I am sixty years or so old, in superior physical condition, since I did not grow up on candy , cokes fast food, prepared mixes or cheerios.
Plus we got tons of excercise.
I too am as kind and gentle a guy who ever lived, where women are concerned.
When I finally walked away from a situation such as you describe, and was single for seven years in San Francisco, I knew lots of ladies. No, I don't mean just sex, for that is NOT what any real man or real woman wants, and it's a damned mistake, as I believe you are doing, to try to build a relationship with sex as the primary "standard".
I met women..........we were mostly in our thirties then...when I was thirty nine, I was with a lady ten years older for a couple of years.
She had not been "with a guy" for ten years at that point, and was a virgin when she married.
Yet she was bright, energetic, highly intelligent, and the like.
But because I only know ONE way to treat a woman, and that is with total love, concern, respect, etc, she easily O'd the first time ..
Another woman was like a movie star. Five kids, but a flat tummied very pretty woman with perfect posture, which is probably a turn on for you as well.
She had never had an O. Married with five kids and beautiful.
But that soon ended about two AM.........
A close friend introduced me to a nurse once........I drove seventy miles to a "date" and we went to dinner nice and she was easy to talk with, a country woman with no pretensions. Nice.
But had been married TWICE, and was a nurse.
Two strikes against me, as far as scares are concerned.
(Nurses have seen lots of guys and their "stuff".........and who knows how "lucky" the other guys might have been in that area, etc...the usual fears of a guy)
But a towering O developed for her, after which came the tears for most of the night, for, you guessed it, her first O at age thirty seven.
but NO ONE ELSE HAD EVER JUST TOUCHED HER GENTLY AND SPOKE TO HER AND SOUGHT THE RESPONSES AND BUILT ON THEM.
Can you believe it?
So yes , I have known five women who, all the way up to FORTY NINE, had never had an O
Now for the finale.
At first, most any woman is interested and APPEARS more sexy than they really are. IRRESPECTIVE OF HOW WONDERFUL OR SKILLED THEY ARE TREATED OR PREPARED.
Often, if previously married, it has been a year or three or ten, or in one case, fourteen years since they had been with a guy...........and no, not masturbating either. Not the old fashioned women from my era.
Then they get lonely, and soon they reach out to a guy, confusing loneliness with love, and give themselves too freely to dudes who don't deserve the free sex. This further warps their reactions.
BUT NOW TO CLOSE. Some women and many men JUST HAVE A VERY VERY LOW SEX DRIVE, and all too often, since a woman especially will act sexier that she may actually be, first because she has had NO love making, O or not, for a long time, and second, to secure a marriage or at least a "steady".
In a very short time, the guy, OR the woman, finds that the sex drive difference between them is like oceans apart.
Take away illness, for if a man is a man, and his lady develops menstrual or other difficulties, who but a NO GOOD would do anythng but help her to get well no matter the effort or cost.
And sometimes that is done for ten to twenty years.
But when that has been done, the drive still is not there.
By then, most of life has passed by the one with the serious need for sexual AND ROMANTIC expression, and bitterness sets in, for one is now getting older and hasn't had ANY sex for years, even though skirts still blow up in the wind,and that is a tough thing to deal with when you still react as though you were 18. More or less.
THAT IS WHAT CAN TAKE PLACE if you don't resolve this now.
She felt something with that other dude? No doubt just the first time excitement and scare.
Or maybe a lie to control you..throw you off guard, etc
Believe me, he did not "do" something that you did not.
She is just doing a control number on you by letting you think it's your fault.
Find a woman and do NOT look for sex right away. Find a woman that you can L O V E with all of your heart. That you can read with, smile with , walk with, say nothing for hours with, and let your heart and soul develop a love that at this point may be something you have never experienced.
In that way, by the time marriage and /or sex becomes imminent, you will be able to be very very honest with each other, so that lives are not destroyed by this disparity of sexual need.
No one is right or wrong here. You are only wrong if you let guilt develop, for IF YOU DO you will be damned sorry, for that will register in your mind as failure and that will transfer to your sexual apparatus, causing high anxiety and failure.
Nip this in the bud, and move on AFTER you first try to be a real man and get her to talk.
Sounds like childhood abuse to me.
More girls than you can EVER imagine have had that.
And if not sexual , they have had verbal abuse like crazy.
And this lack of self esteem or expression holds back the sexual adventure as well........
Try. Find a..wait, if you are a Christian...heck , or even if you are not...try to find someone who may be able to help her reach way down deep and let the hurt be exposed so that she can deal with it consciously.
And no, no real guy or woman would just "use" another,even if they offered.
Well, I missed you also, but I found that this effort of mine was, like all the rest of my attempts to share life experiences, an effort that takes too much out of me.
I know better, for I have communicated in a most amazing number of ways, and on many subjects.
And therefore, I know that actual communicating is a lost art, as witnessed on this forum and most any other, excepting my hangout of six years in the Survival Forum where fine men and women gathered and communicated . No baloney or bad language was tolerated for a moment, and as a consequence, that little band of folks is as close as if we had grown up all together in one town and been friends from day one.
You see, I spend as much as three hours on a post, geting it just right, checking the spelling and syntax and try to keep it step by step, which is not easy for a writing, passionate, out there Irishman....especially one who is hyper frustrated because of the total absence of that which is so very important to me.
We get what we ask for sometimes, but often it's just that one gets tired of "dating" (whatever that is) and one day a nice person is there, and while you may have spent a year or two with another woman, you get married in six weeks.
And naturally, when a nice woman who has been treated poorly, is suddenly being treated as she should have been, that woman is going to be more sexual, especially since in my era and age group, just becoming divorced did not automatically mean that you immediately began to seek sex from whatever source.
Far from it.
The woman that pulled me out of that hyper control situation and set about to help me to never be conned again by any woman, had been single for ten years at that time, and it had been five years since she had sex, for as driven as she was (at THAT time I had NO idea that there were women who felt as I did, and could be lady like, yet imaginative beyond measure when "alone"
And after I had learned enough, that woman had the courage and consideration to break off a red hot marriage minded situation because she KNEW that she was messed up and would gradually take advantage of my kindness to get even with what had been done to her.
Strange? Not at all. It happens all the time unless two people are totally aware of it's "easy access" and find a secret word or wink to diffuse when it's about to happen.
That takes a lot of friendship building FIRST.
NOTE: I spent over an hour and a half on a long and poignant post for you but again it's too personal. I am already sorry that I gave so much heart away, EXCEPT that you connected to it and that is perhaps why I stopped here. Who knows?
But I saved the rest of this four pager just in case there is a way to send email through this system.
Let me know.
RegularJoeGuy
But sadly, a romantic in the age of grunge.
Man ,you have to face it ,she sees you as a very close friend & nothing more. You just dont turn her on so the chemistry is not there. For both your sakes find another relationship as yours is doomed to be platonic,!
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My girlfriend is not feeling it... 
