To start, I'm 28/m. A few months back I went back to an old job to work a few shifts a week to make a little extra money on the side as a night manager. Basically I'm working with people that I'm almost old enough to have fathered, which is kind of wierd for me. Anyways, almost from the start one girl I work with caught my eye. She's a pretty little 18 year old brunette, with a normally bubbly personality. I'm sure for many of you this has already raised a giant red flag (me 28 & her 18), and believe me it did for quite some time even for me. But having been enamored with her for months now, and knowing that we connect as well as we do, I don't think of the age difference as big of a deal as I used to.
The more important obstacle is her boyfriend of a couple years who lives about 500 miles away in the Coast Guard. Because of him, I've kept my feelings towards her under wraps. Its especially hard when I can see how unhappy she is with the relationship. Up until recently he insisted on having an "open" relationship with her, but would call her drunk, and I got the impression that he just generally ignored her quite a bit. When she talks about him and their relationship she almost always gets this unhappy look on her face, and when she thinks no one is paying attention to her, I often catch her in deep brooding thought with a similar unhappy look, and I can't help but think that he is the cause. Recently she went to visit him for a week and came back engaged, but talking to her about it she keeps telling me that its "not for sure".
I have no doubt that she loves the guy, but I can't get over the feeling that she thinks he's not the right guy to marry. At times I feel like I should be direct with her and tell her what I think; that being that the guy she's with is a tool, and that he's no good for her. But I don't want to be the jerk here. I've known guys that try to pull off the "lose the zero and get with the hero" schtick, and they end up looking worse than the boyfriend.
But what makes this as bad as it is is the fact that I can't get myself over her either. No matter how hard I try to forget about her and move on, I can't. I've often said that you don't pick when love/lust/infatuation hits you, or who you have these emotions towards, it just happens. That's definitely the case here. I don't want to feel like I do towards her, but I can't get past it. Even a week of partying in Vegas couldn't get her out of my mind. I'd go out with the intention of hooking up, and find myself disenchanted with all the ladies there, because they weren't her. I feel like I'm obsessed with her and its absolutely driving me insane. The fact that she's told me to my face that she thinks I'm attractive doesn't help in the least.
Anyways, I'm mostly just posting this here because I needed a place to just get this out. If you feel like giving me advice, go ahead, but it isn't really why I put it up here.
To start, I'm 28/m. A few months back I went back to an old job to work a few shifts a week to make a little extra money on the side as a night manager. Basically I'm working with people that I'm almost old enough to have fathered, which is kind of wierd for me. Anyways, almost from the start one girl I work with caught my eye. She's a pretty little 18 year old brunette, with a normally bubbly personality. I'm sure for many of you this has already raised a giant red flag (me 28 & her 18), and believe me it did for quite some time even for me. But having been enamored with her for months now, and knowing that we connect as well as we do, I don't think of the age difference as big of a deal as I used to.
The more important obstacle is her boyfriend of a couple years who lives about 500 miles away in the Coast Guard. Because of him, I've kept my feelings towards her under wraps. Its especially hard when I can see how unhappy she is with the relationship. Up until recently he insisted on having an "open" relationship with her, but would call her drunk, and I got the impression that he just generally ignored her quite a bit. When she talks about him and their relationship she almost always gets this unhappy look on her face, and when she thinks no one is paying attention to her, I often catch her in deep brooding thought with a similar unhappy look, and I can't help but think that he is the cause. Recently she went to visit him for a week and came back engaged, but talking to her about it she keeps telling me that its "not for sure".
I have no doubt that she loves the guy, but I can't get over the feeling that she thinks he's not the right guy to marry. At times I feel like I should be direct with her and tell her what I think; that being that the guy she's with is a tool, and that he's no good for her. But I don't want to be the jerk here. I've known guys that try to pull off the "lose the zero and get with the hero" schtick, and they end up looking worse than the boyfriend.
But what makes this as bad as it is is the fact that I can't get myself over her either. No matter how hard I try to forget about her and move on, I can't. I've often said that you don't pick when love/lust/infatuation hits you, or who you have these emotions towards, it just happens. That's definitely the case here. I don't want to feel like I do towards her, but I can't get past it. Even a week of partying in Vegas couldn't get her out of my mind. I'd go out with the intention of hooking up, and find myself disenchanted with all the ladies there, because they weren't her. I feel like I'm obsessed with her and its absolutely driving me insane. The fact that she's told me to my face that she thinks I'm attractive doesn't help in the least.
Anyways, I'm mostly just posting this here because I needed a place to just get this out. If you feel like giving me advice, go ahead, but it isn't really why I put it up here.
If you tell the girl how you feel the worst she can say to you, is "No" ~ If you don't tell her, you might wonder for a long time....
The age difference isn't a big issue. There are 9 years between my husband and I and we get along just fine. The only issue maybe, that since she is 18 she might have a little growing up to do....
I know its a little late, but I couldn't help wondering as I read your post, maybe you are feeling the way you are because you have a desire to protect this girl. I work with younger men and women all the time. I biuld a repore with them and some of them even try to develop inter personal relationships with me, but I know that what I am really feeling is not a love as in this is the ONE, but a love as in a big brother might feel. I want these kids to be safe, to excel, and to have all that they can get.
I'm relatively certain that I've been elected the mayor of friendopolis. Or if you prefer, I'm stuck in friend purgatory.
She definitely enjoys my company, and we have things that we plan to do together, but I'm pretty sure that she's got her heart set on marrying him. I suppose my only real option, as a friend, is to support this decision. I care too much about her to turn it into an issue and complicate her life.
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