Ive just finished reading numerous posts (on a few different forums) regarding the frequency of sex between couples. I now feel compelled to give my two cents.
I think alot women have less of a sex drive because their partners cant, or wont, bring them to orgasm. I have recently lost interest in sex completely because of this. Im sick of playing teacher and Im sick of not getting relief because its "more work" for me to achieve orgasm than it is him. Ive tried talking to him but quite frankly, the male ego is quite delicate. Each relationship I have had has been long term and I have had this problem with all but one of them. In the beinning, theyre quite eager to please---but after awhile, they turn into selfish lovers. I love this man with all my heart and would never end the relationship over something like this but...the thought of straying sexually...is always in the back of my mind.
So, I would be willing to bet that the reason a huge percentage of women who have little interest in sex is because of their partners behavior. And women, because of the ageold stereotype, will always get the blame.
I've been on all four (thousand) sides of this issue.
I don't think that women have no interest in sex; in fact, most of the women I know are quite sexual creatures. They all, however, have little interest in unfulfilling sex.
Then again, so do guys, but since they're usually in the driver's seat, they at least manage to achieve orgasm. They do not, however, have a clue what they're missing by being that self-centered.
Most such guys (and their unfortunate spouses or partners) have no idea that women are perfectly capable of ejactulating, and they'd be startled to see it occur. It takes a woman who's really comfortable with herself to find it, however. A man who merely uses a woman for mere personal physical pleasure will never take his partner there, and it's unlikely that she'll want to go there with him. What a jerk.
I take exception to your suggestion that it is more work to achieve orgasm for you (or women) than him (or men). Now, I admit that there are many women for whom this is true, but it's NOT WORK! Sheesh! If he thinks it *is* work, then he's just plain nuts. It's an amazing journey for a couple to go on together.
Unfortunately, society has some serious issues (different societies have different issues...) with sexuality. Men are taught early on that knowing their own sexuality or being curious in any way is wrong. Men aren't allowed to find out what they are capable of, and until they do, they rarely make good lovers. Most heterosexual men have a lot of hang ups. They really don't know what their own bodies can do, and they don't know what a woman's body can do, either, because they've rarely been given the opportunity to explore it, and they've been too timid to tell society to go to hell and explore it anyway.
Being in love is just the ticket to reach that point, however.
Porn doesn't help matters much. I have yet to see any porn (not that I've seen tons, mind you) which accurately depicts a couple *in love*. (Perhaps there's some amateur porn out there which fills this niche...) As long as "regular, heterosexual" porn is all young men have to teach them about sexuality (and admittedly there's a lot more, but I know too many guys for whom porn is the primary educational vehicle), guys will think that sex is all about male ejaculation, and they'll be baffled as to why their partners don't moan in that completely fake voice or do anything else even remotely resembling what they've seen in porn -- assuming they're even paying any attention to their partners at all!
As a result of all this, women are often called upon to teach their partners about the female body -- and the male body! Many guys would be startled to find that their own bodies are just as capable of experiencing the same pleasures that women experience (guys have nipples, and a G spot, and virtually all the same nerve endings that women do, and can go just as weak in the knees for a good kiss), but that's a hurdle that some guys may never jump -- especially since anything but "missionary position" (do missionaries have sex?) is taboo.
Real love making is about surrender (at least in this stage of my game it is -- I'm not exactly at the end of the journey, so I reserve the right to change this opinion later...). The rules and taboos, to me, seem like one of life's little ways to figure out whether or not you're love for each other is greater than what "everyone else thinks" (as if it were any of their business, anyway).
Well, enough of that soap box. You need to be able to discuss these things with your partner, and he needs to be able to discuss them with you. Like it or not, women are generally the stronger sex (there's a reason men don't give birth...), and you get to "be the teacher".
With the right partner(s) (*grin*), being "teacher" can be really fun.
Great letter but for one thing. I really get turned off when I have to teach a man. I want him to know how to
make love and please me. If I have to tell him I don't want to be in bed with him. Does anyone else feel that
way? I will do all I can to do my part but please don't make me go through the teacher thing. Chirsty
I can understand that, because basically it means...
a) he's not in tune with you
b) he's probably never pleased anyone else, either
But understand that we live in a society where it's "not OK" for a guy to be experimental and figure these things out. If a guy has bought into the heterosexual thing, then he's chained himself into thinking that there are certain things he can and cannot -- should not -- want to do.
Let's take, for example, anal sex. There was a time when I considered that this would be potentially pleasurable for the top -- the guy -- but that it would be completely unpleasant, or perhaps merely tolerable, for the bottom -- male or female. When I finally discovered that it was actually pleasurable in its own unique way, I lost all aversion to the idea.
But no one ever told me, and I certainly had no idea, that anal sex is a pleasurable thing for the woman! I had figured it was some sort of punishment-type sex that some guys would get off on, in a sort of "hurt your partner" kind of way. I wanted no part of that!
When you find "the one" for you, you probably won't mind having to play teacher. And I promise you, once you break through those walls and start removing his inhibitions, he has a thing or two to teach you, too. He'll get experimental in ways you hadn't yet considered, and you (and he) will be pleasantly surprised...
It's rare that something worthwhile was ever achieved without working for it. It may not be "fair", but the potential rewards make the game worth playing.
yeah, sorta true. But careful about buying into the either/or idea of True Love on one hand and Hollow Sex on the other. It never was that simple. Some people actually do have better sexual skills than other people, exactly as there are some people with better social skills than other people. Those with higher emotional intelligence have been show to succeed in many aspects of life better than those with low emotional intelligence. People with higher levels of sexual intelligence are more likely to have happy, loving, fulfilled relationships than people with low sexual intelligence. As long as you define sexual ability as a fixed condition that you were born with, you are locked into the same self limiting beliefs that the person who deosn't believe in education. The fact is that education won't guarantee anything, but is sure as heck will improve your odds. There are many aspects to having good sex, how to create an appealing setting, how to have a good conversation, how to be sensitive enough to know when she's really feeling it and when she's only going through the motions and thesame for him. Unfortunately, a lot of people are a lot less sexually educated than the assume themselves to be. What a shame !
If I knew a guy was involved with anal sex I would never ever be attracted to him. As a nurse I have seen infections
that you couldn't even find cataloged.. No thanks. and talk about a turn off again. I find such total and complete
satisfaction in my partner but he is all man and not into making sex so weird that he has to get into this stuff.
Good luck....Kat
Stands for COOL NURSE. Your all nuts, except John. I remember assisting with a colonoscopy and the Doc didn't tell the person to bare down so it wouldn't hurt. I had him stop and talked to the patient and it didn't hurt. I have had people ask me about worse things and God knows I've seen worse. Why are all the prudes in here? Go back to the convent. It feels good about once a year. It's not messy and if you don't put a dirty foreign object in, there isn't a huge risk of infection. DO NOT GO BACK AND FRONT THOUGH WITHOUT A SHOWER, FOR THE SAME REASON WE GIRLS WIPE FRONT TO BACK! We're talking a penis, a vagina and a rectum they're natural, washable and if monogomous relatively clean, condoms do exist as well. Worried about feces, do an enema before.
It's not with a dog, it's not a fist, a gerbil, a child. It is 2 consenting adults. The problem is hysteria and lack of knowledge. If we are open minded and meet the needs of our patients without judgement, we could educate them on the safe sex techniques instead of condemnation.
I am an open minded nurse and everyone knows it and I get questions daily about interesting things. Between my sons friends and my own kinky friends I am never bored and I'm always honest and blunt.
I cant believe people, especially today, can be so judgemental. Its scary that when I have children someday, they will have to socialize with the offspring of such closeminded individuals.
First of all, I dont think John was talking about receiving anal sex. I was under the impression he was the "giver". In any case, it doesnt matter one damn iota if he IS interested in being on the "receiving end". One reader actually commented about her husband/boyfriend being too much of a "real man" to "get into this stuff". Please, that comment alone is sickening. If you think the majority of "real men" dont think about anal sex (especially giving it), youre sadly mistaken.
Many readers, myself included, have enjoyed Johns intellectual insight on a wide arrange of topics on this board. His comments are worth much more than a one sentence post with such juvenile insight.
I appreciate your candor. It's not often that women get a chance to hear a man's opinion in such frank and thoughtful terms. Lucky is your partner! Though I must add that I wonder about health concerns related to anal sex...since frequenting this site and having begun my journey to a squeaky clean colon! All judgement and pleasure aspects aside, do you believe it is a healthy practice?
Well, you can see what other "men" have to say about my opinion... *grin*
As to being a healthy practice, if you are clean about it, then sure! I was originally turned off by the idea, as I didn't want fecal matter on me (or especially my highly prized body part)... But for those of you on the religious side, I've got two things to say to you. First, if it's not "supposed to be used that way", then why was it made to feel good (and it does...!)? Second, I got over my fecal issues after about changing the 500th poopy diaper. If there were ever a tactic designed to get someone over touching poop, the requirement to change poopy diapers is probably it.
No, I don't find feces in any way sexually appealing, and changing diapers doesn't "turn me on", but I've had to deal with more messes out of mere necessity...
When I have done it, I've cleaned up (pretty quickly) afterwards, etc., etc.
I'm always amused by those who claim that the anus was "made for excretion (only)". I suppose oral sex is out of the question for these folks, too, since, surely, the mouth wasn't made for that. And using your hands (by yourself or on your partner) has to be illegal, too. The guilt such folks must feel about masturbation... Likely these folks have no idea what their own nipples are capable of (and/or are too uptight to enjoy it, even if/when they make a "see, I'll prove it" attempt at figuring it out...). It took me awhile to let go and be able to just have it. And then toe sucking... and what is it with armpits?!? *giggle*
People want to believe what they want to believe, and often changing a belief is impossible because it might mean that they were "wrong", and that idea is lethal to some people. They've never been wrong in their whole lives (so they think...), and they'd never hurt even a fly (but they'll be the first with pitchforks and torches to "protest" someone's "indecent" sexuality...). In my case, I used a lot of beliefs about the way I thought men were "supposed to be" in order to justify my uptight hang ups and general ignorance about the way my body works.
There's only one built-in way to the male G-spot, by the way, and that's through the anus. The female G-spot is most easily reached with a finger (or perhaps a Mick Jagger-like tongue... heh...), just up and behind the public bone (vaginally). I've seen diagrams depicting the (female) G-spot as something only someone with nine inches could reach, but that's nonsense.
G-spots are funny, but I'll leave that talk for another day... *grin*
Now, anyone who wants not to know about these things is welcome not to know about them. And they can sit in judgment on me all they like. Until God shows up at my doorstep and commands me otherwise, I'll have sex with my wife any way we both please, thank you very much.
over anal sex ? Lordy, it isn't that big of a deal. Be clean, use lots of lube, go slow, and gently chew on the base of her neck when you're all the way in. Women tell me that a good anal orgasm can be the most intense total body rush they ever had. If some of the gasping gutteral vocal moans I've heard are any indication, they do not exagerate. By the way, Freud believed that intense disgust was a conscious response to a strong unconscious desire for the very thing that one finds so disgusting. Not that he was right, but he might be, don't you think?
The anus was made for excretions , in other words ..well, you all know the common word for what the human body excretes in the natural order of nature. Therefore it follows that those who insist on meddling with and against the laws of nature(if only it were just the laws of nature) are also ----.
Would it follow that enemas and colonics are a no no? My husband's uncle had a colonic and embarrassingly stated that he's never felt better (mid-50's, overweight, and diabetic).
As long as we are being so frank, I'll tell you a story I don't usually even try to think about. When I was in
college I did lots of experimenting. I had a boy friend and we practiced anal sex, pot and what ever came along.
I developed a pocket of pus in my colon that I didn't know about for five years and my whole body was infected
with sores, bumps, and rashes. I was a mess. My brain swelled up and I almost died...I never told my family
exactly why I was in the hospital for 2 months and they had to pay the difference in what my insurance didn't pay.
It was a living hell and it all makes me angry because I hated the whole experience and was just rebelling and
thought I was cool. My advice is enjoy sex the way it was intended and use the colon to get rid of toxins not to
mess with the crap...pun intended. I also lost my ability to have children because of it hitting the lining of my
uterus, long story and too painful to talk about. . Please everyone, it's not cool and risky stuff. I will always pay
for my stupidity. Hope you are not so
dumb. Too late smart.
There are lots of reasons people get abscesses in their anus. My husband got one when he got his apendix out, he was 13. So to say it caused it then was the best answer the Docs could give you. Perhaps another illness, then the pus pocket? Kind of sounds a bit like toxic shock syndrome from tampons? Just wanted to get you to look at it different. We've all done things we regret, I'm not convinced poor judgement at a young age regarding anal sex was the cause. I was told at 15 I had a bad appendix they took it out and I got a horrible wound infection. My pelvic area was full of infection they discovered and came up with everything from gonorrhea to staph. I believe it was toxic shock......
This is an aside from the sexuatlity issue. I am interested in your uncle who is diabetic and overweight. Is he doing anything to help control the condition? Probably had blood problems and in particular high cholesterol.
Not sure if he is already on medications. He can control his diabetes better with some natural alternatives. I have a lady friend in MA who is also diabetic but got it under control and does not need to take medications.
Check out this website - www.osumex.com
Read the sections on probiotic and the oils. You can navigate on the box on the top left.
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Could this be why women have no interest in sex? 
