Recently I have started noticing that all of my friends cheat! I am really in shock....Is this just how it is? Besides that I find alot of married men coming onto me.....Its like making me feel like I will never find a guy who won't cheat...Am I pretty much right?
Welcome dana, you asked a popular, one that I have asked myself a few times. Personal opinion is what you will find here so use them as you will. My personal opinion is that there are people in this world who have grown up in such a good environment that their self-respect and respect for others is so well developed that they don't need their ego's boosted by outside stimulation. For the rest of us, we struggle, make mistakes, try to correct our behavior, be good people, but still fail because we are not born perfect. There are some who think life is just a game, and those who get hurt are the losers.
I believe we all cheat at some point in life, but you have to understand my definition of cheating. In any game you play, cheating is to break the rules set up to follow in order to play a fair games. In a relationship our rules are set up first by our parents, then by the people we call our friends, then by our own ideals of what life should be like. Some would say, if I danced with another woman, I 'd be cheating. While others may think it's alright to lust as long as I don't touch.
I feel like a lie is cheating. My girlfriend cheated yesterday when she lied to me about were she was going, then went for a motorcyle ride with her ex-husband. She didn't go have sex, but she lied thinking I would get mad, but I got mad because she insulted my intellegence by thinking I wouldn't discover the lie!
So the better question is why do poeple cheat and what can I do to keep the person I love from cheating? Because the responsibility is not just on them, but also on you. That is what a relationship is about, caring enough to help those you love.
good luck with yours, ____ jw
You know Jwhite, you don't ask the question, but I have been reading your last mails and found that you seem to be an honest guy and trying hard to be good with your girlfriend, while she doesn't seem to be on the same process of wanting to please you, as you mentioned she again went with her ex-husband and you seem to be sad about it. Now I wonder if you are not too good, and she takes you for granted.
You certainely don't deserve that. Anyway, I hope you will make whatever you can to be happy yourself, for yourself.
Gala, thank you for your insight. I have had some unhappy moments, but we are working through what may be a long struggle. If there is a perfect relationship in this world, I would like to study it and write a book. I know it would be a best seller and I wouldn't have to work another day in my life.
My partner told me on our first date that I was perfect for her. I stopped her and told her not to put me on a pedestal because the fall would be to much for us to handle. I didn't know at that time that I would fail her by cheating with my ex-wife. Before anyone begins making judgements consider asking for the whole story. Although I do take responsibility for my actions and have forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made, there are two sides to every coin. And that is why I asked for others opinion before. My girlfriend confided in a co-worker about a year ago. The co-worker is older then her and simply told her, "if what you are telling me is true, then let the past go, because what you have in a man today is rare".
Now I know she has lied to me at times, but there are many more times that her honesty is just what I need. Sometimes it hurts but I'd rather be hurt now and make choices based on the truth, then to find out later and spend weeks or months trying to recover from what shouldn't have been.
I am not in the business of fixing people, and it would be wonderful if that perfect person walked into my life. You know, the woman who's never been raped, who's father stood up for her when she needed him. The one that didn't get pregnant at 17 and never got to enjoy her childhood.
When this woman I love comes to me with all honesty written on her face and tells me she wants to better herself. She shows me by putting herself through college and starting a new career. She continues to raise three children that are her reason for living. And she makes time for me everyday. I have a hard time listening to what most people would do and walking away. I know it's not going to be a smooth road to follow, but I believe in her and she believes in me. Yes, I have cheated! But now she has too. Why? We don't know just yet. That's something we are dealing with right now. She didn't do it to hurt me, other wise she would have thrown it in my face months ago. She wants to understand and so do I. We are trying to build a future with broken hearts and that's not easy. We can't change the past but we can change the future. Thanks again for listening ___jw
Sure, you are right to listen to your heart first and I understand that when one speaks of a part of his experience, there will be many answers that won't fit to the situation, just because those people do not know you and the situation in its whole, so they will react with their guts and their own experience and moral codes, whatever ...
And at the end, noone has any interest into your story, but you, so you are the one to know if you are happy or not, and what makes you happy.
I think that the perfect relationship is just simple to describe : when people are happy together and feel that they are loved and respected and cared like they need it. Then all the rests are the problems that every couple have to face, at a moment or other, and this too is about loving and living in couple, as long as it goes both ways and the two are happy together.
So all the luck for you in your relation, and be happy.
I don't think that most people cheat, thought there is something sure, attraction is something that noone can avoild.
Even you are in couple or married you can be attracted, more or less, to someone else, in some time or other.whether you want to have a relation with the person and/or it fulfills you, is another story, it really depends on what you expect from life, from marriage, from your partner, and if you feel you have some lack in your life that you might fulfill by going with someone else than your regular partner.
One thing is to remember anyway, noone belongs to anyone, and everyone belongs to himself/herself only, marriage or whatever can't make someone belong to someone else.
The person choses his partner and his life, nothing can make someone become the private property of someone else. The person is always free to dream, think, fantasize, or date someone else, if it is his/her need for being happy.
I was asking because most of my friends do....and recently I met this guy at a bar...he is older then me I am 22 he is 31. We were both attracted to each other...but I"m not the kind of girl to do something the first time I meet someone.
After the fact he said he wasn married! and wants me to be his mistress! He said can we make it a scheduled thing??!!!
Hopefully you aren't going for that nonsense! Sorry, IMHO that sends warning signals up in my head big time! Mistress and making appointments. And making a point of saying he's NOT married, hmmmmm.
You deserve someone who loves you for you not just for your body.
And yes, there are some nice young people out there that have the old fashioned values of not cheating. I never see them with any girls because they complain that girls (and guys) just want sex with no feeling/commitment. (By the way, I'm in my early forties and I've gone back to school, and these decent young guys hang around me and tell me these things).
Yeah, it is! I wish I could send them your way - they are very nice and not geeky at all - they are built and not stuck on themselves (we all work out at the same gym when I'm in school).
Yes there is! Don't ever give up! You know what, I found that when I'm busiest working on my own life is when a great guy comes along! I.e., when I'm NOT looking for a guy.
I guess your right....its just I feel pressured to fine one for a few reasons. 1. because I am already so inexperienced with guys 2. Everytime I see people they say so "do you have a boyfriend yet?" Family, friends,EVERYONE! It just makes me feel like there is something wrong if I don't have one. I mean I do want one on my own, but I want someone that I need :)....if he exists...
Yeah, and when you get a boyfriend, then they'll want to know when you're getting married, and after you get married, they'll want to know when the babies are coming, etc. etc.
Basically my advice is to ignore outside input and work on building your life and it will all fall into place - on your time schedule - not everyone else's schedule for you. I know it's much more enjoyable sharing your life with someone special, but until that someone special comes along, don't give up your values and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve!
And please try to enjoy your life as a single person - because all of that other stuff will come soon enough, and you'll look back at your single life with fondness. I can't believe I used to be able to do things that I would only dream about being able to do now - simple things like read ALL day Sunday if I wanted to, spend all day on a weekend day with one of my girlfriends, etc. I know none of this is easy!
Oh, and when you do find that someone special, he'll appreciate your inexperience (that will make him feel more special that you 'saved' yourself for him - you know what I mean). So don't worry about that!!
Aww.....well thanks for that. I just feel like that is not true now a days...and guys dont' care about that anymore....or maybe there are just few of them out there. But I guess I can hope :) Thnks mndew:)
Maybe you need a new batch of friends? When you carry life in such fashion it gets easier and easier to justify your actions until, eventually, the opportunity gets a stamp of approval. "My wife won't give it to me" or "It's just sex, doesn't mean anything"...the list of excuses goes on and on. Most guys and gals don't screw around on their steadies, that's a fabricated lie that's taken on a life of its own. I would agree, though, that most people have thought about it, that's normal. Stay at arm's length away from people who don't understand sin and its ramifications. Believe me, rarely do I see a person happy and content where cheating and lieing is what they're famous for within my cirlce of friends.
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Do most people cheat? 
