i have a boyfriend, we love each other, but i haven't slep with him yet.
i haven't told him that i have hepatitis b. i'm scared that he will reject me.
how can i bring up this conversation, how i bring this up to him?
i'm scared
You might begin by asking your boyfriend whether he has ever had a significant partner who had a sexually transmitted disease and how he felt about it. In this way, you can observe his reaction and find out how he has handled this emotionally in the past. If he responds with sensitivity, you can safely tell him about hepatitis. if he reacts with judgment or anger, let me know, and I'll advise you further.
well i didn't really got it from STD, i got it from birth, my mom had a car accident when she was pregnant. when i was born i was very sick, maybe i got it from there.
but i haven't slept with anyone , i'm a virgin
and he doesn't know that, he thinks i'm not.
my boyfriend is very narrow-minded person , and aggressive man
and i'm scared how is going to react.
I am concerned when I hear that your boyfriend is narrow-minded and aggressive. Makes me wonder why you are in a relationship with him. Loving relationships are based on trust and safety. It would be helpful to explore why have you have chosen to be with a man you are afraid of with a qualified therapist or coach.
It's important that you are able to communicate whatever you need to him. If you are too afraid to do that, arrange it so that a trusted friend or counselor is present.
i didn't really ment to fall in love with him but it happened.
well i've known him for 3 years, and he's never been aggressive to me. only to others. he is arab, so their culture is different from ours. and i think that it would be odd to him if i mentioned hepatitis b.
do you think that even if he loves me, he will understand me and accept that?
In a healthy relationship, you should be able to talk to your partner about anything that's important to you. I don't know how he will respond. People have different definitions of love, and many don't understand that love is about creating trust and safety for your partner. If you are living in fear about your boyfriend's responses, you might consider getting professional help about this.
i don't think i need a professional help. and i'm not scared of him. but i could use some direction on how i'm going to start talking about this. and no, he's never been with someone like my situation.
I can understand your hesitation. Cultural mindsets are very strong, and they color everythig in a person's thought and emotional life. Whereas in a culture like the United States and Brittain, where personal freedoms and independence are highly valued, in other cultures having family and social approval and conformity is held in the upmost place of importance. Love will be birthed and defined by how well people can accomodate their lives to those situations. So to say that he does or does not love you may depend entirely in how well you fit into his culture's definition of what a good partner is.
Perhaps he may be one of the individuals who has come to the US or was born here who has drifted away from his own cultural traditions and is more accepting of the traditions here. If so, then he is more likely to be open minded and accepting of something that traditionally would be taboo. However keep in mind that cultural traditions go very deep into the psyche of human beings, and no matter how far a young person goes away from them, as they age they will usually go back to the teachings of their youth.
In your case, like Melissa I'm much more concerned with his anger and narrow mindedness than anything else. I can understand cultural differences, but aggression is not a good thing to bring to the table no matter what.
It would not be surprising if his response is not all accepting, and it is not to be viewed as an indication that he does not appreciate you as a person, but in a culture where a woman's purity is highly valued, this may be very hard for him to accept. Even though you say that you acquired it at birth, there may still be some stigma attached for him. If he is recoiled by the situation, then it's just one sign that there would be many other areas later on where the disagreements would run rampant. It is these differences that can make intercultural marriages very challenging, and successful marriages of this sort are a wonderful demonstration that true spiritual love can transcend anything, but it is rare.
Approach him very gently but truthfully, and be prepared for both, a positive as well as a negative reaction, then take it from there. I wish you the very best.
thank you so much for your advice. i really need to hear that. actually we both live in israel, and i'm writing you from there. arabs raised very differently in their religion they have limited options, they can't express themselves freely as they want to. if they go against their religion might get killed by their parents. it's vey hard religion. that's why it's so hard to me to mention hepatitis b. how he going to react to it, or his parents? should i tell him already before anything serious happens between us?
i think this is an excellent point. Cultural differences are very important in relationships, and they can affect your comfort level in communicating your needs. This is clearly an issue your boyfriend needs to know about in order for you to feel comfortable moving forward with him. If he rejects you because of it, don't take it personally and reassess the relationship. Take your feelings seriously and get clear on the qualities you want in a partner.
Why don't you just get well? I know that sounds kinda' glib, but I'm a retired Herbal Physician and the way to make your liver heal is easy.
Go to "Aids Conspiracy Debate" forum. Then go down through the postings called "What Really Causes Aids". I'm afraid there was some ranting and raving and heated discussion, but if you can work through all the nonsense, I gave some principles and herb combinations that you can cook at home. The liver can heal up in about 3 weeks.
Charlie Benghauser
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