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New T-Shirt Design!
by CLEW
65 days
241
Just for fun
/ Jokes for
/ Jokes Kids
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LOL! I want one!! ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/_A_Forums/Ask_Trapper_kco/safe_t_shirt_660.jpg [End]
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Hilarious Cat vs Eagle thoughts
by White Shark
5 mon
311
Animal Kingdom
/ Amazing St
/ Pets/Anima
/ 4
/ 5
/ 6
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Hilarious Cat vs Eagle thoughts ... ... [End]
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- Re: Hilarious Cat vs Eagle thoughts (Edited By Forum Moderator)
by panly557
36 days
122
| | |
My Chocolate Burmese cat Sophie is the most hilarious cat I’ve ever met, and a lot of people I’ve talked to agree that Burmese have the most amazing personalities. I don’t know how we discovered this but Sophie loves chasing mice... but not the way you think... she has these tiny furry mice (but she’ll only chase one kind) which she waits for you to throw. Then she chases after it and brings it back to you. Why do you need a dog when you’ve got a Burmese?! ... [End]
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- An Amish father and son go to the big city
by Dquixote1217
10 mon
557
Jokes Kids Friendly
/ Just for f
| | |
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father went to the big city for the very first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw. Eventually, they ended up in a high rise building and were especially amazed by two shiny, silver doors in the wall that could move apart and then slide back together again. ... ... The boy asked, ’What is this Father?’ The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ’Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.’ ... ... While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a ...
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- Golfing joke
by Iolite
20 mon
794
| | |
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but kept rolling directly toward a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, the water parted and the ball rolled to the other side, safe and sound. ... ... ... Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long drive directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball back onto the green. ... ... ... The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and in ...
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- The Atheist in the Woods!
by ginab4u
21 mon
610
Jokes Kids Friendly
/ Christian
/ Atheism Su
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... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... An atheist was walking through the woods. ... ... ’What majestic trees! ... What powerful rivers ! ... What beautiful animals!’ ... He said to himself. ... ... ... As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. ... ... ... He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him! ... ... He ran as fast as he could up the path, looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him... ... ... ... He ...
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- opposite of achaar
by kb0000
23 mon
970
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Santa:wat is d opposite of achaar? ... ... Banta:i dont know. ... ... Santa:Onion.Banta:how? ... ... ... Santa:achaar=pickle=peekal=pee kal opposite of pee kal=pee aaj pee aaj=peeaaj=pyaj=onion [End]
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- Huh?
by ginab4u
25 mon
1,267
Just for fun
/ Jokes Kids
| | |
Many many years ago ... when I was twenty three, ... I got married to a widow ... who was pretty as could be. ... ... This widow had a grown-up daughter ... Who had hair of red. ... My father fell in love with her, ... And soon the two were wed. ... ... This made my dad my son-in-law ... And changed my very life. ... My daughter was my mother, ... For she was my father’s wife. ... ... To complicate the matters worse, ... Although it brought me joy, ... I soon became the father ... Of a bouncing baby boy. ... ... My little baby then became ... A brother-in-law to dad. ... And so became my uncle, ... Though it made me very s ...
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- why do they call it April Fools Day?
by ginab4u
25 mon
1,152
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mail.google.com/mail/help/motion.html ... [End]
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- Did anyone see the new Gmail?
by ginab4u
25 mon
883
Jokes Kids Friendly
/ Jokes for
| | |
mail.google.com/mail/help/motion.html ... [End]
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- Happy Valentines Day
by tracyrincon
27 mon
2,672
Jokes for Adults
/ Jokes Kids
| | |
For Valentines Day I bought my wife a new belt and a bag to go with it. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... I hope the vaccum cleaner works better now. [End]
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- sayings
by pawel110
29 mon
852
| | |
1. A day without sunshine is like night. ... ... 2. On the other hand, you have different fingers. ... ... 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. ... ... 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. ... ... 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. ... ... 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. ... ... 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ... ... 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. ... ... 9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have. ... ... 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ... ... 11. Chang ...
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- Computer warning!
by ginab4u
29 mon
1,138
Jokes for Adults
/ Jokes Kids
| | |
New Virus Warning ... This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING ... ... If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. ... ... It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace fi ...
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- Call from doctor
by colin79
3 year
2,088
Jokes for Adults
/ Jokes Kids
/ Just for f
| | |
A patient receives a phone call from his doctor. ... The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news." ... The patient says, "OK, give me the good news first." ... The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." ... The patient replies, "Oh no! my god!! If that’s the good news, then what’s the bad news?" ... The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to tell you that yesterday." ... ... ... ... ... ... FunnyJokes ... [End]
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- I just love hearing it
by colin79
3 year
1,271
Jokes for Adults
/ Just for f
/ Jokes Kids
| | |
A guy phoned to his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead. ... "I’m afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the guy calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you yeasterday" the wife replies, "He died last week". The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. ... ... By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU... TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?" ... ... He replied laughing, ... ... "I just love hearing it..." ... ... ... ... FunnyJokes ...
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- "One Liners"
by SF1933
3 year
1,481
Jokes Kids Friendly
/ Jokes for
| | |
After my physical exam, the doctor told me ”you could go at anytime!” I said, ”Good, I haven’t gone in three days!” ... ... ... A man stopped me on the street and said, ”Have you got a dollar for a sandwich?” I said, ”Where is the sandwich?” ... ... ... (Borrowed from the King of One-Liners, Hennie Yougman) ... ... An add said ”Make all the money you want for $25 for three words!” ... ... When I sent in the money, the reply said the words are ”Stick’em Up”! ... ... [End]
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- Having a bit of fun with pets and animals
by Dquixote1217
3 year
1,059
Pets/Animals
/ Jokes Kids
/ Just for f
| | |
An unforeseen result of deforestation? ... ... http://www.tbyil.com/deforestation.jpg ... ... We aren’t the only ones who are glad that colder weather is coming to an end. ... ... http://www.tbyil.com/homeless.jpg ... ... What happened to my viagra? ... ... http://www.tbyil.com/Tony%20in%20Bed.jpg ... ... The Car Wash Thief (This story really is one for the birds!) ... ... http://www.tbyil.com/Car_Wash_Thief.htm ... ... And last - and probably socially incorrect - my true story of "Tallywhacker Bushbats and the Doo Doo Eating Dog" ... ... http://www.tbyil.com/bushbats.htm ... ... Enjoy! ... ... DQ ...
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- How much do you pray?
by Dquixote1217
3 year
835
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Cowboy Poetry ... ... ... Jake, the rancher, went one day ... To fix a distant fence. ... The wind was cold and gusty ... And the clouds rolled gray and dense. ... ... As he pounded the last staples in ... And gathered tools to go, ... The temperature had fallen, ... The wind and snow began to blow. ... ... When he finally reached his pickup, ... He felt a heavy heart. ... From the sound of that ignition ... He knew it wouldn’t start. ... ... So Jake did what most of us ... Would do if we had been there. ... He humbly bowed his balding head ... And sent aloft a prayer. ... ... As he turned the key for the last ...
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- dog dude
by jikwan
3 year
1,315
| | |
incharge-why didnt you post it? ... ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciggw9vAtaU ... ... hilarious [End]
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- Re: dog dude
by sithu77
3 year
983
| | |
Hi, ... Nice joke buddy. Check my joke. ... ... A little boy was doing his math homework. ... He said to himself, ”Two plus six, that son of a bitch is eight. Three plus four, that son of a bitch is seven....” ... His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, ”What are you doing?” ... The little boy answered, ”I’m doing my math homework, Mom.” ... ”And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked. ... ”Yes,” he answered. ... Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, ”What are you teaching my son in math?” ... The teacher replied, ”Right now, we are learning addition.” ... The mother ...
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- Re: dog dude
by jikwan
3 year
1,020
| | |
looks like a good site ... why shouldnt you post a link? ... is it illigal? [End]
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- atm instructions
by #94935
3 year
958
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ATM INSTRUCTIONS ... ... To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been established. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances and remember them when you use the machine for the first time: ... ... MEN ... ... 1) Drive up to the cash machine. ... ... 2) Lower your car window. ... ... 3) Insert card into machine and enter PIN. ... ... 4) Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. ... ... 5) Retrieve card, cash, and receipt. ... ... 6) Raise window. ... ... 7) Drive off. ... ... ... WOMEN ... ... 1) Drive up to cash machine. ... ... 2) Backup to align car window to machine. ... ... 3) Set parking bre ...
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- School 1958 vs. School 2008
by jikwan
4 year
959
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School 1958 vs. School 2008 ... Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack. ... ... 1958 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car, and gets his own shotgun to show Jack. ... ... 2008 - School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail, and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers. ... ... ... Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school. ... ... 1958 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies. ... ...
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- Can you sell a dead donkey?
by colin79
4 year
3,638
Jokes for Adults
/ Jokes Kids
/ Just for f
| | |
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. ... ... The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night." ... ... Kenny: "Well then, just give me my money back." ... ... Farmer: "Can’t do that. I went and spent it already." ... ... Kenny: "OK then, just unload the donkey.." ... ... Farmer: "What are you going to do with this dead donkey?" ... ... Kenny: "I’m going to raffle him off." ...
...
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- A Tragedy Love Story
by colin79
4 year
1,225
Jokes for Adults
/ Jokes Kids
/ Just for f
| | |
A pig fell in love with a hen. ... ... One day they kissed each other. ... ... Next day pig died of bird flu. ... ... And hen died of swine flu. ... ... ... source: jokeslog.com ... ... ... [End]
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- How SMART is your RIGHT FOOT?
by Invincible
4 year
1,102
Just for fun
/ Jokes Kids
| | |
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT? ... ... This is funny There are some things that the brain cannot handle. ... ... You have to try this, it takes 2 seconds. ... ... See if you can outsmart your foot .... ... ... ... ... 1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. ... ... 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ’6’ in the air with your right hand. ... ... ... ... Your foot will change direction.. ... ... ... Now try and get the foot to remain moving clockwise while drawing the number 6 with your right hand. ... ...
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- Bible Study Humor
by geni1
4 year
1,939
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... ... Bible Study Humor ... ... ... ... ... LOT ’S WIFE ... The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot ’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, ’My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,’ he announced triumphantly, ’and she turned into a telephone pole!’ ... ... GOOD SAMARITAN ... A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, ’If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?’ A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, ’I think I’d throw up.’ ... ... DI ...
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"Dangerous Breed" Dog Owners -- PLEASE READ
RR by Invincible
4 year
3,391
Pets/Animals
/ Just for f
/ Jokes for
/ 4
| | |
If you are an owner of a dog that belongs to a ’dangerous breed’ category and you also have a child or a visiting small child please take this as a warning. ... ... Don’t leave your dog with a small child unattended under any circumstances!!! ... ... Only one little moment was enough for the following to happen. ... ... ... See the photo below ..... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/_O_P_Forums/Pets/painted_dog.jpg ... [End]
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- Re: LOL! Hilarious! - N/M
by LuellaMay
4 year
1,874
- Re: "Dangerous Breed" Dog Owners -- PLEASE READ
by Iolite
4 year
1,826
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Excellent use of a ”white canvas”!!! My daughter is a doodler too. I’ll bet if we had white pets, they’d would’ve been decorated too, just like the walls, her clothes, HERSELF, ANY piece of paper she could get her hands on when she was that age. One of my favorite baby pictures of her is sitting in her highchair with her face all marked up with markers and a big grin on her face. ... ... iolite [End]
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Finally some good medical common sense !!!!
RRR by Invincible
4 year
2,943
Diet & Nutrition
/ Conscious
/ Food and M
/ 4
/ 5
/ 6
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You gotta love this Doctor! :-) ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/Members/Invincible/Funny_Doc.jpg ... ... Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? ... ... A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap. ... ... Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? ... ... A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And wha ...
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- Re: Finally some good medical common sense !!!!
by chrisb1
4 year
2,185
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Great post Invincible and very funny to boot. ... ... I only go dentist at two-thirty in ... afternoon.............................when my tooth--hurty!! ... ... Chrisb1. [End]
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- Re: Finally some good medical common sense !!!!
by psorcs
4 year
2,083
| | |
Looks like earth attacks are result of consuming artificial things like microwaved food and food additives. What else could make a difference in american diet and ie. italian if not so much white sugar, additives and microwaved food. ... ... But I still think it´s a fools day post. Heated vegetable oil,no excercise and beef as source of vegetables ? It´s a common sense but far away from reality. [End]
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- Very nice flash games
by panakos
4 year
903
| | |
wwww.freezlo.com/games ... [End]
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Tiger & Monkey Fight (Funny)
by Invincible
4 year
1,830
Pets/Animals
/ Just for f
/ Jokes Kids
| | |
Very cute and funny video! ... ... [End]
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Simple ways to make things fun - The Piano Stairs
by Invincible
4 year
1,560
Just for fun
/ Jokes Kids
Halloween Joke
by Zoebess
4 year
1,056
| | |
http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Forum_01/Ghost_1.jpg ... What is one room that a ghost can’t go in? ... ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... V ... the Living Room~! ... ... -_- ... ’U` ... ... [End]
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Did you ever wonder??
by Zoebess
4 year
1,195
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http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Forum_01/disneycheshirecat.jpg ... What is a cat’s favorite color? ... ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... V ... ... Purr-ple~! ... ... ... -_- ... ’U` ... ... [End]
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7 apples
by Zoebess
4 year
1,006
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http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Forum_01/7_Apples.jpg ... A bus driver and a doctor both like ... a girl named Sarah. The bus driver ... goes away for a week and gives ... Sarah 7 apples. Why? ... ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... V ... ... An apple a day keeps the doctor away! ... ... 6_6 ... ... [End]
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Birthday Time~!
by Zoebess
4 year
887
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... ... What did the Golden Retriever eat at his birthday?? ... ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... | ... V ... ... Pupcakes! ... ... -_- ... ’U` ... ... [End]
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- knock,knock joke and a question
by tracyrincon
4 year
1,786
| | |
KNOCK. ... ... ... WHOSE THERE? ... ... ... ... OPPORTUNITY,AND I OLNY KNOCK ONCE! ... ... ... ... ... now my question, how long has this been a no political,no adult joke forum? just wondering if I missed the heading all this time.thanks [End]
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- There are now 2 joke forums
by Invincible
4 year
1,468
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The new adult joke forum: http://curezone.com/forums/f.asp?f=982 ... ... This is why: http://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=1502710 ... [End]
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- 'Bank' Robbery!!!!
by ImAgdGrl
4 year
1,118
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A masked man with his hands in his pocket “holding a gun” storms into a bank and orders the Receptionist to open the vault… The Receptionist, scared outta her mind, calmly tells the Man, “Sir, I don’t think you want to rob this bank.” The man replies, “Shut up and do what I say or I’ll shoot you.” The receptionist quickly opens the vault and allows the man to enter… The man grabs a tube and orders the receptionist to drink it. The receptionist does what he says to avoid being shot. ... ... Afterwards, the man takes off his mask and says, “Honey, you see, its not that bad is it!?” ... ...
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- Just pondering.................
R by Corey
4 year
1,831
| | |
... 1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? ... ... 2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? ... ... 3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? ... ... 4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? ... ... 5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message ”oneslice”? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot? ... ... 6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, t ...
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- Re: Just pondering.................
by ImAgdGrl
4 year
1,374
| | |
haha... very funny! Especially #16!!! [End]
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- Re: Just pondering.................
by Invincible
4 year
1,345
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4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? ... ... ... That’s so funny and true! I say this to the kids everytime they open the fridge looking for chocolates .... when there hasn’t been any in there for years haha! ... [End]
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- Grandma
by InCharge
4 year
1,119
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The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. ... ... After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.. ... ... A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. ... ... Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, ...
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- The reason arizona doesn't have Daylight savings.
R by InCharge
4 year
942
- Bizarre Creatures
by InCharge
4 year
2,200
Jokes Kids Friendly
/ Jokes for
- Re: Bizarre Creatures
by #13594
4 year
1,550
| | |
... I do love it when someone makes me think. Let me see now, liberals are becoming extinct but there are enough to be a very large majority in government. Hhhhmmmm......prolly take a would-be conservative or neoconservative to figure this’n out. [End]
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- Re: Bizarre Creatures
by InCharge
4 year
1,410
- Re: Bizarre Creatures
by #13594
4 year
1,597
| | |
Thanks for the credit. I do not need it just now, but if I get an in charge(ing) mode, I will lean heavily toward the conservative side. ... ... Shucks, we all can use a little credit. [End]
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- z
by Corey
4 year
3,241
Jokes
/ Art
- [Message Subject Hidden by a Forum Moderator]
by InCharge
4 year
1,332
| | |
[Message Body Hidden by a Forum Moderator] [End]
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- Re: Robot Bartender
by #13594
4 year
1,309
| | |
Pretty decent joke. It just goes to show that even people with low IQ’s have enough sense to see that total control from republicans headed by Dubya can be SSOOOO BAD that it did not matter who the Democrats run, it could not be worse. ... ... Viva the change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [End]
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- The Bell Ringer..............
by Corey
4 year
2,721
| | |
... A bishop advertises a job to ring the bell in his tower. The only job applicant is a hunchback with no arms. Bishop: ”How can you do the job? You can’t pull the rope!” Hunchback: ”I have a plan - but we have to go to the top of the tower, where the bell is.” .. So they climb all those stairs to the top of the tower. Bishop: ”Ok, show me your plan.” ... The hunchback runs and jumps at the bell, striking it with his head. Sure enough, he rings the bell. The bishop asks him, ”How did you learn to ring the bell like this?” The hunchback replies, ”Actually, I first learned on the guitar,” and w ...
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- Age as determined by a trip to Home Depot
by InCharge
4 year
1,057
- Best Actor of TV
by InCharge
4 year
811
- [Message Subject Hidden by a Forum Moderator]
by Corey
4 year
719
| | |
[Message Body Hidden by a Forum Moderator] [End]
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- getting out in the world............
by Corey
4 year
1,338
| | |
Jesus was in His office one day, and His angel secretary came in and said ”You know, you should get out into the world more so that people see more of you”. Jesus thought about that, and decided it would be a good idea. So, He closed His office and went down to earth. As he was walking around and visiting the people, He came into a village and saw a carpenters shop, so he went in. There was an old man behind the counter and Jesus stuck up a conversation with him. Jesus remarked that it was strange to see a carpenters shop in that small village. The old man explained. He said ”I had a son, ...
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- Re: getting out in the world............
by wuzwad
4 year
1,275
| | |
Corey, ... ... I should not have read your joke at my desk in the office, I haven’t laughed this loud and snickered this long for a long time! ... ... You are quite funny! Keep it up! ... ... thanks ... wuz [End]
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- Constipated cat .............
by Corey
4 year
999
| | |
... A farmer saw the vet one Saturday, while in town shopping. He asked ”What can I give my constipated cat?” The vet said ”oh about a pint of castor oil.” The following Saturday, the vet saw the farmer and asked ”How is the calf?”. The farmer said” It wasn’t a calf, it was a cat!” The vet asked ”did you give him the whole bottle? The farmer said ”Yep,” ”Well what happened?” ”I don’t know for sure. The last time saw him he was going over the hill with six friends; two were digging; two were covering up; and two were scouting for new territory!” [End]
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- I thought maybe................
by Corey
4 year
805
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An 80+ year old woman came home one day and found her equally elderly husband amorously involved with a cute young thing in the bedroom. The woman was enraged! During the fracas that resulted, she pushed him off the balcony of their 17 floor apartment. She was charged with murder and tried. ”But your honor,” she said, ”I didn’t mean to hurt him.” ”You didn’t mean to hurt him?” the judge asked. ”Ma’am, you pushed him off the balcony from the 17th floor.” Yes,” she said, ”but, all those things I had just seen him doing, I thought if he could do that, surely he could fly!” [End]
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- The old doctor..........................
by Corey
4 year
821
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... This elder doctor could no longer contain himself with this unbearable female patient...he had all he could stand with years of her complaining and running off at the mouth about her problems and his inability to cure them. He finally did what he had always wanted to do. He slapped her face as hard as he could. Wouldn’t you know it...the judge had no sympathy...threw the book at him...fined him fifty bucks. The judge looked somewhat puzzled when doc handed him a $100.00. Doc said, ”Keep the change, if that’s all you are going to charge, I might want to slap her again.” [End]
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- The AfterLife
by InCharge
4 year
734
- School Bus
by InCharge
4 year
939
- Two Story Outhouse
by InCharge
4 year
867
:)
by HeWhoKnows
4 year
757
- Final Geico Commercial
by InCharge
4 year
1,287
- Colonoscopy by Dave Berry
by ajs03k
4 year
2,818
- One Man Saw
by InCharge
4 year
725
- oops
by InCharge
4 year
1,038
California's medical marijuana
by Corey
4 year
3,353
Jokes
/ Just for f
| | |
From Mother Goose and Grimm comic strip: ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/MGG0913.gif [End]
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- Police one liners
by Snakeater
4 year
2,320
| | |
... These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were ... ... Taken off actual police car videos around the country: ... ... ... ... 16. ”You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just ... ... went ... ... Through.” ... ... ... ... 15. ”Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch ... ... After you wear them a while..” ... ... ... ... 14. ”If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth ... ... certificate a ... ... Worthless document.” ... ... ... ... 13. ”If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” ... ... ... ... 12. ”Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Beca ...
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- The Jack Russel
by InCharge
4 year
1,008
- The Vet
by InCharge
4 year
847
local bus service
by pawel110
4 year
871
| | |
... ... Ride the beaver ... ... http://www.beaver-bus.co.uk/supermarket_bus_time_tables.php ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... a popular service ... ... ... ... ... [End]
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Redneck smart car..............
by Corey
4 year
2,006
- Japanese computer error messages
R by InCharge
4 year
1,059
- Paybacks for Bin Laden
by InCharge
4 year
794
| | |
While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a brass lamp and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the lamp and with a smile said ”Master, may I grant you one wish?” ”You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything” barked Bin Laden. The shocked genie said, ”Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that lamp forever.” Osama thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the impertinence of the woman, said ”Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning, ...
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- Miraculous LED array: tested on UK sheep.
by #2040
4 year
1,638
Electro-Medicine
/ Jokes
| | |
LED’s in varying wavelengths/colors used on sheep in this UK study show stupendous results that must be seen to be believed! ... ... http://video.telegraph.co.uk/services/player/bcpid1137883380?bctid=17075685001 [End]
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- Re: Miraculous LED array: tested on UK sheep.
by Raynbo
4 year
1,379
| | |
This makes for interesting viewing, but it amounts to animal cruelty....when the sheep are in a bunch the light is very bright which could interfere with sleep and be hard on their eyes. I know how it feels becuase I have bright lights shinning in my bedroom window at night and it sucks. ... ... One small light per sheep should be sufficient for safety at night....and not so cumbersome and frightening to the sheep. [End]
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- Cover your window with black plastic...........
by Corey
4 year
1,644
| | |
... I worked nights for a few years and I beat the light problem by putting black plastic over my bedroom windows. Then put a hepa air filter in the room for the cleanliness and the white noise. The room was also easier to cool in the summer. When I got off nights I kept the plastic for late sleeping and naps. ... ... I put the plastic on the inside so the only thing seen outside was blinds. [End]
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- Re: Cover your window with black plastic...........
by Raynbo
4 year
1,450
| | |
Thank you for the suggestion...but that would never work for me. I would hate waking up in total darkness in the morning.. I can see where it might be necessary if you woked at night and had to try to sleep in the daytime tho. I had a boyfriend once who did that and it worked for him. I just have white florescent street lights in the parking lot outside of my apartment...and so I tilt my blinds and sleep on the darker side of the bed...and dream of throwing rocks at those darn lights. ... [End]
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- Re: Miraculous LED array: tested on UK sheep.
by tracyrincon
4 year
1,424
| | |
simple solution,,pull the wool over their eyes! [End]
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- Smart by Shel Silverstein .............
R by Corey
4 year
875
| | |
... Smart ... My dad gave me one dollar bill ... ’Cause I’m his smartest son, ... And I swapped it for two shiny quarters ... ’Cause two is more than one! ... And then I took the quarters ... And traded them to Lou ... For three dimes -- I guess he don’t know ... That three is more than two! ... Just then, along came old blind Bates ... And just ’cause he can’t see ... He gave me four nickels for my three dimes, ... And four is more than three! ... And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs ... Down at the seed-feed store, ... And the fool gave me five pennies for them, ... And five is more than four! ... And then I went and showed ...
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Call to a Navy recruiter prank
by InCharge
4 year
2,266
| | |
http://curezone.com/upload/Video/Call_to_Navy_Recruiter.mpg [End]
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Re: Call to a Navy recruiter prank
by Corey
4 year
2,674
| | |
this did not play in my FireFox3 QuickTime plugin, but did work in MS Windows Media Player ... ... But I did find it on you tube: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Launch in external player or download. ... ... ... [End]
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- Spanish Words of the Day
by InCharge
4 year
2,506
- Welfare Check
by InCharge
4 year
847
- You might be from Las Vegas if................
by Hveragerthi
4 year
724
| | |
You might be from Las Vegas if................ ... ... You no longer associate bridges with water. ... You can say 115 degrees without fainting. ... You have made instant sun tea. ... You have learned that a seat belt makes a good branding iron. ... The temperature drops below 85 degrees and you feel a bit chilled. ... You have never seen a snow shovel and don’t know anyone who owns one. ... You wouldn’t know what to do with it if you did! ... You have learned that in July and August it only takes 2 fingers to drive a car. ... You have discovered that you can get a sunburn through your car window. ... You notice that the ...
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- Cup of Tea
R by Anita
4 year
1,296
| | |
Cup of Tea - A Beautiful Short Story ... ... ... ... One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little ‘tea set’ as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, be ...
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- This explains everything
by InCharge
4 year
848
Which remote?
by Corey
4 year
769
| | |
It is coming to this..................... ... ... From Jerry King cartoons............ ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/which_remote.jpg [End]
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- Yoga
by Anita
4 year
784
| | |
http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Forum_01/Yoga.pdf [End]
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- Cat thoughts
by InCharge
4 year
750
- A Wave
by InCharge
4 year
709
- [Message Subject Hidden by a Forum Moderator]
RRR by InCharge
4 year
2,324
| | |
[Message Body Hidden by a Forum Moderator] [End]
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- Replacement windows
by Snakeater
4 year
1,371
| | |
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive ... double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the ... contractor who installed them. ... ... ... ... He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago ... and I still hadn’t paid for them. ... ... ... ... Hellloooo,...........just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am ... automatically stupid. ... ... ... ... So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last ... year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! ... Hello oooo? It’s been a year! I told him. ... ... ... ... There was only silence at t ...
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- Store that sells new husbands
by InCharge
4 year
761
Sometimes a kiss can be electrifying...........
by Corey
4 year
1,199
Relationship
/ Jokes
| | |
... A really good kiss can make your hair stand on end......... ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/_Q_R_Forums/Relationship/electrifing_kiss.jpg [End]
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- Conversation while on a plane........
by Corey
4 year
1,079
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... A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ”Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, ”Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago.” ... ... He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling ...
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- Boarding the Bus.......................
by Corey
4 year
665
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... ... One day, a large group of people were waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and high heels. ... ... As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and unzips the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again. Again, she finds that she cannot maneuver the step, so once more she reache ...
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- Going to be a cold winter...............
by Corey
4 year
959
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Tt was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like. ... ... Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Servi ...
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- Late for work..............
by Corey
4 year
745
| | |
... Late for Work ... Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. ... ... ”What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically. ”Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.” ... ... Jones sighed, ”Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit’s still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson’s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was c ...
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- The wrong Bitch
by InCharge
4 year
804
I've heard it said that..............
by Corey
4 year
806
| | |
Hell hath no fury like the wrath of a woman scorned........... ... ... ... [End]
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Now that clears it up...........
by Corey
4 year
632
| | |
... http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/a96772_a488_chinese_correction.jpg [End]
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- Redneck walking on water.................
R by Corey
4 year
1,628
| | |
Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family ... tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and ... great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on ... their 21st birthday. On that special day, they’d each ... walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for ... their first legal drink. ... ... So when Bubba’s 21st birthday came around, he and his ... pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, ... Bubba stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Jim ... Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious ... and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmothe ...
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- Two rednecks won a prize..........
by Corey
4 year
822
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... While Bubba and Billy Bob, two rednecks ... were in the local Wal-Mart they decided to get in on the ... weekly charity raffle. ... ... They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The ... following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a ... prize. ... ... Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet ... spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti. ... ... Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush. ... ... About a week or so had passed when the men met back at ... Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to ... which Billy Bob replied, ”Great!, I love spaghetti!” ... ... Billy Bob as ...
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- It's so hot.................
by Corey
4 year
4,039
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It’s So Hot In Here... ... ... The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground. ... ... Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs. ... ... The cows are giving evaporated milk. ... ... The trees are whistling for the dogs. ... ... You can say 110 degrees without fainting. ... ... You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. ... ... The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. ... ... You discover that in August, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your motorcycle. ... ... You discover that you can get a sunburn through your face shield. ... ... You notice the best parki ...
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- Get your own outhouse.............
by Corey
4 year
829
| | |
... This local ad appeared this morning on Craig’s List. Maybe the lister is into the conspiracy theory. ... ... http://greensboro.craigslist.org/grd/1311817511.html [End]
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- This really isn't a joke, but I thought it was hilarious
by InCharge
4 year
846
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California’s problems get solved. July 23rd Video. ... ... http://url2it.com/bape ... [End]
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- Left Brain Grocery List
by InCharge
4 year
3,631
- Keep A Spoon in Your Pocket
by Snakeater
4 year
873
- CDC Medical Alert................
by Corey
4 year
880
| | |
CDC Medical Alert ... The CDC has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. ... This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). ... If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out your private life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. ... ... Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Wo ...
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- Redneck Medical terms...................
by Corey
4 year
1,314
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... * Artery......................The study of paintings. ... * Benign......................What you be after you be eight. ... * Bacteria....................Back door to cafeteria. ... * Barium......................What doctors do when patients die. ... * Cesarean Section............A neighborhood in Rome. ... * Catscan.....................Searching for Kitty. ... * Cauterize...................Made eye contact with her. ... * Colic.......................A sheep dog. ... * Coma........................A punctuation mark. ... * D&C.........................Where Washington is. ... * Dilate......................To live long. ...
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- Redneck divorce................
by Corey
4 year
812
| | |
Redneck Divorce ... A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, ”May I help you?” ... ... The farmer said, ”Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.” ... ... The attorney said, ”Well do you have any grounds?” ... ... The farmer said, ”Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ”No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?” ... ... The farmer said, ”No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.” ... ... The attorney said, ”No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?” ... ... The farmer said, ”Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.” ...
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- You can retire to the Deep South where...
by InCharge
4 year
1,911
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You can retire to the Deep South where... 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store. 2. ”Y’all” is singular and ”all y’all” is plural. 3. ”He needed killin’” is a valid defense. 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc. 5. Everything is either ”in yonder,” ”over yonder” or ”out yonder..” It’s important to know the difference, too. [End]
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- Sorry Corey
by InCharge
4 year
714
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CZ cleans up the written words, but not the video’s ... [End]
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Good ole Maxine, she knows how to make it stiff
by InCharge
4 year
1,992
| | |
... ... ... To make it stand, ... You wet it ! ... To make it wet, ... You suck it ! ... To make it stiff, ... You lick it ! ... To get it in, ... You push it! ... ... Damn ! ... ... Threading a needle when you’re older is a BITCH. [End]
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- 10 Dollar hooker
by Arsonist941
4 year
1,854
| | |
A guy goes up to a 10 dollar hooker and she ends up infecting him with crabs. The next day he goes back to complain and the hooker says, ”what did ya expect for 10 dollars, LOBSTER??!!” [End]
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- Truly stupid questions.................
by Corey
4 year
857
| | |
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress? ... ... 2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth? ... ... 3. Why can’t woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed? ... ... 4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say ... ”hi, my name’s Bob. I’m an alcoholic”? ... ... 5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a BS? ... ... 6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? ... ... 7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer? ... ... 8. Why does mineral water that has trickled ...
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- Personalized hymns...........................
by Corey
4 year
775
| | |
... Dentist’s Hymn..................Crown Him with Many Crowns ... ... Weatherman’s Hymn...There Shall Be Showers of Blessings ... ... Contractor’s Hymn..............The Church’s One Foundation ... ... The Tailor’s Hymn......................Holy, Holy, Holy ... ... The Golfer’s Hymn............There’s a Green Hill Far Away ... ... The Politician’s Hymn...............Standing on the Promises ... ... Optometrist’s Hymn..........Open My Eyes That I Might See ... ... The IRS Agent’s Hymn.................I Surrender All ... ... The Gossip’s Hymn.....................Pass It On ... ... The Electrician’s Hymn.................Send The Light ... ... ...
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- What Starts with F and ends with K?
by Snakeater
4 year
1,232
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What Starts with F and ends with K ... ... ... A first-grade teacher, Ms.. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her ... students. The teacher asked, ”Harry, what’s your problem?” ... ... Harry answered, ”I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd ... grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade ... too!” ... ... Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office. ... ... While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the ... principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would ... give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of hi ...
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The Joy of Boat Ownership..............
by Corey
4 year
2,336
| | |
If you have ever owned a boat, then you can relate to the following: ... ... http://www.curezone.com/upload/Members/new03/miller_boatownership.jpg [End]
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- NoBama Health Plan Tool
by InCharge
4 year
679
- Who said english is easy?
by colin79
4 year
1,012
Jokes
/ Just for f
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Fill in the blank with YES or NO. ... ... 1 .... I dont have brain ... 2 .... I dont have sense ... 3 .... I am stupid ... ... ... ... [End]
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- The balloonist
by Snakeater
4 year
947
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The balloonist ... A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, ”Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” ... The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, ”You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. ... ”She rolled her eyes and said, ”You must be a Republican.” ... ”I am,” replied the ma ...
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- Absentee excuses..........
by Corey
4 year
1,023
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... Excuse Letters ... The routine is familiar: when a student is late or absent from school, a letter from the parents must be supplied for the absence to be excused. Sometimes such letters suggest that the parents were excused from school too many times in their own youth. ... ... ... ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ... ... ... ... ”My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.” ... ... ”Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.” ... ... ”Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, ...
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- Accident reports...............
by Corey
4 year
874
| | |
... Car Accidents: ... ... ”A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.” ... ... ”The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.” ... ... ”I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.” ... ... ”Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.” ... ... ”I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it.” ... ... ”No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert.” ...
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- The efficiency expert...........
by Corey
4 year
685
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... An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. ”You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” ”Why not?” asked somebody from the audience. ”I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. ”She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, ’Hon, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’” ”Did it save time?” the person in the audience asked. ”Actually, yes,” replied the expert. ”It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.”
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- My parents recently retired...........
by Corey
4 year
896
| | |
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. ”Oh, we returned the piano.” said My Dad, ”I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead.” ... ... ”How come?” I asked. ”Because,” he answered, ”with a clarinet, she can’t sing.” [End]
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Reporters........
by Corey
4 year
706
| | |
... Copied from Non-Sequitur cartoon. I’m not so sure it is a joke. ... ... ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/Fun/Forum_01/reporters_non_sequitur.gif [End]
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- [Message Subject Hidden by a Forum Moderator]
by #13594
4 year
1,456
| | |
[Message Body Hidden by a Forum Moderator] [End]
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- Re: "The Ten Commandments - Republican-Style"
by InCharge
4 year
1,394
| | |
Typical Dumbocrat, doesn’t know what a joke is, or have a sense of humor. ... ... If you voted for Barry, that was a joke. ... [End]
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- THANKS!! Hilarious and soo true!!! n.m.
by #38782
4 year
1,260
- Re: THANKS!! Hilarious and soo true!!! n.m.
by Raynbo
4 year
1,335
- The Ten Commandments Democrat style
by geni1
4 year
1,443
| | |
Oh, I forgot, they dont have standards, so when they get caught with their pants down.... Oh well, typical democrat [End]
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- Re: The Ten Commandments Republican style
by #13594
4 year
1,352
| | |
http://thecitizens.blogspot.com/2009/06/another-republican-caught-with-pants.html ... ... ... Tuesday, June 16, 2009 ... Another Republican Caught With Pants Down ... ... Senator John Ensign (R-NV) admitted to having had an extra marital affair last year with a married woman who, together with her husband, were ”close friends.” This is a man who spoke out against marriage equality for homosexuals because he felt that marriage was sacred. So are there any gay bashing Republicans out there who aren’t leading secret sex lives on the side? ... ... ... ... According to CNN, he is up for reelection in 2012 and has been ...
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- Jesus, and the Democrat
by InCharge
4 year
721
- My wife's wish.....................
by Corey
4 year
758
| | |
In this life I’m a woman. ... ... In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. When you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. ... You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. ... ... When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. ... ... If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you ...
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Add This Forum To Your Favorites!
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"Take care of yourself. Good health is everyone's major source of wealth. Without it, happiness is almost impossible." ~ author unknown
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