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  • letters sent to a landlord from his tenants.............   Corey   19d
     
    This is a collection of quotes from letters sent to a landlord from his tenants. ... ... ... ◦ ”I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.” ... ◦ ”In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.” ... ◦ ”This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.” ... ◦ ”The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?” ... ◦ ”I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.” ... ◦ ”Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.” ... ◦ ”Can you please ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Video Embedded Babies seeing their shadows the first time.........   Corey   21d
  • Courtroom Quotations..............   Corey   22d
     
    ... Courtroom Quotations ... ... ... ... The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. ... ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ... ◦Lawyer: ”Was that the same nose you broke as a child?” ... ◦Witness: ”I only have one, you know.” ... ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ... ◦Lawyer: ”Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Elementary school excuse letters............   Corey   24d
     
    ... Excuse Letters ... ... The routine is familiar: when a student is late or absent from school, a letter from the parents must be supplied for the absence to be excused. Sometimes such letters suggest that the parents were excused from school too many times in their own youth. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... • ”My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.” ... ... ... • ”Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.” ... ... ... • ”Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.” ... ... ... • ”Please excuse Gloria f ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Copied from "The Wizard of Id"...................   Corey   24d
     
    Supposed to be a joke but not so sure......... ... ... ... http://www.gocomics.com/wizardofid#.Uy89-MJOUdc ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/_I_J_Forums/Just_for_fun/wizard_of_id.jpg   [End]
  • Who here was born on August 2nd of common years?   monicabrench   25d  C
     
    I was born on August 2nd of a common year and I am looking for my birth mates. Who here was born on August 2nd of common years as well? ... ... Leap years are ... 1948 ... 1952 ... 1956 ... 1960 ... 1964 ... 1968 ... 1972 ... 1976 ... 1980 ... 1984 ... 1988 ... 1992 ... 1996 ... 2000 ... 2004 ... 2008 ... 2012 ...   [End]
  • Video Embedded optical illusions...........   Corey   43d  C
  • huh ? ! ?   Corey   47d
     
    The following statement is true. ... ... The previous statement is false.   [End]
  • Getting in shape...............   Corey   68d
     
    http://curezone.com/upload/Members/Faces/New/photoshop.jpg   [End]
  • Restaurant menus, etc.............   Corey   69d
     
    Menus: ... ... ... • ”Ham and Cheese - $2.50. Cheese and Ham - $2.90.” -- On a menu. ... ... ... • ”Leak and Mushroom tarte.” -- On a menu in a trendy cafe in Soho, London. [New!] ... ... ... • ”Our whipped butter is made with margarine.” -- On a menu. ... ... ... • ”7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.” -- On a menu. ... ... ... • ”We dare you Burger for two (Served on a Stretcher) - A Whole Loaf of Crunchy French Bread running end to end with Broiled Hamburger topped with melted Yellow American Cheese, Lettuce, and Tomato. Accompanied by a mound of Fren ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Newspaper headlines.....................   Corey   72d
     
    Headlines: ... ... ... • ”Slain Doctor Worried About His Death” -- In a local paper in Canada. ... ... ... • ”Public Inquiry To Be Launched Into Avalanche” -- A front page headline in the National Post. ... ... ... • ”Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals” -- In a local paper. ... ... ... • ”Ministry Probes Dead Fish” -- In a local paper in Canada. ... ... ... • ”Nixon Beneath the Surface” -- The headline of an expose column about Richard Nixon, several days after his death. ... ... ... • ”Golfing Immortal Dies Aged 69” -- A headline in a New Zealand paper. ... ... ... • ”Flawless Take-Off Marred By Hitch” -- A headline in ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Too Busy for a Friend.....   Corey   78d
     
    Too Busy for a Friend..... ... ... One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. ... ... Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. ... ... It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers. ... ... That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Video Embedded Sobriety test..............   Corey   81d
  • Some things are naturally funny...................   Corey   82d
     
    ... http://amazinglytimedphotos.com/and-then-i-said-engage/#.UuLAgDYo4fQ ... ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/Members/Faces/New/funny.jpg   [End]
  • Classified Ads...............   Corey   83d
     
    ... ... ... The following are regrettably phrased classified ads that have been placed in newspapers throughout the world. ... ... ◦ ”Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.” ... ◦ ”2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.” ... ◦ ”Washing machine: free to good home.” ... ◦ ”No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.” ... ◦ ”Great Dames for sale.” ... ◦ ”Lost Cocktail.” ... ◦ ”Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 yeards old. Hateful little dog.” ... ◦ ”German S ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Doctors Comments On Patient Charts...............   Corey   84d
     
    Doctors’ Comments On Patient Charts: ... ... ... • ”Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.” ... ... ... • ”On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.” ... ... ... • ”The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.” ... ... ... • ”Discharge status: Alive but without permission.” ... ... ... • ”Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.” ... ... ... • ”The patient refused an autopsy.” ... ... ... • ”The patient has no past history of suicides.” ... ... ... • ”Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.” ... ... ... • ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re Doctors Comments On Patient Charts...............   mu-shen   84d
       
      Hilarious Corey ! Thanks. ... ... Read on another forum that you cured the carpal tunnel syndrom in your wrist after using 1/2 tsp. of MSM. Congratulations. Was wondering if it ever came back? Is MSM also ”good” for arthritis? ... ... Thanks for the info.   [End]
      • Re Re Doctors Comments On Patient Charts...............   Corey   84d
         
        ... Carpal tunnel syndrome never came back. ... ... I still take msm periodically. It definitely helps joints of most any sort. ... ... In my case most of my joint problems was caused by nightshade vegetables. Namely irish potatoes, tomatoes, and pod type peppers. All foods I love. When I totally eliminated those foods, nearly all my joint pains went away. I will always be thankful to Hopinso for putting me on to this remedy. ... ... http://haydeninstitute.com/additional-resources/additional-resources-diet-and-nutrition/inflammatory-foods-nightshades   [End]
        • Thanks again Corey ! Glad to hear you have no more joint p...   mu-shen   81d
           
          Thanks again Corey ! Glad to hear you have no more joint pain. ... ... Was inquiring on behalf of my son. Eliminating these foods will of course be not easy. Yes - too bad - exactly the foods one loves ;( ... But, of course, it can be done - especially if the pain is strong enough!   [End]
  • Bumper stickers..........   Corey   87d
     
    ... Bumper Stickers ... ... ... ... I was Uncool Before Uncool was Cool ... ... ... Don’t laugh it’s paid for and in front of you. ... ... ... A diplomat is a person who thinks twice before saying nothing. ... ... ... NOT a THERMONUCLEAR DEVICE ... ... ... Famous last words of a redneck: Hold my beer and watch this ... ... ... ... Save on Car Insurance ... ... ... If only I were as good as my dog thinks I am... ... ... ... Never eat more than you can lift. ... ... ... The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem. ... ... ... What you don’t do is always more important than what you do do. ... ... ... Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but the ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Accident reports....................   Corey   87d
     
    ... Accident Reports ... ... Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations. ... ... ... Car Accidents: ... ... ... • ”A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.” ... ... ... • ”The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.” ... ... ... • ”I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.” ... ... ... • ”Comi ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Translations that did not work well...........   Corey   3mo
     
    Slogan Mis-translations from American Advertising Compaigns in Other Countries and languages ... ... ... ... In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan ... Come alive with the Pepsi Generation ... came out in Chinese as Pepsi will bring your ... ancestors back from the grave. ... ... ... ... When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you. However, the company mistakenly thought the Spanish word embarazar meant embarrass. ... Instead the ads said: ... ... It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant. ... ... ... ... Frank Perdue’s slogan It tak ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Well I know how they feel. When I came to Jordan I had the ...   mo123   3mo
       
      Well I know how they feel. When I came to Jordan I had the hardest time with the language and as hard as I tried I just could not get it right. I made my husband promise to Allah for years and he would faithfully but then one day he burst out laughing and finally told me I had the words all wrong. Lol, I talk English a lot because to this day I still have a horrible time with the language. They always say ”What country are you from?”   [End]
  • Resumes that may not impress..................   Corey   3mo
     
    Resumes: supposed to be true........... ... ... ... • ”I am very detail-oreinted.” ... ... ... • ”I have a bachelorette degree in computers.” ... ... ... • ”Graduated in the top 66% of my class.” ... ... ... • ”I worked as a Corporate Lesion.” ... ... ... • ”Served as assistant sore manager.” ... ... ... • ”Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel.” ... ... ... • ”Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.” ... ... ... • ”Special skills: Thyping.” ... ... ... • ”Special skills: Experienced with numerous office machines and can make great lattes.” ... ... ... • ”I can play well with others.” ... ... ... • ”I have exhaustive experienc ...   [retrieve this message]
    • LOL, I must add a few of those to my own resume--maybe with...   UserX   3mo
       
      LOL, I must add a few of those to my own resume--maybe with spell check. ... ... I particularly liked this one: ... ... ”Education: College, August 1880 - May 1984.” ... ... Must be pretty smart by now (: ... ... or this one: ... ... ”Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math.” ... ... maybe he’s talking about his long term memory, lol. ... ... ...   [End]
  • Bad Predictions...........   Corey   3mo
     
    ... Bad Predictions ... ... It’s generally a bad idea to say something can’t or won’t be done, especially in the realm of science and technology. The following are quotations that have failed to stand up to the test of time: ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... • ”I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” -- Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943. ... ... • ”Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1.5 tons.” -- Popular Mechanics, 1949 ... ... • ”I have traveled the length and ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Excuse notes sent to school...................   Corey   3mo
     
    ... Excuse Letters ... ... The routine is familiar: when a student is late or absent from school, a letter from the parents must be supplied for the absence to be excused. Sometimes such letters suggest that the parents were excused from school too many times in their own youth. ... ... ... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... • ”My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.” ... ... ... • ”Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.” ... ... ... • ”Dear School: Please ekscuse John ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Video Embedded Kindness can be infectious ...............   Corey   3mo
     
    I really don’t know, but depending on where you live and finances, check out Lubecki Wellness Clinic in Sacramento. His Homeopathic imprinter will treat all things like virus, infections, fungase ...   [End]
  • Middle school ideas about science...........   Corey   3mo
     
    ”One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.” ... ... ... • ”You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.” ... ... ... • ”Talc is found on rocks and on babies.” ... ... ... • ”Isn’t inertia when something is moving, then it stops moving and keeps moving?” ... ... ... • ”The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.” ... ... ... • ”When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with e ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Quotes from famous people...........   Corey   3mo
     
    Political Figures: ... ... ... • ”Outside of the killings, [Washington] has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” -- Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C. ... ... ... • ”There are two kinds of truth. There are real truths, and there are made up truths.” -- Marion Barry, on his arrest for drug use. ... ... ... • ”If crime went down 100%, it would still be fifty times higher than it should be.” -- Councilman John Bowman, commenting on the high crime rate in Washington, D.C. ... ... ... • ”[I want to] make sure everybody who has a job wants a job.” -- George Bush, during his first campaign for the presidency. ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Yogi Berra quotes.............   R Corey   3mo
     
    ... Yogi Berra was one of the all time better baseball players. I always loved his simplistic philosophy. Below are some of his observations. ... ... ... ”This is like deja vu all over again.” ... ... ... • ”You can observe a lot just by watching.” ... ... ... • ”He must have made that before he died.” -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie. ... ... ... • ”I want to thank you for making this day necessary.” -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947. ... ... ... • ”I’d find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I’d return it.” -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars. ... ... ... • ”Think! How t ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Things I learned from Noah's Ark.................   Corey   3mo
     
    Things I learned from Noah’s Ark... ... ... One: Don’t miss the boat. ... ... Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. ... ... Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark. ... ... Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big. ... ... Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. ... ... Six: Build your future on high ground. ... ... Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs. ... ... Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. ... ... Nine: When you’re stressed, float a while. ... ... Ten: Remember, ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Image Embedded Transplants are life giving................   Corey   4mo
     
    1st n 2nd pic- Father n Mother kissing their died baby n saying Good bye to her.. ... ... 3rd pic- Wondering ! Why all medical staff bowing in front of her, ... ... Just because of her, two children in next ward saved by kidney n liver of this died baby. ... ... ... ... ... ... http://curezone.com/upload/_X_Y_Z_Forums/transplants.jpg   [End]
  • Nails in the Fence............   Corey   4mo
     
    ... Nails In The Fence ... ... There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. ... ... The days passed and t ...   [retrieve this message]
  • The Water.........................   Corey   4mo
     
    It was one of the hottest days of the dry season. We had not seen rain in almost a month. The crops were dying. Cows had stopped giving milk. The creeks and streams were long gone back into the earth. It was a dry season that would bankrupt several farmers before it was through. ... ... Every day, my husband and his brothers would go about the arduous process of trying to get water to the fields. Lately this process had involved taking a truck to the local water rendering plant and filling it up with water. But severe rationing had cut everyone off. If we didn’t see some rain soon...we would lo ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Video Embedded Memorable Christmas Eve...........   Corey   4mo
     
    ... Someone must be cutting onions near me....sniff, sniff.... ... ... There truly are some good folks in this world.......... ... ...   [End]
  • Never underestimate the impression you may make on others.....   Corey   4mo
     
    I ran across this story and liked it very much. Wanted to pass it along. ... ... Corey ... ... THE OLD PHONE ... ... ... When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our ... neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The ... shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the ... telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it. ... ... ... ... Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an ... amazing person. Her name was ”Information Please” and there was nothing she ... did not know. Information Please coul ...   [retrieve this message]
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