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Narcissism/Sociopathy Survivors Support Forum

Narcissism Personality Disorder, NPD, Survivors of Narcissism/Sociopathy
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  • Daughter dating sociopath   Parent   83d  C
    I’m a parent of a 22 yo daughter who is dating a person with sociopathic behavior. She is intelligent and yesterday searched for information on sociopaths and emotional abusers. She is informed but admits she is drawn in wanting it fix or help him. She is flattered she is one of the few people he has ever let get this close to him. We, her parents, want to help but know our behavior may push her toward him. Advice? She is not yet in total denial.   [End]
    • Sad to say, but at 22, she is an adult so there really isn’...   BlueRose   83d
      Sad to say, but at 22, she is an adult so there really isn’t anything you can do to stop her. ... ... It sounds like she isn’t very informed about sociopaths. If she were truly informed, she would know that there is no way she will be able to fix him. ... ... So, while you can’t stop her, perhaps you can pass along info that explains that he will always be a sociopath. ... ... I’m hoping that one of our posters who has excellent knowledge on this topic will see this post. If she sees it, she will pass along lots of helpful info to you. ... ... When your daughter finally realizes that she can’t change this m ...   [retrieve this message]
    • ... I'm sorry that your daughter in this toxic relation...   SoulfulSurvivor   82d
      ... I'm sorry that your daughter in this toxic relationship, and BlueRose is spot-on about your limitations.  Perhaps, some more details might be helpful as per suggestions.  Is she living at home, or does she have her own place?  Is she gainfully employed, or is she finishing a degree?  What are the sociopathic behaviors that you're observing?  ... ... ... ... The insight that you typed is very true:  pointing out this man's bad behaviors, decisions, and choices are only going to push her to "save" this guy, even further.  You can validate you ...   [retrieve this message]
  • how can you know if a narcissist ex still wants you?   lorelei85   7mo
    i was the perfect supply,out of his league physically and intellectually,low self esteem,submissive.i left him during the devaluation phase.he didnt take it well.i told him i had figured him out and shamed him big time(became the worst supply i guess).i came back 2 days later and he rejected always.the other times id beg and he d take me back.this time i he bombarded me with mean texts to which i didnt reply.expecting a reaction or for me to beg i guess.we havent talked since.he still monitors my online activities but he s not talking.what is he thinking/feeling?and what do ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Does it feel good when this man uses you and then rejects y...   SoulfulSurvivor   7mo
      Does it feel good when this man uses you and then rejects you? Probably not. So........if this is a pattern of behavior in this relationship, then it might be a very good idea to examine the dynamics. ... ... His texting you is his frantic attempt to hold on to his supply, which you’ve made the very wise choice to NOT be, anymore. There is only one way to sever a relationship with someone like this and that is to go ”No Contact.” That means to BLOCK his number from your cell phone, block his emails, block EVERYTHING that you can to disallow contact from him. Don’t talk to his family. Do ...   [retrieve this message]
  • my narcissist ex is monitoring my online activity but not t...   lorelei85   7mo
    ... First of all excuse my english,its not my native language.So i met this guy a few months ago..He was 39,im 28.He kept chasing me for 5 months until i agreed to go on a date with him.So we start dating,he put me on a pedestal,he treated me like a princess.He was beyond nice.Which was a red flag for me.Along with him checking other girls out from even our 1st date!But being naive and inexperienced with men,i continued anyways..I started spending half the week at his place..And started falling hard for him.At times he d pick fights over nothing,and id always be the one apologising even when ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Never saw my dad as a narc   you dont own me   10mo
    Well apparently my dad has disowned me ... ... I have been looking after him since mom died. I have paid his bills answered the phone at all hours of the night when he was upset about mom. Found resources to help pay his utiliies ... ... I called him out on using pills again..He proceeded to tell me how ungrateful I am when he paid for Jack syringes and got my things from my ex..Hello. I just spent 150 on his tags for his care. He said I am such a hoarder of money, that I couldn’t give him ten dollars. ... ... I make half what he does. Now hes giving my cat away. I was finding a place so I can have him. ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I read your pain...   SoulfulSurvivor   10mo
      Youdontownme, I can read the pain in your post, and I identify with the ramifications of having toxic family members. Being raised in a toxic and/or dysfunctional family environment can create lifelong issues. ... ... It may be a good option for you to engage in some strong counseling therapy with someone who ”gets it.” It might take some time to sort through the childhood traumas, but I will type that it is time well spent to recovery and rebuild who we are, from my own experience. ... ... My own childhood traumas set me up with a host of core-issues that were based upon those traumas. My self ...   [retrieve this message]
  • No contact with NPD mom   #172798   10mo
    I have been doing quite a bit of research on-line regarding NPD recently and finally feel the courage to share some of my story. I knew from an early age that my family was not right. I have memories before the age of 2 where my mom would play dead and then laugh when I screamed. She often used to do sadistic things and then intermittently comfort me or laugh at me. One time when I was around the age of two I woke up from a nap to find all my stuffed animals gone – I remember her tucking me in that day too – she seemed very loving and kind as a mother should. I remember feeling very ...   [retrieve this message]
    • No need to apologize for the length of your post! It’s imp...   SoulfulSurvivor   10mo
      No need to apologize for the length of your post! It’s important to purge that venom in a healthy manner. I’m SO sorry for your experiences and I identify with the ”one-upmanship” that N’s engage in. ... ... I believe that returning to counseling therapy is a very good option, especially if you can find someone who is familiar with ”inner child” work. This work is grievous, painful, and challenging, but it can result in some VERY strong recovery and setting of boundaries. ... ... Whenever we attempt to talk to other people about our experiences, they don’t want to hear it because you are 100% s ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Three Surveys   #72252   11mo  C
    Domestic Violence and Abuse ... Sociopathy ... Emotional Recovery ... ... If CZ members have experienced traumatic relationships - family, spouse, coworker, professional provider, etc., each of these surveys offers information and facts for hope and education about emotional health and well-being.   [End]
  • Im getting tired of this   you dont own me   11mo
    Have been establishing NC but he keeps trying to pick fights through texts. I refuse to change my phone because I would lose my dead mothers voice mail ... ... ... Why is he doing this? Its not like I am giving him his narcissistic supply. How is me getting upset going to feed his supply when I had already shown my emotions and needing intimacy to be a weakness   [End]
  • My story with NPD ex   you dont own me   11mo
    So I was dated someone who I now believe to have NPD and I suffer from BPD. ... ... When I first met him I was having issues with a family member I was living with who had a nasty Xanax addiction. We started out as friends and he often offered me a place to stay for a night. He would attempt to grope me and seduce me. Finally I let him sleep with me. And I guess that meant we had a relationship. ... ... As things got violent at my house, he would comfort me and come get me for a night. He then persuaded his mom to let me move in. But he was sure to let me know his mom was only doing it for him. Well ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I’m very sorry for your experiences with such a toxic indiv...   SoulfulSurvivor   11mo
      I’m very sorry for your experiences with such a toxic individual. You ”sound” young and that’s something to be truly grateful for: you have plenty of time to heal from these experiences and sort yourself out. Thank goodness you did not enter into a legal binding contract of marriage with this man, or produce offspring with him! ... ... Your decision to engage in counseling was courageous, although the toxic individual wasn’t interested in changing and simply went through ”the motions” to keep you (his target) handy. I encourage you to continue this endeavor on an individual basis so that yo ...   [retrieve this message]
      • I older than you think but by no means old. Well what const...   you dont own me   11mo
        I older than you think but by no means old. Well what constitutes old any way? Lols ... ... Yah looking back on it, I probably shouldnt have texted him but I can say that he didnt get any emotion out of me.He was looking for a fight and he didnt get one. I bawled my eyes out but I didnt let that show through his barage of texts. He flaunted how he was dating..Blah blah blah..and Im like what ever floats his boat..I said I really didnt care if he dated. ... ... Funny how I sat in Tennessee wondering if he gave me a running thought and turns out he did, alot! Just not the whoa is me that I was thinki ...   [retrieve this message]
        • Get that degree, girl, and go for the gold with a post-grad...   SoulfulSurvivor   11mo
          Get that degree, girl, and go for the gold with a post-grad! ... ... To answer the questions, I’m going to respond with what I have learned through my own experiences of over 1/2 century of dealing with toxic and sociopathic individuals. ... ... #1: People who insist upon maintaining ”friendships” with former lovers do it for a variety of reasons, but the main one is to keep a fish on the hook, at all times. The rest - the drama/trauma - plays itself out whichever way he jerks the line with the hook in the target’s mouth. ... ... #2: A NPD or spath/ppath person doesn’t necessarily ”know” that the are t ...   [retrieve this message]
          • thats good because I want nothing to do with him. ... ... ...   you dont own me   11mo
            thats good because I want nothing to do with him. ... ... I think things were worse that I thought because now Im away Im starting to break down. Things startle me, Im finding it hard to step out of the house. I called someone and got the name of a therapist that does sliding fee so maybe they can take me before my insurance switches. ... ... Im just glad I didnt show my feelings and how much he effected me when he texted me. I think Im bigger than I think I am sometimes   [End]
  • Narcisist ex boyfriend   Kellykat   12mo
    Ok, ... ... From ALL the reading i have done, it appears i was with a narcissist - jaw dropping, everything fitted perfectly, i was dumped by him after asking him about my seeing an online dating profile. Anyway amazing stuff... its been 3 weeks, he wanted to ’salvage’ the friendship - as if! i havent made any form of contact and any form of contacts i had for him are well deleted. I believe he may have made to prank calls to my mobile, said nothing, number came through as unknown. Question, will he come back at some stage irrespective of any new source of supply that he has, even if that so ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Good for you that you’ve maintained ”No Contact.” It’s a d...   SoulfulSurvivor   11mo
      Good for you that you’ve maintained ”No Contact.” It’s a difficult choice, but it cuts the ”supply” off below the knees, so to speak. ... ... There’s no way to predict what someone will ever do, but maintaining ”NC” will prevent him from worming his way back into your head and life. Eventually, he’ll get tired of the game and seek another target, BUT (big ”but”) it would not be unusual for him to attempt to contact you at some point in the future - it’s the desire to exert control and dangle the lure of the fantasy, again. ... ... Yeah, NPD can be an all-consuming situation, and you sound VERY st ...   [retrieve this message]
  • "Difficult" child?   R SoulfulSurvivor   13mo  C
    So, you know something isn’t right about your child. They throw tantrums, threaten your safety, harm their siblings, act out in classrooms and in public. Your proverbial hands are tied. If you implement corporal punishment, you’re a ”bad” parent for inflicting violence upon your child. If you set boundaries and consequences, it’s tedious to stay on top of the issues. If you do nothing, you know that they’re not going to ”grow out of it.” ... ... Notes from the school, calls from parents, and now your child is a defendant on the Juvenile Court docket for shoplifting? When does it END?! ... ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Good information! ... ... I have always wondered how a par...   Southern Belle   13mo
      Good information! ... ... I have always wondered how a parent can have two or more children, raise them under the same roof and each one is sooooooooooo different! (I know because I have two and they are different as night and day.....both are great adults and I am grateful and love them dearly.)   [End]
      • Southern Belle, for whatever reason the FCKeditor and TinyM...   SoulfulSurvivor   13mo
        Southern Belle, for whatever reason the FCKeditor and TinyMCE Editor are non-functional and I just lost my response to your response. UGH!! ... ... That children are as different from one another as night and day is a challenge, to be sure, but one of the delightful aspects of humanity. Wouldn’t it be a dull world if they weren’t unique? LOL ... ... is a site that was created specifically to educate and support parents of children (minor OR adult) who could be defined as ”difficult.” Either the child exhibits symptoms of personality disorder, or they have been charged/imprison ...   [retrieve this message]
    • It ends when an inadequate parent, such as I had, finally g...   This   12mo
      It ends when an inadequate parent, such as I had, finally gets honest enough to admit that they, not their kid, are the problem and sets about to CORRECT their bad, damaging and inadequate parenting BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. It ends when a parent learns how to be a good parent. ... Bad parenting is the problem - not bad kids!   [End]
      • This, I understand your outrage with the subject matter, bu...   SoulfulSurvivor   12mo
        This, I understand your outrage with the subject matter, but there are, indeed, children born into this world that make horrible decisions regardless of whether ”bad parenting” exists, or not. I also get the sense that you are very angry with your own parents and that you do not have children of your own, yet. ... ... Bringing a child into the world is not, by any stretch of the imagination, a simple commitment. Raising a child is a 24/7 job that can result in beautiful and amazing experiences, or absolute frustration. And, there’s no way of knowing how the dice are going to roll. What we ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Anyone else haunted by obsessed ex?   Lostgirl4evee   14mo  C
    I was married to a relentless, manipulative, lying, cheating sociopath for 23 years. I survived every type of abuse imaginable. He continued his abuse through the legal system. Then 2 years ago, my brain exploded. I had a double brain aneurysm. I should be dead. I am a living miracle! I have endured 2 subsequent brain surgeries. I am alive for some greater purpose. Yet, my ex won’t leave me alone. He sets up online accounts with ... my bank, my health insurance, my cell phone, my Internet, credit cards and then gains access to all my info. then blocks me from my pen accounts! He takes my mai ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Lostgirl, I am so sorry to read of your experiences, and gr...   SoulfulSurvivor   14mo
      Lostgirl, I am so sorry to read of your experiences, and grateful for your recovery.  First, I would suggest that you change your CZ ID - you’re NOT "lost."  ... ... Did you ever engage in counseling therapy with a professional that "gets it" about what you’ve experienced?  I strongly recommend this option because there are some things the human psyche isn’t equipped to process without objective, rational, and insightful assistance.  To find someone that "gets it" about domestic violence and abuse, you can contact your local domestic violen ...   [retrieve this message]
      • Thank you for your heartfelt support & advice. While I trul...   Lostgirl4evee   14mo
        Thank you for your heartfelt support & advice. While I truly appreciate your wisdom, have basically done all of it! ... Somehow he is always several steps ahead of me. I am no longer a ”victim” but grow weary of fighting the good fight. ... I have 2 amazing therapists! ... I can’t have no contact since we have 2 girls together, my youngest has recently moved in with him. ... I have had 4 seperate bank accounts at 4 different banks. Same number of cell phones-”go phones” thought to be safe, wrong again! Have had locks changed, new email accounts, several different po no avail. No point in c ...   [retrieve this message]
        • Sounds like you work at the same place.  I have no dou...   SoulfulSurvivor   14mo
          Sounds like you work at the same place.  I have no doubt that you’ve already considered another position with another business.  I am so sorry for your experiences, and it’s important to vent! ... ... One suggestion would be that you visit this website: ... ... I wish you the very best on your Healing Path. ...   [End]
        • I was head of HR for 2 large companies, and also had access...   sd2345   14mo
          I was head of HR for 2 large companies, and also had access to anything and everything. He is certainly not the top of the ladder, and if what you are saying is true, the company can be liable for his actions. ... ... You might want to contact another lawyer, and if it is true what he doing and the company is allowing it, you won’t have money issues for long. His actions can be traced. Turn the focus from him, to the company for the wrong doing of their HR manager.   [End]
          • I am SO grateful for your response to the original pos...   SoulfulSurvivor   14mo
            I am SO grateful for your response to the original poster.  NO situation is "hopeless," and it sometimes takes many heads to come up with a reasonable, rational solution.  ABSOLUTELY, I would take this bull by the horns and turn the focus on him, starting with a consultation to a litigation attorney, and then to the HR Director.  ... ... Again, thank you for your insightful and sound response! ...   [End]
  • Husband does not want to have sex with me   Unloved101   15mo  C
    I am an attractive woman with a 58 year old husband who has not wanted to have sex with me for sometimes years or sometimes months. I am 51 years old and don’t want to live the rest of my live never making love again to my husband. I am not a cheater so that is not an option but my husband has had affairs. While he keeps telling me that he can not have sex I do not believe him because he told me that once and my not wanting to make him feel like less if a man was willing to wait or live a sexless life because he is my husband and I love him. ... ... Come to find out that was just an excuse not ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I stumbled on to this post at random, but it seems that he’...   uchihaMadara   15mo
      I stumbled on to this post at random, but it seems that he’s up to cheating again or his desire for you is low. It could be his Testosterone/hormones are low, decreasing desire. It’s one of the two more than likely. A doc can do blood tests if he’s willing to go. Diet influences desire to a large extent, as well as many environmental and physiological factors. ... ... I can’t imagine you have much trust if you were cheated on, he messed up and/or you weren’t providing something for him. Whether intentional or not, don’t blame yourself for not filling some need he might have or want. ... ... If I wer ...   [retrieve this message]
    • With all due respect, why would you ever want to stay with ...   AngelofEventide   15mo
      With all due respect, why would you ever want to stay with a man who has cheated on you? It is totally disrespectful to you and who knows what STD or worse he could pass onto you? You still are young and like you say attractive and if you have a lot to offer someone, move on to someone who will give you the respect and affection you deserve.   [End]
    • well...ah...yes you are just being stupid.   John McCain 2008   14mo
      But don’t take that the wrong way. LOTS OF WOMEN play the fool, you’re in good company. Listen, I just come out guns a blaz’in because I want women like you, fine, good, sexy, passionate, smart (at most things)...women exactly like you that kid themselves into thinking their guy would never do this, that or the other thing. He’s doing it. Clarification...he’s doing her. Guys typically don’t want sex with their wives because they’re having it with another woman. I’m a guy, I know these things, sweetheart. You need to hear this. Stop settling for a guy that cheats, shaves his dick, a ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Emotionally Controlling Relationships   2kidsandadog   16mo
    I currently live with a Narcissistic/Passive Aggressive man. We have been living together for about 2 years. We were friends in high school and became ”involved” after 30 years of separate lives, marriages, etc... ... ... He’s very sick as he has many health issues. Yes,I know I should not have gotten involved with him, but I did and I fell in love with him. ... ... Because of my family of origin, I have recently tapped into the fact that I have landed into a controlling relationship, and I am not quite sure how to deal with it or get out. ... ... My mother died of breast cancer when I was six and m ...   [retrieve this message]
    • 2kidsandadog, I’m sorry that you’re in the situation that y...   SoulfulSurvivor   16mo
      2kidsandadog, I’m sorry that you’re in the situation that you’re in, and I completely identify with "abandonment" issues. ... ... The toxic person that you’re currently involved with sparks the "mother/savior" so that you are made to feel that ONLY you can "save" or "help" this individual.  And, he has glommed onto this vulnerability with an iron grip.  Our core-issues are probably the driving force from which all decisions are made, and I am no exception.  Because of my personal issues, I made some very, very ruinous choices ...   [retrieve this message]
      • Beautifully said! You have given me references that in ALL...   2kidsandadog   16mo
        Beautifully said! You have given me references that in ALL of my years of counseling have never heard. I am at a major cross-road with this relationship. He knows it, but doesn’t say anything. He feels it and that’s what is so difficult to be around. ... ... Anyway, thanks for the wonderful feedback! ...   [End]
        • The equipment...   SoulfulSurvivor   16mo
          2kidsandadog, I’m glad that you found my response helpful.  You "sound" prepared to make changes for yourself to address your issues and I have to applaud this - absolutely, GOOD FOR YOU!!!! ... ... The problem with most counseling therapists that have gone through the education processes is that they do not have their own experiences to refer to, and they are not equipped to help a victim of domestic violence/abuse, family abuse, Stockholm Syndrome, PSTD, or sociopathic entanglements.  They just aren’t.  They know the proper diagnoses and terminology, bu ...   [retrieve this message]
  • I think my sociopathic ex-husband is finally breaking me   melluvsherson   16mo  C
    Seven years ago I met this wonderful man from a good family. He was funny, charming, loving, romantic, etc. We moved in together after only 3 mos of knowing each other and for two years it was blissful. Granted I didn’t really pick up on the signs of how all his ex girlfriends had wronged him, how his dad wronged him, and how most of his friends wronged him. I just knew that I would never be in that category. ... ... The day of our wedding, when naturally I was center of attn he had a vertigo attack; when I started getting 30k worth of dental work done he had a 3 mo vertigo attack, and then ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I am so sorry that you’re having these experiences.  F...   SoulfulSurvivor   16mo
      I am so sorry that you’re having these experiences.  From what you’ve typed, I’m reading that he left over 2 years ago?  Has there been a divorce action?  Are you currently engaged in a custody/visitation battle with this man?  Did you ever engage in counseling therapy to manage the aftermath of this marriage?  You mentioned "rape" and you made a reference to whether you were experiencing rape, or not.  So, I’m interpreting that you are still either living with this man, or entertaining "working it out" with him for whatever reasons.&n ...   [retrieve this message]
  • My Ex-Husband Narcissist is back after 25 YEARS!!!   mamahuhu   16mo
    I can’t figure out what he is up to!!! I divorced him 25 years ago and believe me, it was horribly contentious. He and his family HATED my guts the entire 25 years. My children told me they had to hold their fingers in their ears and sing ”lalalalala” to keep from hearing me trashed by him. ... ... He remarried and that girl left him also and managed to take away a lot of his assets which I did not do. I just wanted out. She’s been gone a few years now and he is trying to manage his ranch by himself after having suffered some brain damage from a head injury. He has some memory problems. ... ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Time can sometimes have a way of blurring and softening our...   BlueRose   16mo
      Time can sometimes have a way of blurring and softening our memories. So, it’s understandable that you didn’t ”remember stuff” right away. ... ... Without knowing all the details, I’m thinking that either your ex’s brain damage could be responsible for his behavior to you or he is, as you say, looking for his next victim. If it is the latter, no doubt he is looking to soften you up in the hopes that you will take him back and take care of him. If so, don’t fall for it. ... ... Best wishes to you!   [End]
      • I’m wondering is it’s possible he has changed for the bette...   mamahuhu   16mo
        I’m wondering is it’s possible he has changed for the better. I know, I know, it’s impossible. ... ... But he’s gone through a series of catastrophes and my kids say he has mellowed. ... ... Is it possible?   [End]
        • Um....   SoulfulSurvivor   16mo
          Mamahuhu, Blue Rose is spot-on.  ... ... Questions to ponder: ... ... *  Has he made any attempts to stand accountable for his past history with you? ... ... *  Has he made financial restitution to you, voluntarily? ... ... *  After 25 years, is it possible that he has run through his former source targets and is counting on your good nature and kindness to override the facts of your divorce? ... ... Without sounding harsh, I would strongly caution you.  FOUR times he’s shown up at your place of employment?!  REALLY?  ... ... He has an agenda, Mamahuhu.  Oh, you bet he does. ...   [retrieve this message]
          • Thanks Soul Survivor, ... ... Well, no he didn’t ask for f...   mamahuhu   16mo
            Thanks Soul Survivor, ... ... Well, no he didn’t ask for forgiveness. He did mention, out of context, that he had a girlfriend for 4 years to ”help” him after the divorce. Which was strange on a couple of levels. 1 is that it was out of the blue (trying to make me feel guilty 2) and it didn’t have anything to do with anything we were talking about. and 3. I know he had a girlfriend at that time but her name was different than the name he mentioned and I know he treated her like dirt too. So that confused me. ... ... He doesn’t actually owe me anything. He paid everything the court ordered so te ...   [retrieve this message]
            • Mama, I’m going to pose some questions that may, at first, ...   SoulfulSurvivor   16mo
              Mama, I’m going to pose some questions that may, at first, seem harsh.   Please, sit, think, cogitate, and consider the answers with as much of a separation of emotion as you can before you answer them - either on the forum board, or to yourself. ... ... 1.  What do you really know about this head injury and brain damage?  Have you spoken to an attending physician, or are you going by what this man is telling you, himself.  And, no attention to any "symptoms" of memory loss.  Consider the question as it is asked. ... ... 2.  Why would ...   [retrieve this message]
              • Re: Um....You are probably right   mamahuhu   16mo
                My thanks to Soul Survivor and Blue Rose for helping me work through this unexpected resurfacing of my ex-N husband. ... ... I guess there is much I have forgotten and I’m a very forgiving person. Perhaps this is why I am confused. Besides being nurturing cause I’m naturally that way, I am also a nurse so maybe have a double dose of nurturing. ... ... When I left this man, I still loved ”him”. I had hoped that by leaving he would come to his senses and start treating me well. That backfired and I am truly happy that it did. I eventually realized that there was no ”him” that I loved, No such pe ...   [retrieve this message]
                • Mama, I’m SO glad that you sorted this out for yoursel...   SoulfulSurvivor   16mo
                  Mama, I’m SO glad that you sorted this out for yourself - too many people are unaware that there are human predators out there that are not imprisoned.  Most people associate sociopathy with criminals like Charles Manson and Hitler, and this is a misconception.  ANYONE can be high in sociopathic traits.  Mothers, fathers, siblings, religious/spiritual leaders, lawmakers, social workers, best friends, coworkers....anyone. ... ... That he is getting older puts a solid crimp in his modus operandii - he’s no longer charming, he’s no longer uber-wealthy, and he’s brain damaged.&n ...   [retrieve this message]
        • Re: My Ex-Husband Narcissist is back after 25 YEARS!!!   LuzMaria   15mo
          It is possible he mellowed but his main drive in life is TO GET! Right now he needs to be taken care of. My NPD father has mellowed significantly and he recently surprised me for my birthday by showing up with a cake driving hours from his home. Guess what? he is having marital difficulties and is starting to feel very alone. I am just there to fill in the empty spaces in his life, not that he is really interested in me as a person. If you need some companionship, go for it but don’t expect too much and be ready to leave if he gets nasty. These folks are never wrong therefore will n ...   [retrieve this message]
          • Thank you LuzMaria, I appreciate the feedback. ... ... Thi...   mamahuhu   11mo
            Thank you LuzMaria, I appreciate the feedback. ... ... This man showing up again really did throw me for a loop. So what I did after posting here was to do more work on this issue again. Which is a good thing, I needed to do this. ... ... I read every book I could find on NPD and searched the internet and read up on all I could. ... ... Meanwhile, he showed up at my work about 9 times. I wasn’t there for 7 of those times. I took SoulfulSurvivor’s advise and went ”no contact” and he finally gave up. And I let him. ... ... So now I plan to read up more on Co-dependency and get rid of the last vestiges of ...   [retrieve this message]
            • Mama, these board fly so quickly and missed your update. I...   SoulfulSurvivor   10mo
              Mama, these board fly so quickly and missed your update. I am SO sorry that this jagoff has tried to worm his way back into your life. ... ... In my experience, any attempt to educate mutual children of a predatory and toxic person never turn out the way we expect. NPD’s and sociopaths are cunning in their manipulations, especially where children are concerned - children are often made to feel ”obligated” to accept whatever it is that their parents do, even as adults. ... ... I would recommend that you visit and for some more tips and information on how to ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Married into Narcissistic family   Domino777   17mo  C
    I married into a narcissistic family, and it has been a nightmare and the worst experience of my life. 7 years later, I’ve distanced myself from them, and that is all you can do, but the damage they have done to our marriage has affected us in so many ways that our relationship will never be 100%, but we make it work. It’s been a long struggle, and much counseling to make my husband realize things about his family that he never realized before. ... ... I’ve heard of narcissism, knew (or thought I knew) what it meant, but never understood the true meaning of the word until I met them and have ha ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I haven’t read Your whole posting, but I have an idea what ...   #154965   17mo
      I haven’t read Your whole posting, but I have an idea what You’re talking about. ... Glad You know what You’re dealing with. ... I have a narcissistic mother. ”Yikes!” ... No contact. ... ... All the best to You, You’re not alone. ...   [End]
      • Response Edited   SoulfulSurvivor   17mo
        Domino, I didn’t read your entire post, but I "get it" about this family.  Because I didn’t read the entire post, I’m unclear as to whether or not this "family" is cohabitating in this run-down house that you were pressured into buying, or if there are children as a result of your marriage. ... ... I can’t (and, won’t) tell you what to do - you’ve engaged in counseling to save your marriage, but this marriage is doomed, regardless of how much counseling you’ve engaged in with your husband.  He is allowing this abuse, and you clearly have a choice before you:&n ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re: Married into Narcissistic family   omghelpme   5mo
      You just described the hell I am going through like a fly on the wall. My situation isn’t nearly as bad only because we haven’t married. One reason is he’s in a divorce currently with also a narc.( I’ll use this abbreviation) when referring to the toxic people. I had no idea what in Gods name was so wrong with this ” family” until I stumbled onto a Dr.Phil show this summer. Its like a light went on. A light house sized light. I am actually better at dealing with it all since I at least know what the hell is up with them. It helps very much to just read about the traits and reasons. I’m a d ...   [retrieve this message]
      • I’m sorry that you are experiencing the drama\trauma of a d...   SoulfulSurvivor   5mo
        I’m sorry that you are experiencing the drama\trauma of a dysfunctional family dynamic. But, I will make a suggestion that getting out before you enter the legal and binding contract of marriage would be a very prudent consideration. ... ... The first problem is that this guy is not yet divorced and the drama and trauma of the proceedings can actually BIND you to, and WITH someone that may be toxic to you. It’s a very recognized condition called ”trauma bond” by professionals. ... ... I speak on this from 30 years of experiences with 2 vastly different ex spouses that were disordered. The longer ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Baby Died   SoulfulSurvivor   18mo  C
    A contributing author of lost her only son, this morning, while he was in custody of the baby’s father for unsupervised visitation.  The death is being investigated as a criminal matter, and no further details are available, at this writing. ... ... What is available are the archived articles written by "CappuccionQueen" on about her harrowing ordeal within the Family Court system, and her vain attempts to warn judges, attorneys, case-workers, and every other entity about the abusive nature of the baby’s father.  ... ... Without engaging ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Update & Transcripts   SoulfulSurvivor   17mo
      For anyone who has ever experienced the insanity of "Family Court" in a custody/visitation battle with a disordered ex, the links below will resonate strongly with them. ... ... Prince Mcleod Ram’s death is still under investigation, and the Judge that ordered the visitation did so without using one ounce of common sense, as the transcripts will reflect.  The judge made it crystal clear from his own mouth that he was only sitting in Family Court because he was required to do so - that he didn’t "like" hearing Family Court cases.  This, alone, is a glaring indicatio ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Worth A Look   SoulfulSurvivor   18mo  C
    The following article was written by a licensed counseling social worker and posted on  This article is very well worth the time it takes to read.  ... ... ...   [End]
  • Social Networks and NO CONTACT   RR SoulfulSurvivor   18mo  C
    NO CONTACT is the first rule of recovery from toxic relationships.  Especially in cases of sociopathic behaviors and abuse, the source targets (or, victims) feel the need to make the toxic person hear and understand what they’ve experienced.  The harsh truth is that the spath doesn’t care, didn’t care, and never will "care."  They don’t.  And, they won’t.  So, trying to "fix" things or educate the spath about what they’ve done is a waste of time and keeps the victims connected to the toxicity. ... ... Going "No Contact" is difficult, b ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Further discusion   SoulfulSurvivor   18mo
      The benefit and purpose of "No Contact" is to put and end to the madness and to take back control of our own lives, thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Technological "contact" with the toxic person is a self-inflicted injury when we choose to view their online social profiles and posts after we have discovered that the person in question has deliberately caused harm.  Certainly, the toxic individual isn’t going to post anything truthful, and playing out the aspects of one’s life through technological means is causing human beings to literally lose thei ...   [retrieve this message]
      • WEll versed soul survior! ... ... I, too had to cut off my...   #154829   18mo
        WEll versed soul survior! ... ... I, too had to cut off my ties to individuals that are emotionally toxic and they have no boundaries at all. ... Some are so detrimental to my health that I found myself in bed and could hardly scrape myself off the floor for years. ... ... The best thing I did was stand up to them, call them on it, denial of course and until I forced them to own it. ... Then there are others as you say a waste of oxygen, they can be so draining if allowed to continue their abusive ways. ... When it is family members this is the toughest of all. ... I had to block many phone numbers recently an ...   [retrieve this message]
        • Spath as parents   SoulfulSurvivor   18mo
          I’m reading that you’re unhappy in your marriage and that you have two children with your husband.  I understand the fear of severing a marriage when children are invovled.  But, I can tell you one truth that is ugly:  your children are learning how to be victims or predators, themselves, by watching and absorbing the dynamics of this "family." ... ... Why are you resorting to manipulations to get simple needs met?  Manipulations are toxic no matter who’s having to resort to employing them, and for whatever circumstances.  And, your children are learning this ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Narcissistic Mother   newsong   19mo
    I’ve just read several messages in this forum and it breaks my heart to see so many others suffer for so long with a NM. For me personally, I’ve reached a point where I don’t even want to call her mother. ... My brothers and I have tried for so many years to do the right thing only to find out she will take an event and twist it into something evil. Of course, she is always the victim. ... I have FINALLY reach a point where I don’t care if I ever see her or speak to her again. I am very thankful I don’t live near her at all. I have not talked to her for a few weeks after I went to help her m ...   [retrieve this message]
    • The lesson I’m learning is why did it take so long to learn...   BlueRose   19mo
      The lesson I’m learning is why did it take so long to learn to not put myself in a Lion’s cage ... ... ------------------- ... ... Yes, why do we do that? For myself, the answer was somewhat complex. I felt bad at the idea of cutting off all contact because, after all, she was my mother. Plus, I knew that if I did cut her off, she would be calling every friend and relative and telling them lies about me, thus making herself to be the victim. People who didn’t live with her had no idea what she was really like as she behaved better around non-family members. ... ... So...I compromised and kept contact ...   [retrieve this message]
      • Shame-Core + Cognitive Dissonance   SoulfulSurvivor   19mo
        Newsong & BlueRose, children are blank slates, so to speak.  All of their childhood experiences contribute to their system of beliefs about themselves and the world, from the moment of birth.  In dysfunctional environments, negative beliefs are solidly formed in such a way that children are convinced that they are responsible for making mommmy/daddy "happy," or that they are solely responsible for the actions and choices of others.  This creates a "shame-core."  ... ... For example, a child raised in an alcoholic environment is unwittingly held respon ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Edited   #157439   19mo
    of danger has gotten me into danger later in life.. ... ... Basically just posting this i dont know if theres any reason to see experts or talk to a therapist or something i am getting on with life but im not sure what they are good at or if they can solve issues with personalitys my main concern is i feel like i am coasting through life with zero effort and inability to not get used or make substantial relationships with friends.. after having kindergarten to year 7 of my life with .. a ’best friend’ it turned later that i guess he was narcistic but i was getting dragged down and made fun of a ...   [retrieve this message]
  • What I've Learned   RN SUCCESS SoulfulSurvivor   19mo  C
    I have been a reader and poster on CureZone for many years, and there have been times when this site was pivotal in my healing processes, especially where my health was concerned.  ... ... I started this board formyself and other people who were in doubt of their relationships with narcissists and sociopaths, and for those who struggling on their healing paths.  I never thought when I started this board that I would have married another sociopath of a different sort. ... ... It has been almost a year-to-the-date that I discovered that the person that I had been married to for ove ...   [retrieve this message]
    • SS---Excellent post filled with helpful info for others! .....   BlueRose   19mo
      SS---Excellent post filled with helpful info for others! ... ... You’ve been on my mind and I’m glad that you posted this update. ... ... Please know that I send hugs your way and wish you all the best!   [End]
    • Hello Soulful Survivor, ... ... I am happy to find your fo...   Katara   18mo
      Hello Soulful Survivor, ... ... I am happy to find your forum. It is needed. ... ... You are going to make it! I too have been involved with a N and have not extricated myself yet because of family business where adult children are involved. ... ... I, like you, know where I want to be and need to be emotionally but get frustrated that I am not there yet. Healing is a process ... ... We must be patient and trust in the higher power to guide us. You are loved. ... ... I hope you will continue to post.   [End]
    • ... ... "I’m not very far along my healing path, and ...   #136970   18mo
      ... ... "I’m not very far along my healing path, and I stumble and falter, ... often...." ... ... An awareness or realization that one has pain that they’ve not worked on is ... 90% of the healing process.  Give yourself loads of credit for what you’ve ... learned and the direction that it has taken you in your healing journey.  I ... can’t remember her name but there was a University of Washington psychology ... professor in the Seattle area who had a call in radio program who would many ... times repeat her mantra "Life is three steps forward, and then two steps ... back" and it’s very t ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Dear SoulfulSurvivor: ... ... ... Thank you for this info...   This   12mo
      Dear SoulfulSurvivor: ... ... ... Thank you for this informative and hopeful post. I appreciated all of it and have been down a similar path of emotional recovery in 12 step support groups. ... I wish that you had gone more deeply into your recovery process rather than the ”compound fracture” thing because, IMO, healing damaged feelings is way different than healing a compound fracture. I would have liked to see all the subtle details of fixing damaged feelings rather than a compound fracture although, in some ways, the process is the same. But then, perhaps just dropping a few hints for repairin ...   [retrieve this message]
    • wow. here are the words that I could not find. Thank you. ...   msavoy07   4mo
      wow. here are the words that I could not find. Thank you. I’ve just begun the journey...trying to get me back. Like you - to become the person that I should have been before my ”inner child” suffered the damages that she did, as well. ... ...   [End]
  • Extremely abusive husband   #157197   20mo  C
    I don’t have anyone to speak to. ... I have been married for 26 years, after the first year or so of marriage he used psychological abuse which grew extreme. But it is only the last five or six years that the physical abuse has occurred. ... We live very remote, he tells me whilst hitting me how he could feed my body to the pigs and there would be no evidence left, his threats are vile. ... Many many times he has held my throat, with his eyes popping out, and salivaring while screaming abuse at me, i have been left with bruises around my throat and suffered two perforated ear drums. ... Last night he ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Very sorry to hear this. There must surely be the possibil...   #38782   20mo
      Very sorry to hear this. There must surely be the possibility of you being able to call a special tel. nr. for abused women and get some advise. ... I´m hoping someone with more knowledge will answer your mail and be able to help you more. ... God bless you!   [End]
      • Call --- 1(800) 799-SAFE This is a hotline for battered wo...   BlueRose   20mo
        Call --- 1(800) 799-SAFE This is a hotline for battered women. The person on the other end of the line will help you get out of your nightmarish situation. ... ... Also, look at: ... ... ... ... For more info. ... ... Please make the first move! From the sound of it---and I don’t mean to be harsh but this must be said---your husband will eventually kill you. ... ... Call the hotline when he is out of the house. Tell them your story and don’t leave anything out. Tell the person on the other end of the line exactly what you wrote here and also be sure to add every detail that you ca ...   [retrieve this message]
    • get out   SoulfulSurvivor   20mo
      I am so sorry that you’ve experienced this for so long.  There is only one way to stop this abuse, and he’s not going to do it - you will.  You’ll stop it by leaving, and leaving ASAP.  When abusers choose isolated living arrangements, it’s not to live a self-sufficient and self-sustaining lifestyle.  It’s so that they can perpetrate their crimes against their victims without the fear of witnesses.  I know this from personal experience.  ... ... You know what you’re dealing with, and you may not realize that you are a valuable part of this vast Universe after ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re: Extremely abusive husband   RONBN49   20mo
      ever hear of a colt 45 to the knee cap   [End]
      • seriously?   SoulfulSurvivor   20mo
        Ronbn49, have you ever shot someone in self-defense?  Have you ever been arrested for aggravated assault?  That’s a pretty glib response to someone who’s in dire need of serious suggestions. ...   [End]
        • I would suggest that any man who treats his wife like ths i...   blonde100   20mo
          I would suggest that any man who treats his wife like ths is not or should not be considered a husband - get out and safe your life as he will kill you or attempt to at some point. Just get as far away from him as possible hide in another state whatever. He will no doubt be angry and try to take revenge on you. He has not earned the right to be in your life and you will find a better more peaceful exsitence without a monster like that. There are no excuses to treat anyone in the manner he has treated you.   [End]
          • Speaking as a retired probation and parole officer I can sa...   jurplesman   20mo
            Speaking as a retired probation and parole officer I can say that your life is in danger. You have to get out of this situation as soon as possible. Get the help from a women’s refuge home, inform the police, carefully plan your escape.   [End]
            • Statistics   SoulfulSurvivor   20mo
              Jurplesman, the unfortunate statistics with regard to the facts of domestic violence and abuse are not accurate, by a long shot.  The statistic are only gathered and combined by Law Enforcement and abuse hotlines.  There is far more abusive behavior that goes on than the general public will ever know about. ... ... Having worked as a parole officer, you’ve seen it all, and I agree with your insight on this grim situation.  I find that the original poster’s account is credible for many reasons, but the most basic reason is that it’s raw and to the point.  She needs to get the ...   [retrieve this message]
              • I agree with you   jurplesman   20mo
                I agree with you   [End]
                • Yeah, me too. Life is totally in danger. It just a matter o...   survivor23   19mo
                  Yeah, me too. Life is totally in danger. It just a matter of when it will happen. ... ... I was in a similar situation, and I did not realize the severity of my predicament. I sought counseling, and did what my therapist and attorney told me to do. ESCAPE, but disappear when my ex leaast suspected. Otherwise, the act of leaving will escalate the violence. Better for you to be GONE GONE GONE GONE. ... ... You really dont have time, you need to get out.. But I do understand if you need to plan. Planning is always good. Do all the things to make your partner think that all is well. By now you know th ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Just checking...   SoulfulSurvivor   20mo
      I’m just wondering if the Original Poster of the message has taken steps to save herself.  Please, post back when you’re able. ...   [End]
    • Re: Extremely abusive husband   venkvelaga   19mo
      I’m worrying about the OP too. I’ve seen that look. Those bulging eyes like they are about to pop out of the head. My brother in law had this and he threatened to kill me. This man is harboring anger to the point of rage. The man really is crazy even if he can’t admit it to himself. There are some medical conditions which can cause this such as tumor. ... ... If you insist on staying in the relationship you could try improving the environment you live in so it is more uplifting mood. More light, fresh air, scented candles and good music. You could also adjust his diet to be more calming ...   [retrieve this message]
      • "Dead" wrong...   SoulfulSurvivor   19mo
        Venkvelaga, it is not my intention to ridicule your well-meant response, but it’s wrong - DEAD wrong.  If the victim (original poster) chooses to remain with her abuser, then no amount of aromatherapy, ambient lighting, or new-age philosophy is going to prevent her eventual murder - and, from her descriptions (and, if they are even remotely accurate), she will eventually be killed by her abuser. ... ... Suggesting that the victim attempt to create an atmosphere of tranquility is the most outrageous suggestion I’ve read or heard in a long, long time, online or in Real Life.  It is ...   [retrieve this message]
        • I have second this. ... ... There is a history of abused ...   survivor23   18mo
          I have second this. ... ... There is a history of abused women that make the misguided effort of taking matters into their own hands by fighting back, through 1) murder, 2) use of poisons, etc, and they get sent to prison for life!!! ... ... Seems unfair. But here is the problem. While abusive men are seen as crazy, and out of their mind, and not able to think straight, if an abused woman retaliates by intentionally and willfully hurting their husbands, then that is whole other matter. Its the basis of the law, MOTIVATION.. ... ... I agree that this post was very laughable, talking about food, incense, ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Rape - JUSTICE!!   R #109396   20mo  C
    26 years ago, when I was 13, for four years I had an inappropriate relationship with a guy that was 7 years older than me. The affair lasted 4 years, until I escaped, and left the state. ... ... At the time, when I was 13, I think I was desperate for closeness. My bestfriend fixed me up with this guy, whom she didnt know, but was a friend of her boyfriends. We were all in middle school, so I just assumed he was too. ... ... But he wasnt. We dated for about two years. I didnt know it at the time, but on each date, he was always pulling on my clothes, would pull his penis out, and force himself on m ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Hi! ... ... I think you have a right to do so. I was almos...   RRR #141200   20mo
      Hi! ... ... I think you have a right to do so. I was almost raped by my brother in-law when I was 14..but I confront him right in front of my sister and set me free. Even though they stood by him and he admitted to them that he felt he paid the bills in the house he had a right to do what he wanted...needless to say I did not speak to them for years. When I finally did I confront my mother and sister again about this issue...I think we have rights as victims not to be quite. ... ... Marie   [End]
    • Has justice been served? I don’t know. However, have you ...   R BlueRose   20mo
      Has justice been served? I don’t know. However, have you thought of writing the court and telling of your experience with him? Doing so might not only get him a longer sentence but it also might give other girls the courage to speak up. Who knows just how many other girls he treated the same way he treated you?   [End]
      • I’ve been researching how anonymous letters are treated, an...   #109396   20mo
        I’ve been researching how anonymous letters are treated, and judges, from the articles I read, will typically hand them over to the police. In this one article I was reading, the anonymous letter writer asked if this letter is going to be used as evidence, for it to be sealed, and the judge said no to the sealed part, and it opened up a whole can of worms. ... ... I want to write to the court, because according the transcripts, the person that put the bond up for him, was sticking up for him, saying, how there were no actual victims, and how he was just watching pedofile porn. ... ... But that is ...   [retrieve this message]
        • You need to look at this website: ... ... http://www.rainn...   BlueRose   20mo
          You need to look at this website: ... ... ... ... They have a hotline, 1-800-656-HOPE. Call the hotline and tell the person at the other end of the line your entire story. Ask for advice on how to handle this situation. ... ... I don’t know if you got any counseling to deal with what happened. If not, RAINN can help with that.   [End]
          • No, I never got help. I just fled. Now, as an adult AND a m...   #109396   20mo
            No, I never got help. I just fled. Now, as an adult AND a mother, I am actually realizing how horrible my OWN parents were to me about this situation, and how I ended up with this guy in the first place. Honestly, taking a hard look at my parents, and upbringing has been more painful to deal with than falling into the hands of this predator. ... ... I think my mother has issues of her own. When I turned about 13, she started calling me slut, whore, for no reason at all. When I started menses, she screamed at me in a threatening fashion about bringing babies into the house. Despite being a stra ...   [retrieve this message]
            • You’re welcome. When you call the RAINN hotline, ask about...   BlueRose   20mo
              You’re welcome. When you call the RAINN hotline, ask about getting some counseling. They can help you with that. ... ... It’s good that you are aware of what your mother did to you. So many people don’t have that awareness and repeat the patterns with their own children. Having awareness is the most important step when it comes to breaking the cycle. ... ... My own mother was an alcoholic and a narcissist who was verbally abusive. I worked hard to treat my own child better than I was treated. My mother had a father who was not only verbally abusive but physically abusive as he gave his child ...   [retrieve this message]
              • Thank you for sharing your story. I am curious to understan...   #109396   20mo
                Thank you for sharing your story. I am curious to understand what the current state of affairs are with your relationship with your abusive mother. ... ... For me, things did not go well. When I had children of my own, and vowed to treat them with respect, this was a huge trigger for even further vicious abuse from my mother, not only to ME, but my children, and her grand children as well, (especially the daughter). ... ... Its like, she sees that I am doing things differently as a direct attack on her. Unfortunately, the contact became so viciously abusive, I had to stop contact. It wasnt safe fo ...   [retrieve this message]
                • My mother died over 10 years ago. I didn’t cry when she di...   BlueRose   20mo
                  My mother died over 10 years ago. I didn’t cry when she died---and that part made me sad. Basically, I mourned for the mother I had always wanted and never had. The only time I felt sadness was when she was in the hospice. She held my hand, then put my hand on her face and rubbed her face with it. That action triggered a lump in my throat. ... ... She, too, constantly raged at her father long past his death. Yet, if I said anything negative, she would get angry and then idolize him. This type of behavior is common --- the abused one relates to and sympathizes with his/her abuser. ... ... I d ...   [retrieve this message]
                  • Ok, I called RAINN, and yes, they were very very helpful. T...   survivor23   20mo
                    Ok, I called RAINN, and yes, they were very very helpful. They gave me a number to call that would have advice on my question. ... ... RAINN is confidential and secure, but the number they told me to call, I could of swore, I heard a click as if my call was being recorded. ... ... This particular referral, (that was NOT RAINN) was more interested, I think, in REPORTING, and catching rapists, which I applaud. But I had to take a step back, since doing so meant more involvement from me. Well, of course it does. You cant put anyone behind bars with out evidence. ... ... District Attornies, they need evid ...   [retrieve this message]
                    • Thank you for the follow up. I’m glad that you called RAIN...   BlueRose   20mo
                      Thank you for the follow up. I’m glad that you called RAINN. ... ... As for the second number you called, did you ask if your call was being recorded? Most places will tell you up front that your call may be recorded. If you weren’t told that, chances are that it wasn’t recorded. ... ... Yes, doing the right thing isn’t always the easy thing to do. However, I’m sure that you would want to see this man put away for years to come. That way, other girls would be spared from his abuse. ... ... It’s good that they are making an effort to protect your privacy. But here’s food for thought --- even if you ...   [retrieve this message]
    • All it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to do n...   R White Shark   20mo
      ... ”All it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to do nothing.” ... ... How many lives you might have saved, if you told your story to police when you were teenager? ... ... ... Send the letter / email to: ... ... the prosecutor, the chief legal representative of the prosecution ... ... the judge ... ... The local police departement ... ... ... But, beware that prosecutor may ask you to come forward as a material witness. In that case you may have to face your abuser in court. ... ... In that case, you may be stalked again by your abuser, once he is out of jail, as now he may want a revenge. ... ... He deserves to be ...   [retrieve this message]
      • What can I say.. Life is hard, and the good are not protect...   survivor23   19mo
        What can I say.. Life is hard, and the good are not protected by any means. I hear what you are saying, but I do understand why good people do nothing. ... ... For one, there is a 99% chance that the perpetrator will probably get off. Our legal system is horrifically compromised on so many levels. Speaking guarantees you a life being stalked, and not only you, but your family. ... ... These evil people are actually LOOKING for ”reasons” to dump their toxic rage, in any form that suits them. Unlike good normal people, they actually somehow find the time to plot, plot and plot some more, because for ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re: Rape - JUSTICE!!   SoulfulSurvivor   19mo
      It is my fervent hope that the person that you are describing rots in prison for the maximum sentence allowable.  ... ... Having said that, I believe in karma.  I believe that the Universe requires a balance, and that this type of heinous creature will reap what they have sown.  One way, or another. ... ... I personally don’t have much faith in any Legal System.  But, that’s my own opinion and I hope that the perpetrator will get what he so richly deserves. ... ... Brightest blessings ...   [End]
      • FYI, I sent that letter to the judge. I looked up the court...   survivor23   19mo
        FYI, I sent that letter to the judge. I looked up the court docket, and the defense attorny was begging for a continuance because she has been so swamped, and unable to prepare the sentencing memorandum. So now the sentencing has been postponed for October. ... ... I dont have faith in the court system either. ... ... But the court system has the ability to get the people that are stupid, and this guy was really really stupid. Granted, he didnt get caught in the act raping children, or do what other pedofiles do; record themselves taping the rape, and then broadcasting it and bragging about it, bu ...   [retrieve this message]
  • tune in!!!   SoulfulSurvivor   22mo  C
    Donna Andersen, author and founder of, will be launching a National radio broadcast to educate the general public about sociopathy.  If you believe that a person needs to be a serial killer to be defined as a "sociopath," THIS BROADCAST IS FOR YOU!!!! ... ... Mark it down and listen in.  Donna is a "regular person" who was targeted and defrauded by James Montgomery and has become a foremost expert upon sociopathy and the subsequent healing processes involved.  She speaks plainly and truthfully about her experiences, ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Domestic Violence Survey   SoulfulSurvivor   22mo  C
    Take a few minutes to take the Domestic Violence & Abuse Survey.  Options that have a BLUE QUESTION MARK ( ? ) next to them have additional facts and information with regard to the specific question. ... ... One participant commented that they found a particular question to be "offensive."  GOOD.  We should be offended when it comes to ignorance about DV&A.  Many have been the times when friends, family members, Law Enforcement, counseling therapists, and Judges have engaged in VICTIM BLAME .  Even in this age of information ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Where's the childhood abuse survey?   #136970   22mo
      ... ... "Many have been the times when friends, family members, Law ... Enforcement, counseling therapists, and Judges have engaged in VICTIM ... BLAME...." ... ... So true.  As a child (male) who was sexually and physically abused by ... adults and siblings I learned that as an adult I didn’t dare approach a family ... member to talk about it, let alone accuse them.  Particularly the sexual ... abuse from an older sibling who, educated and working in a professional field I ... know would have literally killed me if I were to ever mention it to ... anybody.  He had a pistol and would have used ...   [retrieve this message]
      • Write one!   SoulfulSurvivor   22mo
        You can write a survey, yourself!  It’s probably a really good idea to get all questions prepared and any links/facts researched.  GOOD IDEA!!! ...   [End]
    • What is this?   uchihaMadara   22mo
      Where may I obtain this ”education?” ... ... Domestic as in at home or as a country? ... ... Violence verbally, physically, or other? ... ... Abuse, a redundancy of violence? ... ... Please clarify.   [End]
      • Where may I obtain this "education?"  "...   SoulfulSurvivor   22mo
        Where may I obtain this "education?"  "Education" with regard to Domestic Violence and Abuse may be had by visiting, or by Google searching "domestic violence facts." ... ... Domestic as in at home or as a country?  Really?  It can be both - "domestic" in the original message refers to family violence and/or abuse.  Different countries have different views and approaches to the epidemic of family violence and/or abuse. ... ... Violence verbally, physically, or other?  If you need to ask this question, then it may b ...   [retrieve this message]
        • biased site   uchihaMadara   22mo
          Where may I obtain this ”education?”  ”Education” with regard to Domestic Violence and Abuse may be had by visiting, or by Google searching ”domestic violence facts.” ... ...   ... ... I went there and it automatically assumes that men abuse women. Little do they know, many women abuse men - mostly with words, throwing plates from kitchens, etc. ... ... The site is at least noble enough to suggest to people being ”abused” to get out of those relationships and seek help. ...   [End]
          • So sorry....   SoulfulSurvivor   22mo
            ...that you found the site "biased."  The unfortunate fact is that men rarely report domestic violence/abuse and experience extreme criticism and ridicule if they file a criminal complaint, let alone try to discuss the issue with someone. ... ... There is information out there with regard to abused/battered men.  You just have to do some research to find it. ...   [End]
  • Don't know how to deal with the memory   nowaivering   23mo  C
    Hi, ... ... I am a 23 years old male living in Australia. Before moving here I lived in New Zealand, where I spent my years in intermediate school and high school. I have a certain memory of my father (my own one, not step-father) which really haunts me and sometimes make me feel like giving everything up and die. (if the writing seems too long to read please skip the next paragraph) ... ... During my junior years in high school I was a pretty motivated student. I studied pretty diligently and got good marks, which put me in one of the classes that smart kids were put into. My father was always a go ...   [retrieve this message]
    • One thing I want to add is that I think what’s making me so...   nowaivering   23mo
      One thing I want to add is that I think what’s making me so sensitive to this memory is that before the incident I had a very strong trust in my father. I was very close to him and he had protected me from some things like bullies in the past. I think going through something like this from someone you trusted so much has a greater effect than if it was someone you didn’t know or cared much about.   [End]
    • You own your thoughts and feelings. They belong to you. .....   fledgling   21mo
      You own your thoughts and feelings. They belong to you. ... ... No one else can change what is inside your head. ... ... If it helps, simply ask to solve this question. Ask your inner self. ... ... Allow that everyone makes mistakes, and often wishes later that they could change what went before. ... ... ... If this doesn’t work out the way you want, go on to other people you can trust...and come back to this question when you do see a solution. ... ... ... Since the dawn of time people have been trying many, many ways to achieve their goals. Nothing is written in stone. Everything changes as we grow older and wis ...   [retrieve this message]
      • Another idea...   fledgling   21mo
        Go to a TV set that gets the National Geographic channel, and watch the program called ’The Dog Whisperer’. ... ... Cesar Millan gently teaches how to get along with dogs. However, many of his ideas on the attitudes to take with dogs applies to how to get along with other humans, and children. ... ... At least, that’s how I see it. ... ... Go there, everyone, and watch a number of programs. See what you think. ... ... :D ... ... ... ... ... And, Go to ... and try EFT. It works wonderfully for me. ... ... Love and best wishes, ... ... F.   [End]
  • Weekend from hell   applesauce19   23mo  C
    my 13 year old cousin came over to spend the weekend with me, my mom went to work and and we were playing sims creating are perffect lives and then the phone started to ring and ring. in my family me and my older sister don’t answer the phone because we don’t use it if you want to reach us its are cell phone and it must be a number we know. so i thought it was unimportant until my phone started to ring and it was my grandma i answered it and she told me she was trying to get a hold of me because she told my aunt what had happened. i felt sick she promised me she wouldn’t tell no one and ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Applesauce19, I am truly, truly sorry for what you’ve exper...   SoulfulSurvivor   23mo
      Applesauce19, I am truly, truly sorry for what you’ve experienced.  It WAS the weekend from Hell. ... ... Not to excuse your mother’s actions, but she is living in what is called, "denial."  She knows the truth, she knows that she cannot change the truth, and she also knows that ignoring the truth has caused the "bad person" to be able to harm other people.  Denial is very ugly and it causes people to make very stupid choices and decisions.  ... ... What YOU are experiencing is likely Post Traumatic Stress.  You’ve had a terrible experience, you have ...   [retrieve this message]
      • every time i keep calling the help line ... i just can’t ta...   applesauce19   23mo
        every time i keep calling the help line ... i just can’t talk ... ... i recorded what i want to say and listen to it over and over again. i know that’s not helping me but ... ... i’m beginning to realize i can’t really do stuff for myself ... ... i was never given the opportunity to do anything ... ... i have problems talking to strangers on the phone ... ... my older sister does all that for me ... ... when i meet a stranger on the street i become really nice and try and not talk about anything revolving around me in childhood. ... ... ...   [End]
        •  Applesauce19, I understand what you’re saying, but th...   SoulfulSurvivor   23mo
           Applesauce19, I understand what you’re saying, but this is about your life.  Not just the emotional aspects, but your physical well-being, too. ... ... There are two options available to you:  talk to someone ASAP, or don’t.  If we make the choice to choose not to get help, then whatever happens to us from that moment on is our own responsibility - we cannot blame the actions of another person on our condition or situation simply because we are fully aware that we need assistance and we’re refusing to take steps.   ... ... I used to base ALL of my decisions and choices on m ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I can not understand why you panic.   jharnapat   16mo
      I can not understand why you panic.   [End]
      • Jhamapat, if you don’t know why this poster panics, then co...   SoulfulSurvivor   16mo
        Jhamapat, if you don’t know why this poster panics, then count yourself blessed.  What you term as "panic" is a physiological and emotional reaction called, "anxiety," and what Applesauce is describing fits the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  ... ... So, if you "don’t understand," you are truly blessed ...   [End]
  • Wellllllll.....   SoulfulSurvivor   25mo  C
    It’s’ been a good while since I’ve posted with regard to my personal situation.  ... ... What this all has been for me was a very, very hard learning experience.  I’ve learned a great deal about myself through strong work with a counseling therapist - why I’ve made choices that I have, and how I cannot (and, SHOULD not) take responsibility for the soon-to-be-ex’s choices and decisions.  I’ve learned that a sociopath can present the most normal of facades and neatly compartmentalize the most vile truths imaginable.  I’ve learned that I had the ability to close the door o ...   [retrieve this message]
    • SS---Thank you for posting an update. I have thought about...   BlueRose   25mo
      SS---Thank you for posting an update. I have thought about you quite a bit and wondered how things were going for you. ... ... With this post, you have shown once again, what a strong woman you are. You’ve also passed along some very helpful advice for us all. By doing so, you’ve also shown once again what a generous, giving person you are. ... ... I know that in the long run, you are going to be okay. ... ... Your post was very moving. I found myself reading it with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. ... ... Please know that you will be in my thoughts. Do keep us posted. By detailing your exp ...   [retrieve this message]
      • What a journey!   SoulfulSurvivor   25mo
        Thanks so much, Blue Rose.  I have to say that this has been the most bizzare, terrifying, and heartbreaking journey, to date.  ... ... But, through working with this amazing counseling therapist, I’ve managed to avoid most of the pitfalls when ending a relationship.  Am I angry?  Oh, hell yes, I am.  Am I heartbroken?  Well, nope - not anymore.  Do I have hope that I’m going to be okay?  Yeah - after a long while (since finding that nasty bag in September).  ... ... I post to get this emotional infection out of my system - it’s sort of like a h ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Life with Mike   black panther   26mo  C
    I met him in the summer of 2007, He presented as a military man of almost thiry years, a humble hero, a man of morals and values, keeper of our country, proud of his military background. A good man of much character, going through a bitter divorce, claiming she got the friends, he was lonely, it was her fault things fell apart, she was using him financially, broke his heart. I am a person of compation and empathy, I felt so sorry for this man, we began a friendship. ... In the following months he shared with me, a horrific child hood, memories of neglect and terrible abuses by alchaholic pare ...   [retrieve this message]
  • My time with a Dark triad   black panther   26mo
    I am writing my story, not as a victim but as a survivior, at this time in hiding under the victims protection act as I have made police and the judicial system very aware of who and what my husband of three years turned out to be, A narsicistic phychopath, a dark triad. This mind is the other kind of scociopath that I refer to as the true phychopath. I will share what I have lived and experienced and learned in this time with this man, as we go along, I will insert knowledge, since I became aware of what he is and his ongoing behaviors, which seperated by six and 1\2 hours is still inflic ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Minds of Monsters in these times   black panther   26mo  C
    Greetings and congradulations to all those who have survived, to those that are in the process of realization and acceptance of what this part of the population including the one you loved really are, you are on your way to a happier, healthier existance. To those that doubt themselves and believe what that very sick mind belonging to the one you think loves you tells you, I hope my story gives you some awakening and insight, into the mind of a scociopath......Until five years ago I had no idea this kind of mind existed. I now know there are two levels to this kind of mind. They are both b ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Does this sound like a sociopath? I'm going crazy doubting ...   In limbo   29mo
    I started a ’relationship’ with a guy from work after he spent two years pursuing me, following me, building up conmections, things in common and literally charming me off my feet. He is married which doesnt help. ... ... I always knew he liked being around the ladies, he always said so quite glibly. ... I also noticed that he had been very ’close’ to someone else at work before me, and at first I suspected his motives towards me as he seemed to be playing she and I off against each other. Eventually she left the job, his attention was soley on me and i allowed myself to fall for his charm. ... At fi ...   [retrieve this message]
    • He sounds like a narcissist to me. It is never his fault, ...   Iolite   28mo
      He sounds like a narcissist to me. It is never his fault, he has no scruples or morals. He sounds like he’s really bad news. I suspect that the woman on the different shift may have left the job because of this guy. Do you really want to be the other woman? And...if he’s cheating on his wife, you can guarantee at some point, he’ll cheat on you. ... ... Everything you’ve posted is a red flag telling you to run in the opposite direction of this guy. He is also technically sexually harassing you at work. If you want it to stop, tell him you are going to file a complaint with HR if he doesn ...   [retrieve this message]
  • i am a victim to a sociopath mother   ne1   29mo  C
    i am a 27 year old daughter of a mother who has been a sociopath and it was only recently that i discovered her true nature after running into the signs and signals that sociopaths qualify under. i have suffered enough first losing my dad my throwing him out of our lives simply to please her then my brother who too walked out n now i after marrying the man of my choice, am the latest victim. yes i am married and still stuck under her never ending spell of both mental and physical torture, because i being a Muslim have to follow the so called social guidelines of first being lawfully wed an ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Not easy to walk away . some of us have to sit and wait for...   #28223   29mo
      Not easy to walk away . some of us have to sit and wait for fate to turn on our side. ... ------------------------ ... With all due respect, such a statement implies that you are playing the victim. That said, it may seem to you that you don’t have any options. However, you do have options. Whether or not you exercise these options, that’s entirely up to you --- and no one else. It’s never easy to take a stand and break away, but it can be done. ... ... You say that your religion has put constraints on you when it comes to breaking away. I’m assuming that you live in a Western country. If so, y ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Hon, if you can write a post like the above...the time for ...   fledgling   29mo
      Hon, if you can write a post like the above...the time for your freedom has come. ... ... I promise you that, not long from now, your life will smooth and become more balanced, even if you do leave. ... ... ... Be as kind as you can, of course, but don’t wait. ... ... Think about it, and plan. ... ... There will be days when you feel badly, and days when you feel excited, but the days when you feel calm, and balanced, are the ones to rely on. ... ... Talk quietly with someone who lives a balanced life and who makes you feel clear and independant. ... ... ... My best to you, ... ... Fledgling   [retrieve this message]
    • I am also a child of a sociopath, notice I say child, as I ...   #170094   13mo
      I am also a child of a sociopath, notice I say child, as I feel the word victim would be defeating. Not because of any other reason butfore being her child do I feel an obligation, or I should say ”DID” feel an obligation to stand by her and honor my mothers wishes, in my case there was no religion involved, just my sense of being, that by the way was groomed by her, my mother. So from the start I had to re-adjust my perspective as again they were groomed by a self serving maniac, and were very harmful to ONLY ME. It is only recent that I have learned to liberate myself from the clutches ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Defense Against the Psychopath (and narcissists)   ginab4u   29mo
    Uploaded by shaolinmountainbike on Dec 14, 2010 ... ... ... Defense Against the Psychopath is a documentary excerpted from chapter one of my book; The Art of Urban Survival. Teaches people how to recognize and defend against our society’s most dangerous predators, psychopaths. ... ... Free Download of the PDF booklet, Defense Against the Psychopath here: ... ... This is the very informative video: ... ... ... ... ...   [End]
  • Shattered   SoulfulSurvivor   30mo  C
     For years, I’ve been posting about what I consider to be "core values" in a healthy relationship:  mutual respect, honesty, truthfulness, etc., ad nauseum.  This past Monday, I had my whole perception of my own relationship shattered and I am unable to process what I’ve experienced. ... ... While ransacking my home for items that I wanted/needed to sell, I came across a curious gym bag that was sitting in the closet that I share with my spouse.  I opened it up and my world imploded.  In the bag were 8 DVD’s of hard-core BDSM videos, several books of BDSM imag ...   [retrieve this message]
    • SoulfulSurvivor---I am so very sorry that you have been put...   BlueRose   30mo
      SoulfulSurvivor---I am so very sorry that you have been put through this. You certainly did nothing to warrant this happening to you. ... ... What you are feeling right now is normal. I believe that giving someone our trust is one of the greatest gifts that we can give --- especially if the one given our trust is a loved one. We’re laying ourselves bare by giving our trust because it comes with our hearts and our souls. In turn, we expect them to not only give us their trust but also to never do anything to betray the trust that was given to them. ... ... When we give trust to friends or co-work ...   [retrieve this message]
      • Coming to terms   SoulfulSurvivor   30mo
        Blue Rose, I thank you very, very much for your kind words of support and encouragement. ... ... At it stands, I’m only just beginning to come to terms with what the discovery means with regard to the past 13 years of my life with this man.  He’s been living a lie, and I put my trust and faith in a person that never existed.  Was everything a sham, then?  ... ... I am still in shock,, but as time passes, I’m beginning to feel a sense of moral outrage that’s replacing this incredible fury, bit-by-bit.  You’re right - I didn’t do anything to deserve this deception, except to ...   [retrieve this message]
        • Nuts...   fledgling   29mo
          ...Nuts, nuts, nuts! ... ... ... Of all people, YOU did not need this in your life! ... ... You have already picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and begun all over again. ... ... Rats! What a bummer. ... ... How dare the fates deliver such a blow?! ... ... ... But, what the heck? YOU are exactly the same. You’re the same sweetheart who has tried for years to support and help those who are getting themselves into far better circumstances than ever before. ... ... ... You’ve written a book, you know. Read what you said; remember how you felt when you said those things...what were your intentions? ... ... Those are not chan ...   [retrieve this message]
          • Fledgling --- What a lovely post!   BlueRose   29mo
            Fledgling --- What a lovely post!   [End]
            • Thanks, BlueRose   fledgling   29mo
              Sometimes events surprise the heck out of us. ... ... I mean, whoever guessed that I would wobble from side to side when I walk. ...That I’d tire so easily. ... ... My legs were always my strongest parts. ... ... But, do I feel like giving up? Not on your tintype! ... ... I get outside and do a small job of outdoor work every day. ... ... I ain’t down yet. ... ... That’s what I think keeps me alive. ... ... Dh was widowed twice, before I came along. No way he gets that again. ... ... Soon I’ll be racing around doing things as I used to. ... ... Soulful, too. ... ... This is just a little hiccup in her life. She will conquer all. ... ... You ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Besides...   fledgling   29mo
      ...Some months ago I was almost ovewhelmed with the horror of man’s mistakes throughout history...atrocities. ... ... I mean, who can justify the inquizition? ... ... Yet, there it is. ... ... I wasn’t even around to stop it. ... ... :) ... ... And then I remembered that I believe there IS no such thing as time. ... ... ...That yesterday, today, and tomorrow are all one, and interchangeable. ... ... In other words, it doesn’t matter who does what, or when, as long as someone thinks better of it and creates what is best...if only in thought and imagination. ... ... I realize that I have no control over what happened centuries ago ...   [retrieve this message]
      • Blue Rose and Fledgling, I want to thank you both for your ...   SoulfulSurvivor   25mo
        Blue Rose and Fledgling, I want to thank you both for your words of support and encouragement.  I am going to emerge from this, and all of the fears and shame are being faced down with as much courage as I can muster. ... ... The blessing in all of this is that I had the resolve to realize that the marriage was a sham from the beginning and that no amount of effort would heal a relationship that was based upon deception, from the word "Go."  I knew it was over when I found that nasty bag, and after he left I was on a mission to uncover the layers of his betrayals.  He w ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re: Shattered   PinkCocaine   23mo
      I Honestly wouldn’t know what to do if I experienced something like this. I would probably just feel sick, because something like this is sick. Not the whole ”BDSM” part, but him engaging in something like this without telling you about it.. However you can’t blame or try to put down someone for something they enjoy.. & Frankly, he’ll probably never quite enjoying or acting in these activities.. It’s what he likes and what he’ll probably enjoy for the rest of his life.   [End]
      • Discoveries   SoulfulSurvivor   22mo
        To clarify this, he married me strictly for money, as I discovered after he left.  My attorney has said this in exactly those words.  My counseling therapist has said this in exactly those words, and so has just about everyone else that knows my situation.  That he compartmentalized activities that I find disturbing was a shock, to be sure.  And, yes - I accept that consenting adults may engage in whatever sexua| interests they want to, and they do, including expensive whirlwind "sex tours" in Southeast Asia that includes taking the virginity of 8-year-ol ...   [retrieve this message]
        • I just happened onto your post, SS. You are clearly a cari...   Mira528   22mo
          I just happened onto your post, SS. You are clearly a caring, strong, and insightful person. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this. Your honesty in sharing your situation and the courage you display in dealing with it are inspiring. ... ... What impresses me so much is the way you’re facing the cold, hard truth instead of playing ostrich and sticking your head in the sand. Yet you’re not letting bitterness take over your life. ... ... I think that we can easily project our hopes and dreams and ideals onto another person and some of us are easily fooled by manipulators who use us for ...   [retrieve this message]
          • Mira, thank you for your vote of confidence - I’m not all t...   SoulfulSurvivor   22mo
            Mira, thank you for your vote of confidence - I’m not all that confident, right now, but it’ll come back in due time. ... ... As for finding a partner, that is NOT going to happen, ever.  I won’t allow it, I won’t imagine it, I won’t entertain the notion on any level.  The carnages that the exspath inflicted are myriad, and I won’t ever, ever, ever seek or allow another "partner," again.  I have chosen two very, very bad people in a row.  I need to fix what ails me, and be happy without a partner.  And, no....I do not miss Mr. Bondage, whatsoever.  H ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re: Shattered   mamahuhu   16mo
      This just breaks my heart. ... ... Here you are helping so many people. You do not deserve this. ... ... You are strong though. I wish I could help you get through this like you’ve helped so many others. ... ... What is wrong with these people? ... ... I hope you are alright SS.   [End]
  • Still Learning! LMAO!!!   SoulfulSurvivor   31mo
    Right - I’m beginning to get better at this with every exposure to NPD that I experience.  Perhaps, I’ll finally get to the point in my life when I can slam the EFFING door, without malice, upon anyone that exhibits behaviors that may become an emotional danger to me.  And, this time around, it’s become comical to me, even though I fell into the same stinking narcissistic trap with my eyes wide open and my gut telling me, "Watch out, this is over the top!  Watch out!"  I have to laugh because I am the only one to blame for this experience! ... ... So, this ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Excellent post, SoulfulSurvivor --- filled with great advic...   BlueRose   31mo
      Excellent post, SoulfulSurvivor --- filled with great advice. ... ... I take to heart what you wrote about boundaries and not giving out too much info too soon about myself. I’ve learned to proceed cautiously --- be friendly but hold back until I get to really know someone. I’ve come across too many users who take but when it’s time to give back, they’re full of excuses.   [End]
      • Thanks, Rose!   SoulfulSurvivor   31mo
        Oh, Blue Rose.....thanks so much for your encouragement, I needed it!  LOLOLOLOLOL  ... ... I am furious with this woman because she deliberately used me to the extent that she did - she is quite manipulative.  And, I am even MORE furious at myself for not having my boundaries firmly in place. ... ... The excessive flattery is so disarming that even after all I’ve experienced, I can be fooled by it, STILL !  "Look at what excellent work you doing!  That’s incredible!"  Or, "You are such a great instructor, your students really bond with you.  ...   [retrieve this message]
        • You’re welcome, SS. With my background (NPD mother who was...   BlueRose   31mo
          You’re welcome, SS. With my background (NPD mother who was an alcoholic as well as verbally and emotionally abusive and father who was the perfect enabler), I have to watch myself when I come across someone who goes overboard with the flattering comments, as I know that I’m susceptible to falling for it. I admit that there have been times when my gut is screaming at me to not fall for it, it’s still hard not to be taken in. Then when I do listen to my gut there is this little voice telling me not to be cold or mean to the flatterer. I guess that was all part of my conditioning while gr ...   [retrieve this message]
          • I have to laugh!!!   SoulfulSurvivor   31mo
             Thanks so much, again, Rose - sharing your experiences helps me to realize that I’m not nuts!  LMAO!!!!! ... ... What’s so interesting now is that everyone in the studio is going around and walking on eggshells - asking me, "Are you okay?  Everything okay?"  I’m feeling great, life is good, and I really don’t give a fart in a windstorm whether or not this person likes me, anymore.  Apparently, she’s having some kind of control issues and she’s attempting to work them out using me.  I figure that, if she is true to form, once she realizes that she can’t u ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Using Common Sense   SoulfulSurvivor   31mo  C
    How can we possibly know that someone might be a malignant narcissist or a sociopath?  There’s no outward, physical symptoms, so what are the some of the common traits of sociopathy?  From the website,, the list below is a good start: ... ... • Glib and superficial ... • Egocentric and grandiose ... • Lack of remorse or guilt ... • Lack of empathy ... • Deceitful and manipulative ... • Shallow emotions ... ... What the hell does "glib" mean?   When someone makes a "glib" comment, it goes something like th ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Soulful, I'm not angry, nor do I want revenge   #25098   31mo
    I went through an awful few days in the family, decided to never see those folks again, and I don’t even think about them much ever since. ... ... It has been refreshing to finally make a choice, and let it go. ... ... ... The reason for the split was that I suddenly noticed what they were doing to my brother, and maybe even to me at the same time. ... ... I have other things to think about and do. ... ... I simply made a choice, and I like it. ... ... There are no internal repercussions. I wish I had done it much sooner. ... ... Lady   [End]
    • It’s wonderful to read that you’re moving forward - severin...   SoulfulSurvivor   31mo
      It’s wonderful to read that you’re moving forward - severing ties and relationships with people who mean to do us harm is often a very difficult thing to accomplish, especially if those people are "family" members.  GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!  And, the further we go without contact, the better our lives become - we are not suffocated by the drama that the NPD/sociopath generates, nor are we constantly dodging the deliberate damage that they inflict. ... ... When I respond about anger and the desire for revenge, I try to do so by using my personal experiences on my healing p ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Thanks for your support   #25098   30mo
      Support is one of the greatest pleasures in life. ... ... What I have experienced surpasses any sadness and so on that I once thought was my life and destiny. ... ... It was so easy to get over a lifetime of confusion and sorrow, and easy to forgive and forget. ... ... Oddly, I notice others who think as I do on general subjects and who verify my opinions. It’s great. ... ... Many thanks. ... ... Lady ... ... ... Also, I have found that I now have a new outlook on the world’s horror stories. ... ... There are many things that were poorly done in the past, and that may destroy the planet in the near future. ... ... I now put my en ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Is there another forum for this subject?   Hidden Username   33mo
    This forum is too slow. Any other forums that are more active and discuss mental issues more in dept?   [End]
  • Statistical Facts   SoulfulSurvivor   33mo  C
    Domestic violence and abuse ranges over vast and varied demographics - there is no "typical" abuser, and definitely no "typical" victim.  Yes, there are tell-tale behaviors that are screaming, flapping, waving Red Flags and learning what those symptoms are can help potential victims to avoid making life-altering choices in partners, friends, and family communications. ... ... What the General Public is not aware of are the statistical facts with regard to the cycle of abuse and violence.  The public image of an abuser is someone who has been angered and simply ou ...   [retrieve this message]
    • These are horrendous statistics as I am fully aware as  ret...   jurplesman   29mo
      These are horrendous statistics as I am fully aware as  retired Probation an Parole Officer. It was my task to ”rehabilitate” such offenders which is not an easy task in a world where human behavior is nearly always interpreted in terms of ”psychosocial factors” only. I use the psychonutritional approach whereby one needs to first of all, eliminate biochemical factors, before looking at ”psychological factors. ... ...   ... ... For instance, we found that violent-prone people usually tested positive to a test for hypoglycemia.  Hypoglycemia is an unfortunate term, because what we really mean by h ...   [retrieve this message]
  • The Perfect Revenge   SoulfulSurvivor   3y  C
    One of the most natural and "normal" emotions that accompany the healing process with regard to NPD or sociopathy victimization is hatred, anger, rage, and a deep-seated desire to exact revenge.  While these reactions are "normal," they can easily and very quickly develop into a full-blown disease of their own.   ... ... "But, Soulful, this person deliberately damaged me for their own entertainment and satisfaction!!!  They deserve to suffer, too!"   ... ... Indeed, anyone who deliberately harms another person does deserve to suffer.  But, in ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I know what your saying is RIGHT.. There is freedom in know...   #143171   3y
      I know what your saying is RIGHT.. There is freedom in knowing why I hurt. I should be grateful I have the ”WHY??” answered now.   [End]
    • this was a great read. ... ... ... however. sometimes ...   chel726   3y
      this was a great read. ... ... ... however. sometimes ”victims” or ”survivors” dont want the labels so they black it out. then what?   [End]
      • Labels   SoulfulSurvivor   33mo
        Bottom line is that we are what we are.  Simply put, we are the sum total of our life’s experiences and factored by the manner(s) in which we chose to manage those experiences and events, or not.  ... ... A "label" is something that we choose to accept by others - a "label" is how we are defined by someone other than our Self.  When we define whom and what we are, we aren’t "labeling."  Rather, we are recognizing and acknowledging the events that have helped to shape our personalities, feelings, and perceptions, and our subsequent ...   [retrieve this message]
        •  It is quite understandable to feel hatred and the nee...   jurplesman   29mo
           It is quite understandable to feel hatred and the need for revenge when you have been raped. This is why it may be important to have the criminal justice system involved, in order to prevent a rapist from committing the offence again. This may also help the rapist in the end, because, believe it or not, a rapist can be helped by therapy overcoming the flaw in his personality that causes him to be a rapist. ... ... But revenge is not necessarily going to "cure" the PTSD of the victim. Contrary to popular opinion PTSD is not so much a "psychological illness", but rather ...   [retrieve this message]
        • This post is very encouraging and upbuilding to me. I truly...   Endurance1   27d
          This post is very encouraging and upbuilding to me. I truly appreciate reading this post. Thank you... It’s natural for humans to desire and crave for justice, which is why it’s so difficult to accept and/or tolerate injustice. My boss is an extreme Narcissist and I cannot help but wonder whether or not she’s truly happy within herself. Please give me your opinion. Can a Narcissistic person be truly happy within? Thanks in advance.   [End]
          • ... My personal view on this simple question is based upon ...   SoulfulSurvivor   26d
            ... My personal view on this simple question is based upon over half a century of Life experiences with toxic individuals, as well as positive and emotionally healthy ones.  I don't believe that a malignant narcissist is ever "happy" within themselves.  "Happy" is a relative term with a continuum based upon endless things.  ... ... ... ... As an example, a person can be "happy" that they got a great deal on an automobile.  They can also be "happy" when their prized roses bloom.  They can also be "happy" when they purchase ...   [retrieve this message]
            • Narcissistic "Happiness"   SoulfulSurvivor   26d
              ... There is a Universe of difference between "inner happiness" and malicious glee. ... ... ... ... True personal happiness is fleeting and the inner calm is contentment - a balance on the Bell Curve of the Happiness Scale. ... ... ... ... Malicious glee is the delight that toxic people experience when they wreak their havoc.  It's not happiness, by any stretch of the imagination, because it is borne of ill-will and malice.  ... ...   [End]
    • Re: The Perfect Revenge   thinker2012   28mo
      soulful, it is common knowledge that the oppressed, onced freed, become the oppressors. this is a psychcological truism. ... the best way i found to overcome is to ask God to create justice in the situation then step back and let God create justice. ... ... if you want, website will help you out   [End]
    • Thank you for this. Lie is about survival and we are surviv...   jessdavis   21mo
      Thank you for this. Lie is about survival and we are survivors. whatever life gives to us, we must be prepared. ... ...   [End]
  • i want revenge on npd mother..   cnp111   3y
    When I realised it was not a sickness but all a well planned choice. All the missing pieces can now be explained. I want to turture and bring the sickest emotional pain ever. I WANT TO WIN THIS GAME... Now that I get the rules.... MY TURN MOMMY! I earned this hate.. DOES REVENGE GIVE ANY HINT OF SATIFACTION???...IS a little better than nothing?   [End]
  • Has anyone had a NPD/Sociopathic parent that is wealthy and...   #142688   3y
    My NPD father moved far away when I was a child. My father took my mother to court every chance he got to lower child support and threatened to take me and my siblings away. He made up complete lies about my mother. He re-married a woman who I strongly believe has NPD to. Even though he lives far away he managed to steal my childhood away. He is a “born again Christian” in public but behind closed doors he is the most evil, vile man I have ever come across. When he would have parenting time with he and his wife would control everything I did. I always was afraid to speak, I felt like I was ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Healing path   SoulfulSurvivor   3y
      I am so sorry to read about your experiences. From your descriptions, it sounds as if your father fits the profile of a sociopath - a step beyond malignant narcissism - although, I’m not a professional qualified to make such an assessment. ... ... As an adult, you have a number of choices that would not only help you to find your healing path, but also to sever the ties with the abusive parent, once and for all. The first (and, probably BEST) option would be to engage in counseling with someone who specializes in survivors of sociopathy, survivors of domestic violence, and Post Traumatic Stre ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re: Has anyone had a NPD/Sociopathic parent that is wealthy...   Hidden Username   33mo
      Almost sounds like my father. If it wasn’t for that born again Christian stuff..I’d wonder if you were a long lost sibling I wasn’t aware of. ... ... ... I could go on forever but I don’t have time to post anything more. But yeah. A rich, a**ho** bastard abused my mother. Tries to mentally abuse me but it can’t be done. Throws money and cars at me but the trick is I can’t live in MY state, I have to live with him. Abused my mother but I was too young to witness it and he denies it. ... ...   [End]
    • As a survivor of an NPD parent, the one thing I have learne...   faraway   32mo
      As a survivor of an NPD parent, the one thing I have learned is to talk about the parent with other people. A weird side effect of being raised by an NPD is our code of silence concerning our abuse. It a distinct part of the abuse process to call you crazy when you recount anything that they have done to you. They also very carefully devised lies about you in their social groups to pre-empt anything you can say later about them to defend yourself. My parent told her friends that I threatened to kill her when I was a teen ager (a complete lie) so anything I could say to try and get help wa ...   [retrieve this message]
    • I feel your pain as it is very hard to get away from these ...   crazed7   29mo
      I feel your pain as it is very hard to get away from these people. Both of my parents are sociopaths and I am still piecing together my life and the weirdness/abuse of my child. They lie about everything and sociopaths cannot feel love so remember that you will not offend them by cutting off all contact. They like to see you react and get startled about your life/sanity which gives them a high. You have to ignore them and don’t show emotion around them -also read The Sociopath Next Door-it will help you. In the mean time do get protection from the police and let them see your rage if ...   [retrieve this message]
  • mother was a narcissis and sociopath   charcalderone   3y
    My mother was also a sociopath and narcissist and some evil. I could write a book about her manipulative, devious, cruel, self-centered, phony, lying, etc personality. ... ... But, the one thing about my totally screwed up family that I will never understand was my father. Will someone please explain to me how a man can stay with a woman who treats him like dirt everyday of his life and also allow her to abuse his children and make everyone’s life miserable except hers. Why would he stay. My father was spineless and a wimp who I had no respect. I am sorry to say that but it is true. Why ...   [retrieve this message]
    • IMO, it’s one word. Hopelessness ... ... Hopelessness dis...   refreshed   3y
      IMO, it’s one word. Hopelessness ... ... Hopelessness disables a person into lack of action.   [End]
    • NPD, Sociopathy, & Stockholm Syndrome   SoulfulSurvivor   3y
      Once you learn more about the devastating effect of Stockholm Syndrome, you may develop some empathy for your father’s plight - nobody wants to experience domestic violence and abuse, and it’s as the responding poster mentioned above: hopelessness is the ruling factor as to why victims remain with abusive partners. ... ... I was just as spineless and allowed as much abuse to occur, and I was often an abuser, as well - sh*t rolls downhill and the stereotypical image of a protective parent taking all of the abuse so that his/her children will be spared is a dramatized and romanticized image that ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Re: mother was a narcissis and sociopath   cnp111   3y
      My father was also a total wimp. He is now a trans-sexual he lives in my garage. He was husband 7 (no one sure how many men she married). he was use as a tool to inflict psychical abuse over nothing. It then turned into a ritual, Then after being discarded his 2nd wife made this gentile man snap, the rage like a spell, he couldn’t control.... hit and beat. was he just an easy victim or does crazy attack crazy... Now at 81 he lives life as an 81 year old scary lady hag... When wife 2, the hunchback midget Jesus freak had passed on Not a week later wimpman retired military bank data pro ...   [retrieve this message]
  • I am ready to divorce a narcissist: advice needed   #112418   3y  C
    It has taken me a long time and a huge amount of self-growth to get to this point. I am ready to divorce a narcissist and I want reliable information. ... ... I am a SAHM. There are three teenaged children. We have a home with equity, but I just learned that he burned through our retirement funds and we are now bankrupt. There has been physical violence in the past. I cannot trust him in this area. Right now it’s ”just” emotional battery and verbal abuse toward me. He is, in general, a good father. He is not a substance abuser. He has a stable income. ... ... Please do not chastise me for staying w ...   [retrieve this message]
    • Could you please clarify what type of reliable information ...   SoulfulSurvivor   3y
      Could you please clarify what type of reliable information you are seeking? And, good for you for taking the first step on your healing path!   [End]
      • both of my parents are narcissis yet my mom cant seem to le...   tigerlily23   3y
        both of my parents are narcissis yet my mom cant seem to leave my dad. married for almost 45 yrs says it every year shes gonna divorce my dad in march always march! my mom copies his stuff but brags about what she knows and where stuff is when her lawyer told her to zip her! i bet my dad is talking to a lawyer telling him what she tells my dad. if u r gonna document, dont brag about what you know with ur hubby’s finances it will make things suspicious. check out too. whatever u document, do not keep them in the house put them in a safe place where u know where they r.   [End]
    • anyone who would make you feel badly for staying with someo...   chel726   3y
      anyone who would make you feel badly for staying with someone shouldn’t be replying to your message anyway! they have not walked in your shoes therefore have no rights to judge you on your relationship. (plus, i believe there is a much larger number of people who are in these relationships but too ashamed to admit it or face it.) ... ... YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING as hard as it is for you to convince yourself that others see it that way. Take your time, go at your own pace, and yes document everything. Admitting it, and being willing to finally do something about it, is the hardest step, w ...   [retrieve this message]
  • Image Embedded Love Your Shadow   cary kembla   3y  C
 ... Make friends with your shadow. All your shadow ever wanted to do was protect you. Your shadow desperately wants you to survive, its scathing criticisms and sarcastic put downs are all designed to do one thing and one thing only - to train your psyche to endure exactly those attacks which you received as a vulnerable child. If they are dead or you have gone no contact with them, these abusers are now gone from your life. All that is left now is you and your shadow. Your shadow is so very lonely, accepted and loved by no-one, ...   [retrieve this message]
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