So I tried...am I wrong?

I was sent to a conference for my employer's software company. The day before I left I had the opportunity to watch Patch Adams. I've seen it before but that was a long time ago. It motivated me to try and be a different person than I am now. What I am now is someone who tries to be sociable but strikes out in some way either by connecting with people at that time and never hearing from them again or outright rejection based on whatever impression I gave them at the time. I tend to stay back and not socialize for fear of this rejection (silly I know but we are all human). My life is lonley because of this and I see why it is in part my fault.

What I tried to be was a more spontanious person at this conference. The first night there was a reception and I made a point of introducing myself to everyone (and I mean everyone!). The next morning most people made a point of saying Hello. It felt great! Then during the conference, the company holding it made a point of keeping it all interactive and everyone had to speak a little, opinions, ideas, etc and some of mine were considered! It was wonderful I had never felt so accepted, appreciated and recognized in my whole life! I almost cried reflecting on it all!

The last night of it all, there was a great party the company threw. Again we all talked, laughed, played "Rockstar" which by the way is hilarious to even watch! Some younger people thought it was a night club or something and "crashed" the party. They were invited to stay and the night went on. I met so many people from everywhere around the world. The "crashers" we from the Meri-times and I tell you, they are some of the best people in the world!

I get home from all of this tired but very happy and satisfied. I felt recognized and appreciated. I tell my husband all about it and that is where things go sour. This was about 2 weeks ago now and he is still not getting off of the fact that yes I had fun without him.

He seems to think I went out and partied with a bunch of men. Well yes there were males around like anywhere else in the world but the females were also there and that is who I mostly was around then as we woment tend to do that. I think he also believes that in me going out and meeting people, I am not happy or satisfied with our relationship.

Where does that come from I still do not know. He thinks that if I am so satisfied in my relationship, I should not feel the need to go out and meet or hang around other people. He thinks that in me introducing myself to eveyone and making a point of speaking to others during this entire conference, I do not want to be with him anymore and "this just proves it". He also said that I never stay up late with him (ah, DUH! I work long hours and sleep is a good thing yes?) but when there are others around I become "animated" and stay up late. Well, let's see, there is no TV and couch going on, it would be rude to just sit there like a grouchy lump and ignore everyone, am I wrong?

Is it wrong of me to think that he is so....well the first word that comes to mind is jelous/selfish but I know its an insecurity. Of course I did not handle it well at first and came down on him pretty hard accusing him of being selfish and jelous for no reason and if he pulled his head out of his %$^$ and looked at the bigger picture, maybe he won't think so poorly of me. From there things got worse but we really did not speak of it more as we were constantly angry and accusing.

Needless to say 2 weeks later it's still an issue and I really do not have the enegery or time to deal with his insecurities. I woke up around 130am last night to find him stewing over it all again. Why I woke up I do not know but I did. We started to talk about it again, I started to get angry but tried to keep it in check as anger in the middle of the night is not good and I needed to sleep as my shift is early and long. He seems to think there were only men and myself at this entire event.

I guess in the end I am looking for people to tell me I am not in the wrong but also there maybe some people out there who agree with him. I just needed to unload all of this as once again, I feel I need to hole up and hide.

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