Re: when I was 17

Oh my! From what I've read of your story, you've had no counseling what so ever? If so, then you must get going on this. You can call the Rape Crisis Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE; or go to http://www.rainn.org.
The latter is the website for Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. These places will point you in the right direction so that you can get the help you need. It doesn't matter whether or not you have money---they still can help you.

You've been through hell but if you reach out for a lifeline and do the work needed, you can heal and move on. Of course you will never forget what happened but with help you can deal with it and get on with your life.

As for whether or not you will be able to have children --- I say, don't jump to conclusions just yet and don't worry about it right now. When you find the right man, you cross that bridge when you come to it. There are so many different fertility treatments these days---you can even use a surrogate.

Of course you miss your mom. From reading your post, it appears that your mom died 5 years ago. If your grief is still very intense, perhaps you should seek out a support group. Here's a website you can check out: http://www.griefnet.org/support/sg2.html
If you don't think that this group will meet your needs, then do a web search as there are other groups around.

Please reach out for help today. As you can see, you do have options. I am really sorry that you went through this and hope that you do take that lifeline. All the best to you.

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