"What we focus on grows so as long as we keep look at the why we keep recreating the situation and feed the loop."
I think that is a very wise statement. By ruminating over things that we cannot control from our pasts, we only make the situation worse. It's better to try to put our effort into making the present a great one, than analyzing the past to the point of exhaustion.
I was a raw foodist for about 3 years, on and off. I can't say that it really helped me heal, because it was an extension of my eating disorder. I find it a lot more healing for myself to eat cooked foods because it eliminates the feelings of isolation and deprivation that I meant to instill with my "fruitarian" diet or whatever I was going for at the time (I did eat lots of greens, nuts, seeds, etc. - they definitely helped, but I am aware that my body needs more than just raw foods to process at its best). I know that living foods are very healing, but for me, cooked foods are just as much - and there were lots of nutrients I deprived myself of that caused a multitude of deficiencies for me. I've noticed that eggs, fish, and Indian spices are very helpful to me in particular. I eliminated all fats from my diet for years, so I was in need of them for a long time.
I am practicing deep breathing now and I hope that in time, I can fully heal myself. An eating disorder really takes a toll on a person and can create a lot more than just stringent rituals with food or behaviors. I'm very young but I've spent a good deal of my life in the pits of depression and isolation due to this disorder. If anything, I hope that the advice you've all given me can benefit others as well as myself. Namaste. <3