Ex Christian (#11)

FourDogBrewing

Hello All,
Allow me to introduce myself, I am an ex-christian who just discovered this site. I grew up in a Missionary household. My parents were Missionaries in East Africa for 28 years. I was raised in Africa from six months of age until 19 years old. at 19 I came back to our home the United States. I have been in the US from then until now, a total of 14 years.

Being raised as the child of a Missionary essentially means that I never had a choice or never really though about any other way other than the Christian way. My parents were Southern Baptist Missionaries. They were appointed to East Africa and that is where I was raised. Fortunately to their credit my parents were and are very open minded and liberal in comparison to their ilk. I am thankful for that, it has made my transition much easier.

I attended schools my entire life in protected protestant environments. I even attended a Christian boarding school for a large portion of my life. I don't recall what age I was when I was first "saved". I think it must have been five or six. I was then convicted again later at around 15. When I look at this in retrospect I have no idea WTF my parents were thinking allowing to make a decision to be saved at such a young age. I didn't even know how to wipe my butt adequately let along make such a serious and spiritual decision.

I was always a bit of a rebel within the confines of the Christian Missionary community. I got in trouble at boarding school for smoking cigarettes, then later almost go my parents excommunicated from being missionaries for my high-school years fraught with alcohol, fake ID's etc...

In spite of that I always considered myself a Christian, maybe just not a very good one, there was no doubt in my mind however that there was a God, and that I could talk to him when I needed something or felt uneasy. The security blanket aspect I suppose.

Eventually I got married to a wonder woman who had a protestant Christian background, but who was not religious in and of herself. So for several years we just didn't really talk about it, but never practiced Christianity either. The real changes for me started in the last three to four years. What brought about my eventual de-conversion started with physics. I am not a very cerebral person, and am a poor student, and would probably fail physics should I try to take it. Having said that, I do enjoy understanding what I can, and find physics and Science endlessly fascinating. It all started at a PBS special I saw late one night on TV called Einstein - The Big Idea. I watched that show at by the end of it I understood General Relativity. For me that was astounding! If I can understand a theory for everything marco in our universe, that was so elegant and made so much sense, what else might there be? This led me into Quantum Mechanics, String Theory, and all kinds of other subject. Throughout learning everything I could in the back of my head keep lingering the questions of how does this mesh with my Christian beliefs. At first I was almost afraid to start researching things like creationism, the age of the earth, accuracy of the Bible etc… The irony here is that my Mother I think was sensing that I was beginning to stray so to speak. So she asked if she could start doing Bible studies on Sundays with myself and my wife. I agreed. Throughout these studies I have been challenged to do even more research and cement my beliefs.

I am proud to say I am a weak agnostic now. Studying the Bible in more depth has done nothing but convince me I made the right decision. It is like looking down the proverbial rabbit hole, once you do, there isn't any end to the lunacy that is religion.

My mother of course realized this and has pulled out her latest weapon in the struggle for her sons soul, Lee Stroble and the workshop complete with book on DVD title The Case for Creation. I have not completed this series, however from what I have seen so far, these are all people who made up their mind first that they believe in a God, then went about trying to bend facts and ignore evidence and even rely on the lack of evidence as proof of a God. Interesting according to my mothers beliefs I will go to heaven anyway as she believes that "Once saved, always saved". So I guess I have my insurance in her book.

I am at a juncture now where I am getting far more comfortable with being an agnostic, albeit there are still parts of me that occasionally wonder how I would feel if I were on my deathbed. At the end of the day I think the Bible is a poorly edited work of fiction, and that the world with be a better place without organized religion as we know. I see that my childhood was largely based on emotional blackmail and manipulation. I still have a long journey ahead of me, however at least now I am approaching it with open eyes, a skeptic approach, and demanding evidence at my litmus test. No more blind faith because someone told me to have it. Time to quit being lazy and think for myself. To me modern protestant Christianity is based on fear mongering and people seeking insurance for their soul since they haven't actually thought out it and examined what we do know in this day and age.

I feel liberated just having typed this knowing that it is going to be shared with others that have gone through similar experiences. I am thankful for having decent parents and especially thankful for a supportive wife who has taken the same journey with me.

Anyway, that is my testimony,
--Former Missionary Child, thinking for himself for the first time in life.

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