Re: can you help?

OK, fair enough --- I will tell you a little bit about me. I grew up with a narcissistic, alcoholic mother who verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abused us kids. My father was the perfect enabler and he, too, engaged in his share of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. He would never speak up in our defense. So, yes, I did have a lot to overcome.

I had little in the way of self-confidence and self-esteem growing up. Looking back, I'm proud of myself for not resorting to destructive behaviors. I had something in me that kept me from doing so---thankfully. It was a long, long journey but I have learned to love myself just the way I am and appreciate all my many good qualities. A lot of the healing, well...the best way to put it is to coin an old saying...with age comes wisdom. I know one thing, though, this is a lifelong process.

What I gave you was my advice, since you came into this forum and asked others. It's just my two cents. Of course, you can take it or leave it---that goes without saying.

You have to take the plunge and start trusting. That said, it doesn't mean that you right away give someone, without knowing much about him/her, your full trust. You take the time to get to know a person thus you get a feel about that person's personality and values. Some people will show themselves right away to be untrustworthy. For example, you catch him/her in one too many lies or you discover s/he backstabbed you. When you discover such things, you move on. However, you will never know until you try. If you have good gut feelings, listen to them. When my gut is screaming that something isn't right with a person, I've found those feelings to be spot on. This is different from never trusting anyone at all.

Finally, it makes me very sad to read that you broke up with a man, who by your own admission, made you feel secure. It's so very sad that you couldn't bring yourself to trust and receive love. I do hope you will work on those issues.

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