Words Not to Say to a Suicidal Person in Danger

By Barbi Trejo

Leo Dicaprio is on the Titanic and he has to save the woman of his dreams. What was her name oh yeah, Kate Winslet, who is engaged to Zane Grey. Now she is going to jump off the side of the ship and what does Leo say? He says, "It is sure going to hurt, like hundreds of knives going through your body." He did not tell her not to jump. He told her, it is going to hurt.

Then a gentleman he is, he starts to take his boots off and tells her, "If you jump, I will jump too." Famous words of that movie. Such a wonderful movie, but real life is just like that. Don't tell the person, "No." Don't tell him, "You have a lot to live for."

Holy crap, if I had a lot to live for, I would not be going to commit suicide. Be calm and reassuring and don't say no. Don't say, "No, you can't kill yourself." The guy will say, "Watch me fool. I can kill myself and any day of the week I want." He will say, "You cannot watch me 24 hours a day." Do not use the word NO. If the person tells you, "I just raped and murdered two women in New York." Say, "okay, I have done worse."

Do not be shocked, be passionate and loving but do not say NO. He is screaming inside, he wants to die and everything inside of him is hurting. The pain is so bad, he just can't handle it anymore. He wants to die and die so quickly, so the pain will just stop. How can you convince me I deserve to live? How can you stop me from feeling so bad? How can you show me I will be loved again? You can't. You just have to listen.

I have a right to be happy. Prove to me right now that tomorrow will be better and I can love again. Show me damn it, you show me! As he is screaming for help, you have tears in your eyes and you tell them, "I will love you tomorrow and I will be your friend forever." Pain, horror, injustice and all of this is just too much. They just killed my husband and I just found out and he did not have a chance. How can you convince me to live. I don't deserve to live, I have to die. Do not:

- Ever judge them
- You do need to understand not accuse them
- Never be angry with them
- Instead be very calm and reassuring
- Never leave a guilt trip on them - Do not tell them what they will be doing to others.
- Remember their feelings and why they want to die
- Put yourself in their shoes.
- Never tell them to be normal and wake up and smell the roses.
- Over reacting to the person's desire to die is never a good ideal.

People who want to commit suicide, are not rational at this point and won't be for a long time. Don't say NO. Just listen. People wanting to commit suicide don't want advice, they want someone to listen and someone to love them. You can't change their past, you can only help with the future. If you promise to be their friend, then be their friend and never lie to them again.

If you tell them, you will call. Then you better call or maybe they will die at that moment. Suicidal people are use to a lot of disappointments, do not disappoint them. If you only knew the pain, the agony, the extreme torture, you will not be able to handle what they are going through. If they make you promise not to call the police, promise them but call the police anyway.

You cannot be sure if they will follow through or not. They need help and you must not be responsible for anyone's life. Question them and find out their plans: - Where they want to die - How they plan to do it - When they plan to die Listen to the person who wants to end it all. Don't give advice and don't lecture and whatever you say, don't say NO! You may be the only person they talk to and you may be the only one that can help. Almost all suicidal persons who are saved, are really happy later. It is just getting through this hard time right now. Reach out and help and don't say "No."