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Re: curezone treatment makes me want to commit suiside
Date: 8/22/2010 10:13:53 AM ( 3 year ago )
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finally some words which brought back a little bit of light into my dark days. It's really a bit of misunderstanding due to my poor English and maybe it's also an unique problem to understand, because u got the point of what i meant also wrong. Believe me that this is not a some sort of academic debate, i'm in deep shit you cannot imagine ( I'm fighting against myself and it®s literally killing me). It's not like when you wanna buy some device and you wonder how it works before you buy it just out of curiosity. The problem is much deeper and if i never read that post everything would be fine right now.
Let me tell you an example. It's like you when you are maried and someone told you that all wives are cheating on their husbands. You don't believe it (for example no one knows all wives -> phoney theory), because you have a great wife and everything is going better and better, but these words just stuck in your head. You can't get rid of it, beacase it's already in your subconcious. You know you cannot fight it forever, 'cos it's eating you inside more and more, so instead of forgetting about it or overcoming it, you have no choice but adopt it and "believe" in it.
But that's what you and maybe even others got wrong, I'm not afraid of brain fog moreover i dont care about it. It's all about the theory. Let me write points of it, i hope it will be finally clear for everyone.
1. Before i read the post about this herbal theory, i didn't care about theories, didnt know about them and i was about to start the treatment.
2. Then i read the post in brain fog topic "liver affect everything above a neck" etc. master herbalist (What does master stand for anyway ? Some sort of patent for wisdom, besides the sentence is so simple ,general, vague and in this subject of matter so untrue that under normal circumstances it wouldn't be worth mentioning, but what i can do) says it and others agreed.
3. But that's the problem. The theory is now linked to the treatment and i simply can't separate it.
4. Here are the problems i have with the theory a) some people have hep c/liver with no symptoms at all or diffrent symptoms, i did a research on internet (it's not even mentioned among hep c symptoms), b) everyone is different and no one really knows everything or how all things work - all possibilities c) i don't see any link between intellectual and emotional development and state of a liver/hep c (or other viscuses). I beg many great spirits (writers, philosophers etc.) had shoddy health, but their creative and intellectual activities have been developed beoynd this condition d) i don't think thoughts/mind/memory are just a matter of brain. Don't want to start debate where thougts come form, but you can see my point.
5. The thing is that i wanna start the treatment but i must believe in it. The healing is physical and mental process. Both parts are very important for the treatment. If I accept the treatment/theory than it will become part of me/ my life (the coalesce of me and the treatment/theory). I will become mentally and emotionally fixed to it. That's the way I'm. And then this phoney theory emerged and caused me two major problems.
Firstly i can't do things, i can't identify with (see paragraph 4) or i deeply don't believe in. If some theory would concern only some physical side of things (like itchy skin), which i should experienced, but it won't happen than i would be fine with it ( you dont have to think about it much, because it's physical). But this concerns a things like thinkink/mental capacity/memory/creativity etc., simply things which define your personality, personal development and your life more than anything else.
Secondly, what you and others got wrong and what is the main reason i wrote these posts and why i'm suffering so much is not being afraid of brain fog or things like that, but it's the adaptation to the theory. It's like the example about cheating wives I wrote. You have the idea in your mind and it's eating you alive, even though when you deeply dont believe in it (paragraph 4). You think that I'm afraid of brain fog (don't mean exatly brain fog, but simply fading away your mental capacity or inability of any progression in this area), but that could be true only in the case that there would be no treatment, than the theory wouldn't affect me at all, i would be just myself and i would forget about it at once ( no treatment - nothing to think about). But the problem is the adaption to the whole concept of the theory, which sadly became part of the treatment after i read about it. Like I wrote it must become a part of me (coalesce) and I have to be fixed to it. Let me tell you simple example. It's like when you move to different town (seaside town), because you need sea air as a major part of your healing. Everybody in the town lives here because of it and the wheather is also very hot. You are fine and completly healthy, but you see, that other people (theory) are wearing more and more clothes everyday although it doesn't make a sense to you. So you begin to wear more and more clothes everyday too even though it makes you feel more uncomfortable and more sick, 'cos the wheather is humid, but you just have no choice but fit in this sociaty (adoption to the theory). So what happened/happening in my case is that even though my mind/memory etc. was better than ever especially better than at the beginning of the year when i was healthy, i started under pressure to adopt myself and my mind to this theory. In reality it works like that (btw. im a student and writer also) - i try to think/learning something or remember something or going deeper inside me when i'm writing but then comes up an idea/block that i cant do any of this, because of this theory. It's giving me headache, night sweats, pernament bellyache, I lost myself and I'm totally emty and I'm scared to think or remember things not because I'm scared that this could happen, but because as i wrote i must adopt the whole treatment process, become fixed to it or at least have no shady thoughts in my subconcious. The theory forces me to do it ('cos it's a part of me) not the fear that my mental capacity should be fading away. It's like choosing between life without the treatment and the treatment, but in tat case i would have to involuntary accepting the fact that hep c/liver causing your mental capacity and personality fading away. And in my case i have no choice but adopt it, cos the whole process is a part of a me and it's leading to the problems i just described. I'd rather have cirhosis than what i'm going through know.
6. Why i came here is to get rid of it, 'cos i was also infected here too. Sadly i see no other option than the herbal treatment and under normal circumstances i couldn't care less what some herbalists say, but hep c is a serious desease and i need to cure it, but more than that i need to live normal life. I was going throguh internet yesterday and saw some post from people, who didn't know about their desease, they have no symptoms and have know clue about some theories of hep c/liver and progression of your mental capacity. I was so jealous, that they can focus only on thier threatment and also so regretful, that i came here to look for some informations without almost no symtoms and became seriously mentally sick. I wanna to get back my composure, but it's not possible without accepting the whole process or the treatment.
I know some herbalists come here and if someone could tell me that progression of mental capacity/cognitivity/memory etc. can be increasing to the same extent as for person with hep c/liver and no treatment for years and for person with no hepatitis c/liver. Or the level of progression in mental area could be simply higher (no one knows everything). It's not just a matter of possible complications, but also a matter of possible progression in this area. Or simply there are no theories/burdens, because everyone is different and that's why the state of a liver and mental capacity can exist and evolve independently/separately. I just don't want to care about some theoris, i dont believe in and force myself to adopt them just because I need to adopt the whole concept of treatment, which would become inevitably a part of me/my thougts as i wrote in previous paragraphs.
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2. Hepatitis C Forum
3. AIDS Support Forum
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