day 1 of ( #? ) water fasting

hello all,

i have yet to get through day 1 of water fasting. I don't know how I did it last month. Food is the only thing that makes me happy in my life right now, and the only thing that i know i have control over, so it really makes me depressed to tell myself to only drink water. My weight is at 136 now I want to get to 100, that is the weight I actually feel good about myself and not ashamed of how i look. I have always been slim in my life it's just that since I started college, I did not really care what I ate or how often. Food is the only thing in my life that actually makes me want to get up in the morning. I always think I am nothing without food. Sad, but it's true. I don't want to think like that anymore. I don't know why I am reluctant to start my fast. I always say just one more day I will eat, and tomorrow I start. Then when I do wake up the next day the first thing I think about is how delicious my breakfast will be. I always say just one more day I promise, then the next day I will be serious. But maybe it's just boredom, and I eat again. I don't feel hungry but I know i'm in control of the food and that's what is making me not getting through the first day.

When I fasted last month, after the first 2 days I felt kind of numb to the idea of eating, I didn't really care for it. I didn't wake up in the morning and say, i have to start my day with food or i will lose control in everything in my life. I live to eat, I don't eat to live. I did wake up in the morning and say to myself ok just get through these couple of days make it to day 10 and it'll be all downhill from there. I had such control to stop myself from eating. I even went to my classes and did not stop and grab anything to eat. So I want that feeling back where I know I will be able to say No to my brain when it demands food. I want to stop myself before it's too late and I end up obese like my sister.

Thanks for reading. I will post tomorrow on my weight loss and my feelings for the day.

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