99.99% telling me to give up and 0.01% is holding me on....

Hi....

Okey... I know what I would like to say, but not sure how to... Just hate this. Can't even write it down, less talk about it...
I went on vacation with a few friends less than a month ago, we were hanging out, going to clubs and just enjoying everything... This one night we have been playing a drinking game and I knew I wasn't going to make it through the night if I went out with them so I stayed at the resort...

Somebody broke into the flat that night... Well, really don't know how to say this or if I even can... took a home pregnancy test and think I'm pregnant... don't know what to do? can't talk to my mother about this and don't want people to find out what happend and its just impossible to go to therapy... made an appointment, but couldn't go through with it. I know I'm totally screwed up.

I've been feeling suicidal a lot lately and cutting my wrists... Yeah I know, thats f###up but it's the only way I know how to feel something even if it's pain... I need the physical pain to be like the emotional pain.

So confused... Don't want an abortion - always said will never wish a baby away, but i don't want this kid too... Don't want it to be born... What if it's not the same colour? ...everyone will definately know then... they will know, everybody knew i never had a boyfriend... just wanted my career to work out...was brought up with high standards... Its all taken away, does it even matter if i still go on... it was the one thing i held pride in to wait till marriage... what do i do now... just want everything to end... even if it's me....

Need to know, does the police have to know about the pregnancy if the case is still open? Really need to know, and if i decide to have an abortion, will they need the remains... how does this thing work? Just need everything to stop... can't go on like this... don't want to think about it anymore... need the pain to go away... Just wish i could end all know....

Just feel like if it doesn't end by itself, i will end everything myself...

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