I apologize if this response is lengthy - your situation seems to require some serious "medicine" in the form of a reply.
Blue Rose is spot-on. And, it's a personal imperative that you consider digging into your personal dirt (to coin a cliche) and sort out why you chose this person (or, why you allowed him to choose you), and why you believe that you don't deserve anything better. Producing an offspring with this type of person will only result in misery for the rest of your life, and your child will never know what a "healthy" relationship is and be raised in an environment of victimization, as well.
How old were you when you began living with this man? According to your post, it's been 5 years that you've been involved with him and he hasn't improved, you haven't improved, your relationship is non-existent, and where are you headed? What are your goals for YOU? Where do you see youself in 1 year? How about 5 years? How about 10 years from now? Before you text message this jerk one more time, or before you make a mistake that you cannot undo, think about this very, very hard. Where are you going with your life?
Anyone who claims that they "can't be with one woman" or one man is trouble from the gate. Describe the good, loving qualities that this man has that makes him such a hot ticket. Is he honest? Is he truthful? Is he steadily employed with good prospects for a sound career? Is he a "good" father to his other child (or, children)? Does he willingly pay child support without whining about it? Is he involved in actually raising his child(ren) in a healthy, loving, and boundaried manner? What is it about this man that you think that you "love?" Is it the sex? Is it the constant adrenaline of the drama/trauma? Is it the broken promises that he'll eventually keep once you figure out how to "fix" him or "help" him?
THINK, GIRL!!!!!! This may sound harsh, but producing offspring will never, ever, ever, ever fulfill you, especially if you're producing one with an animal that you're describing! If you have a daughter, she'll learn from you how to be a puppet to be used and abused. If you produce a son, he'll learn from you how to be a much better abuser and manipulator than his sperm donor is. The last thing on this earth that you need is to bring forth a child under the worst of circumstances with the belief that this innocent soul will "change" what this man is - a sociopath. You will not cease being a victim by producing a child. In point of fact, you will become an even greater source target to this man because he will have a new, squalling tool to use against you: an unwitting human being.
Children do not have a choice as to whom they are born to. They are not dolls. They are not toys. They are not assurances that we are adults. They are individual souls who do not have the luxury in choosing whom their parents will be. They do not have a voice to speak out against neglect or abuse. They cannot advocate for themselves if they are being forced to live in conditions that do not promote their personal growth and well-being. They are vulnerable and are scarred for life when they are produced for all of the wrong reasons.
Think about what you're doing to yourself, your Self (your own Soul), and what you might be doing to a completely innocent human soul. Once a child is born, it cannot be UNborn - you cannot take back what has been produced unless you possess a courage and resolve that is completely devoid of selfishness and allow that child to be adopted into a family that is financialy, emotionally, and spiritually (NOT religious) prepared to raise a healthy, productive member of society.
Please, consider the reasons that you chose this man (or, allowed him to choose you), consider getting involved in some strong counseling so you won't choose another one just like him (or, worse, if that's possible), and consider getting the hell away from this man for good, and for all. He isn't Prince Charming. He isn't a "good" person. He isn't whatever fantasy you've invented to avoid taking control of your own life and exiting all of the drama/trauma that he is generating everywhere he goes. Here are some more sites that will help you if you make the decision to get the hell out of this dangerously obsessive situation:
www.lovefraud.com
http://www.nmha.org/go/codependency
http://www.mnwelldir.org/docs/mental_health/codependency.htm
http://www.planetpsych.com/zPsychology_101/codependency.htm
Brightest blessings to you, my dear. You are a valuable member of the Human Race, and I hope to read a positive, self-empowering post from you in the very near future.
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by lostandclueless
21 mon
2,765
Relationship
