HELP! How I screwed myself up... literally -.-

Before there’s any confusion, first I should mention that I’m a girl. Not a guy, although I’m probably meant to be one…

I am cursed with high libido. I’ve had high sex drive for as long as I could remember, ever since I was 3 years old. I remember being soo embarrassed when my parents caught me in a weird position on the couch, and yes, I was embarrassed back then when I didn’t even know what the hell I was doing. But I guess they didn’t chastise me enough, since it didn’t stop me from masturbating again in secret.

I think it’s genetics… my hormones are out of whack. I’m pretty sure it’s either from my mom (who still has hormonal acne up to this day) or maybe even my grandmother (could be the reason why I have so many aunts and uncles, lol). But I don’t know for sure; I’ve never asked them since it’s too embarrassing to even bring it up.

I don’t know how many countless times I’ve masturbated, but it was only a few years ago that it seemed like I had an inexhaustible well of energy. I used to pride myself on being the strongest in my middle school; I’d beat all the boys in arm wrestle, be able to do at least 50 pushups in PE, and run for two hours straight without tiring. I worked out a lot since I thought it could redirect my sexua| energy to something more productive. The only problem was, using intense exercise to decrease my libido only lasted until like three hours after a rigorous workout. I still masturbated every other night to every once a week (I was able to control my urges better as I got older).

Gradually, I started to fall apart. My hair grew noticeably thinner and I felt a lump in my throat. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with mild hypothyroidism. (I didn’t think it was mild at all, since I felt so cold I could no longer go swimming without freezing and getting these flu-like symptoms.) I was told to get enough iodized salt. That helped decrease the size of the lump, but it didn’t help me with my body temperature at all.

I am 19 now, but at times I feel like I'm 80. I’m cold, tired, and hardly feel like moving. Never mind the gym, I can’t even get out of bed some mornings! Last year, my adrenals started aching (it’s this strange ache radiating from the left side to the right and then back to the left again), which is how I finally found out about adrenal fatigue. And here I am, feeling like I’m stuck between life and death. To make matters worse, somehow my sex drive is still there. This is definitely NOT a good thing when you have adrenal fatigue, especially when you suspect that high libido is what has led to all the problems. I had to break up with my boyfriend since whenever I was with him, I felt lust and temptation even though I knew I couldn’t do anything with him until I got better. After that I was able to control my urges somewhat.. But now that I’m taking ashwagandha for fatigue and insomnia, the urges are back and my libido has gone through the roof and it’s driving me INSANE!

Is there anything natural I can take (that won’t interfere with ashwagandha) to decrease my sex drive? Are there any good meditation techniques that might help? And I mean very good ones, since it’s been so difficult for me to follow mind over matter. It’s not as easy as they say it is.


As a side note; I don’t know how similar my story is to everyone else’s, but I probably should mention that I had an Amalgam in my mouth ever since I was 9. Is there enough mercury/lead in one amalgam to do harm? Maybe that too contributed to my current state. I also took a few rounds of antibiotics for my horrible acne when I was 14 or 15, but I already had candida before then. It was not so bad back then, just thrush in the morning. I asked my mom about antibiotics, and she said I took antibiotics before that for something else too.

So maybe it was more because of the mercury and the antibiotics rather than my hypersexuality? I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that I used to be such a perfectionist, and along with my type A personality, I did get stress in high school. But now I can’t afford to care too much or else I’d become depressed again (well who the heck wouldn’t be if they knew the reason they’re wasting away is because of themselves or (worst, since you had no control at all) because of someone else’s ignorance?!
/end rant

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