Issue 128: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die: Child Sexual Abuse at Newsletter Archive (MessageID: 67307)

Issue 128: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die: Child Sexual Abuse by Webmaster 9 year 14,070 Newsletter / Slavery & / Child Sexu

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Issue 128: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die: Child Sexual Abuse
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Date: 5/23/2004 8:00:54 PM ( 9 year ago )
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Issue 128:
Feelings Buried Alive Never Die: Child Sexual Abuse

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Only recently, and only in some countries and cultures, has the abuse of children come to be seen as a major social problem and a main cause of many people's suffering and personal problems. But, there is no doubt that children have been abused throughout human history. The true extent of sexual abuse is unknown. Studies of the general population of adults show that anywhere from 6 to 63% of females were sexually abused as children. A 1985 L.A. Times national survey found that 27% of women and 16% of men reported being sexually abused prior to age 18 [Finkelhor, D. (1986) A Sourcebook on Child Sexual Abuse. California: Sage Publications.] Girls are sexually abused more often than boys. Among adult women, more than 15% have had some kind of negative, unwanted or forced sexual experience with a family member before 16. All statistics on the incidence and prevalence of child abuse and neglect are disputed by some experts. (Incidence refers to the number of new cases each year, and prevalence to the percentage of people in a population who have had such experiences.) Numbers from 15% - 30% are very common when one talks about prevalence of sexual child abuse.

What does that means for you who have been sexually abused? It means that you are not alone. It means that at least one out of 5 or one out of 8 of your girlfriends have been sexually abused.
Who are the abusers? Very often it is a step-father, a friend of family or a neighbor. Quite often it is a member of a closer family like uncle, cousin, grandfather, father, mother, brother, sister. Sometimes it is a priest or a teacher or some other person that child trusts.

Jim Hopper, Ph.D. writes:

Most abused and neglected children never come to the attention of government authorities.
This is particularly true for sexually abused children, who may have no physical signs of harm. In the case of sexual abuse, secrecy and intense feelings of shame may prevent children, and adults aware of the abuse, from seeking help. Therefore, official government statistics do not indicate actual rates of child abuse.
Government statistics are based on cases that were (a) reported to social service agencies, (b) investigated by child protection workers, and (c) had sufficient evidence to determine that a legal definition of "abuse" or "neglect" was met. In the official government studies linked to below, terms like "substantiated cases" (United States) and "registered children" (England) refer to such cases.
In short, official government statistics are only "the tip of the iceberg."

Secrecy and intense feelings of shame usually prevent children and adults from talking bout abuse and from seeking help. But, the first step toward help is opening up and talking about the abuse.

TALK! Open UP! Do not try to burry those feelings, it can kill you!

What happens when you don't want to open up and when you decide to keep the secret?

Keeping the secrets, hiding thoughts and burring feelings alive consumes enormous amount of energy. Very often, almost whole available energy is spent to keep the secret and to hide feelings. The secret and buried feelings are slowly draining your energy and may cause serious health problems like: clinical depressions, cystic ovaries, schizophrenia, tumors of sexual organs, vaginal cancer, cervical cancer, breast cancer, prostate cancer, sarcoma, leukemia, sleeping disorders, suicidal thoughts ...

Many of those who were abused in their childhood, and were unable to talk about it, retain many problems due to this trauma:

Psychological problems: Fears, panic attacks, sleeping problems, nightmares, irritability, outbursts of anger and sudden shock reactions when being touched. Little confidence, and self-respect and respect for one's own body may change. Behavior that harms the body: addiction to alcohol and other substances, excessive work or sports, depression, self-destruction and prostitution.
Self-Mutilation: Self-Injury, Delicate Cutting, Self-Abuse
Social problems: Have little confidence in other people. Fear of loss of control in relationships.
Sexual problem: While making love problems often occur. The partner may be confused by a certain remark, touch or behavior that brings back memories of the abuse. Patients sometimes don't want to make love at all anymore or make love less. Sexual relation problems may occur, together whit pain while making love, not wanting to make love and problems in getting aroused. Problems with the orgasm and coming also occur.
Physical complaints: Abdominal pain, pain while making love, menstrual pain, intestinal complaints, stomach ache, nausea, headache, back pain, painful shoulders, in short all kinds of chronic pain may occur. The pain is often inexplicable.
Eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating are also very common.
Denial and repression: deny or repress the harmful event(s); don't want to talk about or avoid certain situations.
Re-experiencing: experience the event(s) again; unintentionally they are confronted with memories of the abuse, for example through nightmares, sudden memories or unexplainable physical problems.
Over irritation: are easily affected, hot-tempered, jumpy, excessively alert and don't fall asleep easily.

TALK! Open UP! Do not try to burry those feelings, it will kill you!

I was sexually abused by an uncle when I was just 4 or 5 years old

I was sexually abused when I was 4 or 5 years old by an uncle. The thing is that I don't remember which one :(. All I know is that I have been having nightmares about this since I was 6 or 7 years old and till this day. When my husband tries to touch me sometimes, I cry and ask him to stop!! Okay, I'm really scared about what I'm about to post. The only person that knows about this is my husband and it toke me 15 years to tell someone about this, so I hope you'll don't judge me to harshly :(. I don't even know where to start. Okay, When I was 12 years old I was taking care of my cousin ... continue reading
http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=62&i=292

my daughter was molested by her own father when she was 4

We where separated, on the way to a divorce at the time. When she was 14, and we where in counseling, she finally told it. Wow, she just fell apart. She was having major depression, and could not even go to school, I had her homebound for 2 years. She felt too much guilt and shame. The bad thing about it, when she was 16 and we where still in therapy, and she was actually living normally by then, her x-boyfriend murdered her. She was 2 weeks from being 17 ... continue reading
http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=62&i=295

My girlfriend was sexually abused

She is 17 and I'm 21. She was sexually abused by her uncle from when she was very young to roughly when she was 14. I don't know the details as we don't really talk much about it, so I'm unsure how far it went (not really sure I'm ready to know anyway). We don't have sex or kiss, most we've ever done is hugging (which is pretty great!). I don't really expect any of these things for a long time which I'm fine with. ... continue reading
http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=62&i=291

I am and have been abused by my parents since I was a child

I was also sexually abused by a friend of my father from ages 2-5. My father doesn't beat me anymore like he did a year ago. My mother on the other hand still abuses me. My mother is like a flipped-side coin. She's either really sweet to me or she's just nasty. She'll hit me in the face if she "feels" she has to, or will grab me roughly. When she's not being sweet, she'll abuse me mentally and emotionally, calling me names and treating me like a piece of trash. ... continue reading
http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=62&i=237

sexually abused during a massage

My girlfriend told me today that 2 years ago she was sexually abused while she was getting a massage at a local gym. The masseur worked his way down to her private parts, touching her and inserting his finger in her. She didn't report it to the police, because she didn't feel comfortable talking about it to anyone. ... continue reading
http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=62&i=235

I was abused by an older brother

I was abused by an older brother. I suppose I was somewhere around 6-8 years old. He is 7 years older than me. I just remember him coming into the bathroom and fondling me, and not being able to escape, everything else is a blank. I am 47 years old and have lived my life trying to ignore this fact, thinking that if I pretended it never happened I would be able to forget. ... continue reading
http://curezone.com/forums/m.asp?f=62&i=212

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