9yo with soiling problem

as i said in the other forums ashley has a weak sphincter that leaks even when she's not backed up {which usually she is} it all started when she was 2 she went tp the pediatrician to see why she wasn't pooping and the guy did a digital exam without any lubricant other than wetting his glove with water, and tore the sphincter pretty good. needless to say I sued him and he lost his license
she has had the soiling problem ever since then, and she rarely mentions it when she can't poo because she doesn't want to go to the doctor anymore. she has had 3 colonoscopies and every time they had to manually disimpact her colon, she has had that done many other times too. she is almost always constipated, and when she does go, it's usually in her panties. she hides to go #2 out of fear of having to go to the hospital
today when Itried to give her an enema, the water just leaks right out, and the impacted mass is keeping her already weak sphincter from closing all the way, her anus stays open about8mm lying on her tummy, and fully open in the knee-chest or lying on back with legs upraised positions. I'd appreciate any help in how to give an enema to her since it comes right out, and how to help her strengthen her sphincter to stop having accidents

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