jumping in, looking for Invincible....

Well, Maya, actually

Maya,
I had my first good cranial sacral apt. yesterday. I was of course looking for a therapist I could "afford" and almost didn't go.

I puzzled the therapist Maya. He said he was 'confused' by what he "saw" in me. If it hadn't been my first time with him working on me, I could have "let loose". He 'touched' something that wanted to start the tears, but I'm so 'stubborn' I just leaked tears and got ahold of myself. I felt "things' all over while he worked on me--at one point I almost interupted him and said "hey, does your wife write poetry?" I waited till after he was done, and then asked. He looked a little surprised and said "yes". It was a bit strange--someone had suggested that his wife and I would hit it off--she is 'suffering' from some kind of stress disorder.

Maya, I've had so much pressure on me over the last weeks. If I create my learning experience on earth, boy have I set up a doozy. I don't 'get up' in the middle of the night much anymore, but my bladder woke me, and I came here for 'some reason'(to the computer, then to an email, an then to cz, where I figured out how to 'find' you, then to this post)

I have dental extraction and mercury work on Thursday--I'm a little concerned--I have a lot of 'dental trauma's' in my life. So advice there is welcome. I have an email from my husband, saying he'll 'change' if I will reconsider leaving the marriage. Everything in me, tenderhearted as I am, says "if you decide to stay, you give up the path you are called to take (and that comment hit me under the left rib cage--my body has turned into a giant 'thermometer'--pain and twinges are my messangers--I just can't figure them all out.

And the most painful right at THIS moment--there was an email from my 25 year old son, who is in Iraq as a civilian. He has been the most supportive of my seeking 'happiness' even if it means leaving my 27 years of marriage--BUT, he's obviously touched base with his siblings or his sweetheart, and there is a little agenda change in the message I should NOT have even scanned, because it hurts, and I need to get back to sleep. Basically it says, "Oh Mom, forget everything I've said so far....I didn't realize that YOU didn't realize you are "Bipolar" and as such, even if you went to a buddist sanctuary, you'd still be manic". OUCH. His girlfriend/financee, whatever, went on disability at 22 as a bipolar, unfunctioning ???? person, and SHE's told me that she KNOWS I am that. I know it is just a label Maya, and actually, I'm seeing a psycologist today to discuss exactly that label, and what we need to do 'one up' those people who don't know the difference --let it suffice that my husband, who would do 'anything' for me to stay in the marriage also let it be known if I DON'T stay, he, will 'fight' me for our son. Silly man. And how exhausting.(if hubby knew our son can make a 'chi ball', or feel energy...or use a pendelum to find a pair of sneakers at the department store....oh....but of course he loves his Dad. He's a WONDERFUL kid. But he was born on my birthday, and our connection, even with him back at school. Oh the dynamics in this family. HELP. I'm raising 5 incredibly powerful people, and now I am 'reaping' consequences.....

I'm glad I have my 'friend' who laughs at the learning experience I've "created" for myself, and who hugs me as well, an insists I can get through this to 'create' a different "reality" for myself.

Maya, your messages, and your wisdom, especially at this 'time' in all this 'swirling, changing energy' are appreciated. If you could take the time to give me some advice, I'd certainly appreciate it.

thanks,
peace and joy are what I want to give the world,
but chaos preceeds order, and so, I guess I am simply

pj(angel NOT )

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