Re: Should I stay or should I go? HELP ME!!!!!!!

Abusive men are very difficult to get away from.  You want to cover for these men.  You think they are so grand and so beautiful and just if they say your name you are enamored.

What ends these relationships, unfortunately, is generally in the hands of the abuser themselves.  They are the ones who control to the very end.  It gets to the point where the abused person spirals downward until they become such a liability and so emotionally ill, the abuser no longer wants them around.  He loses too much control and looks elsewhere for another victim.  When the abuse syndrome involves physical abuse, it is harder to break free, because the abuser knows that finding victims to physically abuse is more difficult than just those who will tolerate mental, emotional and psychological abuse.  You see women beaten time and time again and in shelter after shelter and they keep going back because the abuser makes a grand effort to hold on to them to feed his ego and necessity to abuse. 

"She was not in the least sexy, or interesting. All the things he used to tell me I was not (but I was damn it)."

Abusive men often pick unattractive women to be with.  Of course they must possess a low self-esteem or one that they see can be easily manipulated, but the unattractiveness is an added bonus that can easily be used against them later.  All of my abusers had women who were not even close to what you would call lookers, in their past. 

"Can you believe, her ex-husband used to severely abuse her?"

That is such typical behavior.  My last abuser totally sympathized with the abuse I described I had been through prior with my ex-boyfriend.  Of course that was to lure me in.  They really have no concept.  Sociopaths do not feel empathy and do not live in our world of what is acceptable.  Their norms focus around their own personal needs and they only have the ability to feel sorry for themselves.  But, they don't waste time feeling bad.  They always find someone who will build them up, because they lack the ability to do it themselves.  But that statement he made, he knew he had absolute control over you, that you would not say anything to the contrary.   

Many people believe that Sociopaths are people who live under a rock somewhere or are some sickos that are in and out of jail.  That is the perception that makes it more difficult to get them out of our lives.  You throw the term out there and often get instant backlash.  Sometimes it's by the Sociopaths themselves, though, lol. 

"It's hard because you are not privvy to the actual relationships these people have."

This is true of many forums and posts on Curezone.  But once in a while you see a post that gives you such a vivid picture, that you don't really need more details in order to draw the correct conclusions.  I believe mskrissi87's post is one of those.  It seems to scream volumes.   

"There is a reason people come here and ask these questions."

Yeah, this one really seems honest and from someone who is in crisis and hurting very much.  And, so many of us women can relate to her.  Men can also end up with Sociopathic women, I knew a woman like that back home years ago.  I felt so bad for the men she abused.  But, men see things differently and describe things differently than we do.  They see things in more of a literal face value way and we see it in a more analytical way.  So, when they describe Sociopathic woman, they would not use that term, they would just say she's a cheater, a gold digger, a bitch..whatever.  So, that term can sound pretty foreign to a man, eventhough he may have been a victim of one.  Diane Downs, a famous woman who killed her children (whom I walked within feet of one time on my way to an interview at a Prison), was diagnosed as a Sociopath.  She possessed the exact same characteristics and men who are Sociopaths, very charming, a pathologic liar, no conscious, etc....  That term is not used anymore.  Now it is Anti-Social Personality Disorder and it encompasses pretty-much everyone who has odd or criminal behavior.  I don't agree with the new term or assessment.  Anyway, there are many of these types in society and many never end up in Prison or in the system, which is a scary thought.  Neither of my last two abusers were in jail and they fit the Sociopathic model down to a "T".   

"That was a really, really good post. I completely understood the whole thing you were dealing with."

That's good, I can use the support, because I am going to have to tell my own story soon and I don't know what the reception will be.  I have told some of it in different forums lately, but not to the extent I need to.  Maybe they will say, good for you that must have been so hard, yet so cathartic.  Maybe they will say, you are starving for attention and I feel sorry for the fantasy world you just described...maybe a little of both.  Of course we are all aware of the trolls and misdeeders here on Curezone who thrive on criticizing and belittling other members, so who knows how much of that I will get.  It's so counterproductive, a waste of everyone's time when they post their dribble.  But, still I feel that in order to heal, I must forge on.  It's been interesting writing these posts because I am drawing from my own sad experience and had no idea I would be taking part in these posts and laying the foundation for my own healing. I found this post in my mail from my subscriptions and thought her story was so sad, that I wanted to help.  So, while this wasn't planned, it is certainly helping me in writing my story, which will take me some time.      

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