Re: Still in limbo, Still no job--daughter question by #28223 ..... Relationship Support Forum
Date: 1/8/2008 4:03:39 PM ( 5 year ago)
Thank you all for your responses! Some of you had questions which I will answer. As for the BF's father, he died a few years ago. Apparently he was an alcoholic and not a nice person. The BF's parents divorced when the the BF and his full brother were very young and their mother jerked them around a lot. Sometimes they lived with their paternal grandparents, other times with the mother. The BF's father had 2 other kids with 2 other women. One of those kids is in jail, the other is a drug addict. The full brother turned out well, is married and has kids. The BF is divorced and in arrears for child support. He's also 14 years older than our daughter. For the past 2 years he has been in school and only recently got a part-time job. Our daughter has a low paying, unskilled job and was making both their car payments--until the BF's car got repo'd. Before that happened, she complained to us that it was difficult making 2 car payments, to which we asked her why he wasn't working part-time and making his own payments. She said she didn't know. We told her that he needs to get a job. Recently he did find a part-time retail job.
We went through a period of over 2 years when we didn't see our daughter. While we didn't physically see her, we did keep in phone contact. She went away for college and decided second semester that she wasn't going to go to classes. Without going into much detail--she partied away the semester and flunked out. Eventually, she hooked up with the current BF and had the baby--never told us she was pregnant and we didn't find out about the birth until the baby was 2 months old. We have since visited her twice since the baby's birth. With my husband being out of work, we've been unable to visit in 9 months. And, yes, been there done that, she does use a car seat for the baby.
So...that's why they have little money. She's made some bad choices with her life despite having had the opportunity to do better. When we found out why she flunked out of college, we told her she was now on her own and didn't give her any money. However, we did buy a crib and high chair for the baby.
Thank you all for the advice. My husband is now saying he won't send her money. We haven't talked to her in a few days so I don't know if she finally called her grandfather. She basically stopped contacting extended family after she flunked out of college. We urge her to keep in touch with the relatives and let her know that they all want to hear from her. She says she'll call them or write (no computer) but never does.
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