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  • my name is Lindsey   BSA SUCCESS by realsimple  7y   8,051  Cross-post
     
    I’m Mama Crow’s daughter and I’m almost 16. ... ... Mama let me read in here to understand my dad. But I don’t. Mama divorced him when I just turned 7 and Laura was almost 4. He was real mean to us but mostly mama. He is older. Mama married him when she was 18 and he was 35. He has two other daughters (my half sisters) and he abandned them when he married mama. I now have a realtionship with them and they are now 31 and 28 years old. ... ... I love my dad and i miss him very much and i don’t know why really. When mom and dad were married he always took job real far away and left mama and us alone ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • 'Tis the Season...   BSA EDUCATIONAL by SoulfulSurvivor  8y   4,649  Cross-post
     
    ’Tis the Season for victims of abuse, narcissism, and/or sociopathy to be WARY.  Holidays are the perfect time for an abuser to act out with impugnity - he/she has the excuse of being stressed, under the proverbial gun, and being financially "strapped."  All of these ingredients bake up for serious trouble, to be sure. ... ... In my case, the days preceding whatever event were peppered with a lot of withold/reward episodes, especially with regard to the children.  For example, my abuser would say (behind closed doors, of course), "If you don’t get your parents to ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • What I've Learned   RN SUCCESS by SoulfulSurvivor  19mo   2,907  Cross-post
     
    I have been a reader and poster on CureZone for many years, and there have been times when this site was pivotal in my healing processes, especially where my health was concerned.  ... ... I started this board formyself and other people who were in doubt of their relationships with narcissists and sociopaths, and for those who struggling on their healing paths.  I never thought when I started this board that I would have married another sociopath of a different sort. ... ... It has been almost a year-to-the-date that I discovered that the person that I had been married to for ove ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • CTRL H is only the beginning. Keep your online travels private.   RN by been there done that  7y   2,212  Cross-post
     
    It is possible that some victims of abuse haven’t returned to Curezone because their abusers have found their online activities (cutting off one of the last connections to the outside world the victims had). Since I’m the only one who uses my computer, I don’t know how erasing the tracks of online use works on a computer with 2 internet accounts (experiment wisely with caution), but let there be no doubt that erasing your tracks is VITAL and must start RIGHT NOW. ... ... 1) Windows XP (maybe only XP, I don’t know if it is the same in other versions), press CTRL H (control H). You will see a di ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • This is Lindsey again   RN by realsimple  7y   1,297
     
    All the messages down there helped me alot. I was gone for alittle while and got back home to find them and talk to my mom about them. We sat here and read them together one at a time together. We read mine too, and that was hard. ... ... Everybody said something that we could talk about. Some of them made us cry together.I would talk to Mama after reading one and tell her how it made me feel, and then she’d take her turn by telling me how she feels about it. We talked a long time. Thank you for helping me see everything I need to see. ... ... Mama-thank you, and thank you for telling me to come her ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • When threats turn into murder/suicide (edited by mod)   RN by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   2,031  Cross-post
     
    To reiterate the fact that abusers will do anything to maintain control of their victims, I want to offer this little bit of news that we received about 1 hour ago: ... ... ... ... A woman that my husband works with was murdered in front of her young child by a boyfriend who then committed suicide. I am still in shock and I sincerely hope that any men or women out there who might be fearful understand this: an abuser WILL commit murder if their victims try to leave. Not always, but murder/suicide is becoming more and more prevalent. How many people out there above the age of 35 can remember hearing ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • What is abuse? What isn't abuse?   RN by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   2,592  Cross-post
     
    Abuse is behavior that is deliberately intended to cause emotional or physical damage: ... ... * physical abuse - punching, slapping, pinching, shoving, using objects to inflict physical damage. i.e. Abuser pinches the victim in front of the children and the victim screams in pain while the abuser laughs aloud and says, ”You’ve got to be kidding me! That couldn’t have hurt you!” or, punching the victim in the upper arms or legs so that bruises won’t show, or, slapping the victim in the back of the head, etc. ... * verbal abuse - used with as much success as fists in causing the victim to feel d ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Rape - JUSTICE!!   RRR by #141200  20mo   2,111
     
    Hi! ... ... I think you have a right to do so. I was almost raped by my brother in-law when I was 14..but I confront him right in front of my sister and mother..it set me free. Even though they stood by him and he admitted to them that he felt he paid the bills in the house he had a right to do what he wanted...needless to say I did not speak to them for years. When I finally did I confront my mother and sister again about this issue...I think we have rights as victims not to be quite. ... ... Marie   [End]
     
  • Continuing this discussion   RRR by SoulfulSurvivor  3y   3,349
     
     Dr. Joseph M. Carver discusses the dynamics of Stockholm Syndrome with regard to the complexities facing the victims.  From the website:  http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/stockholm/part-2.html  ... ... "Cognitive Dissonance" combined with Stockholm Syndrome creates an emotional environment that is horribly stressful for the victim, and assists the abuser in maintaining that constant feeling of being off-balanced.  As a victim, I recognized that the behaviors within our relationship and family weren’t healthy or approaching the realm of "acceptable ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Image Embedded Why don't they just leave?   RRR by SoulfulSurvivor  3y   4,293  Cross-post
     
    This is a very long post, and it is my fervent hope that the information contained will be of help to someone in crisis. ... ... From family members to Law Enforcement, and even within the psychological community, "Why don’t they just leave?" is a burning question when it comes to discussing the victims of domestic violence, family violence, or abuse.  Sure, it seems the most rational option:  someone’s harming me, so I should just get out.  Easier said than done, says Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D.  Human beings who live in an environment of domestic/family violence and ... [Image Embedded Here]   [retrieve this message]
     
  • International Abuse Resource Link   RRR by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   2,455
     
    Hey, there - I was able to find a link to International Resources for domestic violence/abuse. I hope that you’ll check it out and make yourself safe. Please, post back whenever you can as a number of members are concerned for you. God Bless! ... ... ... http://www.hotpeachpages.net/ ...   [End]
     
  • Talking, describing, and venting   RRR by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   1,232  Cross-post
     
    It is so very, very imporant that people talk about their experiences, whether they are present or past.  Describing events and examples of how we were victimized, dehumanized, and abused allows for us to see, in print, what we Survived.  When we offer details, it must be done so with the intent to educate those who still feel that they are "trapped" within an abusive relationship, regardless of whom the abuser might be.  Talking about what we are enduring or have Survived will not only help us to continue our healing processes, but our discussions might also e ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Social Networks and NO CONTACT   RR by SoulfulSurvivor  18mo   7,271  Cross-post
     
    NO CONTACT is the first rule of recovery from toxic relationships.  Especially in cases of sociopathic behaviors and abuse, the source targets (or, victims) feel the need to make the toxic person hear and understand what they’ve experienced.  The harsh truth is that the spath doesn’t care, didn’t care, and never will "care."  They don’t.  And, they won’t.  So, trying to "fix" things or educate the spath about what they’ve done is a waste of time and keeps the victims connected to the toxicity. ... ... Going "No Contact" is difficult, b ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • "Difficult" child?   R by SoulfulSurvivor  13mo   1,235  Cross-post
     
    So, you know something isn’t right about your child. They throw tantrums, threaten your safety, harm their siblings, act out in classrooms and in public. Your proverbial hands are tied. If you implement corporal punishment, you’re a ”bad” parent for inflicting violence upon your child. If you set boundaries and consequences, it’s tedious to stay on top of the issues. If you do nothing, you know that they’re not going to ”grow out of it.” ... ... Notes from the school, calls from parents, and now your child is a defendant on the Juvenile Court docket for shoplifting? When does it END?! ... ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • All it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to do nothing.   R by White Shark  20mo   2,275
     
    ... ”All it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to do nothing.” ... ... How many lives you might have saved, if you told your story to police when you were teenager? ... ... ... Send the letter / email to: ... ... the prosecutor, the chief legal representative of the prosecution ... ... the judge ... ... The local police departement ... ... ... But, beware that prosecutor may ask you to come forward as a material witness. In that case you may have to face your abuser in court. ... ... In that case, you may be stalked again by your abuser, once he is out of jail, as now he may want a revenge. ... ... He deserves to be ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Rape - JUSTICE!!   R by BlueRose  20mo   2,226
     
    Has justice been served? I don’t know. However, have you thought of writing the court and telling of your experience with him? Doing so might not only get him a longer sentence but it also might give other girls the courage to speak up. Who knows just how many other girls he treated the same way he treated you?   [End]
     
  • Rape - JUSTICE!!   R by #109396  20mo   2,529  Cross-post
     
    26 years ago, when I was 13, for four years I had an inappropriate relationship with a guy that was 7 years older than me. The affair lasted 4 years, until I escaped, and left the state. ... ... At the time, when I was 13, I think I was desperate for closeness. My bestfriend fixed me up with this guy, whom she didnt know, but was a friend of her boyfriends. We were all in middle school, so I just assumed he was too. ... ... But he wasnt. We dated for about two years. I didnt know it at the time, but on each date, he was always pulling on my clothes, would pull his penis out, and force himself on m ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Congratulations...   R by SoulfulSurvivor  4y   2,793
     
    Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby! ... ... I will offer some suggestions on dealing with this situation of cruel insanity, if I may be so bold. ... ... 1.  DO NOT attempt to play the same "games" that she does - saying what you think she wants to hear, etc., will only come back to bite you in the proverbial ass .  I promise you, this is 100% true. ... ... 2.  DO NOT give in to the impulse to allow a third party to "speak" on your behalf to her, her ex, or anyone else who might be involved in HER issues.  Again, this ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Any suggestion/advise   R by SoulfulSurvivor  6y   1,897
     
    My advanced apologies for the length of my response. ... ... LadySunshine, is this former partner a spouse or a boyfriend? If you entered into a legal binding contract of marriage with this person, you will need to have as many people involved in your divorce process as possible, and I detest the whole idea that this is the only way to be safely away from this man. You are quite right to refuse his calls, PERIOD. Any interaction with this man will only dissolve into another episode of verbal or physical abuse - seek some assistance, immediately, because those of us who are caught up in these ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Feeling sad   R by Molly Bloom  7y   2,767  Cross-post
     
    I was thinking about the recent string of posts, and I was reminded of something. ... ... When I was with my abusive husband I was sad a lot. I was also afraid. Actually afraid and sad sort of ruled my world. No matter how much I tried to pretend I was not feeling these things, it was true. You know how this is whenever they raise their hand just making a gesture while telling a story, and you flinch...almost cower. Many women saw me do this and never said a word. Never asked me if I was OK. ... ... And I was really scared of being alone. I guess I’d been told a long time that if I were to leave, th ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Should One Leave, Or Should One Not Leave an NPD person?   R by mamahuhu  7y   3,188
     
    Yes, I think so, one should leave. One has to leave sooner or later or else self destruct. ... ... It’s just the timing of leaving. One has to take into consideration children and finances. I cannot think of anything else that is important. ... ... Get your own checking and savings account in your own name, and put as much money into it as you can for as long as you can. You are the one who is going to have to leave, so save up as much as you can. ... ... When you leave, first make sure you can give a first and last months rent on whatever place you find. Make sure there is an oven and fridge in the ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • OJ Simpson: here we go again   R by want2beclean  7y   4,370
     
    ... Well, poor OJ is a ”victim” once again. I have felt for years that he is the consummate narcissist, the perfect example of how one operates with this disorder. Some other articles indicate that he felt he was exercising his ”right” to take the law into his own hands, I saw a video the other day stating that he would never pay the Goldmans any money, if it meant he would never work again. He said with this little evil grin ”I’ll just play golf all day”. He literally gives me the creepies. Literally , the little hairs on my face stand up when I see him or hear him talk. It is all too famil ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: my name is Lindsey   R by trapper/kcmo  7y   4,687
     
    hi, lindsey. ... ... you are in such good hands, my dear. your mother not only gave you life, it sounds like she continues to save it and nurture it. this is not something that mothers do automatically or without a price to pay. it is a choice they make and they do it at great personal cost. you will see this more clearly if and when you become a mother yourself. ... ... the focus of your thoughts on your dad is understandable. i truly believe your dad loves you, but he is not capable of showing it in a safe and meaningful way. ... ... the fact is your dad is sick. this is the kind of illness that ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • It would be nice if you could donate 60 seconds of your time and answer ...   R by Webmaster  7y   581
     
    ... ... ... ... 13 ... ... Narcissism/Sociopathy: Please select or suggest users who you would like to be The Narcissism/Sociopathy Support Forum moderators. ... ... ... ... ... ... ...   ... ... I have decided not to be the one who should be selecting new Moderators of this forum. ... ... Instead, I am giving that job to you.  Please, elect those who you would like to see moderating this forum. ... ... Elections are anonymous.  You are free to suggest anyone and to vote for anyone, including yourself. ... ... Webmaster ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Once an abuser, always...?   R by want2beclean  7y   2,380
     
    Perhaps you are trying to ”paint an objective picture” because as you are reading these posts, they are reacting in such a shocked way that you feel (in your warped perspective) that they are OVER reacting. The ”it’s not so bad” syndrome. That is absolutely typical of an abused person. I know, I was one - when people recoiled in horror at my stories of being hit choked, etc. I would do the exact same thing - oh, but we ALSO have SUCH a good time together, blahblah. It really is typical in your situation. ... ... STOP PAINTING THE OBJECTIVE PICTURE. THERE IS NO OBJECTIVE PICTURE WITH AN ABUSE ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Once an abuser, always...?   R by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   2,409
     
    You are depressed because your life is centered around terror and drama. You are in denial about the abuse that you’ve endured because it’s a NORMAL reaction - we do not want to admit that we’ve made a serious error in judgement and, in my case, I stayed with my abuser because I wanted desperately to prove everyone wrong about my foolish choice. I was determined to fix things and force it to work. ... ... Have you ever called the police during one of his attacks? Have you ever filed charges? Has he ever been taken away in handcuffs? If not, he feels and truly believes that he is impervious ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: I'm back, with more Mom craziness! (edited)   R by been there done that  7y   1,974
     
    She KNOWS you care. That’s why she’s got you right where she wants you. She also knows that you and your husband are GOOD, decent people. She uses that against you also because goodness has rules of conduct...like tolerance, patience and doing CERTAIN (rules) things within the parameters of decency and kindness. ... ... Yes, yes, she’s got you wrapped around her finger. ... ... My mother (and sister, they were a team) was like that. I am the most principled person in the family (this disturbs their conscience). This is why your mother will not leave you be,...because you and your husband have always ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Be very careful when/if leaving an NPD   R by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   9,034
     
    Absolute gold in the above post!!!  Care is absolutely necessary when leaving the narcissist! ... ... I’ve posted these sites in several places, but it can’t hurt to do it, again: ... ... www.stoptheviolence.org ... ... www.ptypes.com/narcissistpd ... ... www.heartlessbitches.com ... ... Before formulating a plan, it is vital that the "victim" seek counseling (even if it must be done on the sly).  The therapist will be able to help the victim process through from "victim" status to "Survivor" status.  Also, to offer tools, resources, and suggestions on forumlating th ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Be very careful when/if leaving an NPD   R by #54765  7y   5,859  Cross-post
     
    Leaving is the most high-risk time for anyone leaving someone with NPD. These types see themselves as virtual ”Masters of the Universe”. They ”didn’t give you permission to leave” is their mindset. ... ... So you have to be extremely careful. ... ... Know the time of the seasons. Superbowl Sunday has more domestic violence than any other day. Most shelters are full. ... ... This is why I think it afflicts more men than women. That testosterone thing. That ”I’m President; you’re Vice-President-IF you’re lucky” mentality. ... ...   [End]
     
  • A Narcissist story, interview with a Narcissist & NPD site links   R by #19236  8y   9,529  Cross-post
     
    A man walked out of church one day, as the man was walking a giant burst of flames appeared before the man, it was satan in all his evil fire, satan was as hideous as one would expect, complete with a red tail, monsterous appearance and red horns protruding from his head. ... Fear me, I am satan, the devil yelled at the man, the man looked at satan and said, ’satan, get lost’. ... satan was confused, why aren’t you afraid of me, satan asked the man. ... the man looked at satan and said, I was married to your sister the NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) for 25 years, so you don’t scare me, no ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: What is an abusive narcissist and why do I only ever seem to get inv...   R by SoulfulSurvivor  8y   1,831
     
    There ARE ”nice” men out there, just as there are ”nice” women. AND, there is no such thing as Prince Charming or Happily Ever After. Evolving into a strong, self-assured woman doesn’t necessarily insure that one will never be the object for a narcissist, either! In fact, I know of one woman who holds a Ph.D in psychology and has been taken in by a couple of narcissists! ... ... The narcissist is an individual (male/female) that mirrors the ”good” qualities that they desperately lack in themselves. For instance, you are giving, loving, sensual, etc. The narcissist lacks these attributes. ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Anyone else haunted by obsessed ex?   by sd2345  14mo   838
     
    I was head of HR for 2 large companies, and also had access to anything and everything. He is certainly not the top of the ladder, and if what you are saying is true, the company can be liable for his actions. ... ... You might want to contact another lawyer, and if it is true what he doing and the company is allowing it, you won’t have money issues for long. His actions can be traced. Turn the focus from him, to the company for the wrong doing of their HR manager.   [End]
     
  • Re: I think my sociopathic ex-husband is finally breaking me   by SoulfulSurvivor  16mo   1,763
     
    I am so sorry that you’re having these experiences.  From what you’ve typed, I’m reading that he left over 2 years ago?  Has there been a divorce action?  Are you currently engaged in a custody/visitation battle with this man?  Did you ever engage in counseling therapy to manage the aftermath of this marriage?  You mentioned "rape" and you made a reference to whether you were experiencing rape, or not.  So, I’m interpreting that you are still either living with this man, or entertaining "working it out" with him for whatever reasons.&n ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Response Edited   by SoulfulSurvivor  17mo   8,020
     
    Domino, I didn’t read your entire post, but I "get it" about this family.  Because I didn’t read the entire post, I’m unclear as to whether or not this "family" is cohabitating in this run-down house that you were pressured into buying, or if there are children as a result of your marriage. ... ... I can’t (and, won’t) tell you what to do - you’ve engaged in counseling to save your marriage, but this marriage is doomed, regardless of how much counseling you’ve engaged in with your husband.  He is allowing this abuse, and you clearly have a choice before you:&n ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Spath as parents   by SoulfulSurvivor  18mo   6,806
     
    I’m reading that you’re unhappy in your marriage and that you have two children with your husband.  I understand the fear of severing a marriage when children are invovled.  But, I can tell you one truth that is ugly:  your children are learning how to be victims or predators, themselves, by watching and absorbing the dynamics of this "family." ... ... Why are you resorting to manipulations to get simple needs met?  Manipulations are toxic no matter who’s having to resort to employing them, and for whatever circumstances.  And, your children are learning this ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Further discusion   by SoulfulSurvivor  18mo   6,975
     
    The benefit and purpose of "No Contact" is to put and end to the madness and to take back control of our own lives, thoughts, feelings, and actions.  Technological "contact" with the toxic person is a self-inflicted injury when we choose to view their online social profiles and posts after we have discovered that the person in question has deliberately caused harm.  Certainly, the toxic individual isn’t going to post anything truthful, and playing out the aspects of one’s life through technological means is causing human beings to literally lose thei ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • "Dead" wrong...   by SoulfulSurvivor  19mo   2,032
     
    Venkvelaga, it is not my intention to ridicule your well-meant response, but it’s wrong - DEAD wrong.  If the victim (original poster) chooses to remain with her abuser, then no amount of aromatherapy, ambient lighting, or new-age philosophy is going to prevent her eventual murder - and, from her descriptions (and, if they are even remotely accurate), she will eventually be killed by her abuser. ... ... Suggesting that the victim attempt to create an atmosphere of tranquility is the most outrageous suggestion I’ve read or heard in a long, long time, online or in Real Life.  It is ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: seriously?   by jurplesman  20mo   2,147
     
    Speaking as a retired probation and parole officer I can say that your life is in danger. You have to get out of this situation as soon as possible. Get the help from a women’s refuge home, inform the police, carefully plan your escape.   [End]
     
  • get out   by SoulfulSurvivor  20mo   2,306
     
    I am so sorry that you’ve experienced this for so long.  There is only one way to stop this abuse, and he’s not going to do it - you will.  You’ll stop it by leaving, and leaving ASAP.  When abusers choose isolated living arrangements, it’s not to live a self-sufficient and self-sustaining lifestyle.  It’s so that they can perpetrate their crimes against their victims without the fear of witnesses.  I know this from personal experience.  ... ... You know what you’re dealing with, and you may not realize that you are a valuable part of this vast Universe after ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Extremely abusive husband   by BlueRose  20mo   2,261
     
    Call --- 1(800) 799-SAFE This is a hotline for battered women. The person on the other end of the line will help you get out of your nightmarish situation. ... ... Also, look at: ... ... http://www.thehotline.org/ ... ... For more info. ... ... Please make the first move! From the sound of it---and I don’t mean to be harsh but this must be said---your husband will eventually kill you. ... ... Call the hotline when he is out of the house. Tell them your story and don’t leave anything out. Tell the person on the other end of the line exactly what you wrote here and also be sure to add every detail that you ca ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Wellllllll.....   by SoulfulSurvivor  25mo   1,654  Cross-post
     
    It’s’ been a good while since I’ve posted with regard to my personal situation.  ... ... What this all has been for me was a very, very hard learning experience.  I’ve learned a great deal about myself through strong work with a counseling therapist - why I’ve made choices that I have, and how I cannot (and, SHOULD not) take responsibility for the soon-to-be-ex’s choices and decisions.  I’ve learned that a sociopath can present the most normal of facades and neatly compartmentalize the most vile truths imaginable.  I’ve learned that I had the ability to close the door o ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Shattered   by SoulfulSurvivor  30mo   3,037  Cross-post
     
     For years, I’ve been posting about what I consider to be "core values" in a healthy relationship:  mutual respect, honesty, truthfulness, etc., ad nauseum.  This past Monday, I had my whole perception of my own relationship shattered and I am unable to process what I’ve experienced. ... ... While ransacking my home for items that I wanted/needed to sell, I came across a curious gym bag that was sitting in the closet that I share with my spouse.  I opened it up and my world imploded.  In the bag were 8 DVD’s of hard-core BDSM videos, several books of BDSM imag ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Using Common Sense   by SoulfulSurvivor  31mo   1,325  Cross-post
     
    How can we possibly know that someone might be a malignant narcissist or a sociopath?  There’s no outward, physical symptoms, so what are the some of the common traits of sociopathy?  From the website, www.lovefraud.com, the list below is a good start: ... ... • Glib and superficial ... • Egocentric and grandiose ... • Lack of remorse or guilt ... • Lack of empathy ... • Deceitful and manipulative ... • Shallow emotions ... ... What the hell does "glib" mean?   When someone makes a "glib" comment, it goes something like th ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Statistical Facts   by SoulfulSurvivor  33mo   2,312  Cross-post
     
    Domestic violence and abuse ranges over vast and varied demographics - there is no "typical" abuser, and definitely no "typical" victim.  Yes, there are tell-tale behaviors that are screaming, flapping, waving Red Flags and learning what those symptoms are can help potential victims to avoid making life-altering choices in partners, friends, and family communications. ... ... What the General Public is not aware of are the statistical facts with regard to the cycle of abuse and violence.  The public image of an abuser is someone who has been angered and simply ou ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • The Perfect Revenge   by SoulfulSurvivor  3y   18,229  Cross-post
     
    One of the most natural and "normal" emotions that accompany the healing process with regard to NPD or sociopathy victimization is hatred, anger, rage, and a deep-seated desire to exact revenge.  While these reactions are "normal," they can easily and very quickly develop into a full-blown disease of their own.   ... ... "But, Soulful, this person deliberately damaged me for their own entertainment and satisfaction!!!  They deserve to suffer, too!"   ... ... Indeed, anyone who deliberately harms another person does deserve to suffer.  But, in ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • I am ready to divorce a narcissist: advice needed   by #112418  3y   2,658  Cross-post
     
    It has taken me a long time and a huge amount of self-growth to get to this point. I am ready to divorce a narcissist and I want reliable information. ... ... I am a SAHM. There are three teenaged children. We have a home with equity, but I just learned that he burned through our retirement funds and we are now bankrupt. There has been physical violence in the past. I cannot trust him in this area. Right now it’s ”just” emotional battery and verbal abuse toward me. He is, in general, a good father. He is not a substance abuser. He has a stable income. ... ... Please do not chastise me for staying w ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Too close - need suggestions   by BlueRose  4y   1,072
     
    Oh, this is a tough one, SS. You say that the administrator is aware that this person has malicious intent. Yet, at the same time, it would seem that the administrator is either turning a blind eye to it all or is in denial as to just how bad it is. ... ... What is your gut telling you about this? Do you think that the administrator would be open to learning the full truth about this person? Has the administrator, in the past, when confronted with troublesome people been proactive in dealing with the problems? Or has she been a wuss and afraid to confront anyone? ... ... If you do decide that ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Narcissism at the Workplace   by SoulfulSurvivor  4y   3,884  Cross-post
     
    It is more likely than not that each of us will, in our lifetimes, be exposed to a malignant narcissist, or a full-blown sociopath at some point during our employment histories.  These people are often difficult to "read" until (or, unless) they do something that is blatantly obvious.  However, setting strict and strong boundaries is the first line of defense against the games that these people play, and the torment that they will deliberately inflict for their own entertainment or advancement. ... ... #1:  Keep it superficial - there is no need to go into a lengthy, de ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: How Do I get Away from an NPD   by BlueRose  4y   6,078
     
    OMG! You have a child yet you still persist in being with this man? I’m sorry if this will sound harsh but here’s a shout out to you--- YOUR CHILD’S WELL BEING IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE. YOUR CHILD COMES FIRST! ... ... You need to step back and really think about this, mainly what kind of example are you setting for your child by having this man in and out of your life? As a parent, you owe it to your child to provide a stable environment. Having this man in and out of your life is not providing a stable environment. ... ... Is your child a girl? If so, please think about the bad example yo ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Boundaries   by SoulfulSurvivor  4y   2,338
     
    "No one means more to me than her and if he does any of that, I will make him regret the day he was born."  ... ... Okay...stop right there.  YOU  should mean more to you than anyone else.  Not in a "selfish" way, but in a spiritual and emotional sense.  You and mutual friends can clearly see this train wreck coming from way down the tracks.  When this shit does hit the proverbial fan, if you are still in this mind-frame, you will make her issues into your issues , and that is one of the ugly and far-reaching aspects of how these people lea ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Strange Phase   by Iolite  4y   1,958
     
    Before you leave, (don’t let him know), clean out the bank accounts (saving and checking), open up credit card account, in your name so you can start building credit history. You’ll need a GOOD lawyer and someone to go with you and help you with the whole process. Be aware, he’ll probably try to start hiding money. If you can get copies of tax returns, quicken statements... START NOW, Get all of the papers together BEFORE you leave while you have access to the computer. ... ... Of course, if you don’t have access to bank accounts and can’t get into quicken, because you don’t know the passwor ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Not strange at all...   by SoulfulSurvivor  4y   1,949
     
    You can’t play that ”what if” game when lives are at stake. ... ... Blue Rose was spot-on.  CALL THE HOTLINE and get going!  This phase , as you call it, is a typical and predictable technique that all abusers use to keep their source targets off-balance.  ”He MUST care about me/us!  Look at the sudden change!”  Honey, the change isn’t genuine and it’s 100% temporary.  The instant you agree to remain, the switch goes off and the monster returns. ... ... If it were me (AND, IT HAS BEEN), I’d do the following things: ... ... -  call the hotline and ask for local resources - this includes restraining ord ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Why my sister defend the abuser?   by Hidden Username  4y   2,505
     
    I think you need to worry about yourself more and understand that everyone HANDLES things differently. Not EVERYONE who is abused physically or sexually grows up to have difficulty in their own personal relationships. Just because you did doesn’t mean she did. ... ... Some people also like to just put things behind them and live in the present. ... ... Could you be using your sister as a distraction from your own issues with it? do you just want to talk about it so bad with someone who can relate and she’s not willing to talk about it and that is bothering you? Maybe instead of trying to be your si ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: My daughter's sociopath   by BlueRose  4y   3,896
     
    I’m guessing that your daughter has poor self-esteem since she goes running back to this psycho everytime. It’s also possible that she is suffering from depression or another mental illness. If that’s the case, then only she can make the decision to work on her problems. Other than that, if she is mentally ill, check your state laws regarding involuntarily committing an adult child for observation. In some states, this is possible, in other states it’s not. However, I’m guessing that in states where involuntarily committment is allowed, she would have to be proven to be a danger to he ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Avoid being a target - TOO OBSESSIVE   by SoulfulSurvivor  4y   22,963
     
    I’ve chosen to delete my original response and replace it with the following: ... ... The predatory stare is not the same thing as normal eye-to-eye contact, and has been documented through extensive research. ... ... Excessive touching, especially by individuals who are not on intimate terms, is not the same thing as normal human interactions.  "Intimate" does not mean "sexual," either. ... ... Excessive interest in disclosure of personal finances and fishing for information about source target finances has also been documented through extensive research. ... ... Finally, not ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Just wanted to add...   by #75156  4y   8,541
     
    To a point the N shouldnt be demonized but truth is truth and to pretend that their behavior is excusable because of personality disorder only gives them license to continue hurting others.  Personality disorders cannot be managed with medications and arent proven to be medical conditions like schizophrenia for instance.  Hopefully the children will learn in due time what he is.  Remaining with a person who is indifferent, cruel, and emotionally unavailable is not demonstrating loyalty or respect!  Its emotional self-destruction that cannot be wholly healed.  And ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Just wanted to add...   by #126032  4y   8,570
     
    Hey nowheretogo, ... ... I’ve been following this thread and just wanted to pop back in. I don’t think you need to either demonize your husband, or let yourself be demonized. NPD is a complex and difficult mental state. I know my husband is not a demon. He simply cannot be there emotionally for me (or anyone), as I don’t think he can feel empathy. And yes, he needs constant approval, often over-exaggerates his accomplishments, and cannot tolerate what he perceives as disrespect in any way. He fits the npd criteria to a t. ... ... I completely understand how and why he got to be like this-- his ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • You can't have a heathy brain.....   by popeJohn3rd  5y   3,573
     
    with personality disorder. There has got to be something wrong. I’m not doubting what you say about the two being separate. I do believe without a doubt that this person has some brain chemical imbalance. But since you appear to know more about psychiatry than I do, maybe you have the answers to his problem better than myself or others. Maybe only you can help him. We should probably be asking you what to do with this guy.   [End]
     
  • HELP!!! Immediate family member impersonating a DECORATED combat veteran.   by #75156  5y   5,802  Cross-post
     
    I am ashamed to say that I have an immediate family member who has been impersonating a decorated combat veteran.  This individual enlisted in the US Army in 2001 and received a ”medical” discharge in 2003.  He lived in my home for 6 weeks after his discharge and abandoned his belongings in my home after he tried to re-enlist using forged and bogus military documentation.  The Recruiter called me to tell me that he had changed the eligibility codes on his Dd214 so that he would appear eligible for re-enlistment, and had been caught.  He left my home, the ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Time to End It   by fledgling  5y   1,389
     
    Ah, gee, LJ, ... ... I am really sorry this has happened to you. And I think you deserve to grieve, supported by your friends, in spirit only. ... ... I also think, however, that there has never been a dollar made that is worth one moment of human misery. ... ... Your instincts are right on, though. Run! ... ... Take your pets elsewhere; warn everyone, but from far away; send your boss an apology, from far away; put your property in the hands of a lawyer you trust, from your new residence far away; and RUN! ... ... Take any family who might be hurt, with you, too...especially children, or the elderly. ... ... Any of y ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: bad behavior   by Zoebess  6y   3,064
     
    ...you sure are hypocritical, now insinuating ... that WE are exhibiting bad behavior by ... seeming to agree with each other that you ... may have ulterior motives in ”blowing the ... whistle” on your boss for spending time with ... a co-worker behind closed doors. ... ... Obviously you have been fishing for ... accolades on your self-righteousness and ... NOT our opinions or advice. Well, I will not ... stand still to be your whipping-boy(girl) and ... accept your criticism since it is not deserved. ... ... Likewise, I still will profess my opinion that ... your scrutiny of your boss is out-of-order at the ... workplace. What if ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Mind your own business   by SoulfulSurvivor  6y   3,556
     
    "All I know is, I’m extremely introspective, observant and nosey." ... ... This may sound a little harsh, but you opened the door on this issue.  The operative word, here is:  nosey.  What would be the positive benefit by ratting this person out?  People make choices, every day, that are stupid, self-motivated, and thoughtless.  Is this a shame?  Of course, it is - but, we’re flawed human beings and "allowed" to make dumb decisions.  Is this something over which you believe you have some control?  Absolutely not - the only person ove ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: how to ask a question to an npd   by been there done that  6y   1,378
     
    Narcissism is a very broad/vague term for a behavioral (temperament) dysfunction that never has been controlled/addressed. ... ... Female narcissism does not have the same cause as male narcissism. A female would be narcissistic because of a past deep emotional trauma (childhood, etc.) that caused long lasting insecurities that she is compensating for. She might also feel justified about revenge on a world that has attacked her (and/or still is). In any case, it’s more DEFENSIVE/wreckless than offensive, with males it is more intentionally destructive/offensive. It is that they seek control. Ma ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Feeling sad EDITED   by been there done that  7y   2,270
     
    Awesome Machine, ... ... I never heard a story like yours (maybe on ”Twilight Zone”) and probably never will (at least I’d like to think so). ... ... Take care in becoming obsessed with your power over them. I’m not saying that it is not justified, but your ENJOYMENT of it could turn you into a madman. ... ... The best thing would be to modify your will so that it completely excludes any involvement of them in your’s or your children’s lives FOREVER (fully documenting the situation with chemical assessment of the cookies so that future court battles would not overturn your modified will, a ”NO CONTEST” w ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Hey Herb-gal,   by b2reflect  7y   2,238
     
    I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I do hope you know that you will survive and become stronger, without ’him’. There will be days that devastate you yet they will get better. You will be able to see the light through the tunnel and it will be like ’why did I even miss him, at all?’. It does take time to get there though. ... ... Sometimes, the bullsh*t seems better than the lonliness. I assure you it is not. The lonliness is only temporary. If you need to be away from the residence to get stronger, so be it. Your animals will (as long as you are feeding them) survive and will still ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: How many "final straws" do you need?   by Molly Bloom  7y   2,288
     
    Mountain: ... ... I’m going to have to disagree with your here. I know that you very much deal in black and white, and for a majority of simple situations, this is the way to go. And you do that well....but you have to understand what it is like to live with a person like this. ... ... I am an extremely strong woman. But when I was married to my first husband, eons ago, I was in a very serious abusive relationship. I was with this man for almost 10 years. I am not stupid. It’s how the abuse progresses. One day you meet this charming person, and slowly....very slowly, they begin to degrade you ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Growing up with a narcissistic mother   by BlueRose  7y   14,005
     
    I’ve read with interest threads about adults in relationships with narcissistic partners. As an adult, one has the choice to walk away and end the relationship. However, it’s different when it’s a child growing with a narcissistic parent. A child can’t just walk away. ... ... My mother was narcissistic and manipulative. She always had to have things her way. When the rest of the family would want to go somewhere, we couldn’t go if she didn’t want to. Once, as a kid, I told her we all agreed to go, except her, so the majority wins. Her typical reaction to this situation would be to sulk f ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Holiday Season   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   1,781  Cross-post
     
    I posted something similar at about this time, last year. ... ... I’m compelled to post this because yet another victim of domestic violence was laid to rest last week in our area. He was a retired police officer and intervened when he saw a man beating the absolute crap out of a woman outside of a convenience store. The hero ushered the woman inside the convenience store for her safety, had the clerk call 911 for ambulance and police assistance, and went back outside to record the abuser’s license plate. The abuser had gotten back into his car, started the engine, and made the decision to r ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Should One Leave, Or Should One Not Leave an NPD person?   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   2,987
     
    I agree with this post, for the most part, however; an NPD can fool anyone, including a Judge. Most hearings in Family Court do not, in any way, resemble Judge Judy! After a few years on the Bench, most Family Court Judges become apathetic and do not hear, see, or compare the testimony presented in their Courtrooms and rule on the basis of Law, rather than common sense. NPD’s are able to fool psychotherapists, Judges, parole officers, clergy, spouses, family, ”friends,” etc., depending upon how long and how willing an individual will be to accept their version of the story. Before the ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • SOME resources in America.   by been there done that  7y   1,455
     
    Since I’m in the USA, it was easier for me to find resources in the U.S. ... ... Whatever country you are in, it should be a little easier these days to find assistance. ... ... ... http://www.un.org/womenwatch/feature/iwd/2007/ ... ... ... http://www.ncccusa.org/news/00news24.html ... ... the Women’s Human Rights Treaty (CEDAW) was ratified by 165 countries in 1980. ... ... http://www.altaghat.com/ ... ... ... The US has the Violence Against Women Act of 1994. ... ... http://www.mediaradar.org/docs/Vanishing-Rule-of-Law.pdf ... ... ... http://www.women-in-need.org/ ... ... ... http://www.wawomeninneed.org/ ... ... ... ... http://www.womeninneed ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Thoughtful insights   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   730
     
    For me, the discussions of NPD have been a source of constant healing, but also as a reiteration of the obvious ”red flags” that are typical to NPD behavior. Having typed that, I must say that I fell into a near-disastrous relationship with a co-worker who has gone utterly off of her nut, lately. ... ... As much as I am aware of the symptoms of NPD, I can still be fooled and it’s almost comical, really! Because each of us is an individual, each new NPD that I come into contact with has the typical flags, but a quite unique modus operandii - that, in itself, is a valuable, priceless Life Lesso ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Interesting that our two posts were made just a few minutes apart   by fledgling  7y   15,606
     
    Habits of expression, I think, SoulfulSurvivor. ... ... Like your friend, the letter-writer. She obviously thought it her ’right’ and ’duty’ to set people ’straight’. And she thought she was ’supposed to’. ... ... We may think we are ’allowed’ to behave in certain ways that others are not. ... ... We may even think that our responses are ’appropriate’, ’expected’, proof of our ’reasonableness’ and ’good intentions’, when all they are is ’talk to talk’. ... ... By this I mean that we may learn to ’parrot’ words and concepts, without really understanding what they mean. ... ... A criminal may learn to mimic his th ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: How do you tell a person they have NPD?   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   15,497
     
    Go right ahead with your intervention. Then, run for the hills. ... ... A person with full-blown NPD does not care whether their friends are hurt, concerned, afraid, or any other emotion. Narcissistic personality disorder is a choice of behaviors that inflicts harm upon others for the sole benefit (or, entertainment) of the NPD. An NPD has one friend, only: themselves. Every ”good deed” has an ulterior motive with gratification at the core. Personally, I don’t have time to fool around with NPD and opt to choose friends who are positive and genuine. ... ... Each and every one of us human beings ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • longevity?   by been there done that  7y   1,279
     
    I know it’s hard to be reasonable about somethings like her length of time left on this earth. Think of it from HER point of view, she lived a long life on this earth and accomplished all that she intends to. She is no longer able to get out and play tennis, etc. My grandmother (died at age 95) could not see well anymore or do everything she wanted and often said that she wanted to die (not uncommon for people at her age). My aunt was taking care of her and got no thanks from the rest of the family in the area that COULD HAVE helped (that was because they felt guilty leaving my aunt to do ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Alec Baldwin   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   2,235
     
    ”As if God kept sending him flowers and he kept throwing them to the ground and stomping them, all the while insisting that he loves flowers...” ... ... Exactly. ... ... ... ...   [End]
     
  • Re: Matthew Winkler....Narcissist?   by #2984  7y   2,043
     
    I was wondering that myself. ... When I first heard about the case, I thought she must have had some reason, and perhaps it abuse or else was he was molesting the child. ... The sad thing is, if she had left him, he probably would have killed her. One thing I don’t understand is why she didn’t leave him early on at the first sign of disrespect. The first time he trampled her spirit, tried to dominate or control her, or make her feel lesser. Although, abuse can slowly creep up on you. I’ve experienced it, although not physically. They test you and see what they can get away with. The first time, ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: 75156   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   1,484
     
    The particular person in question was instigating and not making posts that were helpful, positive, or knowledge-based. ... ... It’s very easy to say that a person should be able to tell, in advance, that someone is a violent abuser.  If that were true, we wouldn’t be hospitalizing and burying tens of thousands of men and women each year as a result of domestic violence and abuse.  The  dynamics are not as simple to explain as we wish. ... ... Having survived domestic violence and abuse, I am qualified to speak from experience and wisdom.  "E ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Reject ignorance   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   1,474
     
    ... I was homeless, sick, broken back & herniated disks, on welfare, food stamps, etc., and there was no way that I would ever have returned to my abuser, not for any reason.  And, there were times when he actually offered for me to come back saying, "Whatever has happened will remain in the past."  Oh, no THANK you.  ... ... ... You didn’t die, though you were convinced that you were in the process of doing so.  You weren’t taken for A Reason .  What that reason is, only God knows, but he surely didn’t spare you so that you could be a sacrificial lamb fo ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Reject ignorance   by SoulfulSurvivor  7y   1,809  Cross-post
     
    Just so men and women out there realize that there still is ignorance with regard to the intricate and insidious dynamics of domestic violence and abuse, please check out the following quote: ... ... ”This is what makes me mad, because some of them play with the system, then they want you to stick your neck out for them getting in the middle of domestic spats and they aren’t even trying to help themselves.” ... ... Those of us who have Survived domestic violence and abuse know the referenced (and, all-to-common) practice for what it is - terror. I remember, very well, my ex holding a loaded Ruger . ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • I've been a good little victim   by I will get there  7y   2,484
     
    I have to say I am somewhat in shock. I read a post by soul survivor a few days ago about narcissiam and I sort of had an out of body experience. Suddenly my whole life made sense and everything came into focus. My God, my husband is one of ”them!” ... ... My first husband was one, my second was a worse one, my dad was one! I have become quite adept at living with someone who doesn’t care about me, emotional abuse is the norm. (I have never been physically hit though suffered sexual abuse) I have tried for so many years to figure out what was wrong, why he can’t seem to understand what I am say ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: What is an abusive narcissist and why do I only ever seem to get inv...   by want2beclean  8y   1,159
     
    One thing I noted is that you seem to be maybe looking for that ”madly in love” feeling?? Note the ”madly”! lol . I was involved with the hitter the cheater and the verbal abuser, they were tornados roaring through my life, and the last one damn near killed me. The one thing I note today is - they all started being exactly what I wanted and man, was it passionate. One sip of them and I went ”boom”. I was smitten and once they knew I was smitten, it was on... once I decided that I had enough, I backed away from the idea that I knew anything about relationships and what was right for me. I ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: So basically, and furthermore   by want2beclean  8y   902
     
    How funny - my ex-abusive-jerk husband was an alcoholic in recovery with 12 years clean! He believed that God spoke only to him - and God always told him what a wanton and bad wife I was - Scott would say that I just didn’t have an understanding of what intimacy was about (”into-me-see” lmao), and that I was just a poor battered woman who was running from true love. Oh, did I mention that I found quite a stash of internet p 0 r n and emails to other women on adult sites - we were married 4 months. He was a nightmare, this Godly man who surfed p 0 r n and pronounced judgement on EVERYONE ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: What is an abusive narcissist and why do I only ever seem to get inv...   by #42781  8y   1,430
     
    (Soulful survivor gave here one of the best descriptions of a narcissist I ever read) ... ... It seems that you have a very good insight into your own challenges, and that means that you’re on your way to solving them. ... ... For me the turning point of my life was therapy; it was based mostly on transactional analysis, but also included many other elements. My therapist was also quite liberal in the way t.a. was applied in therapy, and it was way better then what you may read in books (Eric Berne). I actually don’t suggest reading about t.a. - it’s better to enjoy the ride in therapy, then to try ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Once an abuser, always...? (edited)   by fragrance  7y   2,162
     
    I feel for you and for your ’abuser’. I read the messages that tell you he is the devil incarnate. What do we know? What can we say? What could happen to us to make us so desperate? We can all run away. That’s easy, isn’t it? ... ... Just shun. Just ostracise. Just make the person an outcast. All of that is the easy way out. ... ... It’s easy to distance yourself and to cut off and to ’remove’ and to ’cut out’ and to ’kill off’ whatever is bothering us. ... ... just think about it. Let’s all think about what we are saying here. ... ... Let’s be kinder, let’s be bigger. Let’s be more understanding. ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Narcissistic "Happiness"   by SoulfulSurvivor  27d   1,074
     
    ... There is a Universe of difference between "inner happiness" and malicious glee. ... ... ... ... True personal happiness is fleeting and the inner calm is contentment - a balance on the Bell Curve of the Happiness Scale. ... ... ... ... Malicious glee is the delight that toxic people experience when they wreak their havoc.  It's not happiness, by any stretch of the imagination, because it is borne of ill-will and malice.  ... ...   [End]
     
  • Re: Labels   by SoulfulSurvivor  27d   1,087
     
    ... My personal view on this simple question is based upon over half a century of Life experiences with toxic individuals, as well as positive and emotionally healthy ones.  I don't believe that a malignant narcissist is ever "happy" within themselves.  "Happy" is a relative term with a continuum based upon endless things.  ... ... ... ... As an example, a person can be "happy" that they got a great deal on an automobile.  They can also be "happy" when their prized roses bloom.  They can also be "happy" when they purchase ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Labels   by Endurance1  28d   1,043
     
    This post is very encouraging and upbuilding to me. I truly appreciate reading this post. Thank you... It’s natural for humans to desire and crave for justice, which is why it’s so difficult to accept and/or tolerate injustice. My boss is an extreme Narcissist and I cannot help but wonder whether or not she’s truly happy within herself. Please give me your opinion. Can a Narcissistic person be truly happy within? Thanks in advance.   [End]
     
  • Re: Please help me! I need advice. Im a 14 year old boy being raped by m...   by peppermac  52d   3,011
     
    PS this is not you or your mothers fault this is one sick man who needs to be away from innocent people The sooner he is out of your lives the better it will be and you will get through this and heal God works in mysterious ways   [End]
     
  • Re: Please help me! I need advice. Im a 14 year old boy being raped by m...   by peppermac  52d   2,830
     
    Hello I know you are scared anyone would be with an animal like that one thing you have to understand is sex offenders always threaten the victim with hurting there loved ones rape is about control not sex yes you can get STDs like chlamydia herpes etc you can even tearcyour colon. I know you are scared you need to tell someone you can trust and play stupid around this whole until you get the police to get to yourmoms work to keep her and you safe and you need to go to the hospital if you aare too scared just remember one thing he is already hurting you and your mother if you don’t do anyt ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Growing up with a narcissistic mother   by rinansano  59d   1,302
     
    So….Probably too long a story to tell, maybe I should take inspiration from Christina Crawford’s book and write one myself. It took me to the age of 60 to figure this out, but always knew there was a pysch dx for that witch that claims to be my ”mother”. 10 years ago, I thought I’d figured out that is was primary Munchausen syndrome, though I have discovered those symptoms fit with NPD. I have tried no contact for years at a time and was never happier in my life, but I let my guard down after 3 contacts a year for 15 years, and discovered whatever this mental illness is its worse than eve ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Daughter dating sociopath   by Raindew  74d   474
     
    What an excellent response, Soulfulsurvivor, and thank you for posting it. It’s so refreshing to hear such a balance of grounded awareness of safety combined with mindful boundaries and passive empowerment - many parents could learn from you.   [End]
     
  • Re: Daughter dating sociopath   by SoulfulSurvivor  83d   421
     
    ... I'm sorry that your daughter in this toxic relationship, and BlueRose is spot-on about your limitations.  Perhaps, some more details might be helpful as per suggestions.  Is she living at home, or does she have her own place?  Is she gainfully employed, or is she finishing a degree?  What are the sociopathic behaviors that you're observing?  ... ... ... ... The insight that you typed is very true:  pointing out this man's bad behaviors, decisions, and choices are only going to push her to "save" this guy, even further.  You can validate you ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: Daughter dating sociopath   by BlueRose  84d   430
     
    Sad to say, but at 22, she is an adult so there really isn’t anything you can do to stop her. ... ... It sounds like she isn’t very informed about sociopaths. If she were truly informed, she would know that there is no way she will be able to fix him. ... ... So, while you can’t stop her, perhaps you can pass along info that explains that he will always be a sociopath. ... ... I’m hoping that one of our posters who has excellent knowledge on this topic will see this post. If she sees it, she will pass along lots of helpful info to you. ... ... When your daughter finally realizes that she can’t change this m ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Daughter dating sociopath   by Parent  84d   432  Cross-post
     
    I’m a parent of a 22 yo daughter who is dating a person with sociopathic behavior. She is intelligent and yesterday searched for information on sociopaths and emotional abusers. She is informed but admits she is drawn in wanting it fix or help him. She is flattered she is one of the few people he has ever let get this close to him. We, her parents, want to help but know our behavior may push her toward him. Advice? She is not yet in total denial.   [End]
     
  • Re: categorize narcissist   by SoulfulSurvivor  4mo   698
     
    I'm very sorry that you're in the situation that you are - I've been exactly where you are, and there is recovery, I promise.  It just takes time and a lot of work. ... ... ... Where to start?  The first thing is to determine whether or not you want to remain married to this person.  It sounds as if he has taken from you, and taken from you, and the "return" was to provide medical coverage for you and your daughter - a very hefty price when you consider your current emotional and physical issues.  ... ... ... Then, if you have determined that you will dissolve t ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: categorize narcissist   by Sicklove  4mo   662
     
    Hi Thank you for sharing your experience . Here I am afraid to leave my husband because he holds my daughter’s and my health insurance and finance. When I met my husband I had just gone through a divorce with my high school sweetheart/father of my daughter. We were together for 24 years, until we moved to Florida . My ex. Met someone else and left us. Well then came my NPD into picture . He was charming attractive ,he took me and made me forget my pain. He new what to do and when to do it. Took me shopping ,traveling and most of all was good o my little girl. We were married 7 months later ...   [retrieve this message]
     
  • Re: What I've Learned   by msavoy07  4mo   488
     
    wow. here are the words that I could not find. Thank you. I’ve just begun the journey...trying to get me back. Like you - to become the person that I should have been before my ”inner child” suffered the damages that she did, as well. ... ...   [End]
     
  • Re: Married into Narcissistic family   by SoulfulSurvivor  5mo   4,743
     
    I’m sorry that you are experiencing the drama\trauma of a dysfunctional family dynamic. But, I will make a suggestion that getting out before you enter the legal and binding contract of marriage would be a very prudent consideration. ... ... The first problem is that this guy is not yet divorced and the drama and trauma of the proceedings can actually BIND you to, and WITH someone that may be toxic to you. It’s a very recognized condition called ”trauma bond” by professionals. ... ... I speak on this from 30 years of experiences with 2 vastly different ex spouses that were disordered. The longer ...   [retrieve this message]
     
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