I read your blog and thought about what you must be going through. It's a ruff ruff world out here, huh? (pun/fun intended) :-)
But I wanted to tell you to hang in there. You are soooooo way ahead of the game... 99% of the people out there, regardless of their age, are so clueless... Yeah, I know, sometimes, you probably wish you weren't so "clued in", especially the "scary" stuff. But let me ask you this: if you could, would you choose ignorance again?
You have friends here on curezone supporting you and sending you positive energy. Whenever you are fearful and afraid, draw upon that energy and it will comfort you. Know that this "reality" is really nothing more than a "dream fabric" of God, and that when you align yourself with the Divine, you become a co-creator of reality.
Know that "in the end", the good guys always win. It's in the script!
Meditate on the eternal truths of life and all your fears will naturally dissolve. Have faith and by your faith, you shall be healed. And FWIW, I have faith in you!!
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