Re: Poems:Winter Blahs by been there done that .....
Date: 2/26/2008 8:48:21 PM ( 13 y ago)
Popularity: message viewed 1148 times
I think I can identify with/relate to what you are feeling (maybe not exactly, but the 'human condition' is interesting). I'm a child of divorced parents (statistics are that most grow up with depression into late adulthood and beyond). Technically, I was born by mistake and I grew up with my mind knowing this, but it was in my subconscious and my mind wouldn't tell me this.
I believe all depression is an identity crisis (whether temporary or not) because we simply are not identifying with ourselves. We feel alienated from SELF because we have not truly accepted ourselves (we judge ourselves according to other people's/society's standards and feel that we are 'unkempt'/unacceptable.
I endured 51 years of suicidal depression until I became the last living member of my family. I was in a constant daze and couldn't connect with life. It was like growing up in the twilight zone. The senses of sight, smell, taste, hearing, and feeling were almost meaningless/useless to me, I simply could not truly feel alive.
When I became the last member of my family two years ago, I began to discard the past and stop feeling obligated to conform to 'family values', social 'norms', etc. I learned to accept myself for who I am (God's true name is "I am who I am", Exodus 3:14). That's the only way a person can truly be happy and at peace with themselves (be as "I am who I am", ACCEPT yourself!!).
This world is certainly not 'user friendly' (with all the corruption, hatred, resentment, social betrayal/backstabbing, etc.), so, at times, it is still possible for me to let these things get me down, but I have learned a simple trick that you also might find helpful, for it is our senses that we need to identify with. It may sound strange because it is so simple, but I simply TREAT myself kindly by treating (SELF indulgence) myself to something TASTY that stimulates the taste buds (pizza, coffee, anything TASTY), window shopping, or buying something even COMPLETELY useless or of little practicality (a little statue/figurine that serves no other purpose than to make you HAPPY).
I forget that I have a past (it was my self imposed reputation of being unworthy of happiness that just wouldn't let me accept myself, but it was also that I was insightful (profound) enough to see how user UNfriendly the world is that would depress me (make me 'of low spirit'). The ability to be able to see this CONTRAST of how the world is NOT "user friendly" should be considered an ADDITION to one's heart (sorrow) and places the present heaven in your heart (inner heaven).
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