How Do My Dental Woes Fit Into the Equation of Shame? 15 y
I hid my shame behind my perfect smile pretending everything was great with me. This pretense cost me alot.
I have always believed that life presents us with many metaphors as clues to the real reasons we may be facing any given problem or obstacle and if one can tune into the metaphysical reasons for th... read more
I'm a Winner When I Lose - Dismantling the Shackle of Perfectionism 15 y
I don't want to remember all the lost opportunties in my life to explore, play, and engage in life just because I was terrified that I would never measure up to the stratospheric expectations that I had of myself. What a royal waste! Thank God I have finally seen the light...
I have been consciously aware of how uptight I can be and have been really making a concerted effort to lighten up and not take myself so darn seriously.
Two recent Toastmaster experiences have ... read more
Pinch Me - I Know I'm Dreaming!! 15 y
I am being catapaulted to a much higher level of being. It is exhilarating yet scary. I have been waiting for these breakthroughs forever and opportunities for letting go and transformation are happening fast and furiously.
Well, two very unusual things to report since my last post.
Firstly, I surprised myself by telling a fellow Toastmaster about my blog and inviting her to read it. Holy cow - what possessed me, a... read more
The More I Reveal My Vulnerabilities, the Stronger I Become - HUH???? 15 y
When I can admit how weak I have been, it helps me to access strengths I didn't know I had. What a concept!!
I did something radical recently that surprised even me. Not only did I admit to myself how I screwed up, but more importantly I admitted it to the person involved.
A number of years ago I hired... read more
Breaking Through More Shame and Fear 15 y
If only I could have questioned the validity of my beliefs sooner about my family...
Oh my! Has it really been almost three months since my last entry? I've been meaning to update my blog but somehow just never got round to it.
Well, I finally followed through on my promise to m... read more
A Milestone! 15 y
The Universe is giving me opportunities to put my money where my mouth is. I am determined to deliver the goods...
Yesterday I did my first speech at Toastmasters. Wow - what an exercise in ”feeling the fear but doing it anyway”. Holy cow! To a person who has spent her whole life hiding, putting myself in front of an audience felt like I was engaging in an ’extreme sport’!
Part of me feels reborn. There were more people in attendance last night than I have ever seen before (about 30). I spoke about struggling in childhood with learning disabilities and how believing myself to be inferior in the ’intelligence department’ has prevented me from STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE (the title of my speech) and enga ... read more
Self-Awareness is Painful...Ouch!! 15 y
Why does growth have to be so darn difficult? Part of me wants the status quo because it's easier but the other part wants to challenge and change my self-limiting beliefs.
I have been lamenting for so long how no one takes me seriously. Who am I kidding? This is a reflection of how I have been feeling about myself so of course, who else could I possibly attract into my life but those kind of people? Duh!!!
I can’t run and I can’t hide anymore. Wah!
I grew up with severe criticism. I could never do anything right or get anything right. But maybe I chose my birth family to learn that ultimately the only opinion about me that really counts is my own. I am learning, albeit slowly, that I need to be my own best friend and supporter and can’t look for this k ... read more
The Bare Bones of It - Searching for Legitimacy 15 y
Do I have the right to be here, to exist? Deep down, I have felt my life here has been one big mistake. What a foundation on which to base a life's experience!
I remembered something I read in a book by Denise Linn and applied it for the first time. I definitely felt a shift in energy.
I decided to use my very active imagination to rewrite the outcome of some very traumatic instances from my past. One instance happened when I was 15. I was sexually molested by a physician who I went to because I had not started menstruating yet (and had no sexual experience whatsoever) and my mother was concerned. I am fortunate I was not raped. Even though my mother and I were not close by any stretch, I decided to tell her what happened. She immediately inva ... read more
Things are Progressing at Breakneck Speed 15 y
Confusion and chaos reign supreme in my quest for changing the way I fundamentally live my life.
Holy cow! I’m not prepared for how fast things seem to be shaping up. It feels like I’m being swept up in a wave that I can’t control. I’m trying to stay excited vs. overwhelmed.
Even though I have only just joined Toastmasters and haven’t even set a date for doing my first ’Ice Breaker’ speech yet, I have already been approached by a Chiropractor’s Clinic to do a small seminar for their clients in the upcoming weeks. YIKES! Talk about the Universe giving you what you ask for - make that double YIKES!!! I have been fantasizing for years about getting up in front of an audience and speak ... read more
Sink or Swim 15 y
The more I step out of my comfort zone, the more magical my life becomes.
It’s funny how oftentimes it is necessary just to jump right into something unfamiliar and scary and ultimately, the best result will occur when you don’t leave yourself an escape route.
Case in point - I have struggled with issues of feeling extreme shyness and self-consciousness. Back in my teenage years, I would never go into a store to shop by myself, only if I was accompanied by a friend. I remember also crossing the street in order to avoid having to say hello to someone I knew. Or dreading an occasion where people would expect me to greet them with a hug or kiss or vice versa. Th ... read more
When Opportunity Knocks.... 15 y
If I would've known then what I know now, what different choices I would have made.
Talk about testing my good intentions....
My sister (half-sister actually) called to notify me recently that our first cousin, who I have not had any contact with in over 30 years, is in the hospital with a brain tumor. We all live in the same city. She had brain surgery and the prognosis is not good.
My sister was pressuring me to go visit my cousin with her but I resisted fiercely, saying that it would be awkward to go considering we are total strangers to each other since we have been out of touch for so long. She insisted it was the right thing to do but I wouldn’t budge and got ... read more
I'm Through Chasing After What I Want... 15 y
How Can I Attract Good Things and Good People Into My Life?
Thanks, Carol Look, for your latest ATTRACTING ABUNDANCE, Issue #40 newsletter. It was timely. Here is an excerpt below:
Stop Chasing and Start Allowing...
What’s the difference between these two attitudes? The difference is between being stuck and manifesting...between scarcity and abundance...between failure and success. Many people think the way to attract abundance is through chasing it. This is the vibration they communicate to the Universe...which of course blocks abundance. After following Law of Attraction materials, I hope you recognize that this concept of ”chasing” does ... read more
I'm Goin' Fishing 15 y
Seek and You Shall Find
I am on a fishing expedition to fish my self-esteem out of the bottom of the toilet bowl. It is not about to be excavated out of there without a massive concerted effort on my part.
Here is one tiny example of how I am doing this and I must pat myself on the back for speaking my truth and standing my ground. It definitely would have been easier just to give in but that’s what I have been doing all my life. If I want things to change, I have got to start behaving and reacting differently in order to get a different result.
Flashback - I grew up on a steady diet of ”You’ll never amount ... read more
Time to Walk the Talk.... 15 y
I'm showing the Universe that I am serious about my intentions.
Tomorrow marks a milestone. After a lifetime of keeping myself well hidden, I will finally allow myself to emerge from the shadows. This is both exciting and SCARY. I know the time has come to step up to the plate. It’s true that I will be operating way out of my comfort zone but I have no choice anymore. I am compelled to start to shed the layers upon layers of shame and self-consciousness that have plagued me.
For a person who has gone to great lengths to not be noticed or recognized for anything, why am I about to join Toastmasters? Because I am miserable being invisible and refusing ... read more
Finally Ready to Cast Off the Shackles... 15 y
One woman's journey on the road to becoming whole by releasing the secrets and shame that have kept her imprisoned, bitter, confused and miserable.
Well, I have been deliberating for a long time but I am finally ready to unburden myself. I suspect that I am not alone in harboring a secret that is soul-destroying and has totally been robbing me of my life force. I have tried to improve my health like many others here at Curezone but all the cleansing, diet modifications and various other strategies will not be my saving grace - I finally am willing to admit that to myself.
I really don’t know where this will all lead but I know I must proceed, no matter what. So, with a warrior attitude, here goes...It is my intention that my story ... read more