Day 24 Am I still a "Junkie?"
Forgive me for I know not what I do! Fumbling is apart of the growth process!
Date: 2/3/2008 4:57:56 AM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 1803 times
Ok… so I had a bad day today and I hope you guys don’t fault me. I got off of work at 7am which means I worked 12 hours. I almost forgot I had a conference to go to… but I went home, showered and tidied up a bit. I went to a very inspiring commercial real estate seminar from 10am -5pm. And I had to laugh, network and just be plain fabulous…it wasn’t hard but there were times when the need to sleep kicked in. Of course the class was all to “sell” you on their much more expensive boot camp but for the first time at one of these things (and I have attended many) I really want to go see what they have to say for only $5,000! I wasn’t really hungry during because I bought plenty of water bottles, sure I had to get up alot(which I why I chose an end seat) but I wasn’t really hungry. I did get compliments on how the definition of my face has increased (making me even more fabulous) and how I looked (and I quote this time) fantastic. I felt good and it made me not want to eat. I wore a red button down shirt that I bought a while ago and had only worn 1 time previously because it fit uncomfortably …hell… I was damn near busting out of the thing! But today it fit perfectly and for a while I was inspired to keep up with the weight loss.
I am a volunteer at my local real estate investors association and because of that they offered us free lunch with the speakers. I was thinking I should take a nap but I thought this would be a great networking opportunity I didn’t want to pass up! For lunch they had baked chicken, vegetables and salad. It smelled sooooooo good! I was thinking “what the hell… today is a good day to break my fast” but my friend told me I better not and I had to stop eyeballing the cheese cake and go sit down. I watched everyone eat and it wasn’t soo bad. I got thru it just fine and was glad.
So I got home and got into the bed after 6pm and woke about 9:40pm and I laid there because I had to go back to work. I get to work.. all is well.. I am on the internet minding my own business… doing all my personal important stuff like balancing my checkbook, creating email list, writing affirmations, and checking out local events. I then start to crave pickles! WTF.. then my brain moves to “I know there is salt and vinegar chips in the vending machine.” DEVIL!!! I fight it off for a while with some water then I open a co-workers desk to find…… sour cream and onion potato chips!!!!!! WTF!!!! Why can’t we escape fat??? I could smell those preservative ridden chips…. I closed the drawer... but they called me… I sat for about 15 minutes when the satanic force took hold of me and opened the bag and popped some chips in my mouth. Mind you it is after 3 am. I held them on my tongue like a “junkie” and chewed slowly… then I thought.. “What the hell are you doing??” But it was too late… I swallowed.. and you should know that I never felt so guilty about swallowing (wink wink) ANYTHING! I was ashamed and I wondered in that moment if I would tell you guys in the blog… but I couldn’t live with myself if I kept this to myself! I ate a few chips! My stomach started to grumble and I was thinking…damn…this was worse than a “quickie” I didn’t even have an orgasm and now I am gonna be in pain! My stomach still rumbled with some gas I guess but so far I can still stand. I didn’t eat a lot but I don’t want to eat anything else. I think I went crazy because I had less than 4 hours sleep in the last 36 hours. I hope I can forgive myself, I hope my body can forgive me. I stay up long hours like this more than I should but this serves as a lesson on why I shouldn’t. I know I am not eating sooo it is much harder to pull off when I am not snacking all night, not that I should be doing that either. Working nights has been a detriment to my health and so I have committed to leaving my job sooner than later. Everyone I work with at night is overweight...Every single one of them. I talked to a nutrionist and she told me that I should do everything in my power to find a new job because being up all night is a strain and un-natural to your body. She talked about Arcadian rhythms and how the body is designed to naturally cleanse itself at night and you put a strain on that process when you are awake. She also said that nightshift workers have a higher incidence of cancer… as if I needed to hear that sh!#. She said it will be hard to loose weight and that she didn’t want me eating after 5 pm! What a laugh.. I don’t wake up until 5 if I can help it.
So I learned a few things and I am going to try hard…hard not to eat…for the last 3 days I have been drinking mostly water because my body practically throws up anything else. My clothes are fitting better and better everyday. I have noticed my face is smaller and I don’t look 5 months pregnant anymore… I look about 2 months so I’m still cute but I have more weight to loose. I drank the lax tea before going to the seminar (when I should have been sleeping) because I want to get all the stuff out I can and I felt my colon contracting.. ohhh.. it didn’t hurt but was VERY uncomfortable! Later in the evening I did the enema and more stuff! WOW… I am shocked every time. It is weird because each day the “look and texture” are different. I wonder if it represents different time periods?!?!? LOL! Glad I got that out! So pray with me that I make it thru Friday because I can’t wait to bite into a juicy orange!
Forgive me for I know not what I do!
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